blaCk
My first day of work is tomorrow. I’m so excited I hope I can actually sleep tonight. Whenever I’m excited for the next day I usually won't be able to sleep. I want to wear new professional clothes. Clearing out my closet for the past few weeks have been such a stress reliever. Throwing away or donating all these old clothes is like getting rid of all my past failures and mistakes. Moving on and have a fresh start. Finally venturing into the professional world and making my own unique style with all the professional casual wear. I’ve always been a colorful girl, pinks, reds, blues, and whites were my go to color; however my new job expects me to wear all black. Black is a sleek nice color. I guess my closet needs a spruce of black. Getting rid of the color and bringing in black is a good start to a nice new wardrobe. Get my basics in and build from there. I also need to go to #dsw and get some new shoes for work. Being independent is fun. Building your own life is even funner. When I sit back and think of how many people don’t have the ability to live their own life for one reason or another it makes me value mine even more. Life is such a precious and priceless thing. Once I cut all the chains and ties I have with past relationships and friendships, I felt so much more free. You may not physically be in a persons dungeon chamber (or you might) but people can have a mental control over you. Making you incapable of thinking for yourself and making decisions for yourself without having them in mind. It feels good to not have a person control your thoughts and actions. I know they wish they could. I deleted all my social medias. I didn’t want to be connected to anybody in anyway. People from high school who thought they knew me would come onto my Instagram post and comment rude things (thinking it was harmless or funny) and for me to not take things so seriously. Thats another form of mental control. When you feel a certain type of way and they tell you to don't feel like that, that you're being dramatic. Never suppress your feelings to make someone happy; however one thing I've learned that it is critical to not always show your feelings. It was more effective to delete my Instagram, not because I couldn't handle some rude comments, but because I didn’t want to give people access to me anymore. In a world where everyone is overexposed the best thing you can do is retain a little mystery about yourself. And thats what I did, what I'm doing. I have come such a far way doing me, doing what I know best. When I started including people into my life and letting them ride my wave that was when I crashed. My two years after college I partied, traveled, lost friends, and made friends. I tested my limits and made some of the worst mistakes I have so far. Those these last two years though I have also learned who I am. Where I stand in this world, and most importantly where I stand to myself. I have gained my self esteem back. Meaning that I have began to do things that are good for me, as opposed to doing things I know are bad for me. Some of the things I've done in these past two years I will never be able to take back. I can only remember the lesson and learn from it. So *cheers* to never looking back, the girl I once was is dead. And to mourn her we will wear BLACK.
