férmata 🌻

Living and trying to love life since 1997.

[raynealbarn]

for the sake of getting this thought out of my head?

why do dwell on the things that make the world complicated as it is? why do reply the moments of mistakes that was made to be at peace of now is into the state of chaos? why do blame yourself, when all you did was to try to understand? why do treat mistakes as an end point? why can’t you understand yourself?

[raynealbarn]

dear kid,

I've always wondered why do you write different topics, but always ends with same message? Why do you always dig the situations that jeopardize you the most and then stays there for quiet a long time. Why do you always disconnect  yourself from the existence that can save you? You are in the state where things gets out of your control, and that's okay. We are not suppose to be perfect, because we are suppose to fall down five times and get up ten times. We are suppose to listen to our own judgments and live on our accord. Do what you must, feel what you must, and maybe by then you will be surprise that a tiny ray of sunlight can be your umbrella against the raging storms.

[raynealbarn]

Dear human,

I would like to share this unbearable idea of mine.

 When we are facing unfamiliar situations, we tend to get anxious of what it may bring us. Failure? Sadness? Because for all we know, we are all tired of facing such uncertainties, and then for a moment, we backed out. But then we should ask ourselves, “How will I ever grow if I keep avoiding such situations?” 

Sure these unfamiliar trials are really bad for some of one’s mindset but then if we just look for the “good side” in every situations, maybe by then we won’t be afraid anymore, we can face it head on. There will be no more failures or sadness but just “lessons”.  

Yours truly,

A human who is still finding her way

[raynealbarn]

As I've started this unknown path, I was determined to this work for the sake of family. I've always had this idea to work hard, to accept this challenges for the money, for the things I would get if I worked hard. And I can contribute for the financial aspects but then at the middle, I started to question myself, am i happy? Do I love my job? Why can't I feel self-satisfaction? I want to do and make big things. But am I ready for it? It must be nice to not worry about the finances. It must be nice that you have a brain to rely on. It must be nice that you have graduated with flying colors.

So, can anyone sum it up for me? What is exactly my problem?

[raynealbarn]

It was all momentary

Was there anything to say?

Silence engulfed the noisy crowd

Your laughter becomes silence

Why do good things end?

Why'd you leave me holding onto nothing?

The burning passion

Turned to ashes

The memories of yesterday

That kept me alive

Has withered

Your smile that day

Disappeared long ago

Even if the sun will rise again

Darkness has already taken them away

I can't see anything

It is all momentary

It all ended like this

Like a dream

A passing daydream

And now I have died

But I am free

[raynealbarn]

Sometimes, I feel people are just inviting you in an event for the purpose of respect, because you were there when it was planned. Not that they want to be with you, not that they want to share the memories. Just respect. Nothing else. And I hate that.

[raynealbarn]

How come in a noisy crowd I feel so alone, hopeless, and pathetic.

[raynealbarn]

To that stranger last night

Under the blue moon

In the cold breeze of October

I caught you

Cold eyes staring

Hey stranger

Wanna know a story?

Step right up

Take the broken spell

From a broken soul

Make me feel again

Happiness

Dejection

Excitement

Agony

Maybe then I can show and tell

So don't ask

What are my tears for

Because they ain't for them

Nor for me

[raynealbarn]

I miss you

I love you

I care for you

No

Don't say that

Unless you really mean it

You'll make a ripple

Into my deep sea of thoughts

And I can't handle it

It will only make me a fool

Who believes in a half-assed feeling

[raynealbarn]

Introvert Party

Didn't you get my invitation?

I put my heart in writing it

Why aren't they coming?

There are balloons here

There are snacks here

Why is no one here?

Whatever

That means

The cakes are mine

Forever

[raynealbarn]

Can you help me?

What is it like to miss someone What is it like to love someone? What is it like to be jealous? What is it like to be cared of? Because I’ve become so numb I don’t even know these feelings anymore

[raynealbarn]

Defiant sound of silence Lingers through the cold night My thoughts often escapes me It leaves me empty I am alone With the memories of you Your voice still haunts me at night Your bright eyes is all I see Why they can't they just leave me? Like the way you did Just so you know I resented it all; The idea of you

[raynealbarn]

Raincoat

The story starts That first night With forgetting my raincoat That I left At your friend's party That first night we walk home together And now that your with somebody else Who is she? You look so good together Feeling tired from all the time I spent on you I thought Or is it just an excuse? I know was wrong But you were too Let's be honest Don't lie It was always you and me Cause I'm sure it's you I dreamed about Giving me this warm in the winter The way we never felt before Don't lie bright eyes It'll be always you and me And I won't say I regret That I left my raincoat On purpose

[raynealbarn]

You're just tired You're just jealous You're just afraid Admit it Claim it Acknowledge it Because only then You shall have A good life

[raynealbarn]

The Random poetry

An empty shell Without it's conscious Maybe it went to the depths of Tartarus Fighting Kronos Maybe it went to space Having conversation with Optimus Prime Maybe having lessons with Dumbledore Or maybe writing this poetry In Tumblr Truth is, I don't know either

[raynealbarn]

Overboard

Emotions came rushing in I’m drowning Pull me up It’s too much Somebody

Yeah right! Nevermind ‘somebody’ I forgot I am a mermaid

[raynealbarn]

Tale of the Corner Girl

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. How many weeks, days and months has it been? Still standing in the same spot. Counting every seconds, minutes and hours. Asking myself What happened to that cheerful girl? She was faking it She hid all her troubles Because no one would accept a broken soul Everyday was black and white And now that the act is over They left A long sigh escape my mouth I guess they can’t handle an awesome girl