SHE WANTS SO BADLY to mend this, but certain cracks cannot be covered with even the sweetest of honey. this isn’t supposed to be easy and no one ever told her it would be — and yet no one ever taught her about hardship either. she has been a runner her whole life, an escapist, and she has done it well. she can’t run from this. she can’t run from him.
tamsin reminds herself that she needs to stand tall for no one else can do that for her, and bravery has etched itself onto her skin like a permanent burn mark. she taps into it now as she looks around his living room, the aftermath of a storm littered there for her to see. « jesus, romeo, » she whispers low enough that he won’t hear and she is itching to fix this.
she is itching to fix everything.
she stops there, in the middle of the room, and again she threatens to break. she stands tall though, back towards him because she doesn’t know how to face him yet, and she lets alva’s words of encouragement bleed onto her mind. she can do this — and even if she can’t, she has to.
the words won’t leave her though, and so she finds herself fishing for the test in her bag, hearing romeo’s footsteps nearing her. she turns then, when she is sure he is close enough to see her, and though she still can’t find his gaze out of shame she holds the pregnancy test up with a shaking hand.
« i’m .. » tamsin still can’t say it with words, can’t deal with it being this true yet. « i’m sorry, » she says instead.
she will not cry, she will not cry now, she will not cry yet, but if he turns the other way she will surely bleed.
✕ ╱ 𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙏𝙄𝙈𝙀 𝙁𝙍𝙀𝙀𝙕𝙀𝙎 before your eyes, you start to reconsider all of your life choices. you wonder what led you to the place you are at the moment, and where different choices would take you. you imagine yourself in the shoes of a different version of yourself; and you’re never sure if you’d like it, but then, this is one truth you’d never see truly happening.
when she shows him the test, he finds himself yet in another one of those episodes, where he is mere spectator of the reality that unfolds in front of him and shatters beneath his feet -- the shards, the unhinged edges of the truth grazing against his skin and making realize that this time there were no where to run -- which made him realize an even harder truth --
he was alone, he would ever be alone.
❝ what’s this. ❞ it was a rhetorical question -- like a child who’s testing the waters with those who they love, he asks, not expecting an answer, asking just because he wants to stretch that moment of desperation that makes him freeze in place; makes him undone. ❝ it can’t be... ❞
romeo didn’t doubt her truthfulness and integrity -- of everything in his life, tamsin was still the most wholesome part; even though within her lies the power to destroy him, as she has done before. he doesn’t doubt her, not for one second, and the truth weighs his shoulders, makes his head hang in desperation as he holds the test with the same shaky hands as her own.
he didn’t want this, but that onlooker part of himself whispers in his hear -- the outcome of being with her, with them is something you truly ever wanted.
his mouth is dry, his fingers tangled on his hair as he looks up at her, realizing her had sat at some points, in need of some ground to place himself. maybe, the voice whispers, it’s something you’d like to try.
❝ tamsin, i’m going to be a dad? ❞
