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@realmomthings-blog
That last post was inspired by a conversation I had over text with my lovely friend who had a baby about a month ago. I know she can do it (if I've managed this far....heck) and I know that it is hard but we are women and we pull through. We always have.
Dear brand new Mama, I want to tell you a few things. I know you're feeling overwhelmed. You had a whole human being come out of your body and it has been a beautiful feeling of falling in love, but it's been a few days or weeks and now you're terrified because you don't know what you're doing, or if you're doing it right. You're always hungry and you're always tired and you're constantly having to put your baby's needs before your own, so you're not getting to take very good care of yourself. Chances are that you don't have a lot of help, but even if you do, nobody really knows how you're feeling and you don't know how to tell them because you think they'll judge you for being weak, or for having a child without knowing how to handle it, or for needing a break. Yeah, I said it. You need a break. Everyone does. I see you, comparing yourself to other women who do it all. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that work all the way up to their due date, give birth, and go back to work a few weeks later. They pump and breastfeed and still make it to their other kid's soccer games and still throw beautiful BBQ parties in their backyards. I hear you. But please listen to me and understand that everyone has different capacities and different limitations. Your body has been through a lot in the past year. You grew a baby in your womb, nourished it with whatever you consumed, carried that weight for nine months and then went through labor. You spent your nights worrying, wondering about your baby, who he/she will be, what hurdles life will throw at them. You became a mother, and motherhood is hard work. I'm not talking about the physical acts of parenting. I'm talking about the psychological, spiritual and hormonal changes that occur within you that transform you into a mother. We easily ignore these things, but you can't expect to be the same person with the same strengths or weaknesses as you were before you were pregnant or even during your pregnancy as you are now, as a mother. So please, forget comparing yourself with other people - you can't even legitimately compare your present self with your pre-baby self. Mama, take life one day at a time. Know that this week, this month, is also just a phase that will pass as your little person grows and your body heals. Allow yourself to heal, but don't get caught up in the how's and why's of today. You worry about accepting that this is your life now, forever. Yes, yes it is. You have to accept that your life as you knew it is over now. I know people say this in a negative way but it's not a negative thing at all : your life has changed. And you are strong enough to deal with it. It will just take time for you to adjust. And that's normal for everyone. I know it's not easy, but you can either be miserable about it or try to take it in stride. Remember that what feels like forever is really just this one week, this one growth spurt, this one bout of blow-out poopy diapers that your baby will grow out of so fast, you won't be able to remember it two years from now. And you don't want to miss the good parts of it because they're never going to come back. Parenting is a fine balance; holding on to your identity while being a support system for a whole human being by yourself (or with a partner) is not an easy feat. You will find your path as you go along. Believe in you. Nobody just knows how to be a parent one day, Mama. It's unfair for you to expect yourself to be a certain way. Let your body lead you, and let your baby lead you. Take your time. Take deep breaths, and love your baby the best you can. And love yourself the best you can.
-finally does laundry-
-never puts away laundry-
-takes clean clothes out from pile until pile is gone-
art saves my life everyday.
When I don't want to deal anymore, some days, I lay on my bed and let her do all the art she wants. Art is my savior, not just because it's therapeutic for me but because she is obsessed with it and can create for at least a couple of hours without getting bored/nagging me about stuff. P.S. I don't believe in being bored but will talk about that later.
Laundry makes me so angry I want to smash things.
Found this loveliness from nearly 2 years ago on another blog:
"Today I am just grateful. Not everyone gets to sit down with a calm toddler in their lap and sing to her while cutting her tiny fingernails, one by one. Not everyone gets to help a frustrated child ‘bake’ wooden cookies or endlessly draw circles on a chalkboard or roll around on the floor in hysterics without a care in the world. Not everyone gets to put a tiny tired person to sleep and be used as a pillow for an hour, or two. That warmth of another body needing yours to get to that level of peace. It is priceless. It is worth all the pain and the guilt and the complete exhaustion that may have come before it, that may come after."
https://drawingdrawings.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/for-my-little/
There is something to be said about respecting decisions other parents make for their children/families. If you invite a child+parent to a largely religious event and they politely decline because they don't celebrate the holiday, don't insist by creating justifications or trying to make them understand why it's okay, in your opinion, to celebrate it. You should not be offended. I am not rejecting your right to celebrate your religious holiday, I am only exercising my right to follow my religion and culture the way I want to, and my right to parent (safely) the way I want to. This does not make me intolerant or narrow-minded. Please respect that.
Hi. I'm a young Pakistani mom. it is currently 1:30 AM, and I just got home after a dinner party at my inlaws' place. I got harassed by a couple of relatives about taking my hijab off (I stopped wearing it a couple of weeks ago) - one lady pulled my hair to check if it's real. I did not punch her in the face. I wish I had. There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who mind their own business and those who don't know what that means. My daughter fell asleep (finally) in the car on the way home, so I put her in her bed with her dress still on. I could change her but I face the risk of her waking up and then staying up/crying and I'm too tired to deal with that. She also had chocolate cake at the party. She fell asleep without brushing her teeth. That's okay, tonight. I'm also too tired to get off this couch right now and go remove my makeup, change my clothes, brush my teeth and get into bed. So I'm just waiting for courage while I sit here. [please do not reblog]
Sometimes when her friends' moms want to hang out at the playground I really want to not go because I would rather sit on the couch and doze off but I go because in a way I have a couple more adults watching over her and other kids keeping her busy and it can be a bit of downtime. Not always the case but it can be nice.
I've been doing housework since I woke up this morning why does my house still look the same.
Let me tell you something. sometimes some of us come under the unintentional influence of friends who don't have kids and start watching shitty shows like MOB WIVES WTF that suck the life out of us and make us do stupid shit like SEND A KID TO BED, PROMISE THEM YOU'RE COMING TO TUCK THEM IN AND THEN NEGLECT TO DO SO BECAUSE OF AFOREMENTIONED SHITTY SHOW. I felt so bad I tried to shake her awake to tell her how much I actually love her but she's knocked out.
Sometimes, when we get home from somewhere I just park in the driveway and we sit in the car and I look at my phone instead of getting us inside the house because I don't want to face real life just for five more minutes. Right now we just got back from swim class and if we go inside I'm going to have to bathe her. So I'm just sitting here blogging about my real lazy mom behavior instead.
I’m the mom who hates waking up in the morning to get my kid ready for school. I’m the mom who is always unprepared. I never have snacks on hand, or wipes, or a bag of toys on the go. I’m the mom who sometimes refuses to read a book at night because I can’t stand the thought of speaking/being spoken to for one more minute at that point.
I am a real mom. There are other real moms like me. And there are other real moms who are the complete opposite of who I am. They have their flaws too, though. I’m not here to say nobody is perfect. But nobody is perfect.
