be afraid and act anyway

luz esperanza fuentes dedios | xxvii | hunter for the capitol "Dear God, if it will keep my heart soft, BREAK my heart everyday."

[rebcund]

FIVE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MUSE & MUN,

01. ya girls love the portland TRAILBLAZERSSS 02. both worked in women’s health before 03. we’re both adidas heauxes(tm) 04. we both speak spanish 05. we’re both obsessed with hip hop ( 90s especially )

FIVE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MUSE & MUN,

01. while we both have chicanx family backgrounds, neither of my biological parents are mexican/chicanx, while luz has two chicanx/white parents 02. luz knows waaay more ASL than i do; i can fingerspell like a mfer, but my true vocab is limited, whereas luz is fluent 03. she played basketball in high scool & college and i only play while drunk at my sister’s wedding 04. luz has two moms. my mom dated a woman once, but they didn’t end up together ( you must be level 27 to unlock this tragic backstory ) 05. luz has one brother, like me, but i also have sisters and she does not

[rebcund]

✘ ˚⊹ adalene flores.

Adalene knew just how loyal Luz was to the Capitol, just as Ada had loyalty to the Country Club. It wasn’t nearly the same, especially with ever-changing leaders, but there was something about sticking with the group that helped keep you alive. Of course Ada wanted to be in camp with Luz – to survive and look out for one another in a much closer proximity – but it was like they both had an unspoken understanding that the Capitol and the Country Club needed Luz & Adalene. They were no doubt staple members in their groups. Adalene even knew that Luz was a sort of second leader for the Capitol, knowing that if something ever happened to her camp leader, she’d be looked at to take over. Adalene couldn’t even imagine the type of burden and responsibility that rested so heavily on her best friend’s shoulder. 

It was why they made the most of the time they got to spend together. They knew they needed an identity AWAY from their camp roles and it was partially why the gym was being created. They might be in an apocalypse but that didn’t mean they needed to live in a survival monotony, did it? 

She eagerly dipped into the Tupperware to retrieve a taco, not even waiting to answer Luz’s question, taking a large bite and maneuvering her mouth to not let a simple crumb fall to the ground. “Shit,” She dragged the word out, chewing heartily, glancing at Luz with playfully dreamy eyes. She couldn’t remember the last time she had something like this – something so familiar to home. “Mejor amiga, you have truly outdone yourself. These are incredible.” She took another big bite, managing to shovel the rest of the taco in as she chewed. There was something beautifully sad about memories of home: Luz and Ada had lost so much and Luz had even lost something so recent. She knew Luz was doing okay, as well as she could be, proud of the strength Luz has maintained through it all. “You’ll have to wheelbarrow me to the gym.” She teased, now taking a seat on a nearby bench. 

the hardest part of reuniting with adalene was living apart. though they’d never lived together before, the two had been INSEPARABLE in high school--every other night was a sleepover or late night hang out. despite the living dead and the raiders and hazards inherent in ill-kept buildings, the tradition seemed to persist. luz was known well enough at the country club and even aiden could name adalene off the top of his head. patrol at the other’s respective camps no longer held up their weapons at their approach. instead, luz was often greeted with a playful eyeroll and a thumb jabbed in the direction of ada’s location.

that was what made the gym so special. back home, when they were kids, the pair owned the court. they carved out their own pieces of the world together and it had been a long time since either one of them had had that. the gym was a place that was THEIRS. the rules, the income, the work--it was all shared and the project felt like a different purpose. sure, most folks weren’t chomping and the bit for MORE physical activity--nobody was worried about cheat days or weight watchers points anymore--but there were still survivors who didn’t know how to fight. there were survivors that had spent the entire outbreak inside camps caring for others. people like that needed safe places to learn or to take out their stress. and if they could contribute a donation? even better.

“i like your style.” luz laughed, nodding at the tupperware with an amused grin on her face. “eat first, ask questions later. way better than, like, shoot first. for sure.” rabbit wasn’t THAT outlandish of a food, but there were still survivors who had the luxury of being picky and wouldn’t give it a fair shot. to luz? any kind of meat could be disguised as good when dressed up in a street taco. “ahh, thank you so much!’ in truth, without the daily dose of adalene’s lightness, luz wasn’t sure she could’ve made it through losing her brother. there was no one else who understood her; no one else was as strong or funny or kind. moments like this were sometimes the only normal thing left in an abnormal world. “a wheelbarrow?” luz snickered, looking behind them towards the direction of topher’s gardens. “pretty sure paul would miss his favorite napping spot, man. i think i’d have to piggyback you and make all your food slosh around in your belly.”

[rebcund]

✘ ˚⊹ aoife mulryan.

“there’s definitely things here that i’m still getting used to.” she found herself confused at phrases quite often- slang that came natural to people who grew up in the united states. “apparently i missed out on some pretty good american television shows. so there’s that. but also slang. it’s hard to grasp when some phrases should actually be used.” her sister, who has spent most of her life in the united states, was caught somewhere in between. aoife’s accent was thick and at times maybe a bit difficult to understand if you weren’t listening carefully. but somehow nola had a mix of aoife’s irish accent and a more standard american accent. 

if her parents could see her now, she’d hope they would be proud. and not in the ‘thanks for taking care of your sister.’ sort of way. but in the ‘you’re risking your life by going out into a walker infested world to go to a comic store and that’s what is important here.’ sort of way. “freddy kruger, oh man.” before the outbreak, aoife’s relationship with scary movies was back and forth. she like them, but they also terrified her. when the outbreak hit, and when she really settled down in cheyenne, she found herself looking through old DVDs. you never knew what people would want to trade for is what she figured. like who would have thought aoife made a special trip for comic books? she’d watched a few of them and they didn’t seem to scare her like they did before. the thought had crossed her mind that maybe they hadn’t scared her now due to the fact that they were living in a landscape that was often scarier than anything movies could dream up. “i like scary movies, but it was hard for me to watch them. i’d get horrid nightmares.”

a soft squeal escaped her mouth as the store came into view. ‘THE NEGATIVE ZONE’ stood out immediately. the street was completely abandoned, a sight that still saddened her. she couldn’t help but pause a moment and imagine all of the people milling about. the sign for the comic store had weathered quite a bit over the course of four years. vines twisted snaked around the outer edges, looking as thought it was almost straight out of a comic. aside from the sign, the store looked to be in quite good shape. she’d only had the smallest opportunity to case it before, and the inside looked to be alright as well. it seemed that in the rush for supplies, comics had been the last thing on everyone’s minds. “i’m ready when you are.”

“oh, man.” that was one of luz’s biggest problems--or so she’d been told by high school counselors when she’d told them of her med school plans. overtly casual and laidback, she was the living manifestation of SLANG. “you’re gonna have to, like, call me out, you know? if I say something that doesn’t make sense of if I throw in some spanish slang or something, because even though I haven’t been back home in, like, FOREVER you can’t shake your roots, you know?” oh, man and TELEVISION. she missed late night pizza fueled netflix binges with sherman and adalene like mad. “you guys had some pretty good shows though. I liked that show misfits, that was pretty dope.” unable to really recall much british tv outside of downton abbey ( which she’d never seen for fear of contracting a terminal case of boredom ), luz immediately regretted bringing it up. “I always heard friends was super big in ireland though. that and scrubs." according to nancy pryzbylewski who spent spring break in ireland and scotland with her parents their senior year. 

“yeah, freddy was like ... a look, but it was pretty cool even if the face kept melting off. that’s what i get for letting my brother’s boyfriend at the time work on my stage makeup.” swallowing hard, luz pressed the idea of her brother out of her mind entirely. there was always time for private self-pity and grief later. “I always liked scary movies, but it used to be fun to be scared.” and it had been, in the comfort of her mothers’ living room, tucked in next to a pile of friends. luz was no pretentious movie-goer. she liked the “good” horror movies as much as the “garbage” as long as there were good scares and she would scream aloud with every bump in the night--only to let the terror fade to laughter once the protagonist's coast was clear. “I mean, action movies are probably more my cup of tea though.” hands shoved into the pockets of her joggers, she said a silent prayer for all the dvds of die hard that would never get watched again this holiday season.

upon reaching their destination, aoife’s enthusiasm was CONTAGIOUS as it was palpable and luz couldn’t help but beam at the overgrown, but relatively well-preserved comic book store. “hell yeah, dude. it’s time to go shopping.” she smirked back, stabilizing her pack before readying her handgun. “I’m hoping it’s less the walking dead and more, like ... is there a comic series where nothing bad ever happens and everyone is happy?” she joked, nodding towards the door. “because let’s hope for that scenario.”

[7tny]

[rebcund]

what makes you the most afraid?

“being alone.” that’s the same thing everyone else fears too though, right? at least she’s not alone in that.

[rebcund]

How would you describe your feelings for Adalene?

“oh, god. how do i, like, even describe that?” luz has been afraid for years that she’d ruin their friendship with a lingering gaze or a hug that lasted too long. “she’s just the best person in my life. or, like, anyone’s lives, you know?” beaming, she continues with a thoughtful nod. “we’ve been through, like, EVERYTHING together. and she’s a total badass. nobody could ask for a better friend. i just love her so much!” ( @kirycku )

[rebcund]

do you think aiden is as fuckable as everyone else says?

“listen, dude–” luz snickers, remembering the recent visits of both the older knox woman and olivia. “–when the boots are a’knockin’ I don’t … come a'knockin’? shit.” face scrunched up in concentration, she realized the mixed metaphor and laughs. “look, I don’t keep track, but let’s just say he’s had a couple of sleepovers in the last month and the capitol is LOUSY with speculation. that’s kinda fucked up though, right? like asking if my brother or my dad was fuckable.” the smile she holds up is wooden, she has neither brother nor father now. determined to recover and keep the conversation light, luz chuckles. “I’m sure aiden’s BEDPOST can speak for itself.” ( @rubctosis )

[rebcund]

muse preferences! bold your muses preferences & repost !

open curtains or closed blinds | stray dog or house cat | people or pets | outside or inside | half - empty or half - full | tv or radio | sing or dance | shoes or sandals | cash or credit | hike or drive | casual or elegant | centre or corner | sword or shield | airplane or boat | fizzy or flat | garnished or plain | extra salt or extra pepper | spicy or mild | record player or digital media | opaque or transparent | white lies or complete truth | blunt or subtle | loud or silent | books or music | familiar or new | youth or experience | spoon or fork & knife | knife or baseball bat | space or ocean | bow & arrow or blow dart | love at first sight or slow burn | freckles or dimples | long lashes or long fingers | soft lips or sensitive neck | stubble or thick hair | slow dance or intimate conversation | candlelight dinner or stargazing

[scodelariokaya]

Raven Reyes in every episode >> 1x10 I Am Become Death

[justlindseymorgan]

Raven Reyes In Every Episode → 1x02 Earth Skills

[quietmonologues]

– (r.r.) Nayyirah Waheed

[rebcund]

✘ ˚⊹ aoife mulryan.

aoife was determined for her sister to have as normal of an upbringing as she could possibly provide. that childhood wouldn’t mirror the one that she herself had, but aoife planned to try and get as close as possible. celebrating things like birthdays, holidays, sleepovers- they were all an important part of growing up. some of aoife’s fondest memories were drawn from those experiences. she didn’t want nola to grow up and when asked what her favorite childhood memory was, for her to respond ‘That one time we didn’t die when we got surrounded by a herd of walkers.’ it was both cold and early in the morning, but it seemed that both of those facts only seemed to enhance aoife’s mood. she almost had a jump in her step as the two headed out of the state capitol.

“i just want to make her birthday special, when it comes.” aoife tucked a stray curl behind her ear before continuing on. “back at home they were a huge deal! we didn’t have a lot of money, but our parents always went out of their way to make us feel really special.” one of her fondest memories was waking on her birthday to find that her parents had made aoife her favorite breakfast. afterwards, her planted a hand drawn crown on her head and the family spent the day at the park. “it’s different now, but i think she deserves that. everyone does.”

her eyes lit up when luz expressed interest in comics. “we had the same ones! there were definitely some that were local to ireland, but they were smaller.” aoife could feel herself getting more and more excited the closer they got to the shop. the route she’d found the comic shop on was typically pretty deserted, but it was still incredibly important to keep aware of your surroundings. so aoife, even through her excitement, found herself paying attention to the area around them. “we had this halloween festival in galway, and i must have dressed up as spider-man at least four or five times when i was kid. it was possibly one of my dad’s proudest moments.”

the holidays were an institution in the doyle-dedios household; two mom’s with BIG personalities and their own arsenal of family traditions made for a production. the entire month of december was christmas, made magical with the classic decorations from grace and las posadas traditions from lynda. luz could remember playing with the animals in the nativity scene and busting star-shaped pinatas with her brother sherman. they’d make enchiladas and place candles in the window. it was luz’s favorite holiday and one of the times that hurt the most to look back on--bittersweet like grace’s cranberry sauce. as the season approached, she couldn’t help but feel excited--if not a LITTLE heartbroken--about the prospect of brightening the muddle tedium of survival with gifts.

it there was anyone who benefitted most from the holidays and birthdays, before or AFTER the outbreak, it was children. that was the thing that was so important to hold onto. no matter what the world thrust upon them, CHILDHOOD was a necessity. kids learned through play and built resilience through love and support from their community. just because the world was different, didn’t mean their brain chemistry was--kids were still KIDS. more than that, they deserved to be kids. luz could not help but admire aoife’s dedication for her sister and it was fun to have someone who could bring JOY to the capitol in the way that only children can.

“dude, you’re a great big sister.” luz beamed, stealing a glance at her friend as they walked. she missed her brother and moms everyday and seeing any piece of a family still intact, while it contained a certain STING of grief, was heartwarming. “yeah, i feel you. there’s so much bad stuff in this world; the only way you can really make it in the spaces between the big, bad moments is to prioritize, like ... i don’t know. making the world better in small ways. i guess, at least, that isn’t really that different than before, you know?” the world was HELL now, but it had never been easy to survive in it.

“that’s so cool ! i always wanted to see, like, cartoons or kids books in other countries. like, as a kid me and my cousins were super into dragon ball z, but i don’t really know why. there was even, like, a super saiyan taqueria by my grandparents’ house in mexico when i was little. it would’ve been cool to see some irish cartoons, too.” both her dad and stepmom were some kind of irish-american ( a term which lost or gained meaning regionally throughout the u.s. ). gun in hand, luz kept her eyes open for trouble--a process that had surpassed SECOND NATURE after so many years surviving and scavenging. “dude ! i LOVE that you dressed up as spider-man, that’s so fucking cool. i was a ninja turtle for halloween one year, but i really liked scary costumes too. i think last halloween i was like freddy kruger.” last meaning prior to the outbreak. “but my face makeup kept like falling off into my drinks like mrs. doubtfire. not my best look.” 

[arrowverse]

[rebcund]

✘ ˚⊹ devrim salih.

“it’s fine.” it wasn’t, but the unease dissolved when she placed her hands in her pockets, and dissipated further when luz spoke. comfort came in knowing they carried vastly different experiences but shared the same  A M E R I C A N  struggle; common knowledge, it was, how difficult it was to exist as any jacinta or ahmed or mi sun in a nation that clearly favoured dennis and lucy, pale faces and blue eyes considered default while their skin branded them as OTHER. though the outbreak slightly assuaged these prejudices, there still remained the scars from when divisions between cultures and colours were as pervasive as the existence of the undead. there was no forgetting how names like theirs attracted the wary glances of the ignorant who’d chosen to see stereotypes before they ever saw the person ( “fuck airports,” samira once said. “random inspection’s never random.” ). all of them, with one another, found solidarity in a mentality that remained quite difficult to erase: white people? yeah. white people kinda suck.

eyes rolled back with an playfulness that surprised even himself; it was hard to believe he had a gun pointed at her just moments ago. a small smile formed on his lips despite the remainder of uneasiness that still clung to him, appreciative of the small efforts luz made to make the atmosphere more comfortable for them both. relief settled in his chest. “i guess she predicted I’d be a menace,” he said, half nervous, half derisive. though most brands of humor felt foreign to his tongue, he’d possessed perfect fluency in the SELF-DEPRECATING kind. “but i never really asked her.”

dark eyes fell on him suspiciously at his response, but luz chose not to say anything further on it. ‘IT’S FINE’ had a kind of finality to it regardless of its flimsy truth. she made a mental note to try and not be so physical with him in the future, which was more difficult than it seemed. luz was the kind of kid who was asked to sit on her hands in class. she was a hugger and an arm-puncher and a back-patter. still, she respected personal space and ESPECIALLY since the outbreak--lots of people were not into having their personal space invaded. if luz didn’t get it herself, she could certainly respect it.

at the playful eye roll, luz experienced her first test--throwing her head back in good-natured laughter instead of smacking him on the arm. “well, dude, at least you have a comic strip and a movie named after your antics.” luz smirked. “I mean I just got an old show where I married desi arnaz and fucked up at the chocolate factory, y’know?”

tapping her foot, she anticipated that aiden would arrive to her room soon--requesting some of her time and ending the exchange between them. “listen, man--” she began, standing up to grab her bag. “--I gotta motor. i’m supposed to talk shop with aiden and I don’t want to tell him I’m late because DENNIS THE MENACE increased security.” she joked with a wink. “catch you later?”

[rebcund]

✘ ˚⊹ aoife mulryan.

aoife could only imagine the sight to be had if she’d brought nola with her to this point. she’d probably attach herself to luz or aoife’s leg while begginf for them to stay. it made aoife sort of sad to think about, but she couldn’t afford to dwell. if she wanted to have a safe journey for both her and luz then she’d have to be as clear minded as possible as the two headed out. “sure did,” she said with a smile. aoife readjusted the machete at her hip and the gun secured safely in it’s holster at the back of her pants. she walked backwards as she spoke, a pop in her voice. 

“i have very high hopes for this trip!” she’d always been an animated person, but especially so when she was speaking about things she’d built up in her mind. nola’s birthday was a bit of time away, but aoife had already found her the most perfect present. a stash of comics. aoife herself had grown up with them. she’d been reading about the adventures of these fictional characters since before she could even remember. her parents had been so obsessed they’d even given each of her siblings a middle name after one of them. most of her schoolmates ended up with saint names, but not the mulryan kids. and aoife had always loved it. after her father had passed one of the first things she’d thought about was about how her little sister wouldn’t get to experience the different worlds with their father.

then the apocalypse happened and everything changed. everyone’s first priority was survival. but aoife couldn’t stop thinking about her dad and the comics nola would miss out on. then, about a month prior to this trip, she’d spotted a comics store on the way  to one of the neighboring communities. at the time she’d been too busy to stop, but she knew she’d make it back. she’d told nola all about comics and how amazing they were, and how much their dad loved them, so this would be the perfect birthday gift.

“there’s a comics store on the way,” she tapped the extra duffle bag she’d brought with her. 

“bummer!” luz smiled despite her words. she knew too well how hard it was for a child to let go of a mother--let alone to see her leave the safety of the capitol steps with a friend in tow. if nothing else, they’d find something fun for nola to replace the anxieties of being without aoife. in truth, there wasn’t a scavenging trip that luz went out on without contemplating the young girl and hoping to find her something that might make the bleak childhood of post-apocalyptic america somewhat less grapes of wrath-y and a little more dystopian little house on the prairie. truly, ANYTHING that could make the world a little brighter place to live in came second only to those things most necessary to survival.

“you and me both, man.” some might say that there was no good sense in having high hopes in the world. even luz had joked in passing that if she set her standards low, she was never disappointed. the truth of the matter was, though, that luz had never been able to stop dreaming and those dreams were bolstered on both sides by hope--a hope bestowed upon her by her mother whom had made it the middle name of luz ESPERANZA fuentes dedios. every name in her arsenal was a lot to live up to, but she muscled it along regardless. “I just love birthdays.” birthdays and christmas and, really, any gift-giving holiday. even valentine’s day had been a family holiday in the doyle-dedios household, with both children getting their own stashes of candy, cards, and small gifts. few things seemed more important than upholding birthday traditions--even SURVIVAL, which paled in comparison to really living. even aiden, luz thought, would be inclined to agree.

“oh, shit. no way!” luz exclaimed as she bobbed along with aoife--more than happy to share the journey with someone with such a similarly positive disposition on a quest that seemed more worthwhile than raiding some old lady named ethel or marion’s tomato preserves ( which were really quite good ). “I never really gave them a good enough chance, like, I was super into the x-men cartoon and ... shit, there was a spiderman and batman one too, right? my brother and I really liked them, but I never really got the comics.” now she’d be HAPPY to read some of those old characters. “did you have the same comic books in ireland, or did you guys have some that we didn’t?”

[admemoria]

[rebcund]

id put a FEMINIST shirt in, some cool boots, a hair tie, dog tags and idk an item of green clothing bcus u look hella good in green

memes // tell me 5 things you’d put in a pentagram to summon me and I’ll tell you if it would work or not

“hell yeah, this sounds so good. i do look really good in green and i really miss my timberlands. i had like … man, i don’t know? like five different pairs. anyway, i don’t know if dog tags are my thing? they look cool, but i’m super not into the military or war, you know? but i know some people who had some made with their emergency contact and medical stuff for when they went on runs. THAT is a good idea, my friend. honestly, i’m just happy somebody wants me around so bad they’d turn to brujeria.”