RED GATE, FOR CARRIE.

I am Lady Mary, longing for love. But maybe I am Mr. Fox, too.

[red-gate]

𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗢𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗘 𝗟𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗢𝗫 𝗧𝗔𝗙𝗧 𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗥 ( 𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗥𝗜𝗘 ) \ 𝑤𝑒 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑟𝑠 & 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑏𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑏𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑑. 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝖻𝗒 𝗂𝗍𝗓𝖺 ( 𝗌𝗁𝖾 / 𝗁𝖾𝗋, 𝗍𝗐𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗒𝟨 ). sideblog to @1stliar and must be following to interact.

𝗔𝗙𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗜𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗗 ... matriarclair , girlfate , valheys , 2ndaughter .

[red-gate]

Sighing, ❝ You're my OB, not my shrink. ❞ Snappy and rude to the general public! Her behavior was defeating the bohemian, carefree lifestyle she was known form. Carrie was pregnant with William and he was sucking the life out of her. She was swollen, in pain, and freshly a single mother. The pressure of what this new reality was going to be was setting in and Carrie was facing great difficulty with this pregnancy. * She was struggling to feel any ounce of joy. The guilt was overwhelming for fear of not only potentially relapsing but not loving Him as much as her eldest, Johnny Sinclair Dennis. [ IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS! ] One hand resting on the top of her belly while the other pinched the bridge of her nose,

❝ Sorry. Sorry I didn't mean - I'm just tired. ❞

Carrie taking a deep breath for a moment, ❝ The baby is up all night kicking. Johnny sleeps with his knee lodged into my side. If this is Motherhood, these boys are going to give me a run for my money. ❞

@drmontgomery ☼ starter.

[red-gate]

Fingers twiddle together at the thought of this discussion as Carrie paces back and forth in front of the door. Being a disappointment was not for the faint of heart. She thinks of all of her past actions briefly :

THE GUILT OF BEING CINDERELLA AND MR. FOX, THE NAROTICS ABUSE AND LOSS OF LIFE.

To top it off with a cherry on top? Abandoning the Sinclairs all those years to come back with a child out of wedlock. [ HOW MUCH WORSE COULD THINGS GET? ] A deep sigh is taken, lips purse together before entering the premise. ❝ Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt. ❞ Her Mother had requested to take the Golden Heirs out on a walk. [ WHO WAS SHE TO DENY TIPPER THAT PLEASURE? ] ❝ I just wanted to say Thank You for letting Johnny, Liam and I stay here while we visit. ❞ Carrie was careful to not mumble or stutter. The Boston house would always be home, she knew this. Except it was different, though. * It wasn't only the Eldest Sinclair daughter in the picture anymore. ❝ I'm sorry I didn't keep in contact while I was away. ❞ * That I made you both worry for so long, is what she really thought. ❝ Do you think you can ever forgive me? ❞

@patriarclair ☼ starter.

[red-gate]

i think about family of liars and how carrie is a [redacted] and honestly good for her

[2ndaughter]

﹙ *  ♚  ﹚▌▌ it feels wrong ... to be conversing about their mother whose watered down grief has kept her tongue so still in the wake of rosemary's death, who would also encourage their own tongues to be still, yet whose dyed hair is louder, penny thinks, than any of the words she's ever said to her ... but when carrie stays hot on her trail in the ascent to her bedroom, PENNY KNOWS THAT TIPPER IS EXACTLY WHO AND WHAT THEY WILL BE CONVERSING ABOUT. as if her lack of presence at christmas break pick up hadn't spoken enough volumes.

❝   i don't know.   ❞ & for a second, penny sounds worried. a level of concerned she does not usually afford herself the luxury of subscribing to. altogether, the words leave her mouth in a tonal variation quite unlike the stiff upper lip that the sinclairian rules have drilled SO PERFECTLY, SO NEATLY into her bones, so as to keep all things that might snap and bear their teeth away from her beating organ. it's something she can't leave hanging too long. with squared shoulders and a slight up turn of her chin, penny rectifies the show of heart. ❝   i went to the same school you did, carrie. i don't know anything more than you do.   ❞ THEN, she peers around her sister to the door, nodding to it. ❝   and close the door before somebody hears us. you saw harris' face.   ❞ in other words, if they were going to keep discussing tipper ... they shouldn't be caught— HARRIS' EXPRESSION HADN'T LENT ITSELF FOR MIXED INTERPRETATIONS. ❝   bess really blew it, didn't she? gasping like that ... vile. it's— just a hair colour, right?   ❞

[red-gate]

❝ I don't know anything more than you do. ❞ Silently mimicking the tone of her younger sister. It wasn't very proper and if seen by Harris or Tipper, she was sure there would be some form of correction. Something along the lines of : [ WOMEN NEED TO HAVE DIGNITY AND RESPECT. ] Or some utter bullshit. Carrie understood the need for some of the Sinclairian motto's and even believed in the meaning but sometimes she wished to just throw them out the goddamn window. Closing the door, making sure not to have any noise echo, and to lock Bess out of conversation. Carrie struggled with the conversation of Rosemary but needed to discuss the tragedy. It was the only way to mourn and grieve losing the baby of the Sinclair girls. It was something she struggled with, the idea knowing, no matter what, there was no saving her. [ IT WAS CARRIE'S DEEPEST REGRET AND RECKONING. ]

Bess, the third born of Sinclair girls, was thirteen, almost fourteen. Stupidity ran rampant in that head of hers with an open-mouth spilling everything. [ NEVER TELL ELIZABETH JANE LEIGH TAFT SINCLAIR YOUR DARKEST SECRETS. ] ❝ Do you really believe that? Really? ❞ Under normal circumstances, sure, it would just be hair color. This, though, was farthest from normal.

Their baby sister died and Tipper Taft Sinclair was mourning. Carrie was concerned, going back to school two weeks post accident and leaving their Mother and Father to their own demise. The silence of the house must have been difficult. It was difficult for Carrie even with the commotion of having Penny and Bess at North Forest. Without Rosemary, life no longer made sense.

❝ You know it's more than just a color. ❞ It's their Mother weeping, screaming, raging and everything in-between. [ IT'S SUFFERING AND THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THEY CAN DO TO PREVENT IT. ]

[sabrinacarprenter]

DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YA - YA SISTERHOOD (2002)

[red-gate]

[red-gate]

The Sinclair girls were rambling in the back seat of the 1985 Rolls Royce Corniche. The cold Boston air could be felt radiating from the windows and snow was starting to stick. This season was different than the ones celebrated before hand. [ ROSEMARY WAS GONE. ] She was never coming back. No more snuggles with Shampoo, no more early morning trying to beat Luda and Tipper into the kitchen to grab soda and salty chips for breakfast, no more witnessing the baby of the Sinclair girls grow. Sometimes Carrie thought it impacted her drastically more than the rest of the siblings. Their avoidance and refusal to acknowledge her absence made her skin boil. Nevertheless, the eldest daughter pushed through these feelings. [ STIFF UPPER LIP AS A SINCLAIR SAYS. ] Well, pills and booze help the cause as well.

The three girls and Harris arrive at the Boston house. Home but different — sadder, angrier, lonelier. Tipper, who would always come with Harris to pick up the girls, wasn't there this time. Strange and weird considering there isn't a memory associated with pick ups or drop offs without Tipper. [ THIS WOULD BE THEIR NEW REALITY. ] Walking in the door, a black hair figure emerges and hugs the three without skipping a beat, as if nothing had changed. A look from their Father insinuating to not mention this drastic change. A gasp from Bess, silence from Penny, pursed lips from Carrie.

They excuse themselves from the pleasantries and are told dinner would be ready soon. The two eldest Sinclairs escape to their rooms, Carrie following Penny into her room with bags still in hand. There was shock written on her face, too stunned to put words together for a moment. Eyes widen as she points to the door, gesturing what's outside the safety of the four walls, ❝ She has black hair. When did she dye her hair? ❞ This crisis was the only visible scar this situation they'd ever see from their mother.

@2ndaughter ( do not respond as long as me i'm begging )

[raesource]

angst-y sentence starters

if you are sending to a multi-muse, remember to specify the muse that the sentence starters are being sent for .

“ I never asked you to save me - I asked you to stay. ”

“ You keep saying you’re fine, but I can still see the blood on your hands. ”

“ Don’t touch me. Everyone I love ends up broken. ”

“ I forgave you the first three times. There won’t be a fourth. ”

“ You weren’t there when I needed you most, so why are you here now? ”

“ I stopped counting the days since you left - turns out forever is shorter than I thought. ”

“ All those promises you made sound like lies when I say them out loud. ”

“ I kept your side of the bed empty for a year. It’s time to admit you’re not coming back. ”

“ You look at me like I’m a ghost, but you’re the one who killed us. ”

“ I would have burned the world down for you. You wouldn’t even cross the street. ”

“ Say it. Say you never loved me so I can finally stop hoping. ”

“ The worst part isn’t that you lied - it’s that I still believed you. ”

“ I practiced smiling in the mirror so you wouldn’t notice I’m falling apart. ”

“ You taught me how to trust again. Thanks for the lesson. ”

“ Every time you walk away, a piece of me goes with you. ”

“ I didn’t lose you. You threw me away the moment someone better came along. ”

“ Stop apologizing. The damage is already done. ”

“ I still reach for you in my sleep and wake up colder than before. ”

“ You said ‘forever’ like it was easy. ”

“ I keep replaying the last time you said my name, trying to hear love in it. ”

“ The silence after you left is louder than any fight we ever had. ”

“ I was ready to die for you. You weren’t even willing to live for me. ”

“ Tell me where it hurts, so I know where to stop touching. ”

“ You moved on so fast I didn’t even get the chance to miss you properly. ”

“ I built my whole world around you, and you just walked out the door without looking back. ”

“ The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves to survive loving you. ”

“ I finally deleted your number. My phone still autocorrects ‘I’m sorry’ to your name. ”

“ You weren’t the villain - you were just cruel with good intentions. ”

“ I hate that I still check if you’re okay when I’m the one bleeding. ”

“ We didn’t break up. We slowly tore each other apart until there was nothing left to save. ”

“ You said you’d never make me cry. Look at me now. ”

“ I keep the voicemail you left the night everything fell apart. I’ve listened to it so many times I know your pauses by heart. ”

“ Loving you feels like drowning in slow motion while you stand on the shore. ”

“ I wasn’t enough to make you stay, but I was enough to make you feel guilty about leaving. ”

“ You came back like nothing happened, but I’m still picking up pieces you don’t even see. ”

“ I stopped leaving the porch light on. You never noticed anyway. ”

“ The saddest part is I still defend you when people ask why I’m not over it. ”

“ You didn’t just break my heart - you broke my ability to believe anyone else. ”

“ I finally understand why you always said ‘don’t get attached.’ You never planned on staying. ”

“ Every happy memory we had now feels like evidence in a crime scene. ”

“ I wish I could hate you. It would hurt less than this. ”

“ You keep asking what you can do to fix this. Start by going back in time. ”

“ I smiled in all the photos so no one would know you were destroying me behind them. ”

“ The hardest part of letting go is realizing you let go first. ”

“ I still flinch when someone says your name like it’s a curse. ”

“ You weren’t a chapter - you were the whole book, and now it’s on fire. ”

“ I didn’t lose feelings. They were murdered, slowly, every time you chose not to choose me. ”

“ I hope one day you look for me in a crowded room and feel what I feel every single day. ”

“ You walked away like it was easy, but I’m still here trying to remember how to breathe without you. ”

“ I finally stopped waiting for you. That’s the closest thing to healing I’ve managed so far. ”

[red-gate]

i really think about how drastically carrie's body changed after the surgery where she became sooooo unbelievably skinny because she wasn't eating due to the surgery. then the drugs not really making her have much of an appetite and even more weight loss. she is severely thin by the time she gets pregnant with johnny that he ends up a premie (as she was) and was severely terrified. it took her a long time to gain her weight back and look healthy again because even with johnny, she was still relatively small during her pregnancy.

[red-gate]

carrie goes to rehab 3 times and a self help inpatient facility once. she goes in 1990 and 1991, then after the birth of william (which she gives temporary custody of both of her kids to harris and tipper while she's gone), and then after the death of johnny because it's her mental state that's driving the addiction this time. carrie genuinely questioned if she was going to survive the loss of johnny for quite some time and needed help if she was going to be strong and present for william.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR CATCHING UP AND CHECKING IN *  assorted dialogue for pauses in the action when you need to check to see if they're okay, adjust as necessary

are you holding up all right?

thought i should stop by, see if you were okay.

you know, you haven't spoken in a minute.

you're starting to worry me.

is this thoughtful silence, or worried silence?

can i get you anything?

i'm perfectly all right.

sometimes i think about what will happen if we fail, and it terrifes me.

you can stop worrying about me now.

you had a moment back there.

what was all that yelling about?

i've worried about you since day one.

can we sit down?

you might feel better if you talk to me about it.

i was hoping we could catch up.

there's a lot more going on than i expected.

it's starting to get to me.

tell me the truth. are you all right?

i'm not a hero. i don't know why i'm doing this.

i can tell when you're lying to me, pretending everything's okay when it's not.

you're a horrible liar.

what was that all about?

i heard you yelling.

it sounded like an argument to me.

what's on your mind?

something's clearly bothering you.

can you just sit still?

you've never been honest with me.

they said you needed to talk to me?

i can tell when you're lying. i can see it in your face.

i know you better than you know yourself.

spill. everything.

that's not what it looked like from here.

i don't want to talk to anyone.

can you leave me alone for a while?

thanks but no thanks.

is this your way of checking on me?

who put you up to this?

if you'd just been honest with me from the start, we wouldn't be here.

when they said you were out here, i thought i'd stop by, see how you were doing.

you don't have to handle all of this by yourself, you know.

there are people who really care about you, who want to see you succeed.

think about the people who love you.

i don't like seeing you struggle this way.

i could use a shoulder to cry on right about now.

i just feel so lost.

everything is riding on me, and i'm not used to that.

there's too much responsibility on my shoulders right now.

thanks for letting me vent a little.

i didn't mean to word vomit.

you make it easy.

i feel like i can trust you.

no one understands me but you.

thank you for giving me a chance to speak.

thank you for stopping by to see me.

you should come by more often.

the battle's not over.

we still have work to do.

i trust you'll be ready for the final battle?

tomorrow's a big day. you should get some rest.

if you need anything, you know where to find me.

it will feel better if you just come right out and say it.

no one should ever carry the burden you do.

i think the world of you.

what do they say? this too shall pass.

[stargirldotcom]

- mom i’m tired

the manuscript- taylor swift/ thirteen/ class of 2013- mitski/ 13 going on 30/ wonderland- taylor swift/ cat city- vewn/ @death-born-aphrodite/ skins/ @inkskinned

[patriarclair]

* 𝓗.𝓢. , ❝   dad—   ❞ penny calls for her father in a scream ripped from her throat. blood red and raw. born from and contorted in fear. she wonders, is agata still yelling like that right now? with the sound of her blood pumping in her ears she doesn't think she could hear it if she tried. when she'd heard the au pair screaming to begin with she hadn't known what to think. until the screaming turned into rosemary's name. then, all penny could do was turn on her heel & run full sprint back to clairmont, faster than she's ever run in her entire life. ( and faster, she thinks, than she will ever have to run ) flush faced, her lips quiver as harris meets her frantic approach with a raised brow from the main dock. ❝   what is it?   ❞ there's a pause. like the world stops moving. the type of pause that penny would've sworn only happens in movies where everyone is talking but the only thing that can be heard is a buzzing hum over the hullabaloo. she tries to stammer the words out, claw them from the back of her throat, and maybe agata's name slips out, but she can't be sure. it isn't until harris's hands take her by the shoulders and says, ❝   penny.   ❞ that penny manages the few words that send harris running down the dock and across the front lawn of clairmont: ❝   it's ... r-rosemary. tiny beach.   ❞ AND SUDDENLY HE CAN HEAR AGATA TOO. penny follows. on his way past carrie and bess, he locks eyes with his eldest. his wife. somebody needs to get his wife. ❝   get tipper.   ❞ get her for what exactly, he doesn't yet know, but as he reaches the tiny beach and agata's screams for help turn into she's out there— an instant dread fills him that never has before... as the water splashes up his legs and begins to wade at his waistline.

. . . @red-gate & @matriarclair & @0lderladies.

[red-gate]

Carrie had been laying on the hammock dozing off to the sound of waves crashing the shore. Papa Don't Preach by Madonna was playing when a loud, apocalyptic sound of agony echoed through their island. [ IT WAS PENNY. ] The calm, collected, perfect sister was in a state of distress. It was alarming considering not only does Penelope never overreact to situations, but they lived in paradise. Nothing bad ever happens on Beechwood. [ IN MERE MOMENTS, THIS WILL BE PROVEN WRONG. ] Feet quickly hurry to the scene of the dock where chaos ensues in the water. Everyone visible was in a state of distress when it finally registers. [ IT'S ROSEMARY, HER BUTTERCUP. ] Harris, who has always been strong and carried himself with great pride took charge of the situation. He reacts as a true Sinclair would in a state of emergency in her eyes. Carrie understands in this moment their lives were about to change. [ BEECHWOOD, THEIR FAIRYTALE CASTLE, WAS COLLAPSING. ] Sandals were kicked off her feet as she bolts to the one place that Tipper spends days like this. The place the Sinclair children knew was her paradise on the island away from the kids and responsibilities. Air was escaping her lungs, fear and panic overwhelming Carrie. She couldn't let it consume or slow her down. Rosemary needed them. [ NEEDED THEIR MOTHER. ] ❝ Tipper! Tipper! ❞ Reaching the edge of the garden entrance, visible duress on Carrie's young features, ❝ Mom! ❞ There was pain in her voice as the words fell off her tongue. Mom, a namesake reserved in such rare occasions. [ CARRIE WISHED TO GOD SHE NEVER HAD TO SAY IT IN SUCH BROKENESS. ] Her heart shattered to bear witness to the eyes of the mother whose life was about to change. [ IT WAS CARRIE WHO WOULD HAVE HER MOTHERS FEATURES FOREVER ENGRAINED INTO MEMORY. ] ❝ Rosemary. ❞ A quick breath before the life crashing news broke, ❝ We need you! ❞ [ LITTLE DID THEY KNOW, THEY WOULD NEED THE HEART NOW MORE THAN EVER TO CONTINUE FUNCTIONING AS ONE. ]

[red-gate]

[2ndaughter]

﹙ *  ♚  ﹚▌▌ there's something misplaced burrowed deep in her framework. something haunted yet familiar. maybe it's guilt or a festered rage she's kept quiet for years. she prefers it in this form, NAMELESS & SILENT. a burden with no place to go. it's easier this way, she thinks, to keep it swallowed down. far easier than calling it for what it is. which is grief. [see]: penny hasn't lost cadence ... yet. & most certainly not like her sisters have lost their children or their mother had lost hers. —dear daughter, i hope you know i will take this to my grave. this loss, it knows a different type of grief altogether. it, too, CANNOT BE SAVED. it's the kind where the body still walks and talks, but the heart is left bleeding on the bathroom floor. after all, what is a child if not for their mothers heart walking around outside of their body?

❝   that's not true and you know it.   ❞ for the first time it occurs to penny that maybe the real truth is that carrie doesn't know it. that somewhere between the pills and the alcohol there's something she can't understand and has never properly tried to understand, AND THAT'S JUST ANOTHER WAY THAT SHE HAS HURT HER. she owns cadence's grievances now. but can she own her own? ❝   you're better than bess and i combined.   ❞ which sounds like a compliment, is meant to be a compliment, but if she spends too long looking in the mirror these days ... SHE REALIZES DOESN'T AMOUNT TO MUCH. and so the mirrors are broken or avoided or turned the other way. in a house that belongs only to her now.

❝   i don't—   ❞ she chews the words in her mouth. ❝   i ...   ❞ tastes them, swallows them back down, and chokes them there for fear of them having claws when they slip through her lips. but they help no one or nothing from the back of her tongue. she swipes creamy blonde locks back behind her hair. it's carrie. it's her sister. the one who saved her. ❝   what i'm trying to say is, i don't want to say things i just have to live with anymore.   ❞ she's tired too. a bone deep exhaustion. with a vacancy in motherhood for perspective.

[red-gate]

❝ Stop. — Just, please. Stop. ❞ Her hand rests on her chest for a moment, taking a deep breath. Carrie did not deserve praise or gratitude for surviving so long in these waters. For so long, pills and alcohol had been the priority of her life. Even during her sober years, they still remained at the forefront of her mind. The crave and desire itching away at who she is making her inhuman. Numb to the world and simply just surviving. So much time was missed with her children because of the hollow nature that she became. In recovery, Carrie tried to be the best daughter, sister and mother. Yet, there is one thing that will never change. [ YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AN ADDICT. ] ❝ You always deserved better than me. All of you. I'm sorry, Pen. ❞ Because in reality? Carrie was a danger to herself and others whether she liked to admit it or not.

Grief stricken over the years swallowed her whole. Tipper and the Liars were gone. The loss of a child was unbearable on most days. It was something she wishes so desperately her mother was here to help her cope with. [ MOM, I MISS YOU SO. ] It was a flashback to her teen years of seeing her little Buttercup to now being haunted by the son she failed. His death was in her hands. Heartbroken at the life lost and short lived. This was her fault. It would always be her fault. [ COULD SHE ALWAYS CONSIDER HERSELF A MOTHER OF TWO? ] Johnny, her sweet, sweet Johnny. He deserved so much more, so much better. [ THE SINCLAIR FAMILY DESERVED BETTER THAN WHAT THIS FALSE SINCLAIR COULD GIVE. ]

Carrie cusps her sisters hand and rubs her thumb over. It has been a long time since they had a serious conversation. Neither were in the headspace to speak as they dealt with their own versions of grief. ❝ You're my little sister. No matter what, I'll protect you. I'll forgive you. I'll love you. ❞ After all, it's the least she could do considering they each have their own versions of the stories on how they managed to survive each other. ❝ We Sinclair girls have to stick together, right? ❞ As their mother always reminded them, there is no stronger bond than the ones they forged.

[0lderladies]

eyes narrow at the inquiry, taking a moment to truly think about the response that she wanted to vocalize. even with the miles of distance in between them and the island, she felt an overwhelming grip on the base of throat, prepared to tighten if necessary. generational trauma would only trickle down if continuous contributions were made - right? " i like the person that i am , " margo offers with a sincere smile. " i am grateful for the opportunities that have been provided and the overwhelming love that my family has and continues to provide. ” golden tresses blow free from the messy up-do, causing head to turn slightly to be head on with the colliding wind. “ but i am not blind to the uncouth behavior that i have partaken in over the years. ” shoulders shrug visibly. “ and learning to take responsibility for myself, and really prioritize my own desires, thoughts, and actions has made me love being a sinclair. and it took a long time for me to realize that i didn’t need to be exactly like my brothers, or my cousins, or even my parents. sure, we are similar in features - but our minds and autonomy are our own. and the challenges or battles that our family finds themselves wrapped up in every time is so much more fun when you can bring authenticity to the table. something that no one else has.” chuckle escapes from her lips along with the rhetorical question, “ did i just age myself with that answer? ” the sounds of the sea echo while boat rocks in time with each passing wave. features soften at the young girl’s ponder and margo is quick to engage. “ you are more than just pretty, carrie. pretty is fleeting. you are beautiful, but inside and out and that is far more unique and attractive. ” head tilts, taking a moment to observe the younger girl sitting adjacent. fingers playfully flipping the pages in the book still perched upon lap. “ what makes you think you are not? "

[red-gate]

Being a Sinclair was both a beauty and hardship. The weight of the world was always on your shoulders with unrealistic expectations of what you you are supposed to contribute to society. She was the first daughter and granddaughter of their generation. The athlete among the siblings while the others were beauty, brains and innocence. Carrie was the odd duck who stood out among the siblings. Drastically smaller, bronde instead of the golden look the Sinclairs were known for, darker blue hues for eyes. [ IT WASN'T A PROBLEM UNTIL IT BECAME ONE. ] ❝ You didn't age yourself down... but I think you should be very proud of the very Sinclair response. ❞ They were taught to carry themselves with grace and charm. Traits that Carrie felt like she missed but, nevertheless; her father always believed in change and correction. She notices the softened features of her aunt, knowing it's coming from a place of concern. Fifteen was a crucial time in life where everything is taken in like a sponge. She wasn't gullible to the whispers of everyone who spoke of how she looked. Although, something changed in Carrie hearing Harris and Tipper speaking of her jaw. Truthfully, the eldest Sinclair child never recovered from the conversation and it lingers on her brain after all these years. ❝ I don't know, it's stupid. ❞ Fingers fiddle with one another, trying to reduce the seriousness of the situation. It was a mistake to bring it up but Margo was the closest person she could talk to without this sense of shame and ugliness. ❝ It's nothing. Just forget I said anything. ❞ She flips stands up from the towel, hands on hip looking at the shoreline, ❝ Everything looks so small from over here. ❞