Red Haired Wonderment

Waking Dreams || Juno & Leo

Leo held the line with his finger, unable to see clearly even as he continued to blink back the straying shadows that crossed his vision. Whether his eyes were open or closed, he felt the pressure and presence of those that didn’t even exist in this world. He was alone. They didn’t exist and for awhile there he’d felt like they were just out of sight, twisting down another hallway just out of reach as he chased after their shadows but never got within reach of them. He felt like not even his fingertips were real, not if they continued to slip through them.

That wasn’t the case. He knew that now, staring blankly at the pad of paper in his lap with a blue handprint and a yellow line beneath it that could possibly become something if he put his mind to it or moved his finger once again. But his body was not his own, not as long as he fought for control of it with a mind that continued to work it’s own agenda while he could barely figure out how to breathe properly.

Juno was there, holding onto him with the handrpint, showing him that he wasn’t completely alone and there was someone there in the room with him that was flesh and blood and everything he’d lost in the recesses of his mind that continued to chase after ghosts. Henri and Vincent, they didn’t exist here and if he made mention of them to his mother, she’d only stare at him with the pity he didn’t want to see in her eyes or that of Juno’s. As long as his gaze was focused anywhere but on her face, he could imagine that she didn’t look at him the way that he felt. Pity. Confusion. Sadness. Everything he fought to avoid.

That was until he felt her fingers press up against his cheek, stirring him from the dim view of the paper beneath his own touch and glance across at the redhead still perched on the edge of the bed. She hadn’t disappeared on him. She hadn’t become a ghost that no one else would remember except for him. She hadn’t left.

He wanted to ask her why. He wanted to know exactly what kept her there when there was so much of himself that he kept locked away from anyone that sought to know him, to truly know him, and in that avoidance he’d made the same choices when it came to life. He avoided it. But he couldn’t avoid the mark she left on his cheek as he watched her paint him blue. The color he’d chosen earlier and say there, unsure of what to do next as his mind continued to stay blank and hollowed out after losing himself to memories that weren’t real, again.

#Para #Leo #Waking Dreams

She slowly pulled her hand away from his cheek, and looked him over. His cheek was fully blue, although the rest of his face was the same. She offered a small smile, but still she could not think of what to say to him. He still looked far away, more than she wanted him to be. How could she bring him back here?

She tore her gaze from his face back down to the paper and the paint around them. Her eyes settled on the red paint sitting between them, and reached gingerly for his wrist. She guided him slowly to the paint and helped him get some on his fingers. She then guided his hand to her own face, allowing the red to smear on her cheek. She stopped, to see if he would continue or allow his hand to just drop from hers.

“Maybe,” he added with a small shake of his head, wondering what’d driven him to agree to do with her other than the obvious. Had it always been the obvious or had he missed it? There was a part of him knew that he should stay, his duty was there at the palace with the other Fighters but he didn’t feel like them, he didn’t feel the need to protect the halls from outside threats of others like him that’d been in The Haze. In fact, he didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere except whenever he was around only a handful of people, Juno was one of them. “If not, we’ll end up passing out eventually from sleep deprivation.” Not that that was preferable to finding an easier way to sleep, a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

“Yeah, well if we did pass out, at least we’d be getting some rest,” she said with a matching smile. She looked away from him, watching the motionless building before them. Inside were so many people who seemed to have such a different experience than her own. It was strange to her that they all had been through something so similar and yet come out of it so different.

“Do you....” she started, pausing, before finally looking back to him,” Do you think there’s a reason I don’t remember anything? Everyone else seems to know at least some things of their former lives... perhaps I’m not meant to remember?”

"Alright."

Leo surprised even himself at that answer, his gaze lingering on her hand tucked neatly into his own before raising it to meet her eyes. He didn’t have any plans to escape the palace walls, not until they were released because of his duties there but as many memories as he’d gotten, there were more locked away ones that would have been his reason for wanting to stay. And they didn’t stack up against the girl standing in front of him. “You pick the time and the place, and we’ll go. Just you and me.”

#Convo #Leo #Poor babies... gonna be so broken!#There really is no rush to get to her memory honestly #we can go with it #We know the order of stuff so either way will work out #I'm definitely not pushing for it to happen sooner rather than later #We shall have ALL the feels

She grinned at him," As soon as I have a time and date, you'll be the first to know!" She suddenly felt light as air, and she could only thank him for it. She had thought for awhile about just leaving, but it was hard to actually do it, when literally everything she knew was here. His simple agreement gave her the needed excuse to actually follow through with it," Perhaps we both will find things that can help us sleep."

"And where would we go?" His hand still in her’s as she tugged him to his feet. It wasn’t an impossible idea or one that he hadn’t had himself but hearing it come from her was another story. It also rose up a different set of emotions in him that he wasn’t expecting. "Where would you want to go?"

#Convo #Leo #It's all good! This is more a set up for her break and we totally should finish his first! lol

She thought about it a moment. Where would they go? She didn't even know what all this country had to offer. She'd spent most of her moments here in the palace since waking and only got a taste of the outside when she accompanied him to his mother's house.

Finally she looked up at him and smiled," Anywhere. We could go anywhere. No more soldiers, no more bland palace meals, just freedom."

lecirquebrutale

#Pictures

Waking Dreams || Juno & Leo

His eyes followed the movements of her fingers, watching them carefully without taking a breath as he fought to contain every thought that pushed itself to the forefront of his mind. They collided and fought, seeking to uncover the truth and lies that’d been playing him like a puppet at the end of it’s strings. Nothing came out. Nothing but a color choice. One that now covered the palm of her hand as she pressed down on that paper that she’d slipped onto his lap for a reason that he couldn’t understand, not completely.

If it were any other time, any other situation, Leo would have seen the thought process behind it all and understood the need to bring someone back to themselves through the familiar. It was what he and his father shared all the times that he went to go visit him. There would be times that his father didn’t even recognize him until they were halfway through a canvas and that twinkle of recognition would fill his eyes and then Leo would feel it before his father even opened his mouth. He knew then. He knew everything. It was both heartwarming and heart breaking to see the rise and fall of emotions that would settled awkwardly on his father’s shoulders until he buried himself into his paintings as a way to escape the reality of his situation. He would never leave that place.

And Leo was afraid everytime that there would be a day where he’d join his father. It was a shameful thought, one that perpetuated for many days after his visits until it got a point where no one could pull him from his thoughts aside from Landon when he got a hold of Leo’s head and shoulders and put them back together again.

Now it was Juno’s turn. A realization that he didn’t want to face or have her see this side of him that was so dangerously alike his own father’s that had lost any control he might have fought for in his lifetime until not even that was enough to fight the disease that’d claimed him. One that could potentially claim Leo just the same.

Her fingers were small, smaller than he imagined as he stared at the print on the page, remarking how many times he’d held it in his own and hadn’t even thought how small she was compared to himself. And yet, she was the stronger one that continued to push until he came back from the deeper recesses of his mind that’d taken a hold of him with the images of his brothers. Brothers that didn’t exist outside of his mind.

He dropped the brush in his hand and instead pressed a thumb against the print that lay on the page, a flick of blue covering him now as he lifted it and placed it on a clean part of the page. It was his attempt at fighting back as he dipped another finger in the yellow and spread a line across the bottom of the page, dipping it low enough to miss the handprint. “It needed some yellow.”

#Para #Waking Dreams #Leo #IT BEGINS AND OH THE PLANS I HAVE DEPENDING ON HIS REACTION #AND WHAT HE DOES FROM HERE

She watched him closely, keeping her focus mostly on what he did with the paper between then but also glancing up to watch his face. She could see the internal struggle happening in his mind and she desperately wished he'd vocalize what he was thinking. It was something she couldn't ask him to do, he wasn't ready to share and she just had to accept that.

"It needed some yellow," he said as he spread a line across the bottom of the page with his finger.

"Yes," she said with a nod," I think it did."

She looked at her hand, her palm blue side up, and wiggled her fingers a little. The paint had started to dry on the edges giving her a stiff feeling. She had never really thought about it, but blue seemed the perfect color for Leo. Had she not said before how blue was a color she enjoyed for it's plethora of meanings? Blue was a happy color for some and a sad one for others. It was both. Not matter how you looked at it, the other meaning was there, just present enough to not be out of mind.

How much was Leo like this? How many different feelings had she experienced with him? The happiness of freedom from the palace in their impromptu day away? Had that visit not also included a dark edge when they viewed the paintings in his mother's home? And now, he was going through something she couldn't explain, but there was still the little hope in the paint that he could be brought back out of it and on the more positive side of his personality.

She put her hand in the paint once more, the drier bits re-wetting with the fresh coat. She raised her hand once more, but this time she didn't go to the paper. Instead, she moved closer and raised her fingertips to his cheek. She waited after first touching him to see if he would recoil at the act, then continued making slow circles on his cheek spreading the blue paint across it with care.

He was the color blue, and association she may have just made but one that made so much sense to her. She didn't know how to say it to him, and now likely wasn't the best time, and so this was another way of expressing it. He could take it as he wanted, her being silly or quirky, or whatever, but this was important and she was okay if it was only memorable or significant to her.

"You couldn’t make me stop even if you tried."

"Just you," he replied coolly as she held their son in her arms. He waggled a finger in front of the young boy unable to help the growing smile at the two of them. "It’s only ever been you."

"You can keep saying that but I'm never going to believe you," she said with a grin. It was these moments she cherished with her husband and her son. With everything they all had been through it only made times like this all the more strong and loved.

"So what will be today? Another day spent on the beach with my boys? Perhaps just a day in the house enjoying each other's company?"

#Convo #Leo #FUTURE!

"It’s not my heart that’s been broken," he chuckled, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand before glancing back over at the pair of them. "It’s everyone else once they realize you’re happily married. Unless I’ve been mistaken myself."

Juno laughed," You're so sweet. Stop!"

Cuddling their son in her arms she continued," You better be taking notes from your father here. He's showing you the proper way to speak to ladies. He's got quite the knack at making one blush with even minimal words."

#Convo #Leo #FUTURE!

"I doubt that’ll ever happen."

"You know what," she said suddenly, standing straight and getting in front of him once more, but not letting go of his hand this time," let's do it. Let's go. Tomorrow."

She didn't even bother trying to stop this words this time, and allowed them to just flow out of her as they came," We both want to go right? There's nothing stopping us. That hole in the wall is still where it was, we can just slip through it again and be gone."

Waking Dreams || Juno & Leo

He put down the brush, one that hadn’t even touched the page before him as she brushed off his apology. It’d taken everything he had to stir up the strength to say the words but now he felt as if he were choking on them as he continued to sit there and keep his eyes drawn to the blank page. “I have to say it. You have to let me.” Though he wasn’t certain what exactly he needed to say or how to say it, but he couldn’t act as if nothing had happened. Not again. Not after living with a lifetimes of lies and then having to act like none of them existed.

"I shouldn’t.. I shouldn’t have done what I did but would I take it back?" Leo picked his gaze up off the floor, dusted it off with every intention of meeting her eyes, and caught her glancing in his direction as well. He felt a weight on his chest, everything that he’d told her and how much was left still unsaid and the secrets that he kept buried inside of him where no one except for a handful of people even knew. And that wasn’t even everything. Everyone had their secrets, she had more than she was telling but unlike everyone, he didn’t want to be surrounded by just them. He wanted more out of life. He wanted to live. He just didn’t know what that meant yet as he waited there, wanting to say what was on his mind and yet, still couldn’t find the right words as he watched her and saw the worry that she carried with her over him. It was the last thing he wanted was for someone to worry that he was on the verge of losing it like so many others around them.

"Blue." He cleared his throat. "My favorite color is blue."

#Para #Leo #Waking Dreams

She gave a single nod at his insistence of apologizing. Not sure what to respond to it, as she felt he had nothing to apologize for. Unless of course he was apologizing for the kiss, which she still had pushed to the back of her mind as she didn't know how to react to that in this moment, nor had it necessarily sunk in fully that it had occurred.

"I shouldn’t.. I shouldn’t have done what I did but would I take it back?"

Perhaps this was about the kiss... was this what he was hung up on? It seemed more likely it was about the boy he had seen in the hall when no one was there. But she wasn't sure if this was a time to press for more information. She felt out of place, as if the ground was shifting and she was just barely in place but could lose her grip at any moment. She knew she should say something, but she didn't know what, or how. It was frustrating, but the worry overrode the emotion.

"Blue." He cleared his throat. "My favorite color is blue."

His answer had saved her from having to formulate the words. She wasn't good at this.... being there for people who needed someone. She was odd and different and didn't understand the social standards for something like this. How many times had they reminded her at the diner, her lack of knowledge in these things? Never before had it mattered so much to her. Never before had she worried what her words would mean to the person receiving them.

"Blue....." she said softly, looking to the color in the paints before them. She nodded, reaching for it, and opening it. Glancing down into pigment, she bit her lower lip and tried to think of how to continue. What could you do when there were no words? How did you share a feeling, or empathize a notion when letters didn't fit together?

Without thinking she put her hand into the paint itself, pulling the blue from the container to her finger tips. She pulled out them back out and held them up to look at them, rubbing her thumb of the same hand over the paint, spreading it. She moved her fingers and her hand until it was covered and held it for a moment in the air, not wanting to risk a glance at Leo.

After moment's thought, she brought her hand down to the paper, placing it flat on the surface, wiggling it slightly to be sure the paint transferred evenly. Lifting it slowly, her blue hand print remained. An open invitation, like a hand shake. Something to share, something to show her presence, something to show she was doing her best to reach out.

"I think that’s exactly what you’re trying to do," he chuckled, watching their son who marveled at the faces that she was pulling while continuing to bounce him on his knee. "When he grows up, he’ll only remember your stories and none of the time we spent together that was interrupted by your beautiful face." He covered his ass nicely, or so he thought, as he laughed while his son strained to join her.

Leo lifted him into the air, offering him over to his wife with a smile as their son continued to giggle and kick the air as if he thought he were flying. “And here I was going to say,” he spoke once she held their son safely in her arms, “That he took after you. Those eyes are going to be trouble when he gets older. A real heart breaker, just like his mother.”

"Are you saying I've broken your heart then?" she asked as she took the gurgling and grinning baby from her husband," Because the last I checked you were quite happy.... perhaps I was mistaken?"

#Convo #Leo #FUTURE!

Leo smiled, aimed at the ground before he picked his head and glanced back over at the girl by his side with a words that he felt on his chest sticking slightly before he heard them. “Promise?”

"Promise," she said without hesitation. Squeezing his hand in hers, she grinned at him," You'll get tired of me before I would even think of going off without you."

It might have meant a lot to her, to hear that he would be there for her when she needed him, if she needed him, but the fact that she didn’t walk away meant more to him. Her moving in closer, eliminating the distance between them as she placed her chin on his shoulder and took his hand, Leo could feel the apprehension slipping away from him. Everything he’d done to try and bring himself back down to the ground had failed, everything until she’d shown up and broke it into pieces by her mere presence.

He wouldn’t have noticed such a thing if he hadn’t been out there that night trying to find himself among the rubble of his mind that continued to lash out at just about everyone that got close to him, even her. Landon and him had nearly gone to blows, Elizabeth had looked like she’d been slapped by his words, and he had avoided seeing Juno for a few days after what’d gone down despite finding a way to crawl out of the hole of anger that continued to consume him.

But as quickly as it rose up, it’d been extinguished by the pressure on his side and hand, as he dropped his gaze to see their fingers interlocked. “But if you don’t,” he started and stopped, trying to find his voice without meeting her eyes. “I hope you at least come back and visit me sometime. I wouldn’t.. I wouldn’t want to not know how you’re doing.” It was coming out all wrong, changing every word that in his head before they left his mouth to not push or overstep their relationship. It felt like they were at the beginning again, that nothing that’d happened over the past few months had even happened to them but someone else entirely.

"I hope you at least come back and visit me sometime. I wouldn't... I wouldn't want to not know how you're doing."

The idea that she would leave him behind was so preposterous that she couldn't hold back the giggles that came forth at the thought.

"I really hate to break it to you," she said after quickly composing herself," but I think you're stuck with me."

Waking Dreams || Juno & Leo

Yellow appeared before him, rooting him to the spot on the edge of the bed while she continued to work around him in an effort to find him again while his mind had crippled him to the point of no return. Everything he’d fought so hard to gain, both his mind and the knowledge that his hallucinations had been nothing more than his old memories trying to resurface through the implanted ones, Leo felt like he was losing himself again. And this time there wasn’t an explanation other than the one that’d always been a fear of his in the back of his mind.

That he was his father’s son.

Painting had been their way to communicate after he’d been institutionalized, bringing them closer together in the only way that Leo had selfishly hoped, but now he felt as if he were ont he slope of falling into the same patterns that his father had done all those years ago with his mother. And with Leo. There’d been many happy moments and memories, a lifetime worth of them with the three of them but they were overshadowed by the ones that were significantly less full as his father withdrew from their lives and into his own head. Not that it was his fault, it couldn’t be helped, he was sick.

Just like Leo feared that he himself would be sick, something he didn’t want to share with anyone else, not even Juno as he caught her wide eyes staring down at him, pleading with him to open back up and let her in. But the kiss, it’d been a mistake, one that he’d done for several reason while the only one he could even admit to was to allow him the chance to escape her. Though that proved to be impossible. She was everything and everywhere to him these days as he’d shared more with her than anyone else other than Landon and Elizabeth.

Yellow. He dipped the brush that’d found it’s way into his hand into the color, before raising it to the page that covered his lap. His hand was shaky, afraid, and under the added pressure of proving to not only to himself but her that he was alright. “Juno,” he spoke finally, letting the brush stroke the page once before he set it down on the page. “I’m sorry.”