zeno

21 ● they/them ● ace ● artist ● reader ● poet

[makingimages]

[grrlmusic]

Heidi Bivens - Euphoria Fashion

[mybookcoverarchive]

[redandgraytogether]

you really think you'll never fall off a motorbike until you fall of a motorbike

i'll be humbly regrowing my skinsuit in bed for the next couple of days

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wiping off the brush

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Gozo 2024

thinking about the cave almost every day

missing my piranesi soundtrack almost every day

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[grrl-beetle]

Marc Jacobs

[redandgraytogether]

what stayed after four summer days of friends

reading All the Lovers in the Night by Mieko Kawakami

[redandgraytogether]

i've spent the last year striving to present more masculine, cutting my hair shorter and shorter, building up the courage and getting used to it, playing into a crush that i don't reciprocate because they see it in me, the masculinity. selfish little play. last time i cut it shorter it was their idea and it was too short to see myself in it. they loved it and i finally understood Caitlin from We Are Who We Are so after a few days I dyed it red as always and cut micro bangs as always, plucked my eyebrows thinner and shaved my chin, grasping onto the femininity which was mine.

it seemed like backing down but felt like taking a breath. gender is confusing, it is so easy to lean too far to one side when on the run from the other and not even notice. noticing is all there is, noticing what is comfortable, which is sometimes different from what you think you want or like or think you should want or like. noticing what's "me" is all there is and this haircut and the selfish little play were not it.

it's hard to master my own rules of this masc–fem blend of clothes, makeup, accessories, hair, stuff and things but I'm trying, otherwise I'd be standing in front of the mirror for hours wondering why I look good but feel bad, trying to swallow a lump in my throat that's not really there. so i must keep my eyes wide and keep noticing which compositions in this pile of fashion are truly "me"

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Perched Above the Luna Sea – Adam S Doyle

Oil 24x18"

Lost Isle of Kismet series

[redandgraytogether]

Sépie – Jaroslav Róna (2000)

It's my sculpture, it's me, it stands two hills to the right from my village. My mom always called it Chimera, and so do I, even though she doesn't even remember why.

[redandgraytogether]

[redandgraytogether]

Adam Parrish's bathroom scene in The Raven King