Country/Redneck Men 😍 @redneck-lover - Tumblr Blog

Chapter 1.

Towards the beginning of last year I was feeling very drained, emotionally and physically. I lost 50lbs. I wasn’t getting hungry and I was working out 5-6 days a week. I know that sounds like an atrocious combination, but oddly I was feeling okay. Working out kept me somewhat sane. I think I started feeling very sad and depressed when I found out the girl I was in love with and dated on and off for over 6 years got engaged. I just kept getting bad thoughts about myself. Like if I was too ugly, too caring, too fat even. I also started noticing that I was very lonely. I hadn’t dated no girl or guy since my breakup with this said girl in 2016. I kept pushing my friends away. I didn’t want to burden them with my personal issues. I now realized that was a mistake. That dark period of my life I really needed love. But I still pushed them away. It got to the point where I wasn’t getting invited to things. So I took that as no one wanting or caring for me. My own intrusive thoughts sent me down a rabbit hole. And no, I did not end up in wonderland. I remember April 2019 was when I started noticing me not being myself. I’m typically a very cheerful, happy guy with a smile on my face and laughing and being sarcastic. I couldn’t even pretend to pull that off around co-workers or anyone. I remember it was the middle of April and I was actually pulled aside by coworkers asking me to tell them if anything what’s wrong cause they have noticed I wasn’t being like my usual self. I just lied and said I was just tired from working a lot of hours. They just nodded, since they saw that I did was working 10-12 hours days. As the weeks passed by my thoughts started to get worse. I had a customer tell me I was worthless and it just stayed with me. It’s all I thought about for days. I started to believe it. I thought of all the things I had failed at and it made me agree with that statement from the customer. I failed at loving this woman, I failed at completing college, I failed at being independent. At this point I was just sad. The only thing that made me a little happy was thinking about Memorial Day weekend and how the family gathers together and just laughs and have a good time. The event I was looking forward to didn’t turn out the best for me. I was bombarded with the “where’s the girlfriend, where’s the diploma, you’re still at that shitty job, you’re still at home” questions. I left the gathering crying cause once again I felt worthless. I went on a drive around the lake and cleared my mind. I was in a parking lot at a park and decided to maybe try downloading a dating app. I had only used Grindr before with no pictures and all but never used anything else. So I set up this said profile but then my cousin from the gathering called me and asked if I was okay. I said yea and I picked her up and we went to Starbucks. I had forgotten about this app. The following day, Monday I was trying to get a friend to come see a movie with me since I had free vouchers. I texted all my friends. Some left me on read, others just simply said no. It hurt me so much. I went to bed crying that night. The next day Tuesday May 28th, I went to work and was still trying to get a friend to come with to a movie as I didn’t want the tickets to go to waste. They expired at the end of May. No one was responding. I went home from work and literally had a mental breakdown. I was sobbing on the kitchen floor. I had never felt so alone and unwanted. I am glad I was home alone with my parents at work. What I did next was that I remembered about that app. I messaged some girls and guys and just left on read. Now I felt even more like shit. The dark thinking reached the breaking point. *Trigger Warning* Tuesday. May 28th 2019 I decided I no longer wanted to feel this sadness anymore. With my parents being gone l figured it was the right time. At around 5pm I decided that I didn’t want to live anymore. I tried to hang myself. It did not work. I was again sobbing on the floor thinking how I was such a failure that I even failed at that. Another tears soaked pillow night.

Hello everyone. I don’t even know if any of my followers are even active on here anymore. I haven’t really been on here much. I know it has been a rough year for everyone. Me included. I’m still trying to recover from some very traumatic events. I know many won’t care what those events were so I’ll just keep to myself. Unless you guys would like to know. I have been thinking throughout the past few weeks if I should blog or podcast or something about the difficulties of coming out with a Strict catholic family. the struggles of love life when dating someone who’s in the “closet” and mental health issues. But I’m not sure if any people would even care for it. I’ve been keeping to myself to the fact that I feel like I annoy people with my problems. But I just wanted to check in on here and say sorry for not posting or reblogging any content.

I hate that I’m so forgiving and kind. I really do. I gave my ex-boyfriend another chance only to end up hurt again. I got stood up by him on my birthday. That shattered my heart. I didn’t even get a proper apology. Just a fucking text at 4am saying “sorry, something came up.” I sat in my living room dressed for the reservation we had with not call or text. For over 12 fucking hours. I just want to know what I did to deserve to be treated like shit. I have been nothing but nice, kind, and caring to him since we met. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him. I gave my all and I didn’t even get half of that back. I honestly believe I am cursed. I legitimately think no one will ever love me as much as I love them. Is there something wrong with me? I believe there is. I can never get back what I put in into a relationship and it honestly breaks me to pieces. Going to bed in tears again. I hate this. So much.

dadsgainers-deactivated20211221

Cute local realtor has quite the cute belly going on. So big that the fish in the last photo does not cover his belly fat. :)

redneck-lover

This man is PERFECT

vvhack

lovingechoes

Gotta do it

kaible-deactivated20181205

I don’t care what news I get I just want this stupid potato dog on my dash

travellertalks

^

cummunismkillls-deactivated2019

Ok But i reblogged ya ugly ass!!! Where’s my good news you cock eyed potato piece of shit

wolfenpawmage

redneck-lover

If you look like this. Message me! 😭

love-for-boys

redneck-lover

Want this so bad 😩

redneck-lover

Just a personal thing I want to get off my chest.

So I really don’t have anyone to talk to. Or should I say want to talk to. I don’t want to seem weak to others so I usually keep to myself and bottle things up. I decided to vent out my mind on this post. So you can just scroll past it if you want.

So I don’t know what is wrong with me. Every since I remember; while growing up I was never asked or invited to do anything with anyone. Yeah it hurt during my elementary school and middle school days. Once in high school I met some people that actually wanted my company. Those friends eventually moved or we parted ways. Usually hanging out with people involved me setting something up or me inviting people to do something. Then when they did something themselves I never got the invite. I would sometimes invite myself. To my face everyone was nice and friendly but i don’t know what they would say behind my back.

Fast forward to adulthood. Now at 25, my friend circle is small. Just people I trust, but not enough for them to see me as weak or broken down. So something happened this past week that hurt me and I just can’t stop thinking about it cause my feelings still feel hurt. On Friday before work was over I was thinking about asking some co-workers if they would wanna get some food maybe a beer later that night. Most said that they had other compromises so I was like ok I’ll just make it a Netflix night. I was texting still with a coworker i thought i was close with and he said since he couldn’t do anything that night that we should get a beer the next day. So I agreed. An hour or two later my good friend that moved 4 hours away messaged me asking if I wanted to come visit him that Saturday and Sunday since he’s off work (he barely has weekends off and i haven’t seen him since last May). So me being what i thought was a good friend to both him and that one co-worker I thought was my good friend I responded by saying “hey I have other plans already this weekend, I can ask off during the week next week when you’re off and I’ll come down to visit ya”. He responded by saying “oh yeah don’t worry about it this weekend then, they just gave me off because I didn’t take off during the week this week so it’s a little late notice on my part. And I won’t have off again until the end of April”. So I was bummed out but made arrangements to visit him at a later date. Later that night I was watching tv and the usual, looking at my social media at times. So I open up snapchat and one of my coworkers, who I had asked if they wanted to get food and beer posted a video of her and basically everyone I asked, out at a bar. That shit hurt to see. In another video that guy I considered close held up his beer and said cheers. I was hurt seeing that they all went out and didn’t bother to invite me when I had asked them all if they wanted to do something that night. And it also made me feel like shit cause I have known them for 3+ years and in the Snapchats i saw they were hanging out with people that just started working with us like less than a month ago.

That’s not it though. That guy I was supposed to hang out the next day with texts me saying he picked up a shift at work that next day and that he has to babysit his younger sister after work, so if we could rain check for wings and beer on Sunday afternoon. I said yea sure. So pretty much the same thing happened. He posted snapchats of him playing pool with other friends and drinking at a bar. Before I went to bed I texted him and asked if we were still on for the next day and he said “I’ll text you tomorrow. I’m fucked up”. So Sunday morning I wake up to a text from him saying “hey can we just hang out During the week on my day off? I’m too hungover”. At this point I was so pissed because my weekend was basically wasted. I could have seen my good friend I hadn’t seen in a long time but I stayed back to not look bad for this dude. And today at work these coworkers had the audacity to tell me to “not be salty” because it was a “last minute” thing that they all got together Friday night. Having this happen to me sent me back to 7th grade when the people I thought were my friends made feel like complete shit in front of the whole school basically. Am I just not fun to be around? Am I annoying? It really sucks feeling like you’re unwanted or like everyone forgets about you. That shit hurts me so much. Like do I really not matter? Maybe everyone’s life would be better without me being a nuisance.

butchlvr53

Dude….I so hear you on this! And while sometimes it feel like we’re being blown off when it’s not actually what’s going on, sometimes it is! Like you ask people out for a beer and wings – a good thing –and they have other plans or whatever. Okay. A mature, grownup gets that. Then you see them on Snapchat out having beers and wings with other people! WTF!!!!!! Yeah, I’d be totally bummed about it too! Totally bummed.

So, okay, the first instance I’d probably let it go. Maybe it was a “last minute thing”. I doubt it, but okay. But when it keeps happening? I’d confront it. Put it right out there and clear up whether they want to hang with you or not. There’s nothing wrong with telling someone how you FEEL. Sounds to me like this bunch are, at a minimum, so self-absorbed they have no idea how their own actions impact you and that just sucks. Like I said, or inferred, there is always the chance you are being “over sensitive” and, yeah, I totally “get” how your history from elementary and middle school inform your reaction. I do! Been there, done that! And I try and work through it, realizing it’s not just about them – completely – but also about me. My reaction. My feelings. My…whatever. And while you may very well be right – and it sure sounds to me like you are – about this bunch, I guess it comes down to whether or not you want to continue even trying to be social with these assholes.

In short…you damn well deserve to be respected and NOT taken for granted. One blow off…okay, there can well be extenuating circumstances of which you are unaware. Fair enough. But at some point you gotta say to yourself “do I really need this?”. The answer, clearly is, like fuck you do! So…fuck them! Why do you want to expend energy on yutzes like that? They’re the losers, not you.

I know it hurts. Oh boy, do I know about that!! It makes you feel like a totally dweeb, like you’re the one making the effort to establish some sort of connection and they clearly dismiss it. That’s on them, not you! So yeah…fuck ‘em!

If people want to hang out with you, they will. The dude who wanted you to come down for the weekend clearly did…go with that. These other jerks? Forget them. Either they want to hang with you and be social or they don’t and if they don’t, then move on. You deserve a lot more than what they offer…..

redneck-lover

I just want to say thank you for this. I really needed this message and you’re absolutely right. I am done investing my time on people that clearly do not want my company or friendship. Thank you again for this well thought out message. I really needed this.

Just a personal thing I want to get off my chest.

So I really don’t have anyone to talk to. Or should I say want to talk to. I don’t want to seem weak to others so I usually keep to myself and bottle things up. I decided to vent out my mind on this post. So you can just scroll past it if you want.

So I don’t know what is wrong with me. Every since I remember; while growing up I was never asked or invited to do anything with anyone. Yeah it hurt during my elementary school and middle school days. Once in high school I met some people that actually wanted my company. Those friends eventually moved or we parted ways. Usually hanging out with people involved me setting something up or me inviting people to do something. Then when they did something themselves I never got the invite. I would sometimes invite myself. To my face everyone was nice and friendly but i don’t know what they would say behind my back.

Fast forward to adulthood. Now at 25, my friend circle is small. Just people I trust, but not enough for them to see me as weak or broken down. So something happened this past week that hurt me and I just can’t stop thinking about it cause my feelings still feel hurt. On Friday before work was over I was thinking about asking some co-workers if they would wanna get some food maybe a beer later that night. Most said that they had other compromises so I was like ok I’ll just make it a Netflix night. I was texting still with a coworker i thought i was close with and he said since he couldn’t do anything that night that we should get a beer the next day. So I agreed. An hour or two later my good friend that moved 4 hours away messaged me asking if I wanted to come visit him that Saturday and Sunday since he’s off work (he barely has weekends off and i haven’t seen him since last May). So me being what i thought was a good friend to both him and that one co-worker I thought was my good friend I responded by saying “hey I have other plans already this weekend, I can ask off during the week next week when you’re off and I’ll come down to visit ya”. He responded by saying “oh yeah don’t worry about it this weekend then, they just gave me off because I didn’t take off during the week this week so it’s a little late notice on my part. And I won’t have off again until the end of April”. So I was bummed out but made arrangements to visit him at a later date. Later that night I was watching tv and the usual, looking at my social media at times. So I open up snapchat and one of my coworkers, who I had asked if they wanted to get food and beer posted a video of her and basically everyone I asked, out at a bar. That shit hurt to see. In another video that guy I considered close held up his beer and said cheers. I was hurt seeing that they all went out and didn’t bother to invite me when I had asked them all if they wanted to do something that night. And it also made me feel like shit cause I have known them for 3+ years and in the Snapchats i saw they were hanging out with people that just started working with us like less than a month ago.

That’s not it though. That guy I was supposed to hang out the next day with texts me saying he picked up a shift at work that next day and that he has to babysit his younger sister after work, so if we could rain check for wings and beer on Sunday afternoon. I said yea sure. So pretty much the same thing happened. He posted snapchats of him playing pool with other friends and drinking at a bar. Before I went to bed I texted him and asked if we were still on for the next day and he said “I’ll text you tomorrow. I’m fucked up”. So Sunday morning I wake up to a text from him saying “hey can we just hang out During the week on my day off? I’m too hungover”. At this point I was so pissed because my weekend was basically wasted. I could have seen my good friend I hadn’t seen in a long time but I stayed back to not look bad for this dude. And today at work these coworkers had the audacity to tell me to “not be salty” because it was a “last minute” thing that they all got together Friday night. Having this happen to me sent me back to 7th grade when the people I thought were my friends made feel like complete shit in front of the whole school basically. Am I just not fun to be around? Am I annoying? It really sucks feeling like you’re unwanted or like everyone forgets about you. That shit hurts me so much. Like do I really not matter? Maybe everyone’s life would be better without me being a nuisance.

#personal #venting