When my mother forgets a wordïżŒ, she is the queen of coming up with new words. Words that would take a third National Treasure movie to fully decipher.ïżŒ I was talking to her yesterday, and she said this: âYou know the time for los jibbities is coming upïżŒ. You must be so excited!âïżŒ Oh, is it time for los jibbities already?ïżŒ I must have missed it on my calendar. ïżŒAre we celebrating something? âOf courseïżŒ! We should all be celebrating, shouldnât we?â ïżŒOK, so los jibbities is a happy thing.ïżŒ Itâs not like something is giving you the heebie-jeebies, which would have been my one and only guess.ïżŒ âLos heebie-jeebies? Now youâre making things up.ïżŒ..and this is my show.â Youâre right. The time for los jibbities is coming upïżŒ. Is this a season? âYes, the season for love. The season for pride.âïżŒ OK, los jibbities. âYeah, sound it out.â LosâŠjibbities. LGBTs! âSĂ, mira cuz youâre gay!â âYou couldnât just say pride season? You couldnât just⊠*laughs*
I MEAN this is pure joy this will be my main source of glee for the next like. four days because yes of course dunk gets thrown into a targ summer vacation and half of them despise the beach but baelor and rhaegel know the drill and present an excel sheet with rides and costs and places for everyone to read and maekar spends most of his night huffing and puffing but eventually calls baelor and tells him fine you fucking WIN like every fucking YEAR but this time i'm NOT hearing anything about being uncooperative i won't even TRY to step foot on the sand you'll find me DEAD before i do
spoiler: he actually steps foot on the sand. in fact he bathes himself in 50+ spf thrice because rhaegel dares him to a beach volley match and who's maekar targaryen if not a man suffering from his own pride and now he's roasting himself kebab-style, yelling profanities because why the fuck is sand so unbaerable anyway UGH YOU ABSOLUTE WANKER
all the while dunk didn't even get properly invited, the conversation went like
baelor, pouring himself a glass of wine and ignoring aerys double-texting him about wanting him and rhaegel to explode: so there's this all-inclusive resort with a private beach and all-you-can-eat breakfast and every room has a built-in jacuzzi and we all book the whole place for two weeks because it's tradition, i mean it, it's engraved on our schedule, and i hope i didn't overstep by booking a room for two this time around
dunk: are you paying for it
baelor: the company card does
dunk: did egg put you up to this
baelor, who witnessed his nephew's exasperating meltdown the day before about how BORED he gets each summer so it's only right that he concocts escape plans that promptly get him to the er and make the capillaries in maekar's eyes burst: partly
dunk: as long as i can make my own protein shakes i'm in
so he goes and buys swimming trunks and every day looks and feels like a parks and recreation episode because egg drags daeron on some good old crab hunting, which ends in egg pissing on his brother's leg because he got stung by a jellyfish and THIS IS THE PROPER WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS STOP ACTING LIKE A FOOL URINE DISINFECTS THE WOUND (it doesn't) i'm going to die, am i not
meanwhile valarr and keira are enjoying their stay like it's their honey moon, they literally pull a The Three Wise Monkeys and valarr manages to write his thesis from his striped deckchair and keira sips her fancy cocktails in her colourful bikinis and the only occasion where they look possessed targ-style is when rhaegel and dunk challenge them to a table football match. they become Monsters and win 5-1 (the one goal dunk scores is purely pity-driven. keira lets him score and obliterates him a second after)
dunk spends 75% of his time sleeping and building sandcastles which baelor avidly collects by taking pictures of the whole structures and their details (dunk once sculpted a three-headed dragon and yes the thing was lopsided and yes it resembled a chimera of weird dogs but it sure is baelor's favourite). he stares at his man working and documents his process. aerys sits under the parasol next to him and he's half-reading a book about ariosto's usage of a hippogriff to get his insane hero to the moon so that he could retrieve his sanity back and he goes
aerys: are you marrying him
baelor: i would love to
aerys: good. please do so next year. i will not tolerate seeing these many people again before my battery's fully recharged
and that's it he's getting back to his room
also shiera tries to negotiate with the town's local aquarium because she wants to adopt the sturgeons and pouts for a total of 36 hours after accepting her defeat. brynden buys her two betta fish and she starts talking to them non-stop, consequently ignoring him for the rest of their stay
things get absurd when dunk suggests he and daeron rent a pedal boat and get offshore and daeron had a spritz too many and the sun is cooking him to sleep so he's not pushing on those pedals anymore and they get STRANDED with no phones and dunk panics and daeron panics and after 45 minutes here comes maekar on a coast guard boat red in the face SCREAMING and he gets them back and has them sit on the reception couch and screams some more. baelor pops in and goes are you done not yet go on then and just WAITS there with his arms crossed on his chest looking at dunk like he's the whole world and he's having the most fun he's experienced in a long time and dunk catches it and maekar catches it and now he's screaming at his brother too
okay i'm. off to bed now. i love your art kel i really do it breathes inspiration into me it keeps me #alive thank you thank you thank you for blessing us
Did anyone ever like attempt to document and compile the variations of Barney the dinosaur murder ballads across the elementary school system in the early 2000s. Like legit it has always fascinated me as a phenomena and I would love to know if there were like traceable regional variations or what.
Looking at the tags so far Iâm kind of fascinated by how much the âI Love Youâ parodies vary in their phrasing/murder weapons but the âJoy to the Worldâ ones are nearly identical
here is my collection of barney murder songs as they appeared in the notes and comments of this post at about 4 pm pacific 7/25, somewhat arbitrarily color coded to show similar memes. it appears that "baseball bat and 2x4" is the mode configuration but there is so much variation that that exact phrasing only makes up a small part of the set. if i knew more about statistical modeling i would turn this into some kind of data tree that shows which phrases are most likely to follow other phrases.
Welp. Google's AI horseshit has arrived. And I'm not complying. They can pry my ID out of my cold dead hands. I will simply go elsewhere. Remember folks, DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR IDs. Do not comply. Resist, fight it, use other browsers or sources beyond youtube and google controlled services. Call them. Email them. Make noise. Fight back.
I've been using Google as my main mail service since 2006, and every single account or service I've ever signed up for was made with that address. For a long time I thought it'd be impossible to divorce myself from Google.
It took less than 5 minutes to switch to a ProtonMail account, less than 2 hours to download and/or offload every byte of data from my Google account, and less than 3 days to change every single account or service I've ever signed up for to the new address.
As of today, the only single one I have that's still tied to it is YouTube. It's the only thing I'd lose access to if I deleted my Google acount entirely.
They really, really want you to believe that it's a hassle to switch to a different email system. But it's not. Most websites and/or services allow you to change the email address associated with it.
I've been using Google for almost 2 decades and it only took a few days to move everything. It's not a painful sacrifice; it's an easy change that, frankly, has absolutely been worth it.
You can and should switch to a free, encrypted Proton email account. You also get all of the below perks. For free. There is no trick. It is paid for by the people with paying plans. I am one of them. The (completely functional) free tier is there to entice you into getting a paid account with even more perks. (It worked on me.) But there's no penalty or pressure for staying with the free account.
Also get your stuff off the google drive and put it on Proton's drive. It is encrypted. Only you with your password can access it. Not even Proton can see what you put in there.
Hi Iâve been thinking about dunkbaelor taskmaster au for a full hour and a half. Here are some of the thoughts I had:
-Dunk and Egg paired together on the team tasks(this is so many Targaryens, but I guess it is the Targaryen Nepotism Show)(mostly they lose badly but they have so much fun and have at least one Mark Watson/Nish Kumar moment where they succeed beautifully and stunningly)
-Some task where itâs like âget the taskmasterâs assistant up the stairsâ or something. Some contestants bargain, bribe(I have the tourney pages up here, youâll have to come upstairs if you want to see who won at Stormâs End this weekend) or attempt to otherwise puzzle solve. Dunk takes a long measuring look and just lifts Baelor with no apparent effort and walks up the stairs with him. Probably gets a bonus point for Baelorâs blue screen of death face that absolutely gets captured on camera
-other contestants- Lyonel(token celebrity, also this seasonâs Rhod Gilbert)? Tanselle(competent woman, wins a task with a puppet show for sure)? Steely Pate(he just seems cool)? Raymun and Red(a second taskmaster romance has hit the towers)?
(Loving sslg obviously, thank you for all you do)
Anon I've been sick for three days and passed out more or less immediately after writing my last post about this terrible idea and I've gotta say I'm hurt and a little offended that you've made this funnier than I could've ever made it.
kel: WAIT im enjoying this taskmaster au tell me more
kel: one of their episodes becomes lost media because dunk lays aerion out in front of the Live Studio Audience and channel 4 pulls that shit
kel: im amused thinking about baelor showing absolute blatant favouritism towards dunk without really realising it but EVERYONE else and their MUM can see it
gus: I'm actually thinking that for this AU it's Tanselle that gets to lay him out
gus: because that girl deserves to beat him up
gus: and what is an AU for if not to provide wish fulfillment
kel: TRUEEE
gus: Also I've decided that it happens at the wrap party
gus: like they manage to get through the live studio taping by the skin of their teeth
gus: even though everyone agrees that the Vibes Be Weird because Aerion and Tanselle (who are in a team along with Lyonel because lmao) so clearly hate each other
gus: but the audience doesn't really suss that out because Tanselle is SO funny and SO good at cutting Aerion down every time he opens his mouth
gus: and Baelor wasn't an idiot he did put them as far away from each other as humanly possible
gus: like my vision is:Â
[Tanselle] [Dunk] [Raymun] [Lyonel] [Aerion]
gus: Because Lyonel's agreed to hold Aerion back if he tries anything and Dunk has agreed to back Tanselle up if she tries anything and frankly Baelor thinks that's fair
gus: and Raymun is unfortunately just gonna be collateral damage sorry bro
kel: poor raymun HAHAHA
gus: He's squishy so unfortch he is padding to whoever needs it
gus: anyway they get through the taping and everyone's so relieved
gus: so they're like PARTY TIEM
gus: and everyone goes to like, IDK the traditional wrap party location, I'm not even sure if the Taskmaster does a traditional wrap party each season?
gus: but who cares again it's an AU
gus: and there's lots of drinking and dancing and eating and egg is going at 2000% until about like 11 pm at which point he falls asleep in a corner
gus: alongside Dunk's sorta-niece who came along with Rafe (I am tempted to pair up Tanselle with Rafe because I feel like their chaotic Fuck The System energies are different but complimentary but am open to suggestions)
gus: (also I like the idea of the two women that Dunk Tried To/Failed To Save And Then Was Really Weird About For The Rest Of His Life don't end up needing saving at all)
gus: anyway Dunk covers up both Egg and Rafe Jr with his big giant coat which is of course big enough for both of them
gus: and Baelor sees this and has more emotions about it
gus: but tells himself very firmly that a) Dunk is not interested b ) Dunk is a contestant and it would be wildly inappropriate and c) Dunk is far too young for him and Arlan's ghost would probably castrate him
gus: only to have some sappy song come on and Dunk appears out of the crowd asking for a dance
gus: (see this is how I work in a dance into this AU)
gus: so they go out on the dance floor and baelor's like "I'll admit this is a new experience for me" and dunk's like "I refuse to believe you've never danced before, Arlan told me about all those posh dos you royals get up to" and baelor's got to explain for like the 40th time very patiently that the Targaryen line hasn't been royal for about 400 years and Dunk sort of squints and makes some comment about where the thrones for the show come from, which results in Baelor having to admit that yes they do come from Targaryen storage
kel: HAHAHAHHAHA]
gus: "I knew it," Dunk says, grinning, as they turn gently under the disco ball. "You're just biding your time until you can rise again to become kings of the -- fuck, what was it, the First Men and the Andals and The Rhoynar, Lord of the Realm--"
gus: "King of the Andals and the First Men and the Rhoynar, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm," Baelor corrects. It's still on their family crest, after all, right under "Fire and Blood."Â
"Right, all that. Have you got the Iron Throne in storage as well, then?"Â
"That's at the King's Landing Metropolitan Museum, and you yourself have doubtless seen it on countless school trips."Â
Dunk shrugs, his shoulder shifting under Baelor's hand. "Wasn't ever much for school. Besides, Arlan used to say you had the real thing kept in a secret vault under the city, alongside a storage of wildfire for when you decided to reclaim your rightful place."Â
Baelor looks up at him, alarmed at hearing the same sort of conspiracy theories that he's inundated with on social media every day, only to see Dunk's broad smile and twinkling eyes -- both of which are very close, much closer than is wise. "Well," he says, at a loss for words.Â
"Well," Dunk murmurs, nonsensical, and brushes his nose gently against Baelor's; absurdly like that goat in the third task, demanding affection, assured and simply awaiting the inevitable capitulation.Â
Which is of course when there's a shattering of glass from across the room and the unmistakable sound of Aerion getting punched in the face. Again.
Hi Iâve been thinking about dunkbaelor taskmaster au for a full hour and a half. Here are some of the thoughts I had:
-Dunk and Egg paired together on the team tasks(this is so many Targaryens, but I guess it is the Targaryen Nepotism Show)(mostly they lose badly but they have so much fun and have at least one Mark Watson/Nish Kumar moment where they succeed beautifully and stunningly)
-Some task where itâs like âget the taskmasterâs assistant up the stairsâ or something. Some contestants bargain, bribe(I have the tourney pages up here, youâll have to come upstairs if you want to see who won at Stormâs End this weekend) or attempt to otherwise puzzle solve. Dunk takes a long measuring look and just lifts Baelor with no apparent effort and walks up the stairs with him. Probably gets a bonus point for Baelorâs blue screen of death face that absolutely gets captured on camera
-other contestants- Lyonel(token celebrity, also this seasonâs Rhod Gilbert)? Tanselle(competent woman, wins a task with a puppet show for sure)? Steely Pate(he just seems cool)? Raymun and Red(a second taskmaster romance has hit the towers)?
(Loving sslg obviously, thank you for all you do)
Anon I've been sick for three days and passed out more or less immediately after writing my last post about this terrible idea and I've gotta say I'm hurt and a little offended that you've made this funnier than I could've ever made it.
So you would think Baelor would be the Taskmaster, but in fact he is the Assistant; the Taskmaster is Maekar, and instead of the big dom/little sub dynamic that Davies and Horne have, it's more petulant younger brother/patient elder brother. Although there are a distressing number of fans who speculate loudly as to whether or not they've fucked.
The Targaryens are part of a long dynasty of comedians in the UK, some very unsavory and some just competent at it, but the ones who weren't built a media empire (not like the Murdochs, more like the Goldwyns). Part of the running joke of Taskmaster is that it was an indulgence from their father who runs the studio that films it. Which may or may not have been true, but its popularity is hard to deny. At least SOME of the nepotism is earned, basically.
For the new season Baelor's been pressured to put Aerion on, who's part of the Next Generation Of Talent and thinks he's suuuuper funny and edgy but is actually just borderline vile. To balance this, Baelor asks Arlan Pennytree, one of those old hands who's been around for approximately ever and has never been super famous but never out of work.
He agrees, but dies suddenly a few weeks before filming starts. Baelor gets a call from a very devastated man with an Irish accent saying Arlan didn't want a funeral, but he's going to make sure to have him buried somewhere with a fine view, and Baelor realizes it's Alan's foster son he's talked about occasionally.
His foster son who's gone into comedy, same as Arlan. Hasn't done many shows but seems amusing enough, and impulsively Baelor asks if he'd like to take Arlan's place for the show. After a stunned silence, Dunk agrees.
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