red head.

my thoughts bout everything

[thegoodvybe]

[redspit27-blog]

weekly obsession. this is not type of music i’ve been into. but, this people say lofi hiphop, i found this really cute song. with slow tempo and strings going on..

[redspit27-blog]

weekly obsession

[dailyinspirationquotes]

[dailyinspirationquotes]

[redspit27-blog]

heartbroken.

i hate this. so much.

feeling abandon . i was crying in front of my mom. begging for once in my life i want to do what i want, what i’ve plan for long time. my idealism, for once in my life i dont want to faking whipe they ass off because money or because we need them. i dont need their money, if they wont showed up on my day, its okay..

if they care about me, its not about money, its not about buying stuff, in fact when i really-really need their help, they shut me down. so easily ...

i think they dont really understand about me, about what i care and what i fight for. how important this things that i hold for so long.. and now, they think they have rights for interrupt my day? it makes me feel i dont have life, i dont have power of my own life. so, i cry.. i dont know i will cry, but yeah told her my feeling is always be something strange and uncontrollable for me. 

i hate when i cry, but im her daughter.. i supposed to lean on her when i sad, things that i never did. i need her to understand, i just need her to understand me, shes the only one that matter for me. the moment she turn her back while im talking to her, got my heart broke. even she turn me down. i felt broke and alone.

i didnt expect she would do something like that. i was crying and lock myself in my room. For the first time i felt like 17th girl who had fight with her mom. for the first time i finally talked seriously with my mom, told her about my insecurity that she never knew before, but she was talking about other things, didnt pay attention to my feeling. even see, im crying, i didnt see sympathy in her eye, shes busy whit her thought and opinion. for a god sake i want her hug me so much. i got nothing.

i was crying so hard, just crying loud. my heart broke so hard. 

[redspit27-blog]

we had been foolish to wait.

[redspit27-blog]

Let things go

its been a while since i wrote . so much happening in my life lately.

First, i got feeling that i dont want to write a journal again. i have a 30 days challenge of write about myself. but, i quit didnt finish the challenge.

second, i felt disappointed about few things. things that makes me back into “old me”

Third, i easily get tired. and i lost friend. ( i have friend tho. for those thought i dont have one) and i think its time to let it go , its time to be an adult and learn to understand not all of what we had is have to stay .

[redspit27-blog]

die

[fullcravings]

Black Raspberry Pie Milkshakes with Black Raspberry Fudge

[hedgehogkaner]

[redspit27-blog]

weekly obsession!

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need someone to talk. dont have anyone to talk.

[redspit27-blog]

weekly obsession

[redspit27-blog]

People’s problem

so much things going on in my life these past 2 weeks. its moving crazy in my head, i cant stop it. but i have to look calm outside. 

The thing is i tried to be wiser person than before, i started to show that i care about things and people around me. i started to learn them, to observe them , try to understand them. 

The problem of people’s around me is lack of communication, they think they dont need communicate to other and just wait until the other understand them. If that’s not happens, they start to talk bad in the back. it doesnt make sense to me. i mean human is social creature, communicate is the best, very effective way to understand things and people. 

This communication problems leads to many new problem like snow ball, it can be bad thought, hate each other, disrespectful, misunderstanding and thats even make more worst . 

To be disrespected from people i care about is hurt, i felt it so strong. i have so many option to get deal with this, i can be more angry than she did, i can be more evil to tell her what i want, i can be a person in charge who have power so i can be dictator of her,  i can just let her do whatever she wants and damage her slowly, or i can be more wiser and be a good communicator with her, i can understand why she’d that. 

i want people feel comfortable to talk to me, and be true to them self so, i can learn more and try to figure out the problems and work it out. really i love talking to people, all kind of people, im not say i like everyone, there’s certain type of people that i dont like and i decide to not be around. things that im trying to say is, if i listen people, without judge, it helps me to learn more about life and peoples. people is so complicated but predictable sometimes, so you have get used to deal with that.

i just try to be a better wiser person, i think im ready to be adult. well young adult now. i guess i need to change from teenage girl who think she knew everything and no one can understand her, and nagging about how complicated miserable her life was, to be more grateful wiser caring person.

I dont know maybe people that i love doesnt have same amount of feeling like me, its okay.. i dont really care about what people can give or what feedback i get how much people that love me, i dont really need to know about that. So its not something bothering or become a burden for those people to love me back which is they dont want to or just not love me.

i just wanna say, i care so much about you, i dont want to change you to a person you dont know, objectively i must say its very wrong if you disrespect people who treating you nice, you dont have rights to be disrespectful. And one thing, have a guilty feeling is healthy for you, learn to say sorry rather than always on defense mode and act like princess who deserve VVIP treatment for the rest of your life.

[redspit27-blog]

weekly obsession!

[ssomebackgrounds]