Notice of Leave & Feedback
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I'm going to reply to this publicly, because I feel like you've made it public, and now it's out there and has to be dealt with.
First I just need to address this one point. I was not trying to hide behind my mental illness at all. And if that's the way it came across to you, I am very sorry, because that was not my intention. My intention was to try and identify a problem my mental illness is causing, and letting people know that I was aware of it, and that I'm in a process of trying to deal with it. It's not the first time I've had these issues with my irrational reactions. I'm aware that it happens and I've been working really hard for years to change myself, and believe it or not, I've actually come a long way from who I used to be. Right now it's bad because of some other factors, and I know this, and I am trying to fight it and not make up excuses.
Second, if any of my admin messages seemed like they were directed at one person, I apologize for that because again it was never my intention. I've felt like a while now that there has been a divide between older members and new members, and have been trying to come up with ways to fix that. I know I'm at fault just as much as everyone else, because I get caught up in my plots, and feel unsure making new connections. But when I posted the last note, I was intent on making every and any effort I had to to fix the problem, and re-think my own activity and plotting habits.
Obviously though, there were bigger issues going on that I wasn't even aware of, that I still fully don't even understand. I know I'm not a perfect person, I know that, but in my heart I know I want to be a kind, decent person. I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I wasn't. Thinking I did makes me feel worse than you may ever understand.
I know I made mistakes, but I know others made them to. It wasn't just me that has spoken ill of other members behind their back. I can only speak for myself, but I am deeply sorry for that. I know it was wrong. However I don't feel as though all the blame lies with me.
I also don't think you know me well enough at all to make the assumptions that I can't or wont look at myself and identify my faults. I also don't think you know all sides to the situations you have obviously been told about, and are making a judgment call without the facts.
I am self aware enough to know I've made huge mistakes lately, and I meant it when I apologized. I'm not sure I understand what you feel you are owed a personal apology for, and if you're willing to come to me in person and explain, I will listen, and I will try to take as much of it on board as I can.
