Read my mind #3 (17/12/2015)
Hey all,
So it looks like I’m writing another one, today I had to start packing to moving, well I should of been packing in the first place but yer so we started moving the TV and like the book shelves, stuff that is heavy. Anyway when I had to move them I thought easy I’ve done it before only to realize that it wasn’t as easy as I thought, unless they got heavier or I got weaker than before. Now being a male I think my dad has this thing where I need to strong and stuff, you know I’m probably wrong but it’s what i think. Oh yer so I seem weaker than before I think it is because of the tablets I started talking and it’s been a few months now, like you read the effect but you don’t notice them til you need them but I’m ok with it, it is kinda depressing when you saying you are going to do something and believe you can to find that you can’t and just get in the way.
Sometimes I just wish I started MTF a lot sooner so all the shit can be over with, I kinda hate myself for not doing so. I get too nervous to leave the house dressed up, little scared sometimes. A few months ago I could do it fine but I don’t know now that I’m get feminine features I try to avoid doing it even though it’s what I wanted but when I do I try to hide away so that no one can see me. Hmm… somehow I thought it would be easier, though I never think that far ahead. I’m just hoping this works out for me.
Before I started I told my friends about what I wanted to do and they didn’t agree with me, in a way I was hoping for it but didn’t happen. Like I’m hoping to get married and wear a wedding dress but that won’t happen (shit I’m crying) just like who would even want to date a trans, like do I wait til a bit for features to develop or like now because I really don’t know. I don’t know how this shit works as it is the friends I told don’t talk to me so I guess I’m kinda alone. When I was in school I never did have friends so my social skills are not that great, half the time I don’t even get a joke but I still laugh because I don’t get it. So I guess that’s why I’ve been writing theses so I can talk to my self and writing this out seems to help, I don’t see why I post it tho I’m probably the only reader.
Anyways that will do for tonight, I guess in the future I’ll try to work on more of my past experiences to the present.
So goodnight and thx for reading.
