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cocaine.

The gospel makes absolutely no sense. We are unconditionally loved and sought after by The Creator of the universe. I’ve been learning so much about life; if you read the blog posts below. I’ve been growing, I’ve been refined.

Then I did coke.

I am 100% attracted to the things of this world. I love drinking, smoking, coke apparently, partying, being loved by friends, dressing cute, and so much more. But I am called to things so much higher. God of the universe has called me higher.  My heart is broken. I don’t understand the gospel. But I pray that one day I might. I mess up, constantly. Yet Jesus loves me the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow. When I’m seeking Him, when I’m cursing Him. He loves me the same. When I mess up, He says it’s okay. Get back up, let’s go. My price has been paid, my punishment has been taken from me. Thank you for allowing me to live a life of freedom and not in shame or guilt. Thank you for loving me in a way that I can’t even come close to fathoming.  Who am I to disobey You. God. You are.  You seek me, You love me, You save me daily. I can’t understand, It doesn’t make sense. It is beautiful. I’m sorry. I love You. Help me, because I can’t do it without You.

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i finally get it.

Angel Joo 11-18-16

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anxiety.

At this time Lord, I come to you. I lay my anxieties at your feet. I cannot defeat this without You. Thank You God for already having victory over my anxieties. I pray for Your spirit to come and resonate in my heart.  Thank you that you hear my prayers.  I trust in You; and You alone.

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distracted.

It’s frustrating to me that I have such a hard time focusing.  It truly makes school work hard. It makes life hard. It makes me question my adhd or laziness.

Right now I feel nervous, empty, and unsure. And these feelings are not from The Lord. So right now I cast them out in the Name of Jesus.  I pray that you will help me take advantage of my time that I have to study. I need you now, I seek you now.

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Sufferings.

I’m in the middle of my quiet time (journaling and ish) but I just remembered this.

I’m reading Job at this time, and yesterday I read something off instagram and it said “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” It’s crazy to me that the God of Job is my God. That yes, satan intended to harm Job but God used exactly for what the quote says.  And it’s the same in our lives; our sufferings are intended to harm us. But the Lord’s intentions for allowing them to happen is for good to be accomplished; even when we cannot see it. We may see it later; or we may never see it. I pray that I may know that as true in my heart. I love that we worship a God that can make sufferings into joy, and intentional puts it into His perfect plan. I can only see a glimpse of the beauty of this. But I love it, and I want more.

I love you Lord, I’m sorry for who I am; But I thank you for who you allow me to be.

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wisdom

So I’ve decided/ have been drawn to read Job, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes to seek wisdom and truth about the way we are called to live during this life on earth. I don’t have a formula, not a chapter or 10 a day. But just read through them, think about them, pray about them. Seek truth.

I just read Job 1 12″ The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” It’s not something that I automatically know or assume. And this shows me what I don’t know about God’s character and what I assume You to be. Thank you for revealing yourself to me. You allow Satan to be in control of everything I have. But not on me; and for that I praise You. I cannot fathom the depth or truth of this but I praise You. 

20-21 “At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said : “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I wil depart. The Lord gave and The Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job just lost everything. His family, literally everything; the verses before say as he was getting the news from the messengers that they kept telling him things before the prior messenger was even done talking. I just imagine a feeling of overwhelmingness. Not knowing what to do or say or feel. But Job PRAISES You. I pray that in that way I may be like Job and be who You want me to be. I pray that I will have the mind set of coming in naked and leaving naked. 

As I type this I am reminded that every good and perfect gift if from You. 

Thank You Jesus.

I love You; I’m sorry for who I am, but I thank you for who you allow me to be. 

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frustration and grace and more.

I get frustrated so easily; and i pray against that right now in the name of Jesus. I pray that Father, through the spirit you will grant me with patience and love. I want to be more like you and be molded into Your heart.

I pray that you will help me to let go. I pray that Father you will allow me to see Jordan in your eyes, love her well, and to want to represent You in our relationship.

I thank you that I’ve been learning that it’s ok. That its okay that right now I feel like I’m in a dry season. But God at this time I praise You for allowing me to know joy; and to be joyful in You. I praise You for carrying through my time of major depression; I praise you that I feel myself again; and that is in You. I pray that in every season I will see and seek you Father. I want to know every aspect of You, every bit of good in You. I know I never will, but I want all that You will grant me in this life.

I thank you that You have allowed me to see that it’s okay to not always know, that there are seasons. That even though right now I may not be having emotional, crazy revelations on a daily basis, that I am still loved by the King of Kings, Lord of Lords.

And that in every season Your name deserves to be praised; whether I feel it or not.  You are the God of the universe; You are constant. I praise You.

I love you; I’m sorry for who I am, but I thank you for who you allow me to be. In Jesus’ most holy name.

Amen.

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Moment

I want to pray in random moments.

Like now.

Right now as I study for psych Lord I pray that you grant me peace; no anxiety. I cast away all anxiety right now in the Name of Jesus. I thank you that I have the power and authority of the Living God in my heart. I thank you for already allowing me to feel peace in my heart and soul. I pray that you will help me retain this knowledge and understanding. I pray that you will help me not get frustrated. I also pray that you will just give me an interest and passion for what I am learning in psych. I praise you for the intricate ways that you have made us.

I love you Lord; and in Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

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Getting Caught Up in the Details

I’ve learned a lot in the past few days I think.

I’ve realized I like to have a schedule, or a stencil that You have to fit God. I think I’ve realized that I’m wrong. You don’t have to fit in my box in my head that I put you in. You aren’t a God that will fit, or want to fit.

Thank you for that; thank you that you are not a God that even wants me to think there is a box for you to fit in. 

Thank you that you don’t scold or judge me for missing a blog for a day despite the name “refreshdaily”.

Thank you that you do not want to me only have you in sections of my life; but that You want to be Lord of my life and in every aspect of it.

God; I don’t know if this is right; I don’t know if I pray the right things; I don’t know if everything I believe is biblically sound. But thank you that you love me despite all these things and that You call me to learn more about you in this life. Thank you that I don’t need a specific day, time, bible, schedule, layout, or anything else. Thank you that this is a relationship.  I praise you for knowing me more than I know myself. I praise you for knowing every cell in my body; how many hairs I have on my head; my most intimate thoughts; my sin; my passions.

You are God.

Jesus, I pray that I won’t get caught up in all the rules, all the things that are right and wrong. But God; you will change my heart, my soul, my intensions, my love, my passions to match up with Yours. I pray that I can be intentional, real, sincere. God I pray that I will not want to be a certain type of person, but God I will live my life for you. That sayings like “To be first I must be last” will not be a thing to do, but a life style. That God you will transform my heart to be align with Yours so that it is natural. That that is the norm. Not that I want to be first; but that I will want and desire to be last. To want to love your people. To want to see what you see; love what you love; act as you act. I am no way close to be like you; but I want to be; and I am called to be. I am thankful for everything. 

Be with me today; allow my heart to be sensitive to you. 

I’m sorry for who I am but I thank you for who you allow me to be.

I love you Lord.

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Making Sense of “My Life”

Today, I didn’t have a “quiet time”. I’ve just realized, we have made these terms, lingo, and just other generalizations that I have no idea where we go from. No I didn’t have a specific time of reading word and journaling and praying. But I did spend time with The Lord and I did grow today. I know that.

I watched a Francis Chan sermon today; titled Making Sense of Your Life. I totally thought it was going to be just explaining my life, or this season of life, or somehow be specific to my life. I don’t know why. I just wanted clarity and reassurance going into watching this sermon.

But man, this sermon turned my life around. 100%.

It was about how it doesn’t make sense for me to say that I believe one thing and my actions don’t reflect that. And in the most basic way, that makes so much sense. So to make sense of my life; it would look like giving it away. Truly having the LIVING GOD live in me; my heart. To not let it be about me, to not let it be about this life. 

I constantly am worrying about money, family, friends, or something. But it’s all out of selfish desire. Or not trusting God and his plan for my life. But this life is so short, and I can’t even grasp how short it is. There’s an eternity that I’m going to be spending with my God, and I want to be excited.

I don’t want to fight callings, I don’t want to live this life for myself; when there’s a God out there that loves me, and calls me to higher things. I pray that I may seek those things daily, that my heart will be changed, everyday, forever. That I will never get tired of wanting to know you more. because I can never know You fully God. I truly pray for a desire that will never cease or die, a commitment to You that cannot be broken, I thank you that you have already won my battles. That you have won my battle over sin and temptations for me. That you know exactly how I feel in every moment; mourning, happiness, sadness, and joy. 

Thank you for placing me in a country that I am allowed to freely worship; where I can openly proclaim your name without being PERSECUTED. Lord, allow my eyes to be open to the persecution around the world. I’m tired of being oblivious to other countries’ cultures. That where we live is not the “norm”. I pray that God you will give me a heart for these other countries, that I will be grateful everyday to live in a place where I do not have to be afraid to know and love You. Jesus, I pray that you will do big things in my life; and allow me to be open to them. You are love. 

I pray that my life will make sense, will measure of IN THE LIGHT OF THE GOSPEL.

I thank you for allowing me to learn new things, I thank you for allowing me to come to you; I thank you and praise You for allowing me to know you.

I love you. I’m sorry for who I am, but I thank you for who you allow me to be.

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Y Refresh Daily?

I’ve chosen to name my blog refreshdaily because of a verse. 2 Peter 1:12-13

Thank you Jesus that I need to be reminded daily of your goodness, love, and faithfulness. Thank you for showing me that and allowing me to accept that as truth. You are good.

I love you. I’m sorry for who I am; but I am thankful for who you allow me to be.