colossal pokemon

gabrielle | she/her | libra

[regigigas]

made a collage for my beautiful twin, @torracat I love you.

The minds we had, the minds we had

How all the thoughts, how all the thoughts

Moved round our heads, moved round our heads

I want em back, I want em back

You're the only friend I need

Sharing beds like little kids

And laughing 'til our ribs get tough

But that will never be enough

[regigigas]

fuck elon muskrat but im more active on TWITTER if anyone cares to follow + be mutuals ^-^ even tho my username is better on here ….

[regigigas]

im not gonna let anyone forget her.

she was, IS, so fucking important.

it hurts so bad

[caspercryptid]

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

[caspercryptid]

If someone is doing things that don't make Sense, try to understand that it is entirely possible that their brain is probably under an enormous weight and fracturing under the pressure. People who have been stabbed will sometimes talk a circle around the fact that they've been stabbed because stress and shock prevent you from recognizing the distress you are in and what you need to do to seek help for it. PTSD will do this also. You will find yourself repeatedly jamming a bag of frozen fruit into the same spot in the freezer where it doesn't fit and keeps falling, over and over and over, focused on nothing but that bag. You will decide that a beanbag chair is 10000% necessary to your life. You will lose your entire shit because you stubbed your toe on a table and that means the whole setup of your furniture is wrong. These are largely harmless examples. People under strain will also hurt themselves and others. Cornered animals bite. And it doesn't heal the bite to go "Hey, are you okay?" But it might get you to an animal that stops biting, so you can start to heal. And before you had an animal that bit, you probably had an animal that kept doing shit you didn't understand as stress signals

[regigigas]

I had a dream with my twin @torracat in it. I truly believe this was her and it was a visit.

I’ll skip to the good part.

We were in the backseat of a friends car together.

me and my sister were sitting next to each other, enjoying the ride, talking. The dream already felt so real, but then it became really really lucid - just all of a sudden realize I'm in a dream that feels really really real, and I remember that she's dead. Because before that it just felt like normal- me and her just sitting there talking, I suddenly looked at her and I grabbed her hand and I said this feels so real and and I love this right now, we looked in each others eyes, i said ‘but I just remembered- like I just remembered’, and she squeezed my hand and she said ‘I know’.

I said ‘is it really you?’

And she smiled at me and said ‘yeah’. and I said ‘where are you?’ and she said ‘everywhere…’

she looked a little sad saying that. And I said ‘are you OK?’

She said ‘it's hard sometimes, we're all just everywhere. I can be with anyone I love, anytime.’

At this point i knew it could be over any second. But i was looking in her eyes, i felt her, the realness of being with her again even for a second.

I just said I fucking miss you and I don't want this dream to be over And then my alarm went off, waking me up.

I know this was her. I’ve never in my life had a dream so lucid and raw, where i felt in control. I asked those things because I consciously wanted to. Sissy…. Thank you for the visit, I love you so so so much.

[zangoonse]

i love the phrase "cruel and unusual." not only is what you're doing mean but it's also quite frankly fucking bizarre

[torracat]

what's your sister like?

shes the nicest person ever probably. she makes friends really easily and does her best to b kind to everyone even if theyre that weird kid nobody else likes. she loves pokemon (jolteon) and even if she can be a little too much every once in a while shes gonna be my best friend my whole life

and you should follow her @jolteons 

[regigigas]

i miss you. we had our own world. no one else knew us like we knew each other

[regigigas]

i wrote a poem about the loss of my sister ❤️‍🩹

you were real. you were here. i love you.

[regigigas]

you've been in my thoughts. i hope it's not weird to say, but i'm really glad you guys have such a history of interactions immortalised on here. it's nice to go back and remember even if it hurts… it helped me with my dad. grief is general is unending, but i can't even begin to imagine how much you're hurting. i know i said it already but please take care of yourself, i'd give you a hug if i could 🫂

it’s not weird, im glad too. her online presence was so strong and her blogs go back so far, there’s so much to find that she said. i miss her so fucking much. ive been reading our texts a lot, we texted pretty much constantly. just can’t fathom it’s over . everything that happened…all the time we spent, that’s it. it was supposed to be forever. i want the life i was promised with my other half 😢

[regigigas]

Your sister was probably my favorite person on this website, my thoughts are with your family right now. Please let us know if there is anything that we can do to honor her memory, or donate to funeral costs.

I can't imagine what you must be going through right now, thank you for finding the time to share the news with us. I wish you all the peace in the world, I'll be lighting a candle or something at the very least!

thank you… no donation fund or anything at this time… thank you though that’s very kind.

[regigigas]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss, Adri was such a wonderful, funny, kind person. She was one of the first blogs I followed and she was a light on this earth. I hope the next few years have so much kindness for you in her absense

thank you so much ❤️

[meloettas-blog]

Visit Original Link

Temporal Tower is... getting farther and farther away... 

[regigigas]

i wanted to reach out and ask how youre doing. you dont have to answer this publicly or even answer it at all but i need you to know that you've been in my thoughts

hey friend, thank you for checking on me.

im taking everything one moment at a time.

ive never lost anyone in my immediate family, this is the worst loss i could have imagined and it was one of those intrusive thoughts id push out because, how could that ever happen, i won’t lose her. i used to make myself randomly cry with those intrusive thoughts imagining something happening to her, lol… something she’d always put up with and just tell me “we’re together, we’ll always be together, it’s okay”.

it comes in waves, of sobbing, hyperventilating, begging, being numb and broken, and even when that passes everything has a layer of deep pain, apathy, and emptiness to it.

her online friends know how awesome and unique she was, and i got to be her person and know her better than anyone else and be her partner in life… for that im blessed and grateful, but we slipped into the wrong timeline when she was taken from us.

i don’t know how to live without her, i don’t want to know, im lost, nothing feels real, im dissociating, i miss her so fucking much. so much of me died with her. and part of her is still with me… i do feel her with me sometimes, but she should be here….her daughter just turned 3. 💔

i had something cosmically precious. the idea of aging without her, the rest of my life without my soulmate, is a crushing pain i can’t fathom myself.

one moment at a time and deep breaths, letting myself reminisce and cry and scream as much as i need to.

sorry this got long. just venting it all out. nothing matters anymore. not without her.

i had everything, i was so happy. just one moment at a time though….

this got really long sorry to just throw all this out in response to your ask but this is just life now without her. less vibrant, less funny, extremely lonely.

you can dm me any time friend

[regigigas]

i'm so sorry for your loss. i loved adri and i will never forget her or the fun we had together i'm so shocked and heartbroken

thank you 😢 the memories …. more than a DECADE of memories on tumblr !!

she was amazing, so special, she captured people with her personality. it still doesn’t feel real.

she was robbed, and so was i. im in a lot of pain

[torracat]

i havent eaten an apple in days. the doctors are closing in. my barricade wont last much longer. theyre coming. tell my family i love them

[regigigas]

i remember when we wrote this together, cackling at our grandmas big ass desktop computer clacking away at the keys. we were always getting banned from the computer at home so we only had limited time to post and we made like 4 posts on her blog in 5 mins and all of them got so many notes. this one is my fav.

[torracat]

dude you should totally tell more stories about your family im like really curious now

well one time my cousin my sister and i were at our grandmas house and we took the home phone into the back room & started prank calling people. we didnt know anybodys numbers because we were like 9, so i was like, guys. just dial v-a-g-i-n-a. and we did, but it was only 6 numbers, so i said do vagina7. we called and some guy with a thickass country accent answered, and my cousin was like, “IS YOUR PRINCE ALBERT RUNNING???” the guy was like “son, you got it wrong.” and my cousin like started laughing and sobbing and hung up. we called again and just started screaming into the phone and the guy started threatening us, so we hung up and called again and he was sobbing

[regigigas]

im screaming

[torracat]

what's your sister like?

shes the nicest person ever probably. she makes friends really easily and does her best to b kind to everyone even if theyre that weird kid nobody else likes. she loves pokemon (jolteon) and even if she can be a little too much every once in a while shes gonna be my best friend my whole life

and you should follow her @jolteons 

[regigigas]

2013…. i miss you

no one else knew us like we knew each other. we had our own world