i wanted to reach out and ask how youre doing. you dont have to answer this publicly or even answer it at all but i need you to know that you've been in my thoughts
hey friend, thank you for checking on me.
im taking everything one moment at a time.
ive never lost anyone in my immediate family, this is the worst loss i could have imagined and it was one of those intrusive thoughts id push out because, how could that ever happen, i won’t lose her. i used to make myself randomly cry with those intrusive thoughts imagining something happening to her, lol… something she’d always put up with and just tell me “we’re together, we’ll always be together, it’s okay”.
it comes in waves, of sobbing, hyperventilating, begging, being numb and broken, and even when that passes everything has a layer of deep pain, apathy, and emptiness to it.
her online friends know how awesome and unique she was, and i got to be her person and know her better than anyone else and be her partner in life… for that im blessed and grateful, but we slipped into the wrong timeline when she was taken from us.
i don’t know how to live without her, i don’t want to know, im lost, nothing feels real, im dissociating, i miss her so fucking much. so much of me died with her. and part of her is still with me… i do feel her with me sometimes, but she should be here….her daughter just turned 3. 💔
i had something cosmically precious. the idea of aging without her, the rest of my life without my soulmate, is a crushing pain i can’t fathom myself.
one moment at a time and deep breaths, letting myself reminisce and cry and scream as much as i need to.
sorry this got long. just venting it all out. nothing matters anymore. not without her.
i had everything, i was so happy. just one moment at a time though….
this got really long sorry to just throw all this out in response to your ask but this is just life now without her. less vibrant, less funny, extremely lonely.
you can dm me any time friend