three word meme | CLOSED | @cookignis
three weeks. it is twenty-one days since the disastrous incident in altissia took place, and noctis is reaching his wits end. there is no denying the tension building within the group— the astrals know gladio and the young king have had their fair share of ( l o u d ) arguments— but after several weeks of wound licking && forced attempts at mending whatever damage can be mended, it appears to ease up. the screaming matches have stopped, there are companionable silences && reluctant jokes in hopes of brightening the sombre mood.
things are almost back to normal— that is, if noctis could only stop thinking for one goddamn minute.
their time on the road has been far from easy. ever since the news of insomnia’s fall, there has been hardship after hardship && no time to mourn his father nor his home. altissia was supposed to be a ray of hope, the light at the end of a long and challenging tunnel. together, the chosen king && the oracle would unite and bring peace back to their countries. it was supposed to be his fighting chance against the empire.
in retrospect, he was a fool for expecting anything but ( f a i l u r e ). it would seem it is all he is capable of, bringing disaster no matter where he goes. altissia’s fall is on him. luna’s blood stains his already drenched hands. the people trusted him, and he was weak. ignis—
—— ignis will never see again, and it’s the truth that hurts the most. each death is like a knife to the gut, luna, the people of insomnia, the citizens of altissia— but knowing ignis got hurt trying to help ( h i m ) .... it’s a sort of pain he can’t put into words. but perhaps what truly destroys him is the lack of anger for it.
at least gladio screams at him, beats some sense into him. it makes the guilt easier to bear, knowing his self-blame is ( j u s t i f i e d ). the most important person in his life was hurt because of him, the very least he deserves is a punch to the face. but ignis is different. despite everything that has happened, he has remained kind. he’s still loyal, frustratingly so, and his forgiveness hurts.
which is why noctis has distanced himself, trying his best to avoid him. despite not expressing as such, he can only imagine how painful his presence must be to ignis, and a dark, filthy part of himself is selfishly trying to avoid the blatant stabbing pain of self-hatred threatening to overtake him. so far, however, it’s not working.
maybe that’s why ignis sought him out in the end. it’s funny, really. even blind, he has no trouble finding him, tense and rigid as he gazes mindlessly at the stars a few feet from camp. noctis doesn’t look as ignis sits beside him, but against his own judgement, he relaxes as their elbows touch. his presence is warm, welcoming even, despite noctis’ best attempts to deny it.
he doesn’t deserve this kindness. he deserves to be blamed, to be hated for this curse he seem to inflict on everyone around him. ignis has to be angry at him, certainly. there is no reason he shouldn’t be, not when his life as he knew it has been destroyed——
the words hit him hard. like a knife twisted in his heart. they earn ignis a shuddering breath, not quite a gasp, but it’s enough show the pained impact of the statement.. of course he would know what’s on his mind, what’s gnawing away at him. ignis always did know him the best, arguably better than he know himself, but it still hurts.
there is a sudden sting behind his eyes, and noctis tries to fight it back. fingers clutch at the ground beneath them, and his head dip in an attempt to hide whatever vulnerable expression he’s surely showing. not that it matters, ignis can’t see him anymore, which is a dangerous line of thought, and noctis has to swallow the growing lump in his throat.
ignis can’t watch the stars with him anymore. ignis can’t see him. ignis can’t see——
“— you should be mad, ” the words leave him before he has time to reconsider, trembling && tight with emotion. for a moment, his head lowers further, teeth gritting.
it’s funny, really, how easily his walls lower when it comes to ignis. as much as he want to retreat, to flee and continue his broken attempts at avoidance, noctis remains seated— shoulders shaking as he selfishly allows himself the comfort of ignis’ presence as his facade cracks, the first droplets cascading down pale cheeks.
“ .... it would be easier if you were. ”
janainaart
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
germansingergirl
