Barty and Regulus fucking in Regulus’ bedroom while their parents are discussing political matters downstairs.

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@regulus-arcturus-rosier
Barty and Regulus fucking in Regulus’ bedroom while their parents are discussing political matters downstairs.
Do u have Bartylus fic reccomendations
sorry it's taken me so long to get to this akjdsn but here you go anon!! pull the trigger on the gun (i gave you when we met) by @aurorboros : wip and i still have yet to finish commenting on the other two chapters but it is so so good. not canon compliant, modern universe, non-linear narrative. Lose Yourself by @/Daiver : completed, multi-chapter, plot-heavy with a big focus on wolfstar ( there is bartylus though!! ) but it's so so good and underrated and i adore it and also cried over it so. all the king's men by @/intronevermind : completed, series, aftg au ( went feral over this ) very heavy in terms of warnings but its absolutely amazing and definitely worth a read. I'm going home to see my mother by @/TheSharkGuy : completed, oneshot, canon-compliant, wanted to cry reading this, very much angsty but i am an angst enjoyer first and always so!! Meddle About by @/crippledgoddess, @/karolinef : completed, oneshot, non-canon compliant, band au, very much toxic but so so good ( not james friendly so warning for that ig ) I'll Fill The Graveyeards Until I Have You by @cryinglookingatsoulages : completed, multi-chapter, non canon-compliant, circus au!! (such an interesting concept ) really fun to read. cold as ice (hands so warm) by @honeybcj : completed, one-shot, non-canon compliant, hocky player/figure skater au, the banter between barty and reg in this one was so entertaining. blood-red waters ( still taste like salt ) by me : shameless(full) self rec i'm afraid but siren x prince bartylus!! ( very much angsty ) this fic is my child so i couldn't resist but feel free to ignore this one lmao
if anyone else has more to add on feel free to!! these are just some of the ones that were on the top of my mind.
oh please don’t leave us hanging with this barty and alecto college roommates tag…
bartyalecto college roommates彡
-> imagine, if you will, the nastiest most man-hating misandrist dyke to ever walk the earth. alecto carrow wears a burgundy red lip & knockoff louboutins to class, has been buried in the closet since age 12, carries feminist theory in her leather purse, and loudly professes that all men are pigs. -> now imagine this woman being forced (through the uni housing process) to share a two-bedroom apartment with Campus Bicycle barty crouch jr. he steals her nice uniqlo black tanktops to wear to the gym and returns them all stretched out and sweaty. on their first week he leaves his mounting collection of random hookup's forgotten thongs in her laundry hamper. -> in many ways they are natural enemies. it's a militant radfem being forced to cohabit with a guy who thinks that getting to first base in the back of an uber counts as adequate foreplay... they're the campus scumbag x the SCUM manifesto -> but barty is so incapable of viewing alecto sexually (he enjoys pretty things that are soft and pliable... she is decidedly neither) that this is one of the few non-predatory relationships she has ever had with a man in her life. alecto maintains this Classy Feminine Image in pursuit of male approval (though she loathes herself for it), which is a mask that barty mocks and refuses to take seriously. he admires her the most whenever she's undone, vicious, clumsy, messy, unpalatable. -> he's like her annoying disney channel older brother who is always standing shirtless in front of their open fridge & ruffling her hair. barty shocks her with the revelation of his hidden seriousness. alecto shocks him with the secret of her steel backbone. they are the worst enablers of each other's elaborate revenge schemes and decade-long vengeful grudges. -> you have to imagine alecto furiously scrubbing off her makeup in her ratty comfort hoodie, splayed on the couch next to barty and ranting about how much she hates guys exactly like him. he hums contemplatively and passes her the joint. they're going to watch real housewives for the next 4 hours and gossip.
as always this concept is straight from my dms with ivy @jewishregulus
kill the shift manager in your brain
you are not wasting time you are vibing. you are not being unproductive you are literally chilling. make a grill cheese with cheddar cheese and slather a piece of the bread with some honey and maybe you'll relax
Innes Keeper's Formula For Fantastic Grilled Cheeses (for nearly no extra spoons!)
Are you hungry? Do you have a hankering for grilled cheese sandwiches like, way more than a normal person maybe? Great news! I am about to give you the secret knowledge I stole, like Prometheus himself, from the Akashic Records—to bring back to Prudencia! And I’m even doing it without a ten hour long lecture about how the Akashic Records makes me think of idfk, 9/11, and how that relates to sandwiches.
I will, however, briefly say this: You gotta trust me when I say cooking grilled cheeses via this formula WILL grant you Bloodborne Insight. There is no fucking reason that making a grilled cheese this fucking delicious should be this fucking easy. I feel like I’m cheating God every time I do it because it takes (nearly) no extra spoons. And here’s where I show you why.
Scientifically Proven Perfect Extremely Easy Grilled Cheese
INGREDIENTS — SEASONINGS -butter, i usually use 2 or 3 tablespoons per sandwich -garlic cloves, I use 3 usually -a source of heat, like red pepper flakes, or szechuan peppers -a source of spice OR a source of sweetness, such as dijon mustard or honey. slather that motherfucker on a slice of your bread. -a source of herbiness, such as oregano, thyme, sage, rosemary, etc in any combination that goes well together or on its own. if someone tries to tell you that you need it fresh, they’re fucking lying, the 2$ crushed powdered sage is fucking great. experiment with other spices such as ground turmeric if you're spicy
INGREDIENTS - THE METAPHORICAL MEAT OF THE SANDWICH -two slices of bread per sandwich. this is actually a massive influence on your sandwich taste and texture as a whole. a basic white or wheat will still be fucking delicious because like I said, I stole this from the Akashic Records cookbook section and found it under “fucking perfect grilled cheeses forever”. However, if you CAN—getting bread like brioche, texas toast, brown bread, rye, or sourdough will make a sandwich already being elevated super easily to “pay 23 dollars at a fancy restaurant” level of elevation.
-one to three types of cheese per sandwich. you can get away with one type but really try for two or three if you can swing it. this is also one of those massive influences over the sandwich—listen, i know, that’s obvious, but stay with me—what matters isn’t the SPECIES of cheese, it’s the TYPE of cheese. getting the deli at your local Safeway or Walmart or whatever and asking for the cheese they gotta cut (or just in general the fancier, better-quality cheeses) is literally the only major requirement that I ask of you. If you are on SNAP/EBT programs, me too, and I promise you: Please do this. Please trust me when I say do not get the cheap Kraft-type cheese because it’s less money. I know it’s a bit extra but it’s only a bit to get like 1/4 or 1/3lb and you have no idea how much I’m actually getting a little emotional about this, because the “rice with butter and beans or top ramen every single day” life is soulsucking and sickening and it is genuinely one of the greatest sources of suffering to human beings I can imagine, I’m serious. Following this formula will genuinely change your life/mental health just a bit because you know that you have one meal that is super delicious, super filling, pretty damn cheap when it comes to how much you get, and super easy to make on days where the idea of doing more than just 15 minutes MAX is gonna make you wanna die.
super sorry for that paragraph btw i just really cannot overstate how this is a lifechanger especially when youre poor/low spoons/depressed. delicious food makes me not be as depressed. this is that.
METHOD
Take garlic cloves and crush them either with the meat of your palm or the flat of a knife or literally anything that would crush good. Take bread slices and put a source of spice or sweetness if you are using one. take a pan and put it on the stove on low-medium heat (aka a 2 out of 10).
Place the butter in the pan, as well as the garlic cloves, the source of heat, and the source of herbiness. Congratulations you have now literally done ALL the extra effort that you need to make a grilled cheese like this. That’s it. No extra dishes. No fussing with amounts or chopping or whatever. That’s it.
The butter will melt in the pan and soak up the delicious ingredients that you also put into the pan. Take each slice of bread and place it in the pan to butter it, OR just take one slice, place the cheese on it, and then put the other bread on. It’s really just a matter of extra effort.
When the bread is in the pan, turn it up to medium heat (5 out of 10) and just sorta let it sit for a bit. When you can see the cheese start to get visibly melty—or when you vibecheck it—flip it once and just do the same thing.
When you’ve grilled your cheese on both sides, take it out of the pan and put it on a plate (or just a paper towel to save on dish spoons. btw paper plates and plastic utensils are a fucking godsend if you hate dishes and/or can’t do them very easily/takes a lot of effort.)
That’s literally it. I really hope this helps.
outta my way gayboy im making this sandwich
oh. oh my god. holy fuck. what. how. why. this is delicious. i kinda burned my bread and my cheese didnt melt all the way but it's still the best thing ive ever tasted?????
oh my god. this is so fucking good. the butter melting and absorbing the spices and herbs already smelled amazing, but then i threw the bread on and it started smelling EVEN BETTER. then i took a bite. holy FUCK this is better than sex. i legitimately believe that Innes Keeper stole this shit from Prometheus, there's no other way to explain why this is so easy to make, yet so FUCKING good, other than cheating a god.
I didn't steal it from Prometheus he's my trophy husband!
ok me and my partner went back and made this. exact words upon eating were “we’ve cheated god” and “i feel like my world just got rocked” and then we were both energized to get back to drawing. proof:
please make innes keeper’s scientifically proven perfect extremely easy grilled cheese
I'M PUTTING THIS ON THE FRIDGE (WHERE I KEEP ALL MY CHEESE)
Fuck it I'm gonna make the infamous inneskeeper grilled cheese, I'm suspicious of the honey part working but fuck it let's see what happens
i want this sandwich to impregnate me
ideal careers for barty crouch jr besides being a domestic terrorist:
line cook
slutty eurotrash dj
eccentric, dexterous 1890s safecracker enlisted in a high-stakes heist to steal the queen’s diamonds
the guy that people mean when they say “i know a guy” in mafia movies
STUNT MAN
2000s pop-punk emo band frontman with pictures of his crotch on myspace
manipulative high society victorian-era celebrity hypnotist famous for “curing” somnambulism at his “shows”
electrician (thanks lune)
engineer, but specifically the one behind the infrastructure used in risky motorcycle stunt shows
slutty eurotrash club promoter
the sound-effects foley guy for b-roll action movies who is always walking around w/ headphones and holding one of those skinny boom mics
house husband
ideal careers for regulus black besides being a failed domestic terrorist:
the sullen, withholding renaissance-era muse of a tortured artist, posing in place of the angels, his enigmatic yet eerily beautiful portrait immortalized forever on the ceiling of a cathedral
critic of any kind (professional hater)
surgeon at a hospital for stuffed animals
a broken man, unfixable. a fool, hated by all, exploited till death. only in this way will he be redeemed
cunty benedictine monk
something so magic about you
yeah but like. Hypothetically
part 2! based on this tweet
regulus is always like there’s nothing going on between barty and i, we are just friends but then barty walks in and his pupils dilate sm you can barely see any grey
stay with me
unassuming, asocial nurse evan who spends his spare time doing free back alley surgeries. in exchange, he gets to try the experimental surgical techniques he thinks up. he's an underachiever, never cared enough about school to go all the way; just wanted to get inside as soon as he could, but he's a fucking genius. like the man could run laps around some of the fellows at the hospital.
and barty badly needs a debridement procedure for the gash on his arm; its gross. fuckin' infected and necrotic--his arm is seriously fucked up, but he can't fuckin' pay for it. lily takes one look and decides barty's gonna die of septic shock if she doesn't figure something out. she fucked around with this girl though, couple months back. remembers something about her brother doing surgeries out of his garage. and barty is like, say less.
they get there--one look and barty is fucking obsessed. like off-putting and apathetic evan, who is just stoic when he pulls bartys arm closer to get a better look. not at all affected by barty's flirting or his attempts to impress evan with the story of how he even got the wound.
evan sends him home after the surgery, tells him to rest. but barty's up at 3 am, shoveling gushers into his mouth and washing them down with mountain dew. bandaged arm cradled gently against his side because evan didn't give him anything stronger than tylenol 500, googling "top ten easiest surgeries to recover from" just to have an excuse to see him again.
sibling dynamics will always mean more to me than romantic dynamics in any narrative. I don't care about the doomed lovers i care about the doomed siblings i don't care if the friendship between two characters has romantic undertones i care if the friendship has familial undertones. Do you understand
think about sibling-centered tragedies too hard and I turn into a mangy dog with rabies
My loves, I’m back with JILY grease AU!
marauders sent James to get a random cat for their prank idea but he got distracted and brought the cat to Regulus to cheer him up instead
Gods please take all of Severus snape suffering and give it to regulus black.
what does it say about regulus stans & angst fic that for a second I was legit like SO TRUEE put him through it!!!!!!!!!!
imo the ideal reggie black is suffering worse than christ on the cross every single day but he is so so strong for dealing with it (500 years of pureblood generational trauma) (barty drank his peach calpico after he specifically put it in the fridge WITH A LABEL on a sticky note saying 'nobody drink my calpico' after he drove 25 mins to get it from hmart) and thats why he's the best character. the real protagonist of everybody else's lives even. and his eyebrow is only stress-twitching a little bit
I was watching Nana which idk if you know but is an anime/manga about two girls with the same name that are roommates. And I thought, how fucking funny would it be if someone wrote an au of this with sappic Evan/lily with bary being Evan's annoying toxic bf with a smoking problem and lily going through bfs like water cause she can't find it in herself to commit to a guy
Just a thought
this is sooo cute writers get on this!! 😭 but this phrasing is making me scream. support group for those who us who have been someone's "annoying toxic partner with a smoking problem" who is inexplicably in their apartment all the time. barty is like a sister to me