and here are your prizes:
who cooks normally?: okay so i used to be like CRAIG IS A FUCKING ITALIAN CHEF OK HE POOPS OLIVE GARDEN DISHES EXCEPT BETTER and i dunno if i really stand by that anymore, i think he’d be too lazy to sit around teaching himself how to cook right, so umm let’s say they both TRY TO COOK. they follow directions on the box and they’re like “WHAT THE FUCK IS A PILAF, TWEEK PLS” and tweek is like “SHIT I DON’T KNOW JUST PUT THE RICE IN THE RICE COOKER, THAT’S WHAT RICE COOKERS DO RIGHT, THEY COOK RICE” and craig is like “TWEEK PLS” and tweek is like “CRAIG PLS”
how often do they fight?: this was on the old meme HAHA and they answer is THEY FIGHT ALL THE TIME BUT EVER SO SICKENINGLY AND ENDEARINGLY, motherfucking pubes in the shower drain, and tweek is like “CRAIG PLS DIS IS DISGUSTING” and craig is like “O SO YOU’LL SUCK MY DICK BUT YOU WON’T PICK MY PUBES OUT OF THE SHOWER DRAIN” and tweek is like “CRAIG PLS” and craig is like “TWEEK PLS”
what do they do when they’re away from each other?:
nicknames for each other?: meme pls nicknames are gay as hell
okay but maybe like stupid things like puns
tweek would be like “oh hey it’s craigs benedict” or “scrambled craigs” oR NO OMG
WHEN CRAIG IS IN A BAD MOOD TWEEK’S JUST LIKE “COME ON LET’S SEE THOSE CRAIGS SUNNY SIDE UP”
AND CRAIG’S LIKE
who is more likely to pay for dinner?: equally likely because they like to split the bill EXACTLY DOWN THE MIDDLE and if the total+tip adds up to an odd number they thumbwrestle for the extra cent
who steals the covers at night?: they don’t have matched up sleep schedules so they’re hardly ever in bed together hahaHHA TAKE THAT, KOKOROS
AND THEN THEY FIGHT ABOUT THE OTHER SLEEPING SO MUCH AND NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER
but when they do sleep together tweek is all over those fucking covers ok
what would they get each other for gifts?: omG CRAIG IS THE WORST PERSON AT GIFTS AND TWEEK IS THE BEST PERSON
TWEEK IS LIKE “I’M GONNA GET HIM THAT DVD BOX SET AND THOSE RARE EUROPEAN CHOCOLATES AND ALSO MY DICK IN A BOX”
AND CRAIG IS LIKE
“we needed kitchen tongs so i got you kitchen tongs”
who kissed who first?: omg this really reALLY DEPENDS ON WHAT THE STORY IS!!! i like to think of tweek doing it first and him being like
and going in right for the kill WITH NO FUCKS GIVEN
HE’S JUST LIKE
I’M GOING TO PUT MY MOUTH ON HIS MOUTH AND WE’RE GOING TO INTERLOCK OUR TONGS
oh my god i meant tongues but i wrote tongs
see it all comes together with the kitchen tongs
who made the first move?: there really where no first moves, everything kinda just hApPeNs On ItS oWn i guess
they just KNEW ok don’t FUCK WITH IT
they’re both pretty shitty at initiating things though but tweek likes to do things fast like ripping off band-aids
also why isn’t there a question on this thing about band-aids, craig and tweek buy only superhero band-aids and there are no more exceptions
who remembers things?: um neither of them lol they don’t have an anniversary, tweek is like “CRAIG LET’S BE LIKE NORMAL COUPLES AND CELEBRATE AN ANNIVERSARY” and craig is like “TWEEK PLS I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT DAY TODAY IS” and tweek is like “ditto” and then they proceed to grab their butts and fly away
who started the relationship?: what the fuck is this you already asked this basically, i mean first kisses/first moves AND ONE PERSON CAN’T START A RELATIONSHIP, TWO PEOPLE START A RELATIONSHIP
MEME PLS
who cusses more?: they’re both fucking sailors but craig does it more by a landslide he’s just like “fuck these goddamn bitch-ass rice cookers and their motherfucking weird-ass shitty shitty bang bang settings and theSE FUCKING TONGS I MEAN, YOU CAN’T PICK UP RICE WITH JESUSFUCKING TONGS OH MY CUNTBASKETS WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT THE SERVING SPOON, TWEEK, YOU MASSIVE INSUFFERABLE TWAT”
what would they do if the other one was hurt?: uuuhhh hurt in what way??!! emotionally or physically :o( if they were emotionally hurt they would just talk it out ok let’s talk it out and pat each other’s backs and eat some fatty ass pizza does that sound ok
and if one of them was physically hurt in a minor way, like a cut or something—ok ok how about this, one of them uh let’s say tweek is trying to change a lightbulb, the bulb breaks and the shards get all over the place, he sweeps them up but there is still a small one that he misses AND HE STEPS ON IT and he’s like MOTHERFUCKNFIUHDKJFLSH and craig is like “tweek pls, what is it” and tweek is like “i stepped on a shard” and craig is like ”r u kidding” and tweek holds up his foot like “is my foot ok” and craig is like ”wOAH PLOT TWIST, IT’S BLEEDING” and tweek is like “GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD” and craig is like OK BUDDY LET’S HOP TO THE BATHROOM and for extra super deluxe gayness, they BOTH hop to the bathroom on one foot and craig cleans the cut and tweek is like “muddafukka dat stings” and craig is like “tweek pls did i say it wasn’t gonna hurt” which is really a d33p metaphor for their HuRtFuL ReLaTiOnShIp (BUT STILL STRONG) and then craig puts a spider-man band-aid on the wound and tweek is like “kiss it” and craig is like “i’m not kissing your fucking foot you sick turdburglar” and craig grabs his butt and flies away
aw aw awww is that the end of the meme i was having so much fun
tune in next time for the next installment of “dee doesn’t even write about these douches anymore but she’s still got it”