REL Collins

Are you not entertained?

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Real Men Don't Wear Nightshirts in the West

#was that a noise I heard, or did I imagine it?

#worried about Artie being out late

#where did I park the horse?

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Meet the man they call James West.

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Now THIS is a Mona Lisa smile.

#can't let on too much #it's all in the eyes

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And Now We Know!! No Arguments!!

And it looks better this way, anyway.

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A rare moment of emotion from James "never show emotion" West.

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When you wake up in unfamiliar places

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"The Night of the Declaration" - part 7

7) Leroy Wyatt led the two agents outside to the stables and introduced them to the stable hands who were busily tending to several prize horses within. Jim cast a discerning eye over the four-legged inhabitants and mentally commended his host on the quality of his stock. Remembering that Weston had spoken of carriage horses lost in this apparent campaign of fear and destruction, he nodded ruefully to himself at how that must have hurt. Weston clearly had an eye for quality, and it was equally obvious how much he cared for their welfare. The stable was neat, clean, and well provisioned, which pleased Jim immensely, since his own horse was resident there for the duration. At that moment three young groomsmen walked over in response to Wyatt’s summons, and introductions were made.

“Oh yes, Mr West, Mr Gordon. Pleasure to meet you. Your horses are over in the number two building, and I’ll be happy to take you there any time to show you around, and answer any question you have” Emmett, the taller of the trio, said, extending his hand and producing a firm handshake. Jim warmed to him immediately, as did Artie a moment later. The other two in turn extended hands and elicited the same response from the two agents; care for their horses was a top priority.

Leroy Wyatt explained why they were there. “As you know, Mr Weston has been experiencing some strange happenings lately, and of course there was that incident when his carriage was blown up and Jet and Obsidian were killed. That was a terrible day. These two gentlemen are here to investigate what’s going on, and would like to ask you some questions about what you know. They have Mr Weston’s authority to ask anything and go anywhere they need to, so you men here can speak freely; we all want to get to the bottom of this.”

“Sure thing, Mr Wyatt,” Alvin, the youngest of the men answered. He pushed his fair hair back off his forehead and looked at Jim and Artie, his big honest face sporting dust and stray wisps of straw from his exertions. “Ask away.” Artie put on his friendly face, but kept a serious note in his voice as he began.

“Give us an idea of the odd goings-on around here that you’ve noticed. Mr Weston feels that this newcomer to town, er, Jasper…”

“You mean Jeremiah Jasper? The goldminer?” Alvin asked.

“Yes, him, Jeremiah Jasper, that’s right.” Artie replied. “Mr Weston feels that things have been, er, a bit unsettled since his arrival. What do you men think?”

“Well, Mr Gordon, Mr Weston isn’t a man to jump at shadows, so if something has got him worried then I’d say there’s something to be worried about. We were all pretty shook up when the carriage got blown up, I can tell you, being that carriages blowin’ up ain’t a regular thing around here you know, so that was definitely something strange. Then there has been a lot of unfriendly talk and such when we go into town, hands from Mr Jasper’s place always seemin’ to want to start trouble. Ain’t that right, boys?” he turned to the other two.

“Sure thing, Mr Gordon,” Cliff, the third man, nodded. “They come into the saloons and hotels, mouthing off at the ladies, looking rough at the townsfolk there, and generally rilin’ up the barkeeps. They sure don’t seem to want to be friendly and settle in. In all the time I’ve been here-“

“And how long is that?” Jim interjected.

“My whole life, and that’s twenty-two years next Friday,” Cliff said proudly. “In all this time Mr Jasper’s folk are the first people to make any sort of fuss and disturbance. The townsfolk don’t like it, and don’t trust them a lick.” He nodded for emphasis.

Emmett chimed in “Cliff’s right, Mr West. Seems like everyone you meet has an account of someone from Mr Jasper’s place being unpleasant. I wish they’d never come. Westonia was a real friendly place before that goldmine started up.”

“Do you know if the goldmine is doing well?” Artie asked the men. “What if it is, and they stay for years?”

“Well, that will just be a damn shame.  Sure gold is a nice thing to have, I guess, but there’s no need to be so disagreeable about it.” Alvin said. “All the other industries around here are easy to get along with. People like working in them. Mr Weston has it arranged that businesses doing business here have to provide good conditions for their workers, and pay ‘em enough to afford someplace to live proper-like, and he makes sure the young’uns go to school and they get a doctor when they need one, and landlords hafta keep their houses in good repair. The whole town is just a good place to live.” The pride on Alvin’s face was obvious. “So it’s too bad of the Jasper crew to be coming in here and spoiling things.”

“Why do you think the Jasper crew is spoiling things?” Jim queried. “Maybe they just don’t have good manners like Westonia folk.” Alvin looked uncertainly at Leroy Wyatt. Wyatt told him he wouldn’t be in any trouble to say his mind. “Go ahead, Alvin. Mr Weston wants to sort out whatever is going on. You tell Mr West here whatever’s on your mind.”

“Right. Okay, Mr West. It’s no secret that there’s a lotta gold in that mine, got some good seams goin’. But those seams come up right under the town, and some of the Jasper crew have been goin’ round scarin’ the folk who live over that way that they’re gonna get their homes blown up so the gold can be dug out. The townsfolk are pretty unhappy.” Alvin looked at his comrades, and they all nodded in agreement. “They had their geologists spoutin’ off in the hotels back awhile.”

“It seems pretty drastic to get the whole town bothered so much just for a goldmine. Even if it goes under the town. Still, thanks for telling us all that, Alvin, we’ll go speak to the others around here and come back if we think of anything else.” Artie smiled his thanks.

“You do that, Mr Gordon. We’ll be here. That’s sure a nice horse you have, too. And you too, Mr West. We all had a nice long talk with them. They like it here. He’s pretty sure of himself, ain’t he!” Jim nodded.” He is indeed, but he has every right to be. He’s looked after me very well.”

“And we’ll look after him for you, don’t you worry none!” Cliff declared. The three men ten turned and went on about their work at the other end of the stable block.

Wyatt and the two agents walked over to the second stable block, checked out the visiting horses, with Jim and Artie delighted with what they saw. Both horses were indeed looking smug and happy. Mr Weston clearly had the right ideas about stable hands.

Jim and Artie asked everyone there similar questions about anything anyone had seen, and got much the same answers. It was obvious that the hands were a tight bunch and talked things over amongst themselves, but all carried the air of openness and honesty, so even though they had more examples of bothered townsfolk, Jim and Artie were none the wiser for why.

It was the same thing wherever they went. Everyone had friends or relatives throughout the town, and all had stories to tell of odd, annoying, scary or frightening things happening. It was all very strange. Eventually they ended up back in the Manor, and found themselves in the huge kitchen, where the cook was presiding over dinner preparations. Several young servant girls were zipping about with crockery and cutlery, serving dishes and napery, going to and from the dining room setting up for dinner.

“Hello Cook, “said Wyatt. “Here are the gentlemen I was telling you about. Mr Gordon” Artie smiled and dipped his chin, “and Mr West” Jim sketched an elegant nod, “are our guests for a while, helping Mr Fortescue with this worrying business in town. Some more converts to your culinary skills no doubt, and Mr Fortescue has said to get out all your best recipes.” Cook, a pleasantly plump woman of middle years, wiped her hands on her large white apron – crisp in spite of the heat of the kitchen – and shook hands with first Jim and then Artie, gripping Artie’s hand with both hers and beaming at him from under her cap. “Oh Mr Gordon,” she exclaimed. “I heard you liked my afternoon tea. It’s always a pleasure to hear someone appreciates good baking.” She released his hand.

“I most assuredly did, ma’am. I can confidently say, with my hand on my heart” he suited the action to the word, “that I have never enjoyed finer fare anywhere in all my travels!” He reached out and caught her hand in his and made a theatrical bow, touching her fingers to his lips. “I declare that I might just have to take up residence here in order to avail myself of your pastry perfections.” Cook blushed to the roots of her hair and with her free hand clutched her chest. “Why Mr Gordon!” she proclaimed. “You’re very kind, I’m sure. Tomorrow I’ll make you my special chocolate buttercream cake to try.” Artie smiled at her disarmingly and uttered his gratitude.

“Chocolate buttercream cake is a particular favourite of mine, my dear lady, and I will look forward most eagerly to trying yours. I thank you most sincerely.” Cook was no match for his direct gaze, a fact he was very well aware of, and she bustled off to continue her dinner plans, a noticeable spring in her step. Speaking in a low voice close to Artie’s ear Jim said “You rogue.” Turning his head, Artie directed a salacious expression at Jim, which by good fortune neither Cook nor Wyatt saw, and replied equally quietly “well you’d know…” Jim met Artie’s eye with an equally prurient expression, before they both swung about to address Leroy Wyatt, being once again all businesslike and innocent.

“Dinner won’t be long, Gentlemen, so best you go on upstairs and get ready for it. You’ll hear a gong when it’s time to be back in the dining room. You’ll find everything you need in your room, but ring if you need something else. I’ll leave you now and see you again first thing in the morning. Good night, gentlemen.” Jim and Artie bade him goodnight, and Wyatt made his exit from the kitchen.

“I look forward with keen interest to your dinner, Mrs, er, Cook…” Artie began.

“It’s Mrs Bridgely, but just call me Cook, Mr Gordon, everyone does.” She looked up from her tasks. “I surely hope you enjoy it. You’d best be getting ready for dinner. Mr Fortescue is a stickler for promptness at dinner, so when you hear the gong you have five minutes to be downstairs and in the dining room.” She glanced at the clock over the mantlepiece. “That’s just over half an hour from now. Goodnight gentlemen, and thank you for your appreciation, Mr Gordon.” She resumed her tasks and the agents strode out, heading for the stairs.

“You’re going to ruin your waistline Artie, if you’re not careful,” Jim grinned. Cook will be baking you all sorts of treats while we’re here. You’ll get portly, and what will I do with you then?” he added as they approached their room.

“Oh, I have some vigorous exercises in mind that will help keep me in shape” Artie replied wantonly. “You have nothing to worry about.” He reached for the door handle, pausing suddenly so that Jim cannoned into him. Jim managed a quick nuzzle on Artie’s neck before Artie flung the door open, spilling them both into the bedroom. He quickly shut the door behind them. Jim looked around, saw what he needed, and jammed the wooden chair from the desk under the door handle. When that was done, he steered Artie over to the far wall, leaned him back on it, and slowly began unbuttoning his partner’s waistcoat, then slid Artie’s jacket from his shoulders. Next came the ascot, and then all the shirt buttons were undone. Jim untucked the shirt from Artie’s waistband and it went the way of the rest of Artie’s clothes, till Artie was leaning up against the wall wearing just his trousers and boots, and a lustful expression.

“What was that you said earlier about patience being a virtue…?” Artie said huskily. “The dinner gong’s in around thirty minutes!”

“Patience be damned,” Jim replied in his wonderfully deep voice. “I’m just indulging in a bit of an appetiser…” and moved in close enough for Artie to feel warm breath on his bare skin. Artie felt soft warm lips skim across his chest, move down his stomach, and slip around his side, before finding himself spun around and the warm lips move across his bare back, travelling in random lines all over his skin, before being spun again and winding up looking into the deep glass-green eyes of his partner.

“Twenty-five minutes now” Artie whispered a bit breathlessly, but making no effort to break the spell.

“Don’t worry Artie,” Jim replied softly. You can share the bath with me.” Jim gave Artie one soft warm kiss on his lips and skipped across to the bathroom, light on his feet and pleasure on his face. Artie sighed, stood up and joined Jim in the bathroom, shedding the rest of his clothes on the way, tossing them on the same chair on which Jim’s discarded clothes were draped.

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When you've had too much chocolate before bed.

I am gobsmacked that this was shown on 1960s TV, but it's such a gem it's hard to look away.

I bet the film crew were having fun with it.

[avaantares]

Jim and Artie’s reunion from “The Night of the Diva.” Artie is 120% in big brother mode here: “Let me look at you, will you?” Like maybe Jim hasn’t remembered to feed himself while his partner was away. It’s nice to see such open affection; these two idiots don’t hug nearly often enough.

I wish CBS hadn’t messed around with the broadcast order, because this scene was intended to be Ross Martin’s return to the series after his hospitalization – hence the explanation that Jim had sent the train to Washington to pick up Artemus (whose absence had been explained away as a long-term assignment there). Knowing it’s the first time Ross was back after his heart attack lends the teaser reveal and the “you look great” lines extra significance, just as the “to absent friends” toast did in an earlier episode.

As it was broadcast, though, this episode followed “The Night of the Pistoleros,” in which Artie dies doesn’t die features prominently, so there’s no reason for them to act like they haven’t seen each other in months.

[jamestiberiuswest]

Fun fact: The original working title for this script was “The Return of Artemus Gordon.”

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I don't think I will ever grow tired of all that exuberant re-uniting.

[celestial-alignment]

I’m obsessed with this green suit. And the obvious struggle of climbing through a window in the tightest pants in the universe. – “The Night of the Feathered Fury” Season 2, Episode 17

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Jim loses so many gadgets! It must drive Artie mad to have to keep making new ones.

#I love this green suit

#painted on trousers

[larsisfrommars]

The Night of The Murderous Spring Is So JUICY!

I think I need to talk about how insanely gay this episode of Wild Wild West is or I might EXPLODE. I know a lot of us who already watch the show knew this episode was ridiculous in the gay subtext department but I feel compelled to go in-depth about putting it into words.

Let’s not even dig into the fact that before drugging Jim Dr. Loveless proudly proclaims that he will make James West “kill the thing he loves” and was referring to Artemus when he said that! That’s already wild enough as it is.

For me like, through a shipping/gay subtext lense, I could already tell Artie was into Jim. There is a mountain of evidence to interpret their relationship that way at least on Gordon’s end. For West it was a little more sparse until and especially THIS episode. Which confirmed for me as relatively new to this show and fandom “ohhhh!! He really DOES reciprocate whatever ambiguously gay mess is happening here!”

The version of Artemus that Jim subconsciously conjures up for himself is so interesting. And of course, it appears to him when he’s in desperate need of comfort, of a rock to cling to, but can find none. So his hallucinating brain projects what he NEEDS most, not some lovely young lady (familiar or otherwise) to tell him everything is alright, but Artemus to take care of him. He WANTS to be taken care of and comforted by Artemus and no one else. I’m not crying YOU are crying!

His version of Artemus is pretty close to the real deal but there’s something… softer about this projected version. He’s not completely different, I wouldn’t even say out-of-character. But he is gentler, more patient and forgiving, and very much there to play guardian angel for Jim. All of his positive traits are exaggerated in Jim’s eyes, like hes always seeing the guy through rose colored glasses.

I say this because part of why I got a bit suspicious of this version of Artie was him being way too calm and forgiving when Jim starts being aggressive towards him due to the drug. Yeah Artie loves Jim but like, he’s got his own sense of self-preservation, intelligence, and a bit of a temper. I was expecting a joke or some sternness or something, hell maybe taking Jim’s gun from him. But of course he doesn’t and he can’t, because he’s not real and he’s there to comfort. Jim can’t be thrown off the course that’ll lead him to killing Artie by his hallucination’s own intervention. He’s himself but oh so slightly off.

Another thing was something that “Artie” said that didn’t actually make a lot of sense compared to the rest of established canon when Jim first starts getting temperamental. “Hey it’s me remember? Artemus Gordon? Mrs. Gordon’s son.” Now I know there’s probably some throwaway Doylist explanation for this, but the Watsonian in me prevails.

Artie never brings up either of his parents before this or ever again to my knowledge. Jim only mentions family once in a previous Dr. Loveless episode. It’s the kind of thing you’d say to someone where you’d known each other your whole lives, implying Jim would somehow know his mother. Now unless I’m mistaken they met each other in the military as adults. Which means Jim’s subconscious emotions have made him feel as though Artie’s known him his whole life. Which is some soulmate sounding mess if I ever heard it.

Then there is the crescendo of this madness where Jim shoots the illusionary Artemus in cold blood. Which is easily some of the most heartbreaking acting in the series. I have watched it a normal amount of times (lying)!! Dying “Artie” looks confused and betrayed but he STILL reaches out to Jim like he like wants Jim to know that it’s okay?! OUCH. Then of course there’s the little “why?” before he dies that pushes Jim over the edge.

Jim completely flies off the handle after Artemus’s apparent death. Careening through the street, threatening the hotel staff, trying to get himself arrested for murdering Artie. I don’t know whether it was a side effect of how much hallucinogen he ingested or what. He straight up faints like some tragic Victorian protagonist after returning to his room, overwhelmed by the evil that he has seemingly done.

When he comes back around he is not at all acting like the Jim we know and love. It’s almost like he wants Loveless to kill him with the way he goads the guy. He’s despondent and jaded and being reckless with his own life. He only snaps back to normal when he discovers Artie is in fact alive and well. Which is such a beautifully loaded reunion. He responds to Jim’s unusual tenderness with a sassy joke (which is of course how we know this one is real). It feels very akin to the Kirk and Spock reunion at the end of Amok Time.

I also think it’s worth noting that I think the first time I ever heard James West utter the words “Artie! Help me!” when he’s trying to prevent the ducks carrying the murder-LSD from being released (this episode is NUTS). Which you know in light of the events of this episode is a big step in Jim being a bit more vulnerable as a character. So there is THAT too.

Hey, and maybe it’s just me, but whether it was deliberate or not, something changed about the whole tone of the show after this particular episode. It felt like the showrunners were slowly having it dawn on them the show is at its strongest when it plays off of the bond shared by these two characters. This episode along a few other gems from season one seem to have clinched it. I noticed in season two so far they’re using Artie and Jim’s relationship as a support beam where it was more of a flexible suggestion before. Which has ✨implications✨ whether you interpret the relationship as gay or not. The events of this episode cracked Jim West’s very hard shell, and made these two characters closer than before.

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#deep analysis

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Introducing the man they call James West.

[larsisfrommars]

Something I find really fascinating about James and Artemus in Wild Wild West is that James is quick to violence but slow to kill. While Artemus is slow to violence but faster to kill.

Jim will punch his way out of problems but let the baddie face justice and just generally avoid killing people when he doesn’t absolutely have to. (However this is NOT true when Artie is in trouble, he will gun down a mofo whose threatening his partner).

Meanwhile Artemus rarely resorts to violence in general unless he’s either with Jim (whose already chosen violence lol) or he’s run out of tricks and ploys. Meanwhile he’s TOTALLY fine with civilian justice (as in civilians killing a really evil baddie) on multiple occasions and will threaten and even kill low-level goons if Jim’s missing and/or presumed dead. Which isn’t generally something Jim does.

To me I think that just feeds my headcanon of them being *insane* about each other. As well as Jim having been a cavalry officer and Artie almost definitely having been a spy.

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Works for me

[nade2308]

This episode is so good. All of it, I cannot pick a moment, honestly. From Arte pretending to know Jim from before while being undercover, from him conducting his investigation while Jim fought that guy in the ring (Hi Micklin), to this moment here.

I swear it is like a scene in a romcom.

Arte: getting dressed up for an event

Jim, swinging past the window like Tarzan: HI

(Lovely thought provided by my back and forth musings with @thethistlegirl)

WHO EVEN SWINGS THROUGH THEIR PARTNER'S WINDOW WHEN THERE IS A PERFECTLY GOOD FRONT DOOR NOWADAYS?

I just love these two so much. And their banter.

And of course casually getting clothes out for your partner and watching him change them in front of you, and forgetting how words work for a few seconds while staring at him while he is shirtless...

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The standard one room, one bed, let's share everything hotel room.

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"The Night of the Declaration" - part 6

6) Ascending the grand staircase that curved up along two sides of the large open hall adjacent to the entrance foyer, Jim and Artie gazed about them favourably, noting the priceless works of art on the walls, the cut crystal chandelier, the beautiful leadlight skylight overhead, and effecting a sanguine expression Artie commented on his surroundings.

“You know Jim, we’ve been guests at some pretty swanky houses in our time, but there’s something about this one that just hits all the right notes. Do you think the President would suspect anything if we came down with a lingering fever of unspecified origin…?”

“Forget it Artie, it won’t wash with the President. He’d just send his doctors down to drag us back, and where’s the fun in that?” He shook his head. “We’ll just have to find another mystery to solve after this one.”

“And another after that, too, with any luck,” Artie replied. “Maybe there will be some crackpot who needs sorting out…theft of postage stamps…telegraph interference…electoral malfeasance…”

“Don’t get your hopes up Artie,” Jim chuckled. “Who would want to steal postage stamps?”

“Oh I don’t know Jim, but it is a federal offence, so there’s always a chance…” Artie brightened at the thought.

They made their way along a mezzanine floor and down a wide hallway till they came to the door at the end, which was the room assigned for their stay. Opening the oversize door Jim found himself entering a charming chamber decorated with tasteful pale blue silk wallpaper, with more artworks hanging from high picture rails, good quality armoires and bureaus providing plenty of storage, and two large armchairs upholstered in tapestry fabric. The whole air was one of refined gentility.

Artie trailed him close behind.

“Oh, well, that’s a nice change,” he exclaimed. “A bed that big and high should provide a most excellent night’s sleep” he remarked. “I bags that side.” He pointed to the far side of the huge four-poster.

“Why that side?” Jim asked.

“Purely selfish reasons, Jim, if you must know, and I’m surprised you had to ask,” Artie quipped. “It’s nearest the bathroom door. I like my creature comforts close, as you know.”

“Speaking as one of them, yes, I do know…” The guileless expression on Jim’s face caused Artie to smirk.

“My favourite one, to be sure, but not the only one” Artie shot back. His eyes had an alluring bright sparkle as he spoke.

“No…but the only one that –“ Jim broke off as they heard the business-like knock at the door. “Come in!” he called.

The door opened to admit Leroy Wyatt, who apologised for the intrusion. “Forgive me gentlemen, but Mr Weston thought you might like me to introduce you to the staff in the house, and the wider estate. If you’d care to join me shortly, after any freshening up you might need, we can head on out. Meet me at the bottom of the staircase and we’ll do the rounds.” Wyatt nodded at both of the agents in turn.

“Of course,” Jim agreed. “That’s very helpful. We’ll join you shortly downstairs. Please give our thanks to our host.” He sketched a friendly nod in return. Leroy Wyatt turned and left the room, his leather boots making no noise on the plush carpet.

“The only one that…?” Artie picked up where Jim had left off. Jim looked at Artie, looked at the bed, looked back at Artie and smiled roguishly. “Not now, Artie, we have things to be getting on with.” Jim stifled a grin at Artie’s look of frustration. “Remember, patience is a virtue.”

“Oh Lord, grant me patience, but grant it right now!” Artie retorted.

“Oh Artie, don’t be so dramatic. If you play your cards right, I’ll show you…again…when we get through our chats with the good folk of Kensington.” Artie shot Jim a look of mild cynicism, but they each got a kick out of baiting the other, so each completed a quick wash with the water laid out ready, and dried faces and hands on the handtowels hanging adjacent, grabbed their hats and headed to the door. As he was about to reach for the handle Jim stopped and turned to Artie. His glass-green eyes met the soft brown ones of his partner. He then raised his hand and gently ran the back of his fingers down Artie’s cheek. “The only one that does this…” He did the same to the other cheek. “And this…”

Artie fluttered his eyelids and contrived a swoon. “As if I could forget!” Jim then turned back to the door and reached for the handle. Artie followed close behind and swatted Jim’s retreating rear end with his hat. Jim’s laugh was deep and throaty as he stepped through the doorway, but his head was not turned away so much that he missed the little skip Artie gave as he closed the door. They gambolled down the hallway a few steps, then, as they neared the top of the mezzanine balustrade, they resumed their secret service demeanours and headed downstairs.  

“You’re not fooling me, James” Artie muttered in an aside.

“Well let’s hope I’m fooling him” Jim nodded toward Leroy Wyatt at the foot of the stairs. “Imagine if I failed!”

“You’ve never failed yet, James my boy” Artie countered quietly, his face all benign blankness.

The agents drew level with their new friend and together the three men walked out to begin the introductions.

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Jim hefting Artie out of harm's way again.

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Thank you @uncle-arties-sonic-screwdriver and everyone who got me to 10 reblogs!

This is one of my guilty pleasures.