You fucked up.
Just admit it.
You fucked up. You fucked it all up.
There’s nothing wrong with admitting it. What is wrong is staying somewhere where there’s no actual shanti but just artificiality and baseless and valueless and emotionless words. You can blow up a balloon with those words but there’s really nothing in it when it pops.
A real home has feelings of contentment. A feeling of being safe and warm and happy.
What’s more is in any relationship, we shouldn’t lose ourselves.
What, in your relationship, shows you the type of lifestyle you have grown up with? What, in your relationship, shows me your upbringing? What, in your relationship, demonstrates the part of you? Where is your part? Why lose yourself entirely and then try to sell to me that why I got this, I got that.
😂
Like honestly, be fucking honest with yourself. Be honest cuz if you aren’t, then sooner or later, when you realize the truth, you will have lost it all and there’s nothing you can do about it. Life will move on, no ones life stops for someone else but that feeling of emptiness, the feeling you’re honestly feeling, but not admitting, will become a crater of emptiness. You will go thru the motions of life, go thru the daily routines, but actual peace? No chance.
One of the most important thing is to be honest. With oneself. And not lose ourselves for whatever the reason maybe.
And when people have advice, not laughing it away. Not giving it importance causes these issues.
Especially when people tell you from a place of love and care.
How outraged are you? For others? And how outraged are you for your own blood?
Ask yourself. And then find the answers.
The person hidden inside will sooner or later come out, because our root, our core of us, the fabric of the very being we are doesn’t change. It can be hidden, tricked, or dressed up to be something else, but the biggest mistake we make is when we throw that root away and expect a beautiful plant to take its place without realizing that without the root, the plant is dead.
And when that person does come out...And it will, it will be too late. It will be a life time of sadness and empty feeling and regret, but life will go on. It won’t stop. It doesn’t stop for anyone.
It will harm the ones you love, they feel the pain as they see it now and you can’t see it, in fact, if they tell you about it, you will misunderstand it and move faraway from them and can’t handle it... But one day you will realize that you lost yourself and them too based on your actions.
The value we grow up with, stays inside of us, and comes out sooner or later. Life will go on and it will go on happily in certain ways but that feeling of comfort and shanti? That actual peace we feel when we hug our mom? That won’t be there.
How tough is life...It’s very tough.
It could be that these matters don’t phase you at all. It might not affect you now. And it might not later. But the realization of losing people you love? And that a relationship cannot be based on artificiality? That will come. And it will hurt. But you will overcome it and live life, as an empty shell.
That’s okay too. We all make our bed and need to lay on it. But we cannot blame others when we didn’t listen to their advise or we sold them the wrong picture. In fact, what you have done, is simply sold yourself and duped yourself thinking these artificial frivolities is what you want, you made yourself believe that this is the lifestyle you want, but you really don’t. The person inside your heart, doesn’t want. The one that takes years to come out.
At the end of the day... I have only one question.
How outraged are you? When the people who raised you are treated like trash? You don’t even recognize there’s a battle going on, so how can you be outraged...
Yet, how outraged are you for the people who you don’t even know but show you some baseless crap of “oh I am not complicated, I am so flexible” but aren’t at all? They blow you up with nice words but no actions, they blow you up but ignore the very people who gave you life... Well, there’s the disconnect isn’t there?
Just my two cents. It’s hard to stomach but it is what it is.
It really sucks. I didn’t expect this. I’m praying for something better but again, with age comes wisdom. And that wisdom is tingling that this isn’t a good thing, and that, well, you fucked up. But don’t go blaming the people who gave you other options but you didn’t even listen to it for some weird notion of oh I want this, when you don’t even know what you want.
