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What bard sends in the 18+servants group chat
homo homo homo
Yea uh, so😳
Sebastian
coughing baby giving orders to a hydrogen bomb
sebastian for mermay 🪸
It’s come to my attention that for whatever reason I seem to be the only one that knows about this.
Black Butler, but it’s just Sebastian and Ciel living in a caravan when undercover on a mission from the queen, and Sebastian is having constant fights with the water barrel.
Ciel: When business men schedule a meeting with me so that they may attempt to betray me, you’ve always remained by my side.
Sebastian: Yes, my lord.
Ciel: And when gunmen invade the manor to kidnap me, where have you been? By my side.
Sebastian: That is correct.
Ciel: And when I awake from a nightmare, where have you always been? Tell me.
Sebastian: By your side, my lord.
Ciel: That’s right. Sebastian...
Sebastian: (grins)
Ciel: You’re a fucking jinx.
Baldroy: So, you’re telling us that you can speak almost every language?
Sebastian: Yes.
Baldroy: Alright, then. How’s about Spanish?
Sebastian: Mi nombre es Sebastián, y soy simplemente un gran mayordomo.
Baldroy: French?
Sebastian: Je m'appelle Sebastian, et je suis tout simplement un sacré majordome.
Baldroy: Italian!
Sebastian: Mi chiamo Sebastian e sono semplicemente un gran maggiordomo.
Baldroy: Japanese!
Sebastian: Watashinonamaeha Sebasuchan de, watashi wa shitsuji no jigokudesu!
Baldroy: Icelandic!
Sebastian: Ég heiti Sebastian og ég er einfaldlega helvítis þjónninn.
Baldroy: WHO THE FUCK SPEAKS ICELANDIC?!
Finnian: Um, Icelandians.
(Mey-Rin and Bard are sitting at the kitchen table; Sebastian enters)
Sebastian: What’s that book you’re reading, Bard?
Baldroy: ‘The ABC of Sex’.
Sebastian: Well, surely could keep stuff like this for when you’re on your break.
Baldroy: Aye, I know, right? The A, B, and C. Three whole positions. The more ya know, huh?
Sebastian: (sighs)
Mey-Rin: Finny’s starting to ask about sex, yes he is. Me and Bard just wanna be prepared.
Grelle: (entering) What are we talking about?
Sebastian: (turns back to preparing the food, behind them) Bard’s reading pornography.
Grelle: Ooh, let’s see, then!
Baldroy: Am not!
Sebastian: Are too.
Baldroy: Am not!
Mey-Rin: Stop it! We’re learning about sex so that we can tell Finny what’s what, yes we are.
Grelle: Oh, don’t worry about THAT. I can tell him all he needs to know.
Baldroy: Ah, thanks, Miss Grelle. We really appreciate it, don’t we, Mey?
Sebastian: I don’t understand why the two of you require a book to discuss such things - back in my day, we didn’t have a book. Well, apart from the Karma Sutra, maybe.
Grelle: Me neither.
Baldroy: Well, it’s all changed since your two’s day, I’ll tell ya that for nothin’. Why, I remember when me ’n’ my missus back in America-
Grelle: Yes, yes. Long lost families, and all that dribble. But, surely, nothing’s changed THAT much.
Sebastian: I can assure you, some of the men of today will still take you out and expect you to perform fellatio. No man worth his salt, mind you, but-
Grelle: ...Fellatio? Really, me? Sing opera?
(...)
Grelle: He’d have better chance at asking for a blowjob.
(Ciel and Sebastian are preparing to go out hunting)
Mey-Rin: What? You’re not going hunting ducks again, are you, young master?
Finny: (devastated) Yeah, you’re not REALLY going to go out and hunt cute little duckies like some kind of big old blood thirsty barbarian... are you, young master?
Ciel: (stammering) Well, not in the traditional sense–
Finny: OH THE SHAME! I can’t believe it; our own young master, a duck killer.
Ciel: I’ll have you lot know that hunting has a lot of positive prospects.
Sebastian: (to himself) Now this I have to hear.
Ciel: (holding Finny by the shoulders) Now you see, Finny. What you lot don’t know is that ducks are rather nefarious. They’re the leading cause of plane crashes. The Great Fire of London. The Mayerling incident? Yep, all ducks. All the rapid industrialisation impoverishing the country’s lower class? That’s all ducks, too. The government is very allergic – and the ducks know it!
Everyone: ...
Ciel: Ducks... ooh, they aren’t human.
I think it’s quintessential for Dadbastian/Phantomfam to have watched Bad Santa at least once in their life. I’d originally thought this for just Dadbastian, but it applies more elementally to Dadroy/Dadbard and Finny. Dadbastian could still work, with Finny or Ciel, but regardless I think it’s very important to have watched this film for the sake of Dadbastian/Dadroy/Phantomfam.
Inexplicably, very Dadbastian coded.