reports

from a corner of an ordinary world arni | xxvii | psych phd

[reportsfromordinary]

I’m finally starting to analyze my dissertation data (qualitative interviews), and I have officially hit the overwhelm point of bedrotting to escape…a whopping thirty minutes into coding. I’m unbelievably grateful to have so much rich data, but my brain is going many miles a minute trying to figure out how I would go about theming and writing all of this. The moment I start to figure it out, my brain jumps in with “what if it sucks.”

On this episode of raw and real phd woes :,)

[reportsfromordinary]

an updated what’s in my bag <3

[reportsfromordinary]

crocheted bandanas for these babies <3

[reportsfromordinary]

[reportsfromordinary]

trying to lock in for the dissertation

[kosmogrl]

I really am just living for the hope of it all

[reportsfromordinary]

[reportsfromordinary]

what’s in my bag (plus a curious guest)

[reportsfromordinary]

[mudwisard]

my trick for getting through grad school is learning to navigate the quadrants with all their nuances

[reportsfromordinary]

there have been points during my phd where i’ve caught myself subscribing to longstanding academic messages about accomplishment and hustle and competition. as someone who used her academics to make sense of her place in a new country, i am no stranger to academic validation as fuel.

as a 4th year doc student, however, i find myself more motivated to retain my identity outside of my work. i see it as a hard-earned epiphany, which struck me just as burnout was settling in alongside the desperation to see joy and color back in my day-to-day life. don’t get me wrong - i am on this path because i care about the work i do and the work i can do. but there is more to life and myself than fieldwork hours and dissertation writing and worrying about internship applications.

this is what i held on to this morning, visiting a nearby coffee shop that i’ve always wanted to try but never have. i woke up with dread and panicked-hamster-wheel-thoughts about whether i’m competitive enough for a fellowship or whether i’m doing okay in comparison to my peers or whether my cv is worthy (translation: whether i am worthy). i made the decision to shake these thoughts away today, go outside, journal and read, and just be more. be human.

i hope you allow space for your own humanity today. <3

[reportsfromordinary]

San Luis Obispo, California

[reportsfromordinary]

Hearst Castle

[reportsfromordinary]

two journal inserts completed so far this year <3

[reportsfromordinary]

my interns recently organized a bouquet making event for valentine’s day. definitely a recent small joy!

[learnelle]

some 'energy givers' for the new year :

glasses of water, sunlight, nourishing food - remember that you're just a plant with more complicated feelings!

reading, music, creativity, writing and setting intentions - things that'll cure the feeling of 'being alive but not living'.

laughter with loved ones and cuddles with a pet - do I really need to explain this one more?

[reportsfromordinary]

i don’t sit with this often enough: i live in an apartment that looks and feels like it is mine. the walls house art that caught my eye. my book collection lines all the shelves in all the rooms. i can sit perched on my floor cushion, here in my living room, and a single glance about the room reveals it: i’m surrounded by possessions that feel like me. that exude my tastes, my preferences, that capture a selfhood now immortalized (if immortality is a 12-month lease) in space.

i think about the watercolor art pieces with the woodland creatures living in whimsy. a creature, sun on their face, saying, “i’m rich.” i am my own creature, who mary oliver would confirm allows the soft animal of her body love what it loves, sitting in her living room, thinking, “i’m rich.”