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Im tired of being so hurt by pregnancy announcements. Im so tired of not being happy for pregnant women I know or moms of babies. But I have been trying for so long I just feel exhausted. It has been a year and I am still nowhere.

I get that the bmi is kind of bullshit. It says I am overweight at 135 lbs and I am 5’6. But like I want to get into that good bmi range for having a baby so bad. Im around a 27 and just need to be in the 20-25 range. Im so so close. I could get there by the beginning of next year if I try hard enough.

I want to have a baby so bad

Sometimes I want to give up on trying for a baby. It hurts so much to get that negative. Its been just about a year of trying and I dont know how much more heartbreak I can take.

Woke up feeling like Im about to get my period. My body is awful and keeps betraying me.

I was so sure this time. I had the lightest spotting, I feel like I actually ovulated, I have been getting a bit of nausea and constipation. But now Im having some cramping and its like my body is mocking me. I dont want to get my period again. Ive been trying so hard to make this happen for a year.

If its this hard to get pregnant the normal way I can only imagine what itll be like when I have to do artificial insemination.

#i hate this #i wish this wasnt the reality so often #why couldnt i have had the reproductive future that i wanted

Just waiting for my period to start. It will be any day now. Then I can start trying again. This is so draining. If I had more regular periods maybe things would be easier. I just cant handle the heartbreak of failing to conceive again and again.

Think I am going to start my periodsoon. Another month another failure. Im getting so tired of this.

My sister is talking about how real its becoming that she is having a baby and even found out its a girl. And like she hasnt been saving any money, she doesnt have a plan other than living with our mom, and she has been eating like shit. She isnt trying to learn to cook and is relying on her boyfriends sister to set up meals. Like grow up and figure out your role in having a kid.

#really should have been me having a baby #she even told our mom that shed rather be out partying

She is average in sperm production but a little below average in sperm motility. We are refreshed knowing that this hasnt all been for nothing. We also talked again about our feelings on having a baby. We both fear that we are being too rash in this but we both want it. I almost wept when it really hit me that we can have a baby!

Waiting for the results of whether or not she has viable sperm is excrutiating.

In just under a week we are going to figure out whether or not she can produce sperm. Im so stressed about it. God what if she cant? If she can why has it been 8 months of nothing? I just want to have a baby with her.

So many people get to have babies like its nothing. Ive been trying for nearly a year and nothing.

My sister just told me shes pregnant. I was just thinking today maybe I can still be the first to have grandkids. Im the oldest after all. But no everyone gets to have babies while I sit here wanting one desperately.

Were getting a mail in soerm kit in a week and Im so scared. We might miss ovulation for this month but also well see what sperm are like for her. I really hope she still makes healthy sperm that can move well.

I want to have a baby so bad. Its something I think about everyday. I see everyone else with their babies and I want that.

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