Lilac thoughts with vivid memories

I am wonder of confusion, "I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing." -Anais Nin

[reslustillusionist]

the truth about now. 24

I dont know how to face my realities of the decisions of what got me here in the first place. I dont know how let go of your hand, even though you hurting it. I dont know how you can say the meainest thing to break me down. I dont how you can speak of love and goodness, and come back with a knief to stab me with it. I don’t know how get up and grab my stuff yet again. Pick everything up, and go back home with shatter love and the same old hurt. I dont know how to go back home and look at my mom. I dont know how to face her, when all she ever did was warn. I did not listen, not one bit. I didn’t even consider it. I just went with my heart and my love. Ive left you so many times. Ive come back so many times, and its not working. I want to have a real honest talk with you. But youre not allowing me to have. My gut is telling me to walk away, and leave. My heart is beating me down. I dont’ know how to let go. I know this isnt a healthy stage anymore. I know that being with you isnt good. I don’t know how to lt go. let go of the idea of you, let go of my from you, let go of your family, and their love. I dont know how to leg of my own expectations. I wish someone would give me the answers I need. I wish someone would give me strength. But I am not strong, I am weak. I am weak. You are my weakness. I dont know how to move on, and let go of you.  

[sunsetico-deactivated20250705]

“i miss how my life used to be. i want to get pieces of my past back, but i also cannot wait to run into my future. what an awful thing it is to miss out on today while worrying about many yesterdays and tomorrows.”

— a regretful way to live life.

[emilyoberg]

[reslustillusionist]

Yes

[9rateful]

[photosbygy-deactivated20200605]

[worshipgifs]

[reslustillusionist]

Day one

You are apart of me,

My whole essence, my whole spirt,

I wake up happy knowing I’m yours, ready to love you

But you break me down,

And yet you deceive me, by your charming promises, excuses, and lies

I am so broken by you,

But still my heart aches for your presence, your touch, your kisses, and your lies

My biggest wish is to hear what i deserve,

And I get it and tell myself why would you lie?

Why would lie knowing it will shatter me

Here is whole sky I painted you, slaved with every paint drop to make the perfect sky you,

And you walk by, not realizing the craftsmen ship or the dedication and long hours it took

I love you,

Why isn’t that enough for you to be good to me?

[loveage-moondream]

“I take you in, instead of peace.”

— Paul Celan, from Lightduress

[imbarely]

rupi kaur - the sun and her flowers

[rosyconcept]

i want to know everything that makes you happy. i want to watch your eyes light up and your lips curl into a smile as you discuss your favourite things. i want to spend hours listening to you as you talk passionately about the things you love the most

[sadgirlsonly]

[slslslslslslslslslslsl]

[schwierigephase]

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh (via liebeficktunsalle)

[allrosegold]

[itsomightybitch-blog]

“It’s hard to let go. Even when what you’re holding onto is full of thorns, it’s hard to let go. Maybe especially then.”

— Stephen King, Joyland (via thelovejournals)

[headkn0cker]

“Have you ever seen the hell in someone’s eyes and loved it anyway?”

— Maram Rimawi 

[reslustillusionist]

Yes

[curlyymegss]

“This is what I like about photographs. They’re proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect.”

— Jodi Picoult, Lone Wolf (via wordsnquotes)