[▸] this is what makes us girls by lana del rey
smut
It was obvious. It was obvious from the beginning you were destined to be best friends. When you walked through the door, your eyes locked with hers. Those tantalizing blue eyes; lids slightly hooded like she was disinterested in everything and everyone. Everyone...
Except you.
When she saw you, she sat a little taller. The pamphlet in her hand cascaded on the bed. The corners of her lips curled as her hand came up to give you a small wave. There was something about the way her eyes shone in the sparkling rays of sun that snuck in through the curtains... like a scene in a movie. Everything moved in slow motion.
Naturally, you dropped your bag to the floor. With your lips parted, you choked a small 'hey'.
Your new roommate.
And that's when the beginning of the end begun.
You quickly became partners in crime. You sat on her lap while doing her eyeliner. You picked out outfits and determined which were too slutty. You danced in the overwhelming heat of bodies that bumped into one another. You drank questionable red liquid out of red plastic cups. You held her jaw forcing her to chug. You ran and held hands giggling out of breath as the cops raided parties. You laughed and fell into each other so naturally. You whispered in the dead of night about crushes and girls that reeked of desperation.
You were inseparable.
Not only did she dance by your side at every party, she sat next to you at every house meeting. She slept in your bed, even though hers was only a few feet away. She rubbed your back until your eyelids fluttered closed. She caressed your face when she thought you were asleep. She looked at you like you were the only twinkling star in the sky because for her, you were. She'd felt it that first day she laid eyes on you.
It'd all been so easy. Uncomplicated. There was never a time in the day you weren't together. Never a time in the day you weren't touching. Her hand on your lower back, your hand on the nape of her neck. Whispering in each other's ears. Laughing at inside jokes.
Lips brushing tentatively one drunken night after stumbling into your room. You both stripped your clothes too tired to take off your makeup or shower. Nothing unusual. Except when you tripped and she held your waist, her fingers dug into your skin and your heart flipped. Trying to giggle past the feeling, the sparks were too powerful as you straightened yourself still numb from the alcohol. When you searched her face, your eyes spoke silently in agreement.
When she kissed you, it was like a million little stars sparkling on your tongue. She tasted sweet like candy. Tongues dyed red from the mysterious concoction of the night. They tussled messily as you hummed and cupped her face. Her fingers dug into your waist pushing you towards your bed; movements so natural. Bodies fitting perfectly as she hovered over you. Thigh nuzzled between your legs.
"Is this okay?" she whispered softly, her breath warm on your face as her hand ran down your thigh leaving a trail of fire. It led to the back of your knee where she stopped and waited for your approval. You nodded pulling her face down. She hooked her arm under your leg grinding on your body as you moaned in her mouth. You swayed your hips matching her movements haphazardly. Lips touching but not kissing; just longing to feel closer. Noses brushing and clashing as her moans mixed with yours.
The overwhelming friction between your bodies was suffocating. You choked on your saliva. Your eyelids fluttered from the tightness growing in your core as your clothed pussies rubbed and touched in ways you hadn't imagined. As hands roamed bodies and lips brushed intimately spilling your deepest darkest desires on her tongue each time you moaned her name.
The nights she spent in your bed held so much meaning for her. There was meaning in her caresses, in the snuggling and silent whispers in the dead of night. To the laughs and silly remarks.
"What a loser," she snorted snuggling into your duvet. You didn't laugh. You stared at the ceiling while holding your breath too scared to make a sound; to disrupt the natural order of things.
"Wait-" she raised her head, eyes searching for your face. It was dimly lit by the moonlight shining through the open curtains.
"You-" she cleared her throat looking at you questionably. You were still avoiding her gaze. You felt flushed and out of breath. How could you explain to her that you didn't think he was a loser? How did you tell her that you'd been secretly texting him? Unbeknownst to your best friend...your partner in crime. The person you slept next to every night as if it held no meaning.
"You like him?" There was a frightening softness to her voice as she sat up. Her previously pin straight hair was messy, eyeliner smeared. You'd both been too drunk to walk straight, let alone shower and get ready for bed. Without hesitation your clothes had been stripped and you'd slipped into bed like so many nights before. The scent of lingering alcohol and fading perfume mixed with the proximity of your bodies as you sighed and covered your face with your blanket.
You were too much of a coward to look at her. To see the hurt on her face and how hard she was trying to mask it. To flip things into a bad decision and not a life altering event.
"He doesn't deserve you, you know?" She muttered softly before aggressively pushing the covers off her body. The action stung and you flinched shutting your eyes under the blanket. The breeze coming through the window was harsh on your bare thighs. The silence deafening as she laid on her own bed. Bed that'd remained untouched for so many nights.
When you glanced in her direction, her back was facing you. The outline of her body prominent in the shadows of the moonlight. You inhaled, blinking away your tears as you turned to face the wall. Wall decorated with memories that were coming down like ashes on your shivering body.
The nights that followed were cold. She was cold.
You hardly saw her anymore. Her bed laid empty and not because she was in yours, but because she was never home. You were wondering if she'd been a figment of your imagination. If you'd made her up as some coping mechanism.
Except everyone noticed the shift too. Everyone noticed her absence. She arrived late to meetings and events. So much so one of your sisters told you they were considering probation if she didn't get her shit together. You harbored that thought nightly. She wouldn't be your roommate anymore and maybe that was for the best. You were tired of hoping she'd show up every night. Hoping you could catch a glimpse of her or recite the speech you rehearsed in your head every night you felt her absence.
So when you stumbled into your room right past midnight, and she hauntingly sat on her bed, your heart caught in your throat. All the air was knocked out of your lungs and it felt like you'd forgotten how to breath. The pain was so overwhelming you lashed out.
"What are you doing here?" you snarled through your tears. Mascara stained your cheeks in a cruel turn of events. The one night you weren't hoping for her return was the night she sat on her bed like the first day you met.
"This is my room?" she replied dryly only glancing at you momentarily. Enough to see you crumbling. She shifted her gaze back to the laptop, her face glowing in the fluorescent light. Bottom lip tucked under her teeth as she scrolled mindlessly.
"Fuck you," you sobbed struggling to breath as you turned your back to her. You pulled on your covers, screaming in frustation when it caught on your foot as you tried climbing into bed.
How dare she? How dare she talk to you like that when she abandoned you? No explanation. No chance for you to reason. Just one stupid night talking about one stupid boy had ruined everything. You hated to admit that she was right, but she was. He hadn't been worth it.
"He was an asshole, wasn't he?" she whispered biting on her thumb watching you curiously. You hyperventilated, gasping for air, feeling the words sink to the pit of your stomach because she was right. She'd been right.
He didn't deserve you, but maybe she did.
Turning, you watched her through your blurry vision. Shoulders slumped and defeated.
"You were right," you choked before sniffling and wiping your nose. The tears ugly again. Your chest felt tight, like you couldn't breathe. Your vision was hazy tracing her body as she closed her laptop and slid off the bed. When she reached yours, she lifted the covers and laid next to you engulfing you in a protective embrace as you broke down in her arms.
The familiar feeling washed over you; so warm and fuzzy. The memories of nights spent with her hands on your waist, brushing under your shirt crashed onto you like a tidal wave. Overwhelming and powerful. She held you with purpose unlike so many others. It all made sense. Why'd she'd shut you out. For her it wasn't just nights spent in your bed. It was so much more.
Your arms broke free of their entrapment, hands cupping her face. You batted your tear-clumped lashes as your eyes focused on her lips. So plump and inviting. They parted and you dove forward capturing them with yours. She groaned and gripped your waist tighter, pulling you closer as your fingers dug gently into her cheeks.
The kiss was desperate and messy. Tongues pressing together. Touching for the sake of touching. Hands roaming. Wanting to feel and memorize every intimate corner of your bodies. Her fingers curled around the bottom of your hoodie and you moaned lifting your arms allowing her to remove it. She peeled every layer of clothing until you were naked under her body.
You bared your body and soul on that bed. Offering it to her. Surrendering to your desires.
Your eyes followed her hands. They tugged at the bottom of her shirt, lifting it over her head. Breasts bare and breaking free. Skin so milky, glistening in the fairy lights. Her thumbs hooked in the waistband of her sweats as she pulled them off in a swift movement. Her naked frame danced in your irises as your chest filled with butterflies.
Swallowing, you reached out for her.
Your fingers locked as she nuzzled herself between your legs. She brought her body down. Skin touching. Eyes locked. Lips parted. Hearts on fire.
When she kissed you, you melted completely giving into her touch. She squeezed your hands and you lifted your hips wanting to feel her press down on your body. When she brushed your lips, your fingers unlocked and her hand slithered between your bodies. You hummed in delight when her finger ran between your folds.
"Billie," you whispered in her ear desperate for her touch. Desperate to be hers. Only hers.
Billie groaned and buried her head in your neck as her finger found your clit. The sweetest sounds fell from your lips and on her shoulder as your wet mouth pressed on her skin. Her finger rotated on your sensitive bud as you swayed your hips. Your legs shaking.
She wrapped her arm around your head. Fingers digging into your scalp as she kissed you like it was the last time. She filled you with passion as her finger slid inside your entrance. She muffled your moans with her mouth, swallowing them whole as she tore you open.
It was glorious and wonderful and sweet and hot and tight and it burned in all the right places. You clenched around her digits as you shut your eyes feeling the warmth spread throughout your body. You wrapped your legs around her waist lifting your hips to match her movements. She pulled you down on her hand, still holding your head. Her lips were no messy on your cheek as your whimpers fueled her desire.
You thought it couldn't get better than this, but then she kissed your lips and your neck and her tongue ran down your body leaving a trail of embers that led to your throbbing core. When her tongue ran between your folds you swore you saw the milky way flash behind your lids.
There was so much you wanted to say. So much you wanted to shout, but all that came out were cries and sobs and whimpers as you buried your hand in her hair. Her silky strands left small cuts in your fingers. Reminders of the night she marked you as her own.
they are not 🙃 i went to go and sift through them the other day but ended up doing an hour-long timeline scroll of all things billie… got a little distracted there. how are you doing tho???
starts foaming at the mouth and growling and running around like a feral undomesticated creature that has never felt the gentle domesticating touch of a human hand before
