Reuben Hood @reubenhood - Tumblr Blog

I like my reubens like I like my minx… saucy.

Carving Board

“Is this normal?” I was asked.

My new blog manager had come across a reuben listed as a “cold sandwich” with “toasted bread and melted cheese”. Are we in upside-down world? How exactly do you achieve that and what is the point? And “no, that is absolutely not normal,” was my response. Get out of town with that notion.

Okay but maybe it’s a delicious secret? I went to go see for myself.

This reuben was so gosh darn confusing. Firstly, it’s called “The Blackstone” and described as “our take on the reuben”. But how can it be “our take on the reuben” when it’s just a traditional reuben?! Rye bread, corned beef, swiss cheese, sauerkraut, 1000 island dressing. That’s a reuben, not your take on one. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. And if I made a wheel and painted a blue stripe on it and called it “The Mesopotamia,” would you be impressed? Also, you proclaim that the sauerkraut on the sandwich is “the best sauerkraut you’ve ever had.” Let’s take a big step back here, Carving Board. Are you sure you want to step in this ring? You sell sandwiches out of a strip mall; you’re not even qualified for this fight. Cool your jets.

Secondly, sure enough, warm toasted bread, melted swiss, COLD meat. Why. Why? Yes, warm brownies and cold ice cream are delicious together. But this had a different effect, that of being a lukewarm sandwich. Does that sound sexy to you?

Carving Board, you just think you’re so smart, don’t you? Calling it “The Blackstone”, after the hotel that served the disputed first reuben sandwich in Nebraska; I’m onto you. Toasting mediocre bread to hold your cold meat; I’m not impressed. Grow some balls and make a real creative choice and then you can call it your own.

Ps. The service was delightful, and please keep making those s’mores bars. Honestly, the sandwich wasn’t even that bad, I just need some space before I can look at you again. Just give me some space. Just… think about what you’ve done.

** 1/2 Kraut Fairies for Carving Board

#reuben sandwich carvingboard blackstone

I like my reubens like I like my handshakes… firm and serious.

Trencher

Hey guys. There's been a lag between posts because I've been so busy living life to the fullest. It's the only way to live; my skin looks amazing. I don't spend time staring at walls anymore, I jump straight out of bed and do literally a million crunches while reading books for pleasure on the side. I definitely don't waste time staring at my phone; I engage fully with the people I'm with, but I also keep up with all of my long-distance friendships through telepathy while I'm sleeping. I'm definitely not up late worrying that I don't dress my age and will never do anything as important with my life as the characters in Spotlight because now I say YES! to whipped cream and I dance like my shoes are awesome.

But somewhere in all that real living, I ate a great reuben sandwich of course! On that strip of Sunset Blvd. between Silverlake and Echo Park there's a little restaurant called Trencher. According to their website, “trencher” is an old term that actually doesn't mean an escaped convict trying to hold still in their shackles in a trench near a prison, like it sounds. The place is really cute. The woman who worked there was named Heather and she was apparently so helpful and cool that I wrote her name down to shout out to her later. Heather you're an inspiration!!

Their reuben is traditional except for one added ingredient: caramelized onions. I am not an onion fan, but I like to be surprised so I ordered it as it comes. Turns out the onions didn't bother me at all, they enhanced the flavor of the sandwich and weren't identifiable as tourist ingredients. The only problem was that the juices from the onions soaked the bottom piece of bread and made it very soggy. It's hard to fully enjoy a sandwich when you can't pick it up and it feels all mushy in your mouth before you've even chewed. I ate the first half before it was too much of a problem, but I had to eat the second half open-faced. How embarrassing.

The other food we ordered was top-notch and Heather was cool as hell, and even though the reuben got soggy it was really pretty good.

**** Kraut fairies for Trencher

#reuben #sandwich #trencher

I like my reubens like I like my opponents… destroyed in one bite.

Louie’s of Mar Vista

This was not a reuben.

They call it a "Redneck Reuben". Reuben fans, please cover your ears. (I assume your servants are reading this blog to you out loud.)

Instead of rye bread -> sourdough Instead of corned beef -> short rib Instead of swiss -> cheddar Instead of sauerkraut -> coleslaw Instead of 1000 island dressing -> BBQ sauce

Treacherous. Traitorous. Totally gross.

*Does not even qualify on the Kraut Fairy Scale*

#reuben

I like my reubens like I like my dentist… interested in my mouth.

Wexler’s Deli

My friends, loyal readers, and hungry browsers…I've met someone. I'm giddy to say it, but I think he is the one. His crust fits perfectly in the glass slipper that I've been schlepping all around town. He smells like magic and he makes my dreams come true. His name is Wexler’s.

You may remember my PR Director and fanciest friend, Erica Sterne, from other such reubens as "Inksack" and the Magic Castle quest that led me to "Soda Pops". Well folks, she's done it again with her persistent drive to set me up with the perfect sandwich. She had been telling me about him for months - how cute he is in the Downtown Market, how everyone really likes him, how she thinks he'd be perfect for me - and I eventually gave in and agreed to meet. Our first date was at the Angel City Brewing Co, a delightful downtown brewery with wood plank floors and leather chairs. Erica brought Wexlers and I brought Harvey (I trust his taste) ((He's a dog)), and I wore my favorite stripey t-shirt. We sat down with beers and I unwrapped the paper and had my first bite and…guys…seriously…my natural response was simply "wow".

The taste in my mouth wasn't even identifiably reuben; at first it just tasted like comfort. My initial impression was the flavor of my Grandma's homemade cheesy potatoes. I wanted to eat it very slowly while I snuggled the other half in my arms. He looked at me and told me everything was going to by okay. He was like promises of sledding in snowpants and butterfly kisses and dancing in the rain. I didn't know a reuben could taste like this. He was everything I've wished on 11:11 for. He was perfect down to the last ingredient.

I may not need a man, but I need this sandwich.

So what now, you may ask? Does the quest end here on my soul mate of saucy sandwiches? Hell no. There's no such thing as a happy ending. I'm not that naive. I've got to kiss a lot more frogs before I give up on this game. I said I'd try them all and I will. Onward!

***** Kraut fairies for Wexler's Deli

#wexlers

I like my reubens like I like my dogs… licking my face

Which Wich?

Dear Which Wich,

Why are you so uncertain about yourself that your very name is a question? Live with some certainty, my friend. You make really great sandwiches for not too much money, you are a hero. Own it.

Also, your red sharpies are ridiculously easy to steal. Thank you.

But your reuben just tastes like bread.

Salty turkey deli-meat bread.

Dry flaky sour-ish bread.

Bready bready bread.

It was just okay.

** 1/2 Kraut Fairies for Which Wich?

I like my reubens like I like my celebrity dirt… shared with the whole dang world.

HMS Bounty

In Los Angeles, you want to be seen. You want to see where the cool's at, and you want to be seen there by the cool. You want to be known, and you want to be known as the cool and known as the cool who doesn't try to be cool. But on the off chance that you don't want to be seen or seen as cool, you can go to HMS Bounty.

The restaurant/bar is like being in the belly of a ship off the coast of Korea. It's dark and vaguely sticky and nautically themed and in Koreatown, but not the cool part. I think the beers are cheap, but I'm not even sure. The food's actually not cheap at all, but it does come with a no-frills attitude. The night I showed up there to catch up with an old friend, they were advertising a reuben special on the aptly named sandwich board on the sidewalk. And of course they were, because reubens are my fate.

The reuben was hard to see and vaguely sticky but actually quite delicious. I wouldn't go out of my way to get one, but if I found myself in that unmappable part of Koreatown again I would definitely order the reuben. It's greasy and yummy and a little regrettable the next day and just totally cool.

**** Kraut Fairies for HMS Bounty

I like my reubens like I like my debates… split down the middle.

Langer's Deli

You don't meet a reuben every day. And thank goodness for that, because they are disgusting and bad for you. But a few weeks back I met a Rubin with some opinions on reubens. It came in the form of my first ever fan letter, typed and in a crisp envelope delivered to my office. The letter contained brown-nosey banter about this here reuben blog and a gift certificate to try Langer's Deli - one of the greats, founded in 1947. One might think this trail of breadcrumbs was left by Mr. Norm Langer himself in an attempt to garner a good review, but it was actually sent by an independent agent, a man named Rubin, his intentions obviously to win himself a mention in this blog and perhaps get his foot in the door of showbusiness. A ladder climber. But I was charmed by the letter and so I wrote him back, requesting his presence as my reuben guide to Langer's. Yes, it was risky. With a letter-writing fan there was always the chance that he wanted to perhaps shoot me or read me passages from his own amateur sandwich reviews, but he was a perfect gentleman, just a sandwich fan like myself.

And then there was the sandwich. As you know, I tend to lean less traditional in my preferences, but this one is something special. It's conquerable; it doesn't overwhelm you with a disproportionate amount of meat, and the kraut is fresh and delicious. But no sauce! I didn't fight it, because I like to eat it as it comes, but I do like a good slathering. The sandwich was juicy enough it didn't really need it fortunately. The booth was a happy amount of sticky and the service was the right amount of charming and old-timey. Also I didn't contribute a dime, so there wasn't much to complain about. Rubin and I wrapped up the remnants of our reubens and let the water fowl in MacArthur Park give their two cents on the sandwich bits as well. Judging from the goosey dive-bombs and violent head pecking and squalor, they also thought it a home run.

**** 1/2 Kraut Fairies for Langer's Deli

#langer's

I like my reubens like I like my enemies… easily dissectible.

Soda Pop's

I have 15 minutes to write this review before I have big (life or death) important plans (hugging my dog), which is perfect because the story is way too long to recount in detail, so here's the abridged version of how I came to eat this reuben with vague memories only and no fact checking. Flash back to Halloween 2013. My fanciest friend, Erica Sterne, invited me to the Magic Castle for a murder mystery party which - on the "coolest thing anyone could do" list is right next to playing basketball with Obama or dancing with David Bowie. I wore my most obnoxious hot pink sequin dress that I bought for NYE a few years ago to "look more mature" (pictured below), and as I recall we actually weren't very good at solving the mystery and ended up riding on better sleuths' coattails. Somewhere in the night I met a man by the name of Chris Hill who was very awesome and I think in a top hat and I may have given him a fake name when he asked for mine. But if I did, I'm not very slick because we ended up Facebook friends. He was about to be the mayor of Whoville at the time and was very enthusiastic about life in general. He found a link to this blog and highly recommended I try the reuben at Soda Pop's because he had a friend or brother or roommate who worked there and it was supposed to be really great. I assured him I would but then I didn't because…life. Flash forward a few weeks ago around Halloweentime again, I'm attending a Detroit benefit show at the Largo with a delightful group of humans and as really stretched coincidences go (actually totally not a coincidence), we were hungry beforehand and found ourselves across the street from Soda Pop's. By this point I couldn't remember which friend or brother or roommate to say hi to from Chris Hill, so I ordered in anonymity. They list a traditional CB reuben for $12 and it comes with chips. And it was pretty good. Thanks Chris Hill! *** 1/2 Kraut Fairies for Soda Pop's

I like my reubens like I like my babies … easy to hold.

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