safe haven

on hiatus

[revvetha]

btw everyone can unfollow if they want, I no longer rly plan on posting here. For more than 15 years, this blog has been a place for my passions/fandoms and my beloved characters and OCs, and I no longer have any of those things. I don't have anything left that interests me or brings me joy. And while I begrudgingly plan on sticking around for the sake of my family and pets, I'm just existing now and I see no reason to keep updating this blog. It's been real 🫡

[fairyinthetrees]

do you miss me yet are you gonna miss me am I missable when are you gonna miss me

[farewell-to-lorien]

Talking to Ghosts, by Sienna Gonzales.

[mellarkslovergirl]

“Maybe in another life” but I wanted it to be this one

[inanotherunivrse]

in another universe we stayed friends

[revvetha]

June update. People tell me I've "made progress", but really I feel like I haven't healed one bit. I can't go a day without crying. I still cannot understand or process what happened and the need for reconciliation and explanation wrecks me. I haven't felt happiness or a break from grief in almost a year. Nothing brings me joy and nothing is enough to distract me. I've lost nearly 30 lbs just from having no appetite. I can no longer listen to music, draw, write, or play videogames. I haven't engaged in a Social Activity in months. Therapy and 2 different daily antidepressants barely seem to make a dent, I'm just in so much pain all the time and I cannot pretend it will ever heal.

The good things: I have almost no more anxiety because I'm too indifferent. Also, antidepressant #2 gives me a ton of energy to appear highly functional and like I'm coping. I've been gardening, even though it breaks my heart. I have no plans or hopes or dreams for my future, but I'm still gonna continue to stick around for my family and pets.

[revvetha]

Fall Out Boy were right. Some nights it really does get so bad you almost pick up the phone

[crybabymikaa]

i keep having a dream where someone comes and saves me but there isn’t anyone and i can’t be saved

[revvetha]

.

[thedaygoesupinflames]

i bring a sort of "this character is canonically malnourished and would gain at least a couple pounds during their hypothetical healing arc wherein they get better" vibe to the function that people dont really like

[whyenn-reader]

firm believer you can't be a ''good person''. too much niuance to life.

[whyenn-reader]

you can be good (adjective) but you cannot be good (identity)

[whyenn-reader]

if you think you are good (identity) you are more likely to cause harm as you don't consider yourself to be capable of it

[possessable]

it's fine i don't even need to be part of social groups or friend groups anyway (giant hole appears in my chest spontaneously) ? what's that

[revvetha]

my therapist is very cute thinking I could envision any kind of future in which I am happy or alive

[brokenloveblog]

you were engraved into my soul, but i was not even a scratch into your existence

[clown-guitar]

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

[lunamonchtuna]

— Sylvia Plath, from The Letters of Sylvia Plath Vol. I: 1940-1956 (via lunamonchtuna)

[bakwaaas]

You gotta understand that some people never really grow. They never learn their lesson. They never recognise their mistakes, they never acknowledge their faults, they never admit they were in the wrong. You will never receive an apology from them, and you will never see their behaviour change.