I get into the dating scene and its stigmas
‘’Oh, Mary´´, the one-sentence my friends always used to say to me, hinting that I would be like a Holy Mary, because of my inexperience with boys. The feeling that came with it was not all that great at first. It made me feel that I was lacking. I got that feeling because I did not have crazy stories to tell at our so-called girls night about my wild adventures with a man the weekend before.
I would always sweep it under the rug with a joke or a sarcastic comment to give the impression that I did not care at all, but a small part of me did care. Sudden remarks such as "Don't even start with boys" or "one day your time will come" made me very uncomfortable.
At one point I stopped caring. I came to the realization that we all grow at our own pace, and that includes all those experiences. I was a bit of a late bloomer, hence why I didn't indulge myself into the whole dating scene.
After having built the goody - two shoe role in my friend group (without even knowing it), I decided it was time to let that ship sail. It was my time to shine, and my time to explore my youthful years. I in no means, tell you to go around and go on dates with strangers and have crazy one-night stands. Not at all, do what makes you feel comfortable. This is just how I experienced the start of loosening up.
Well my lovely readers, let me tell you this. Hollywood is a big part of how sexual relationships are portrayed in mainstream media. All the fairy tale stories, the romantic comedy first time, the steamy hot scenes and the praising tales of blog posts on Reddit are not that reliable. The one reliable thing is your instinct and gut feeling. When you eventually stop thinking about others and their reactions to you having dates or sexual relationships, you will enjoy it a hundred times more. Because in the end, you are a human being and a woman with needs.
What I do want you all to know. It is that it is normal for a woman to have some fun. Not just the boys. The amounts of times I heard girls being shamed and ridiculed for the exact thing a boy did is mind-blowing to me. Why would the girls be shamed for having a one-night stand and have the walk of shame afterwards and the boys get praised in the locker room after football practice. When you do have a one-night stand walk the stride of pride and own it as Amber Rose would say.
The first time I had a one-night stand, it was probably the first time that I let my hair loose and had some fun. The one thing that I did find very difficult was figuring out my feelings with the actions that I took, at first I felt dirty, or I felt that I did something wrong. Which is pretty upsetting, cause in the end I am growing up and expanding my horizon.
Why would I feel so bad and dirty when I am just exploring who I am. When these thoughts and feelings do appear do not be afraid to tell or ask your sister, a friend, a stranger about the feelings that you have. It can be confusing at times, but when you do realize that you did not do something bad, or that what you did was normal that gut feeling of ´guilt´ will disappear.
Many young women have a time in their life where they question themselves, especially in the dating scene. "Am I good enough?" "Why does he want to get to know me?" etc. All the doubt and looking for reason is your downfall. Never question yourself, be confident, be bold, be you.
- E
Song of the day: Lauryn Hill - Doo-Wop (That Thing)
January 8th 2021 blogpost 1