It’s dumb. I’m sorry. I'm fucking this up. I'm being dumb. I'm dumb. I'm sorry
Thom babbled, getting to his knees and reaching for Branson.
“Wait. Don’t go. I’m sorry, I just. It’s dumb. I fucked up before. I fucked up really bad last time I got together with someone. It got weird. I guess I’m still like. Expecting things to go like that. I’m sorry. Wait. Please.”
Thom looked down at the floor, scared to watch Branson walk out on him. Not wanting that burned into his memory. Not wanting that new final memory to erase the one of the hug.
“It’s dumb. I’m sorry. I'm fucking this up. I'm being dumb. I'm dumb. I'm sorry.”
Branson’s voice was close. He had placed his hands on Thom’s cheeks again, and gently tilted his face up to reveal his wide eyes. Another bloom of light from outside made the wetness in them shine brightly.
“Take it easy. Take a breath. I'm not going anywhere. I just had to get a wipe for my hands before I got this stuff in your face fur, alright? And you're not dumb. It's not dumb. You're not fucking anything up. And don’t apologise.”
Branson stroked Thom’s soft cheek fur with his thumbs.
“There's no rush here at all, Thom, alright? Relax. It's gonna be fine. If you want, you can tell me what happened last time. I promise I won’t judge you. I swear. You don’t have to, but if it’s bothering you, maybe it’ll help to share it.”
A long silence from Thom as he sank, this time in a manner with which he was far more familiar. He had fucked this up. It was over. He was not going to be any good to Branson.
Panicking useless little fucking crying pussy bitch, you shut up, I teach you, I teach you be useful–
The low ache of despair was threatening to bloom through him like black mould. In an impulsive flash he imagined Branson’s hands were around his neck, not on his face, and after a pulse of arousal at the thought had passed, he felt even worse. All the rich food and the booze felt like it might return and he was hyperventilating to try and stop it.
Scene from the last part of my story Manson and Branson. Thom having a mental crisis as he confronts the fact that he may be sexually incompatible with the older man he desperately wants to please.