[ Just the moment he first hears his voice, the ribster ends up not being able to look away anymore and he just observes Aoba's every little movement. He could easily read him. The hesitation, the way his voice almost cracked and how he was actually trying to keep his composure in front of him, from all people. He knew little of what happened after he collapsed, but even so, he couldn't be surprised at his words. He couldn't be worried about himself now, either. He was done with selfishness and hurting people around him. Guiltiness would eat him up often and he was ashamed of falling like a little rat in a mousetrap like he fell onto Morphine's trap. Was he even worth of being forgiven? Because he knows how the person in front of him thinks too much about things, sometimes even letting it eat him up, and he's absolutely sure he was the one feeling guilty in the moment, when Mizuki was far from feeling any kind of remorse or grudge for him.
His friendship has always meant a lot to him and even though Aoba would refuse to join his rib team, which meant almost the world (which ends up as Mizuki wanting Aoba to be part of what he would call his family), he never resented him for that. And even so, he said all those horrible and heartless things to him, even without meaning them. He almost hurt the only actually family the male has. How could he be the one to feel guilty? And even so, he knows that's exactly how Aoba is. Because that has always been how close they were and how much they knew each other.
And even so, just forming words to come out of his mouth was difficult. Lying was impossible now too. Hiding his feelings and how he felt would be completely pointless and they wouldn't get out of that place. It was unfair. It was unfair how he had to make him feel that way all this time when he was the one who made the wrong choice. There was too much to say and he didn't even know how to start. ]
[ And for another brief seconds, that feels almost like eternity for him, he loses his courage for a little bit and isn't able to face him again. There's quite the distance between them and there's nothing more than awkward silence. He crosses his arms, swallowing his pride once more and looks into those yellowish brown eyes. If he had to be honest, he wasn't sure what to exactly say, but he had to try. He had to say something and turning his feelings into words. ]
Look, Aoba... [ He takes a small breath before speaking again, as if to calm himself down. That situation was actually more nerve wrecking than he was expecting. He really wished they could have met in different circumstances. ] I'm... really sorry about what happened. I should have talked to you and told you what happened right in the start. I think most of what I feel you already know, somehow. It's... really blurry in my mind but I know you know my true feelings. The last thing I remember is almost feeling my head explode, or something... I don't know.
But that's not the point. I'm really sorry what I did to your grandmother and I'm sorry I hurt her and I hurt you too. I... didn't want to worry anyone and I tried to do everything by myself and in the end I ended up hurting everyone...
[ Even at this point, Mizuki's voice cracks a little. The same feelings from that time end up holding him again. The feeling of feeling miserable, of being eaten by his mistakes... Even he couldn't help how negative he was about the whole situation. Slowly his face just starts dropping while he keeps trying to hold back the clear weakness of his voice and expression. ]
I'm not hoping for you to understand. I'm not hoping for you to forgive me. I really regret what I did and I know I lost important people after this. I'm... just really sorry about everything. And I understand if you don't want to look at my face again because even so... You ask how I am and you care about me. And I feel like I don't deserve it. And... I'm really sorry, Aoba. I really wish I could go back and change everything.
[ While he would say this, he knew deep down what he really wanted was for Aoba to forgive him. But it was so difficult to say it... With his body trembling while gripping onto his own arms tightly, he tries to compose himself but in almost complete vain, as his hands keep shaking as if his body was trying to find a way to relieve the stress in one go. ]
Just, please, don't feel bad because there's nothing for you to have the fault of. I must take responsibility and pay the prize of the consequence of my actions.
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