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@ridgewriter
There are moments I think I worked through the worst of my grief about the good omens finale and I can just be happy in my bubble full of fix it fanfics and beautiful fanart. And then it's midnight, I randomly go YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE PISSES ME OFF and I'm back in the FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN
it's probably been already said but i love the thought of aziraphale and crowley rapidly switching languages as they're talking in public, and passersby thinking "oh wow, they're very good at languages" and then growing increasingly confused as sprinkled inbetween them are long, long dead ones and ones that have never been heard by human ears.
I was bitten by an idea bug and physically could not stop myself. So here is a poorly written rewrite of Good Omens season 3 that I will probably end up turning into a fanfiction at one point. It's missing a lot of details, but it's the last day of school and I wrote it in little chunks whenever I could lol
Alternative (Better Plot) for Good Omens season 3
To begin with, we see a glimpse of Aziraphale in heaven as supreme archangel. We go through and see some of the changes he's made: maybe a little tea and cocoa counter that absolutely nobody but him is using and, most importantly, he's put the book of life on display. Michael and others vehemently disagree with that decision but Aziraphale is supreme archangel so they can't really do much.
Now earth, Crowley is back in his apartment, drunk and yelling at his plants. He isn't being very menacing. In fact, he seems very sad and ends up crying about being left behind.
We see some stuff about humans... specifically we see Adam Young on the hunt for something in London.
Back to Heaven, they are beginning to work on Jesus's resurrection and return to Earth (he's sitting around waiting for someone to talk to him: maybe he is enjoying the tea bar) when ALARMS GO OFF! Everybody running and scrambling around not sure what is happening! Then finally Uriel reveals that they are the ones who rang the alarm: the book of life is missing.
Aziraphale declares they have to postpone the second coming until they find the book of life because of how important it is. He apologizes to Jesus who looks very confused.
The angels investigate and they find evidence that points to one demon in dark sunglasses. Aziraphale tries to insist that Crowley would never and then they pull up the security footage which reveals a disheveled, drunk Crowley having broken into Heaven and stolen the book of life.
Aziraphale tries to insist that he is the most qualified to go down and confront Crowley (he is the one who understands Earth best, Crowley is immune to holy water as Michael confirms so they can't exactly fight him, and Aziraphale has been battling Crowley since the beginning). The other angels insist that Aziraphale can't leave, they have another agent who is already on Earth afterall.
Cut to Muriel who has very clearly spent ages reading. They are hyping themselves up because they just received their orders from Heaven: to confront Crowley and find the Book. They go out into the world, in the background a Bentley sits by the curb.
Cut to a compilation of Muriel running around talking to all the humans asking them if they've seen Crowley and or and weird old book. Ironically, a lot of people point Muriel to A.Z. Fell's bookshop. Muriel returns there a little worse for wears and finds Crowley drunk on the doorstep passed out.
Up in Heaven, a second alarm is going off. Aziraphale is frazzled. Turns out this alarm is because Jesus is missing. They check the cameras, he's gone down to earth. The other angels reluctantly agree to send down Aziraphale. Meanwhile, Michael gets on her phone to inform her contacts in Hell about the missing book of life. Very sinister.
Meanwhile Muriel is trying to sober up Crowley. They are using methods they mostly found in books, none of them are working. The door opens and in comes Aziraphale slightly frantic. He demands to know what Crowley thinks he's doing. Crowley beginning yelling about being left behind, Aziraphale begins to apologize when:
Crowley: No! Not you, you idiot! The Bentley!
Aziraphale: The Bentley?
Crowley, miserably: It ran away.
Aziraphale: Ran away? It's out there on the curb!
Crowley: Wont let me in, wont go anywhere... I need a drink.
Aziraphale absolutely forbids Crowley from taking another sip and informs the demon that the book of life is gone, angels in Heaven know that Crowley did it, and Jesus is missing.
Crowley is stunned, his sunglasses actually start to fall off his face. Crowley sobers up and gets up. The two agree to search for Jesus, neither mentions the book.
Jesus has made his way to a coffee shop and is sitting and drinking tea when Adam Young appears and seems very relieved to see him (Adam had been on the phone with Pepper asking about Dog because she is dog sitting). It turns out they have a lot to talk about.
Another compilation: this time it's of Heaven and Hell all gathering and getting ready for the second coming. I'm thinking war paint and dramatic screaming into the camera, passing out weapons, etc.
We go back to Crowley and Aziraphale. They are both looking at the Bentley arguing about how they should go about getting in. Aziraphale wants to just walk up to it and Crowley insists that is a terrible idea and that the car will never allow it. Aziraphale gets fed up and goes to the car... the car moves away. They begin chasing the car around, neither are successful. This triggers an emotional moment in which Crowley and Aziraphale actually talk about everything that happened and apologize to one another and hug.
The Bentley comes back and opens its door.
The next scene shows them driving around London looking for Jesus. They have a bit of an awkward moment where they start to talk about the kiss, but then a storm breaks out. Fish rain from the sky. We zoom out and find the forces of Heaven and Hell beginning to arrive.
We see them face off against one another... and then something happens. The storm rages above them. Adam and Jesus walk up. We get to see a moment in which they face off against Heaven and Hell and essentially scolded them because HOW DARE THEY STILL BE DOING THIS NONSENSE ON OUR PLANET!
Crowley and Aziraphale drive up. They step out of the car. Crowley has the book of life.
Adam immediately jumps on it, gasping and demanding to know where the demon got it.
Anthony J. Crowley puts on the performance of his life. Reminding Hell and Heaven that they had demanded to be left alone. And now their Side has the book. Aziraphale steps around and a little wave.
Aziraphale summons a thing of fire and Crowley opens the book and begins paging through the pages, narrating the pages he's flipping through (they are in alphabetical order). He reaches Heaven and Hell. Heaven and Hell are ordered to drop their weapons and leave. ("I think it would be best if you left us alone. Don't you?")
Crowley points out that this is their second warning. Heaven and Hell leave.
Once they are gone, Aziraphale and Crowley sort of deflate, amazed that their plan worked.
Jesus looks around and asks what's up with the book of life. He reveals that there is no book of life. Crowley and Aziraphale hesitate and then reveal the truth...
FLASHBACK to about a year ago! Aziraphale is shown leaving from Heaven and stomping his way through a building. He knocks on a door... it opens and reveals a very sober Crowley who has been madly cleaning his flat.
Aziraphale shoulders past and demands a drink. Crowley, at a loss, brings out the wine. They drink for a while. Crowley is significantly more sober than Aziraphale who will not stop complaining about how awful Heaven is and all the funny things he's done (he takes great joy in describing the reaction of every angel when they go past the tea bar he set up). Somehow the book of life is brought up and Aziraphale reveals that the book doesn't actual exist. It really was a story to scare the cherubs. They talk about how scared Heaven and Hell are of something that doesn't exist...
That triggers an idea. They look at one another and the heist begins. Yes they are still drunk.
It's revealed that setting up the book of life was part of the plan. It's actually just a blank fancy notebook. They use a joint miracle to convince everyone the book is real. Later, Aziraphale as Crowley steals the book and delivers it to Crowley who is waiting in the elevator. They switch back and fuck with the camera so that no one sees Aziraphale at all.
The end is the two of them going to the Ritz and when they leave, new reveal, they don't go back to the bookshop or Crowley's flat. They drive to the South Downs discussing how they have to put the bookshelves together and put the book of life away.
You guys... what if they can do more than watch the other realities? What if they can actually live through them? Like they can go into the globes and live through each reality? Because I am in TEARS over the idea of it.
Anyone else notice how often they put Crowley on the wrong side of Aziraphale in this season? Like in the restaurant scene: Crowley is sitting on Aziraphale's right instead of his left. Like yeah, sometimes they have to be on the otherside (i.e. in the Bentley) but most of the time, especially while eating, Aziraphale is on the right, Crowley is on the left. Because I was just thinking about it and it haunts me now.
Apparently there’s a movie out called the sheep detectives in which Hugh Jackman reads detective stories to his sheep who start talking and solving crime and rural England. It currently has 94% on rt. Still looking for ways to heal and restore some small sliver of faith in humanity’s ability to tell stories and market them correctly, i’m gonna go immerse myself in this world for a few hours
all they have to do is not brutally murder the sheep (especially not after convincing us the viewers and the sheep that this is their only and best choice)
I know this is a lot to ask for from a comedy in this political climate, but I’m gonna roll the dice
Hey, hey, you guys! Remember how Aziraphale and Crowley were so fucking powerful casting a miracle together that when they were putting the minimalist amount of effort they could bring like 23 people back from the dead? And that they essentially made Gabriel completely invisible? Any ideas why they didn't use that super magic they had in their back pockets to bring everyone and everything back and/or have god put the world back and then pull a Jim to hide all of Earth from Heaven and Hell? Me neither lol
(Don't come at me with the "Crowley doesn't have access to miracles bullshit" that was only a plot point to do the stupid gangster fetch quest and it was never brought up again and we KNOW Crowley needs some miracles to drive his Bentley into fucking space because traumatized screaming Aziraphale was not the one doing it)
Spoilers!
CW: Neil Gaiman
There is something I want to get off my chest. It has been hard to see the negativity in the immediate wake of the finale, and I do not want to join in and pile on, because there is a lot to love and appreciate about it.
However, even if I found the ending to be good and right, there is one thing that makes me so very, very angry about it, and I needed to say something. It is this line here:
I don't mind at all that Aziraphale said in front of God and everyone that Crowley was the best angel, the best thing in God's creation. There are thousands of beautiful fanfics where he says just that. It's the part that comes after.
He could have said it was because Crowley had imagination, because he was an optimist, because he was so clever, because he asked questions. Any of that would have been fine. They were drawn straight from previous depictions.
But instead, he said, "You were an artist...The rest of us, we were just characters in her book."
I think it is very suspect when a writer pens a line that suggests that writers/artists are somehow better than everybody else. I couldn't hear this line and not think that somehow Neil Gaiman (who wrote the ending) was trying to say something about himself. He actually does think that being an artist excuses him. He may be "unforgivable" but he is also the "best of us," because he is an artist who "want[s] to understand" and makes better worlds through his art. I couldn't hear those words and not think it was F*cking Gaiman granting himself grace.
He may have thought the line was a paean to Pratchett, actually, or wanted us to hear it that way; but I cannot believe that Terry Pratchett would have condoned such a line. Pratchett's most famous quote is that evil begins when we treat other people as things. Yet here is Aziraphale basically owning that he himself and everyone else in Good Omens except Crowley and God were NPCs. Not cool.
Aziraphale was emphatically NOT just a character in her book! He gave away his sword and then lied to God's face about it. Aziraphale gets thrown under the bus in S3, and when the script basically had him debase himself while praising Crowley, "I did not care for it."
Pratchett invented Aziraphale. Pratchett understood that nothing can be defined without creating its opposite. These two are necessarily bound. One doesn't get to have whatever he wants and to call all the shots and the other just smile, forgive, and go along, because one is "an artist" and the other...is....what, irrelevant?
While in general I find it in bad taste when artists talk about how special artists are, this line infuriated me precisely because of the accusations against Gaiman who allegedly has been repeatedly committing that cardinal sin in Pratchett's universe: treating people as things. And Gaiman's choice of words for putting into Aziraphale's mouth while lauding Crowley in the end really touched a nerve.
I'd love to hear your reactions to that line and my visceral reaction to it. As I alone in seeing Gaiman haunting the script here? Can I, should I, find a way to embrace this speech for the sake of enjoying the end?
Sooo, fellow disappointed people, did that ruin the whole show for you, or are you just going to be living in a delusional state forever pretending that never happened? I can't decide.
I have a collection of fanfics I have gathered over the years to cope with the ending of season 2, a writing talent that I am fairly confident in, and no amazon prime membership.
A wise supernatural being once said: "At a guess, they'll pretend it never happened" AND I INTEND TO
Sooooo let me just repeat back what you said to me, Good Omens season 3, the end (the one we've been trying to avoid for ages) does happen and instead of Aziraphale and Crowley using their love to bring everything back (you know... which that super powerful miracle ability you introduced in season 2) you decided to kill everything including my two favorite characters in the world and just throw lookalikes at me as if that should make me happy.
Yeah, no. We're not doing that. Fanfiction writers GET THEM
The Batcave has a “Do Not Talk To Me” couch. It’s sacred. It’s unspoken. It’s real.
okay so. picture this:
the batcave has one couch. it's in the corner. it’s hideous. it’s like beige or green or something equally offensive to every one of their aesthetics. no one likes the couch.
and that is exactly why it became sacred.
because one night jason just. drops onto it. full gear. bleeding. absolutely done with life. says nothing. doesn’t even take off the helmet. sits there in silence for 3 hours and then leaves.
next week tim uses it. sits there post-mission. face in hands. someone tries to ask if he’s okay and jason throws a batarang at them.
and thus it began.
Rules of the Do Not Talk To Me Couch:
You sit there? No one speaks to you.
You cry? No you didn’t.
You eat cold noodles off your chest at 4 a.m.? That’s sacred time.
If someone tries to comfort you? They are excommunicated for 12 hours.
Dick (sitting on the couch):
Damian: Grayson, are you—
Jason (from across the cave): HE’S ON THE COUCH.
Jason: I don’t make the rules.
Steph: You LITERALLY made the rules.
Jason: And I am the defender of the rules. There’s a difference.
one time damian storms in. covered in blood. absolutely furious. 10/10 rage goblin energy. throws his sword. marches to the couch. sits. arms crossed. steaming.
tim takes one look at him and goes: “i’m making tea.”
jason: “that’s acceptable. tea is allowed. talking is not.”
bonus:
once bruce sits on it.
and the ENTIRE CAVE goes silent.
tim literally freezes mid-typing. cass stops mid-flip. jason just mutters “oh shit.”
they all leave. immediately.
the couch is not ready for bruce.
extra bonus:
alfred vacuums around the couch. never says a word. leaves snacks in a silent offering. once placed a weighted blanket gently on jason’s shoulder. that’s different. he’s allowed.
little delving! (notebooks available in my store!)
Interviewer, catching Damian in costume: Robin! Can you explain the process of picking up Robin or passing on the mantle?
Damian, mildly annoyed at Bruce at the moment: It's quite simple. Batmam steals young children from their bed, usually nine or ten or so. Then he takes you to his lair and give you a deal.
Damian: If you can beat him in a game of your choosing, he will train you to be Robin. If you lose, you are eaten. I beat him in a classic fencing game. He's quite good with swords, but he wasn't very good with the sport itself.
Tim, standing next to him: Yeah, I beat him at a memory card game. I like totally cheated, but I'm too old for him to eat now, so ot doesn't matter.
Damian, nodding: Yes. The worst part of the job is disposing of failed Robins bones. He usually sucks them clean and leaves them all over the floor.
Tim: Yeah, its messy. But after you hit, like 15 he stops trying to eat you, so that's cool.
Damian: I have not yet reached 15. I'm still in danger. If you have more questions, ask Nightwing, as he was the first to avoid being eaten.
-
Same interviewer, at a different date: Mr. Nightwing. Is it true Batman tries to eat potential Robins?
Dick, who has no idea what she's taking about: Yeah, it's really scary. His jaw unhinges like a snake.
When the Batkids all realise Bruce is so tooth rottingly supportive of his family, they start a competition to test just how far this support goes.
Jason makes tshirts with crude sayings and even cruder drawings on them.
Bruce wears them without question.
Tim makes an app that just tells you what your nut of the day is.
Bruce uses it everyday.
The rest of the clan try it themselves and only stop when Dick hires out a theatre and preforms a one man play slash interpretive dance for all the family.
Bruce is the only one to not pull out their phone or look bored even when the performance goes into its forth hour.
After that they realise there is no ceiling. They could do anything and Bruce will be behind them 100 percent.
robbing cazador's vault in the counting house together 🥰
(they forgot he doesn't show up in photos so the pictures just look like the bag is floating. it's in a frame on their mantle.)
