Let it go.

Hi, I'm a girl with a very active mind mostly at night that keep fighting with the heart to doesn't bring up the sad memories.

[rightfortheheart]

I'm back to here, rough night. So many things happened at ones, everyone wants my attention I'm tired of this dishes, cleaning, cooking, helping and at the end, I get complains I try to do everything the best I can. I'm in pain, damn hormones controlling me get me in tears and I'm still in tears. I needed him tonite and he.... well i dunno what happened, I just needed him. I still need him. But I don't want him away. I want him here, next to me, holding me, that's just a dream, eres la persona correcta en el momento equivocado :/. Is late 1:54am still awake with a crushed heart and a broken soul.

[rightfortheheart]

Is my bad to expect something to be different. He has more time for me these days yes and I appreciate that. But I dunno if is because he is old or I always expect more than my heart hurts more every time I wait in a special holiday a especial thing. Giving something material in a ldr is kinda tricky but is possible. I don't ask for him to buy me things, but I would love it if he writes me something or sketch something for me, I don't care if it is well done or right in line, it would be something very nice and sweet if he takes a time to tuck me in and tell me one of the pretty original bedtime stories he made for me. I feel less little every time he are away and not doing anything nice for me. Is very routinely now the hugs and kisses doesn't feel warm inside any more. I feel we are so much comfort with each other that feels just like a very good friendship as I can't find my daddy anymore. I know he is busy on holidays but I deserve more than just hugs and kisses.

[rightfortheheart]

Jealous, jealous.

I hate it. Is hurts to admit I'm so fucking jealous, but that's what i choice. I wish some many things to happen and I have the knowledge that doesn't have any future. I'm mad, upset at him that never has time for me. He says one thing and ugh. I'm jealous and hurts so much. And that was my choice at the end of all.

[rightfortheheart]

Several days staying up late and he sleeping early I think I have to change my sleep clock to could spend more time with him and not be worried he fell asleep on me. 1:48am early from the time ive been sleeping. Night night.

[rightfortheheart]

I miss him so much

[rightfortheheart]

Another night awake that's a fact coca cola is bad for me more if I drank it at night. I gonna die busy day tomorrow and I'm here writing to the universe. 3:00am. I hate worry about everything. I need a job urgently. Overthinking. He is asleep and all was weird tonite meh. Miss him.

[rightfortheheart]

Silly thing: Coca cola

I had a dinner with friends. And i drink too much soda and most of the time keep me awake so just drank when feel wear out. Now is 4:22am and I'm awake and i didn't have the need to stay awake this time. Someone could help me to get asleep? Impossible thing -cover face and screams-

[rightfortheheart]

He fell asleep, i need him more than anything but.... Distance suck. I want to see him :(. I feel very very overwhelmed and guilty, sad, worried and I dunno what to do. -cover face with teddy and hide under my blankie-

[rightfortheheart]

I want him now :(

Distance sucks... ...End of the post

[rightfortheheart]

Headache

Head hurts, is late, I miss loved ones, I just want him here, just when he is near I feel safe I forget all the bad things happen and I'm not sad anymore. Will try to sleep. 2:11 off

[rightfortheheart]

I don't like to grow up.

I'm weird and the tick tack in my head reminds me that I gonna get another year soon, not looking very good that day so far but still hopping things go better to that day.

[rightfortheheart]

It's hard to deal with when he is tired and ready to sleep and I just want to chat with him and share my day and talk silly things. I hate distance and all the things between that keep us apart. Ugh, I can't sleep and he is just meh. -cover face and scream- I just want him with me. Life is not fair with me, I don't like to think on my birthday is gonna be very pity this time. Is happen very soon. I gonna let you know here how it goes. Gonna try to sleep now. Busy day tomorrow and is 12:47am so late.

[dinahlances]

[rightfortheheart]

Crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life’s problems.

This is my favorite movie right now. Sadness control me most of the time.

[rightfortheheart]

Running lots of scenery on my mind.

I hate it, I dunno why happen that on me, when I'm insecure and scared to lose, especially when is a someone my avid imagination start to create lots and lots of scenes of the thing that could be wrong or happen badly. Or just feeling insecure that sucks, I don't like to feel like that. Just how am I all the time.

[rightfortheheart]

That's one of the days I can't sleep. So much things to think, decisions to do, being a grown up is not easy. I'm confused. I dunno what I'm gonna do.

[rightfortheheart]

Things got better

Last night was up late again XD but chatting with him, thanks god the night shift is over. I was about to get crazy (I’m exaggerating a bit :p). But I found the cure to all my bad nights, Him. Hoping things dont go crazy again soon.

[rightfortheheart]

Him.....

I miss him so bad, the night shift is the most horrible thing could exist. Distance is a gross thing, but I can handle it. But I need his messages, our nightly chats, oh gosh, I miss him so bad, that’s the second night for the record, hope this ends soon I miss him, his support right now, the silly sweet messages at morning ugh, this going be tough. Another night sleeping late.