rigor-mantis

some escapist bound to the earth

[rigormantis]

fall

lately i've been learning to play the great pumpkin waltz on the piano. a great song from the peanuts halloween special. i remember reading old peanuts comics from my dad and he would pirate the specials, put them on a usb and i would watch them in my family's old car which had tvs in the back.

i think the great pumpkin special might be my favorite peanuts special besides the christmas one of course. i remember laughing at how ridiculous linus was about the great pumpkin being real, and how he would do this every year despite everyone not believing him.

thinking about this song and the special really made me think about how i really didn't do much this halloween. it seems life is getting less and less festive and i'm losing all the joy and whimsy that once made me look forward to the latter half of the year. i'll be going to college in a couple of years, and maybe the lessening of childish festivity over the years is a signal for me to shed my own leaves and prepare for what is to come.

[rigormantis]

I'm literally

growing a stubble drinking shotglasses of milk whilst sad music plays on a nearby gramophone

[rigormantis]

dunno why but i've always found airplanes and airports very comforting

when i was much younger my family would always be travelling back and forth because the rest of my relatives lived on the other side of the world.

i remember when i would always dread the long hours waiting in immigration, and the fatigue i would get in my tailbone after hours of sitting, watching airplane movies, and drinking apple juice, but despite all that, it felt kind of nice to simply feel the cold air, and appreciate the unique atmosphere and aesthetic of the airport.

i kind of like the blue white and maybe yellow of the signs, walls, and everything. i like the simple yet human sounding chimes they would play on the speakers before any announcement, even if i was too young to even understand what was being said. i suppose i liked feeling like i was part of something important, getting my things scanned, having my own luggage and things to pack.

even nowadays, whenever i have to go onto a plane to go wherever, i always look forward to the surreal experience, and process of going someplace else. one of my biggest fears is change, that nothing is constant, and that nothing is reliable anymore. i think because of this i've come to appreciate the predictability and consistency of the process, and feeling of going to an airport and riding a plane.

[rigormantis]

i remember when i was younger, i had a toy pokeball (i think as a hand me down from a relative), which would play a sound when you pressed on it. i remember finding it stupid since it didn't know all pokemon, and it guessed things wrong, so i never really played with it after a short while, until i decided to use it again after sheer boredom.

strangely enough, instead of saying anything i would expect it to say, heck, even a coherent sentence, it would just blurt out these weird words. i remember after playing that sound over and over again for hours, trying to decipher whatever message it was trying to say one day. after a while, i decided on my own it was saying the numbers "3 1 3 4". in that order. i remember playing it over and over again, i started to gain a sense of rhythm in those repeated button presses. the "3 1, 3 4" of this maybe bootleg toy pokeball was kind of like a waltz, in its rhythm. there was always a mild pause after the "3 1" before the "3 4".

i didn't touch that thing ever again. for some reason i still remember that sequence of numbers that the toy might have never even said.

[rigormantis]

i bid you

a jew

[rigormantis]

i really like ramb as a character. the second i saw him, i was like, ehh, when i first started playing chapter 3, i was sick of how it seemed like there was barely any new thing, and it was just fanservice to those fans who are like, "ooooooooo ralsei is so cute", or like those who really just play deltarune for the characters and the dialogue. essentially, the merchandise's target audience. i mean, you do you i guess. after a while, i figured maybe that's intentional or something since its a TV world. purely for entertainment, nothing deeper. but the second i entered the green room, and spoke to ramb the second time after that one part in the beginning of the chapter where you're introduced to all the cast members and get to spend your dark dollars one last time before complying to whatever the hell points are, i knew something was up. for a bit, i thought he was going to be like a secret boss, but when i finished the... lost media levels? can i call them that? after i finished that section, and finally got to the part where he is completely stone and there is but an egotistical little pippins talking about how no one cared about him, i think that is where i appreciated ramb as a character the most.

i don't want this blog post to get too personal, but ramb really resonates with me as a character. i tend to get ambitious with my friends, my projects, and such. unfortunately, this comes with a cost. lately, i think those i've spoken to don't really understand me. i've been feeling pretty isolated lately, even if i have friends. i suppose when i found out about ramb, it felt pretty nice knowing someone also knows what it's like having a one-sided relationship with the things you love.

[rigormantis]

i really like this deltarune fansong because like i think it really nails down the theme of escapism. i liked asgore as a character in undertale and i think further exploring his mind (well, if he makes a fountain in his flower shop) and such is a good idea for chapter 5. it sounds so desperate to sound happy, and i commend the creator for that. it also sounds like a fantasy world and that really fits with deltarune so thats nice.

i hope laura shigihara does more stuff for deltarune, especially chapter 5, since it's probably garden themed. i mean, at least a plants vs zombies reference would be cool, but a pvz-inspired minigame would be cool too. would also be cool if she made a song for chapter 5.

i mean the art is also nice but i think its a bit generic