"The Vice-Captain has a Wife?! "
Summary : In which, Lohen drunkenly reveals he’s already married. (much to the knights shock) And thus starts a frantic investigation to uncover the identity of his mysterious wife.
Lohen X Reader
Warning : Masochism?
The tavern was silent.
Not completely silent, someone in the back was still attempting to sing an ancient ballad with the confidence of a dying goat, mugs still slammed against tables, the fire still cracked faintly... but silent enough that every knight slowly turned toward the vice-captain.
Lohen, the one man crazy enough to be feared by his own men. The man rumored to have once stared at an enemy commander until the poor bastard surrendered voluntarily.
A natural disaster bathed in human flesh. A weapon that learned how to breathe.
Currently was collapsed face-first onto the table with one arm hanging limply off the side.
Drunk beyond reason.
"... Wish my wife was here." he slurred into the wood, strands of his hair falling over his flushed face.
The entire table froze.
"…your what?" one knight asked carefully.
Lohen lifted his head just enough to glare at them with offended exhaustion.
"My wife." he repeated, slower this time. Almost reverent, as though the word itself tasted familiar on his tongue.
Then, as if that single admission had cost him everything he had left, he let his head fall back down again.
Nobody moved for a moment. Even the Grand Master Varka seemed to have sobered up from the sudden confession.
Then the whole tavern erupted into surprised screams.
"THE VICE-CAPTAIN IS MARRIED?!"
The investigation began immediately. Because this was catastrophic information.
First of all, the Vice Captain had never mentioned a wife before.
Which led to the second issue. None of them could even imagine a woman willing to marry him voluntarily.
This was a man who once smiled during a battle against a ruin guard. A man who described battlefields as 'refreshing.' A man who once broke an interrogation chair because the prisoner was 'taking too long.'
And yet, somewhere in the kingdom existed a woman who apparently looked at this terrifying creature and thought,
'Yes. I want that one forever.'
It was unbelievable!
The knights first approached the grandmaster for information.
He only exhaled, rubbing a hand down his face. "I have no clue. That was the first time I’ve ever heard him say it. "
He was about to continue, but froze when he saw the scheming looks on his subordinates faces.
"You are not spying on the vice-captain." he warned flatly.
They spied on the vice-captain.
Three days later, six fully armed royal knights crouched horribly behind bushes near a small house at the edge of town.
The hiding was atrocious.
One man was still wearing polished silver armor directly beneath the afternoon sun. Another had somehow gotten his cape caught on a tree branch ten minutes ago and was suffering in silence because nobody dared stand up to help him.
None of them were trained for espionage. Especially not against their vice-captain.
Lohen had entered twenty minutes earlier carrying grocery bags.
Grocery bags.
It was a horrible sight. The image alone had permanently damaged their ability to fear him correctly.
"He was smiling while looking at the carrots." one shuddered as he remembered the memory.
"The apples were the scariest. I still remember he made me do shooting practice with them!"
The men stared into the distance, rethinking every interaction with the vice captain when a sudden crash erupted from the house in front.
The entire group jolted violently.
"What was that?!"
A loud bang followed by another heavy THUD that rattled the windows rang.
One of the younger soldiers immediately grabbed the man beside him by the shoulders, eyes wide with panic. "She’s killing him!"
"No," another whispered reverently. "She’s... winning."
They seemed like they were on the verge of tears.
Inside however, you were laughing.
A chair had toppled somewhere behind you during the struggle, scraping loudly across the floor as you leaned over the table with a victorious grin, pinning your husband beneath you with both wrists trapped in your hands.
To anyone else it would have been a shocking scene. To you, it was just Tuesday with Lohen.
"Darling," you mused, pressing a kiss on Lohen's cheek. "I told you to bring potatoes, riiight?"
Lohen looked up at you without the slightest trace of remorse. "Did you? Must’ve slipped my mind."
You narrowed your eyes immediately, tightening your grip around his wrists. "Lohen."
His smile only widened.
"I distinctly remember warning you," you continued, voice dripping with amusement, "that if you forgot something again, I’d have to punish you."
"My wife is truly terrifying," he sighed dreamily, sounding far too delighted about that fact.
You scoffed, unable to stop yourself from laughing softly under your breath.
Sometimes you genuinely wondered if he provoked you on purpose simply because he enjoyed being handled like this.
Rolling your eyes, you finally loosened your grip, intending to let him up. But before you could pull your hands away, Lohen caught them.
Slowly, he guided your palms back against his chest, pressing them there until you could feel the steady thud of his heartbeat beneath your fingers. "... What about my punishment?"
"You -" you started.
"Come on," he murmured softly. "I’m waiting."
His fingers slid lazily along your arm, before he tugged you forward.
You stumbled against the table with a startled laugh, and he met you halfway, kissing you before another word could leave your mouth.
Outside, the knights heard nothing except another loud noise and became increasingly convinced you were the only human alive capable of defeating him.
They waited outside for nearly an hour, determined to finally glimpse at the mysterious wife.
But when the front door opened again, it was Lohen who stepped out.
The entire group froze.
His gaze swept calmly across the yard before stopping directly on the bushes they were hiding behind.
A terrible silence followed.
Then, very slowly, Lohen spoke. "...You are loud. Shut up."
The knights felt their souls briefly leave their bodies. One man immediately started praying under his breath. Another simply collapsed face-first into the grass as if accepting death in advance.
Lohen stared at the bushes with visible disappointment, as though deeply offended that these were somehow Mondstadt finest soldiers.
From inside the house, your voice called out. "Lohen! Help me with the dishes please!"
Instantly, the stern expression on his face melted. The transformation was genuinely horrifying.
"Yeah," he answered, voice gentler than any of them had ever heard before. "Coming."
He turned back to the doorway, but paused before glancing at the bushes.
The warmth disappeared instantly. "Leave," he said flatly. "Before I bury you here."
The knights did not need to be told twice. They fled immediately.
The next day, they approached you while Lohen was away on official business. You were in the marketplace buying vegetables when six grown knights appeared around you.
"…can I help you?" you asked slowly, holding a bundle of carrots mid-air.
The eldest knight bowed immediately. "Madam."
The others followed suit, slightly less coordinated, as though none of them had practiced basic human interaction before.
"We merely wish to understand…" another began carefully.
The youngest one finished. "How did you tame the vice-captain!?"
You blinked, smiling awkwardly at the suddenness of the question. "Tame?"
Another knight chimed in. "Yeah! We heard you defeat him yesterday!"
Your grip on the carrots loosened slightly. "Yesterday, I-"
"We were near your house! We heard EVERYTHING!"
A faint heat crept up your face. You were not fighting with him that day, in fact you were doing...something else entirely. "Oh well, that was not-"
"PLEASE TEACH US!"
Somehow, one thing had led to another, and now you were standing in the center of the training grounds with a sword in your hands.
You were fairly certain this was not how your morning was supposed to go.
Yet, the training grounds became utterly packed. Word spread through the city in under an hour.
'The vice-captain’s mysterious wife is going to duel him.'
Knights climbed fences. Servants placed bets. Someone sold pastries as though this were an official festival.
Varka stood at the sidelines with the expression of a man trying very hard not to encourage this while also clearly enjoying it.
Then, finally, Lohen entered.
The crowd immediately fell silent.
He had just returned from a mission, blood smeared across his coat. And seeing you standing in front of him with a sword in hand was a sight he had not expected.
"...Why are you holding a weapon?"
"Your subordinates asked me to duel you." you smiled brightly, swinging the sword to show off your non-existent skills.
He stared at you. Then turned his head slightly toward the gathered knights.
"…After this is over," he said calmly, voice almost pleasant, "you are all dead."
The knights immediately looked anywhere except at him.
The duel began.
Or rather, you attacked while Lohen simply existed.
The crowd watched in growing disbelief as the kingdom’s most terrifying warrior lazily parried your strikes while staring at you like a man witnessing divine revelation.
Every strike you made was reckless with confidence, mimicking the techniques you had once watched him perform with terrifying grace. You knew he would never let you fall.
And he never did.
Whenever your footing slipped against the dirt, his hand was already there at your waist or your arm, steadying you before you could stumble.
His touch lingered just long enough for him to guide your body back into balance before allowing you another hit against him—as though the duel existed solely to indulge you.
The Vice Captain wasn't even trying. Every lazy parry carried restraint. Every blocked strike looked suspiciously gentle. The knights watching from the sidelines began exchanging horrified glances as realization dawned upon them.
Their vice-captain was not losing because you were stronger.
He was losing because he adored you.
Then you moved suddenly.
Your foot swept behind his ankle, your body twisting with sharp precision, and before anyone could react, Lohen crashed onto his back with enough force to shake the dirt beneath him.
You planted your foot against his chest, pinning him down as your sword tilted beneath his chin, gleaming beneath the sunlight.
"You lose, Lohen."
The arena exploded behind you, people screamed, some clapped, some threw their helmets to the sky after seeing someone beating the most feared warrior.
But Lohen heard none of it. Not when you stood above him like this.
The sun framed you in gold, wind tangling through your hair as you smiled down at him with triumphant amusement. His heartbeat pounded violently beneath your foot, and to his own embarrassment, he realized this might genuinely be the happiest moment of his miserable life.
His gloved hand slid slowly around your ankle. Not to move you, but simply to touch.
His thumb brushed against the fabric gathered near your calf before trailing higher in a teasing stroke that made your breath hitch.
"We should do this often..." he muttered.
You tried to pull your leg away, but his grip only tightened slightly, trapping you there with infuriating ease.
His gaze dropped lazily to the foot pressing against his chest, "I think," he said, voice rough with laughter and something warmer, "I just discovered I enjoy being humiliated by my wife."
You snorted, tilting his chin back slightly with your foot. "You are so weird, Lohen."
Still, you indulged him. Because no matter how ridiculous he was, no matter how utterly hopelessly devoted he became around you...
you never got tired of him either.
His grin softened at your insult. "And yet, you married me anyway."
Unfortunately, that was true.
Sensing the sudden romantic atmosphere, the crowd slowly dispersed.
Knowing if anyone interrupted whatever deeply concerning moment this had become, Lohen would happily gouge their eyes out for witnessing it.
And from that day onward, the knights accepted two undeniable truths.
First, Vice-Captain Lohen was catastrophically and humiliatingly in love with his wife.
And worse....
She was somehow even more dangerous than he was.
Fin
ANOTHER LOHEN FIC CUZ HE'S RELEASING SOON!!
We don't know Lohen's age but I do believe he is older than 20. Obviously they aren't married in this, but it's just that Lohen wants to call her his wife. So all this is just a misunderstanding from the knights part 😝
Hope you enjoyed ❤️ LET ME KNOW YR THOUGHTS
