severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person
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@rinwreck
severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person
On my epitaph; carve out your name and a few apologies.
A million lifetimes spent in this moment
I saw you leave; the smile on your lips a remnant memory of you
It was like a film on fast forward
I was born, I met you, I died
A million lives like this
In each one you left or I did
Everything flashed before my eyes as you said your final goodbye
How do I learn to despise this smile?
The only memory I have left of you besides your name
Have I already lived a million lifetimes without you?
But we're still in this moment
This moment that you spoke of leaving
It's only words but I felt your absence and I couldn't bear it
I didn't know I had it in me to love you so dearly, to hold onto you
Or did I feel guilty for abandoning you?
Was it the bitter taste of regret that had me doubling over on the floor?
Am I so selfish that I love you just to say it and keep you just to need you
I don't have it in me to be humane I just don't need any more grief on my plate
This heartbreak-
Is all the salt in the sea.
It's time encapsuled in moments
A million rooms of grief I enter,
A white seat awaits me
Every room I hear of similar heartbreaks
Everytime it's like acid in my lungs
A day spent with love is ten days in anguish
This heartbreak-
Is a lifetime of regret.
ma will it matter how my exam went if i don't want to live anymore? Will it matter if I get that award will getting an A make me want to live again?
I plan my death everyday
Weaving thread by thread at every inconvenience
I assure myself today is the last piece
I just need the confidence
I just need to know where I'll end up
Then I'm overly enthusiastic
It's like my mind's playing tricks to keep me here
To delude myself into thinking I have reason
Nevertheless in the middle of a bright morning,
A time spent with family where I'm laughing
The thought comes back and I pick up the threads
Piecing it together, waiting to reach the last
You are someplace else
But I knew you once
We're in another time
But I knew you once
You sound different,
from the look of your eyes to the way you speak
Amidst the caricature of features there's still some I know
You start to seem like a myth
But I swear, I knew you once
Why did I live to see this day?
While I'm gasping for breath on my bed
You're living, truly living
While I try to move on from the impact
You're not even aware of
Forgiveness is lost on me and perhaps
I've forgotten most of the things
But you linger in every touch
Every expression of love
In the corners of my room
In old pictures; in the mirror looking at me
You haunt me
My name is Abdelmajed Elderawi. I am from Gaza. What I write isn't just a story; it's the shattered reality my family and I breathe every single day. My campaign is verified by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is (#492)
The numbers you hear about Gaza â the thousands killed, the tens of thousands injured, the hundreds of thousands displaced, the near-total destruction â they aren't abstract. They are our neighbors, our streets, our homes. They were my family.
In one horrific moment, a missile strike took everything. It didn't just destroy our family home, the heart of our lives; it erased over 25 souls who made our world whole. My mother. My sister. My older brother, whose death was so complete his very existence was erased from records. His wife. Their three daughters. My uncle, his wife, their sons, their grandchildren. Generations gone. Lives filled with meals shared, laughter echoing, dreams woven together â reduced to dust and unbearable silence.
Somehow, my brother and I survived the rubble that buried our loved ones. We crawled out, not to freedom, but into a Gaza that is now a landscape of ruins, famine stalking its people (as international agencies confirm), and where disease threatens amidst the shattered remnants of a healthcare system. Only a handful of hospitals function partially, medicines are scarce, and clean water is a daily struggle. Over 90% of us are displaced, clinging to existence in tents or the shells of broken buildings.
This is the context of our survival.
My brother and I now carry a weight heavier than the concrete that crushed our home: the responsibility to rebuild something from nothing. For our grieving father. For our surviving siblings. For the memory of those stolen from us. We carry the responsibility to defy the erasure that tried to claim my brother.
Why We Fundraise (Amidst the Ruins):
This fundraiser isn't just about survival (though survival itself is a battle here). It's about defiance. It's about planting a seed of hope in scorched earth. We aim to:
Rebuild our family home: The physical anchor of our shattered family, completely destroyed. A place where our father can find some safety and dignity in his remaining years.
Provide basic support: Ensuring our father and surviving siblings have the essentials to live â food, water, shelter â in a place where these are not guaranteed.
Create a safe space: A haven, however small, where the next generation of our family, those who miraculously survived, might know a sliver of stability and peace instead of constant trauma.
Your Support is Our Lifeline:
We aren't asking for charity; we're asking for a chance to stand again. To reclaim a fragment of the life buried under the rubble. To honor our lost family not just with tears, but with action. To build a future where their memory has a home.
In a place where hope is rationed, your belief in us, your solidarity, is the fuel that keeps us going. Please, if you can, help us rebuild.
Please Share. Please Donate if Possible.
My campaign is verified by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is (#492)
My name is Abedmajed Elderawi, and I live in Gaza with what remains of my once large and loving family.
With profound respect and gratitude, Abdelmajed Elderawi Gaza, Palestine
There is an emptiness
Where my heart used to be
I can feel the void stirring
In a trance my eyes stare out
I'm aware of every breath released
Every breath taken in
Then it's heavy; my whole body made of lead
I'm sinking in mercury; your absence felt
You are not here and you never will be
Even if i scourge the world, I'll only find your body
At peace I hope; I try not to hold grudges
This is how you left me
On the mending, the linkages falling apart now
I wait like a machine awaiting command
How are you any different from the monster that made you?
But I suppose that is the point.
As time passes the differences shrink
Slowly dissolving into one person.
The monster becomes you
It's your reflection on his mirror
Just that, you are the result of a consequence.
Perhaps someone's regret?
You were not made to live.
How was I supposed to walk away
When you said you stayed up
so we could talk more
All the times you've been the sweetest soul
How could I walk away
When I heard your laugh echo in my heart?
When you made me feel at ease
When you treated me so gently while all my life I've been thrown around?
But I couldn't afford to get attached
Because I know how it ends
So I secretly wished we met at a different time and age
I wished I was mature enough to love you right
And I wished I could give you everything you needed
But right now I am half the person I ever was,
Hoping like the silly girl I am that you;
A human being, a person- a whole being
Could make me complete.
If I were to drop to my knees and apologize,
would you take me back?
To find that comfort, to know you again.
The privilege of being your best
The sadness we could share.
I've become a burden to all that around
Unknowingly I've been wringing people dry of love for me
I just want to know what it feels like to be constant.
Not a drifter anymore, just an anchor to hold me down
I've been changing like a mad breeze
I can't even recognize who this is
But I see you and you know me
I hope you know me enough
The first blow; they suspect something's wrong, they start digging.
Second; they get to know you, really know you and you see the change in their eyes. You are not the same person anymore.
Third; they get distant, unable to deal with all of you. They start to get wary from thinking how to treat you, comfort you; make you right again.
The realization swept over me like a cold splash of tidal wave, jolting me awake from a trance; I did this to myself.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel
A golden blinking light; a few bulbs actually
It's only there when I stand still and look
It only exists when I have no intention of reaching it
When I walk there is fog, and heavy rain
Obscuring my vision or maybe
The lights disappear