don't you mind?

❝ What is honor compared to a woman's love ? What is duty against the feel of a newborn son in your arms or the memory of a brother's smile? We are ( o n l y ) human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our greatest tragedy. ❞

[kanjabeto-deactivated20180421]

[yo-scully]

[wordsnquotes]

— I’m in pain all the time. — Where? — Inside. I can’t explain it.

Clarice Lispector,  The Hour Of The Star  (via neverwrites)

[hs--confessions-blog]

I think Vik's too good for Olivia. It's not like she wants him, she's always pushing him away.

“Look, it’s the fucking end of the world. Nobody’s too good for anyone. And Ritvik’s a big boy, he can make his own terrible decisions like the rest of us. Just, uh, from what I hear? Maybe they shouldn’t have a bunch of Vik and Oliie Jr.s running around is all I’m saying.”

[ritvikchopra-blog]

liketoyzombies:

The brunette was not blind to those outside herself. She was actually quite perceptive. She supposed most teachers had to be in order to keep a steady, careful eye over the children they were mean to guide. Changes in behavior, in emotional state, in academic success – those were all things she’d picked up on. It was much the same with adults, even if nowadays there were barely a handful of them she actually kept tabs on. That being said, Ritvik was acting strange. The joy his lips tried to express hardly reached his eyes, and Olivia was half tempted to ask. Then again, she could probably guess. Everything had gone down the shit hole. The city had been in flames and the outright fear that had consumed them all would’ve likely left a scar. Maybe that was it. Maybe not. Either way, she kept her mouth shut and her questions to herself. Whatever strained him he’d deal with in his own time, in his own way, and if he needed a helping hand she was there for him. But she wouldn’t push.

“Maybe,” she replied, eyes dragging to the attic door down the hall, “there’s just a few more things I need to take.” The hardest baggage, certainly. The scariest. The silliest. And, on all accounts, the least necessary. Walking to the hall, she pulled down the attic ladder and slowly began to climb. Near the edge rest a box, plain and cardboard, stuffed with all the things she wished to erase, but all the things she couldn’t bring herself to burn. Olivia was grateful for not doing so, because now facing these things could become the answer to recovery. Another step. Sliding the box into her arms, she felt how heavy it was. Though the weight didn’t rest solely on her limbs; it was in her chest, too. Pulsing. Aching. The anxiety of it all made her hands tremble, as well as her feet. “Have you ever felt…” she pursed her lips, unsure of what she even wanted to ask, “…never mind. I just,” Olivia took a breath, shook her head and climbed down, box in her hands. “Whatever you see today, please just…” hazel eyes looked down at the box, fingertips pressing tighter against the material, “…just don’t freak out, okay? Please.” If it sounded like she was begging, that was completely intentional, because she was. It made her head feel light, her mouth dry, her chest even heavier, and her limbs trembled with the sheer image of him, running away because of what she’d done. That’d complete her biggest fear, the one reason she’d tried to keep him and Gwen at arm’s length. “Only for today – I promise that after that you can do whatever feels best to you, even if that means never coming back.” Finally, she managed to lift her gaze to his, and the plea was written loudly on her face and in the way salty liquid had gathered at the corners of her eyes. “Just don’t leave me alone today.”

He easily set down the box he had been holding to then follow her silently in hopes of finishing the job. The quiet, while it tended to be more common than not with them, was suffocating Vik slowly. The simplest of conversations allowed for him to escape from his mind for just a little while. Ritvik wasn’t a hopeless romantic, and they definitely were not in a relationship, but just the sound of her voice could drag him out of the tug of war between self-doubt and hope going on inside of his head. He KNEW that he cared for her, and he could even argue that he loved her — in love — no, but Vik had come to realize after the attack that he loved her, the woman who constantly was yelling at him to just leave her alone, just as much as ( and even more than some of ) his old campmates. If he didn’t, there would be no way that she would possess such a hold over him. He was left waiting patiently, clinging onto her every last word as she stumbled, searching for what she wanted ask. It was pathetic, but it would allow him that salvation that he desired so feverishly. 

When silence RESURFACED again, his eyes dropped determined to focus solely on the box that he was now picking up. So focused on this menial task, Vik almost jumped when Olivia started again. Moving his gaze from the boxes that they both held in their arms to her eyes, Vik couldn’t help but raise a brow. Freak out? Everyone held skeletons in their closets, things they wanted to hold near and never let the public see. The story of how he had lost his leg was just one of his, and he was beginning to realize that maybe his insistence on keeping it buried deep, laid an assortment of other secrets from his past that he felt were unnecessary to dwell on, was the one thing that was causing all this pain now. “—Olivia, you will NEVER have to worry about that — at least.. not if I have any say in that.” His eyes held hers, more confident in what he was saying than he had been in weeks. While he would never be able to promise that he wouldn’t ever leave her, whether raiders or undead or even a freak sickness, he was confident that he would do everything in his power to stay by her side. “You’re stuck with me, alright? As much as you’ve told me that I’m annoying or that I should just leave, you’ve got me.”

The pain that had been residing in his leg where it met the prosthetic was slowly making its way up to his chest, gripping tightly at his heart, squeezing his lungs. Vik couldn’t tell what hurt more: the strain on his still healing wound or the fact that she still wasn’t confident in his loyalty to her ( maybe even because she knew as well as he did that he often couldn’t live up to everyone’s expectations, as seen with his most recent blunder during the attack ). 

[owenelliot]

[ritvikchopra-blog]

theo-lancing:

     Theo exhaled deeply, looking up at the ceiling of the random house he was staying in. He did know if he could even fall asleep, but he knew he need to. He’d barely had an hour of sleep when the raiders hit Cheyenne, and now that they’re gone, now would be a good time to actually sleep. 

     His eyes began to flutter shut when the sound of footsteps inched towards the bedroom he was staying in. Theo grumbled to himself as he quickly grabbed his pistol and aimed it at the door. “I’m not in the mood to shot this thing, so it’d be great it you’d just leave.”

“Well I guess it’s a good thing I’m not particularly in the mood to be shot.” There was nothing scathing about his tone; it remained flat, almost curious. “—Can’t blame a man for looking for a quiet place to lay down for a few hours can you, mate?” Empty hands remained exposed for the other man to see as he rounded the doorframe to show himself. 

[ritvikchopra-blog]

just-aspen:

“What?” she said, kicking the car door shut with her foot, taking the time to lean against it, “do I got somethin’ on my face?”

It was almost STRIKING how similar the young girl was to his old students. Without noticing it, Vik had found himself staring at her from afar in amazement. Children were not uncommon, but the majority of those that he had come upon were either much younger or closer to the high school age. “Nothing on your face as far as I can tell. — Sorry to stare. You just remind me of someone.” 

[ritvikchopra-blog]

liketoyzombies:

@ritvikchopra

When the nightmare ended, when she collected her thoughts from the ashes of despair, her feet carried her home. She’d – very fortunately – stumbled upon a man (his name started with M, if she remembered correctly) who helped ease the pain on her ankle. Nothing broken, he’d said, nothing sprained. Olivia had been lucky. A bit more than lucky, too. Walking around like that, half dead and with a loud head, had been nothing short of dangerous. But surviving it…there had to be a reason for that. And by reason, it didn’t mean some cosmic mumbo jumbo – maybe something more like unfinished business. If anything, it’d put things into perspective. 

The utter emptiness that’d filled her chest was she wandered, unsure of what fate had befallen her dearest companions (though later she learned that they were okay), had sowed a simple seed in her mind. One little idea that made the aftermath of destruction taste a little less bitter. And that was the seed of recovery, whatever it was that entailed. Far from forgiveness she was, certainly, but living in a self-made hole wasn’t thanking anyone’s sacrifice – it wouldn’t bring her student back nor erase what she’d done to him to survive. It wouldn’t possibly give any kind of closure to anyone, let alone her. Olivia would never forget what had happened, how it’d happened, but maybe…just maybe…she could learn to live with it. Not cower in a corner, not slip into a state of barely being. But live, in a way. 

Baby steps. Always baby steps. Like teaching a child to read: patience was key. Only now the patience had to be with herself. Outgrow the fear. Rise above it. But never forget. The feat would not be easy, but nothing worth the while ever had been. So she’d try for the sake of never feeling that emptiness again, not living and knowing so many things were left undone. Unsaid. Which was why she needed to leave this wreck of a home now, move somewhere new. Change the scenery, sure, but not the history. Olivia slipped a few more articles of clothing into a duffle bag before zipping it up. Her eyes traveled around the room once she walked down the hall, setting the bag down once she reached the living room. “That’s almost everything,” she murmured to her helper – her friend. “Just…a few more things.”  

The pain from the physical weight was almost nonexistent. But with the recent events, the few bags that he held felt like anchors. It was no secret that Vik was still trying to recover from the past few weeks and the strain it put on his leg, but his DOUBT was what was swallowing him whole. Even the simplest of tasks became treacherous because he couldn’t force himself to believe that he could do something helpful for someone else without failing them again. It was with that fear and uncertainty that he decided to stay by himself after the camps were remade. Why Olivia even entrusted him, of all people, to help was beyond him. He wanted, more than anything, to be there for her. If helping with her moving was what she needed, then he would do it ( but not without the nagging feeling that he was being too slow or not careful enough with her belongings ). 

“—I think we can get it all in this last load don’t you?” A smile, not necessarily fake but certainly not his usual shining grin, pulled upwards on his lips. He had experienced first hand how a certain environment could change EVERYTHING. The airport, and more specifically the people living with him there, had provided him with security and a family. ( It was just on his side where he was lacking with returning the favor. ) By Olivia just considering moving, it seemed as if she was already getting better. In the same way, he hoped that his decision to move away from the camp group setting would help him. Maybe it was only by himself that he could truly become stronger, become the person and the protector that his friends had needed all along — the person that he had FAILED to be. 

[desimalemodels]

Sidharth Malhotra

[ritvikchopra-blog]

elizacurtis:

Eliza sent an arrow flying into the bushes. She’d heard a rustling in the leaves. Eliza was already on high alert from her terrible nerves, and the sinking sun only made it worse. “Who’s there?” she asked in a low voice. She didn’t want to attract anyone, or anything for that matter, so she kept her voice quiet. She loaded another arrow and pointed it into the bushes as she awaited someone to show their face.

Panic coursed through his blood as the arrow struck the ground not too far from him. Carefully, his EMPTY hands rose into the air for the shooter to see. “Ritvik Chopra, old member of the airport camp. I was just making my way back to my place.” He didn’t know this girl; she could be someone like him: lost and confused, or she could very well be a left over raider. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

[ritvikchopra-blog]

liketoyzombies:

When the first wave hit, the most prominent sentiment was fear. For the house – her safe haven –, for herself, for others – they were few in her head, flashes of beautiful, kind faces merging and meshing in her mind. Gwen; she remembered this name with each step. Oh, how she smiled; how wonderful a woman she’d been and how Olivia had never shown a compassion of equal measure. Ritvik; another name, puffing out of her with each sorrowful exhale. How beautiful a man, inside and out; how terribly she’d tended to his every attention. And with them both she’d failed to express one simple truth, one simple sentiment: love. 

Perhaps they were both gone now; her pessimistic self was shouting their demise in her ears. These numbing thoughts, combined with the hideous cries of the children that were no more than a product of her fractured imagination, hardly eased the pain in her twisted ankle. Paranoid was a subtle term to express what she felt, how the children whispered monster behind her shoulders and disappeared as she turned to face them. Trails of stinging tears rolled down her cheeks, as silent ‘sorrys’ left her cracked lips, and with each aimless step another wave of hideous hurt crawled up her leg.  

Cinder blocks seemed to be tied to his body as he trudged through the ruins that he used to call HOME. In some ways he should have considered himself lucky. His latest encounter had ended in both Olivia and him walking away ( practically ) unscathed. ‘Look for the positives’, he used to spout whenever possible. But even what should have been seen as a positive — surviving that and now this — was clouded by the thought of all those that he left behind. The dangerous combination of fatigue, regret, guilt, and hypocrisy was the perfect formula for his demise. Ritvik was drained. He should have been with them: his campmates —Olivia, but he had been taking time to himself, clearing his head. The harmless act had turned out to be pointless, devastating even. MAYBE if he had been there, he could have done something, but now he was left with the swirling ‘what ifs’ and distant memories of his mistake and accident that had made him weak in the first place.

The distant screeching of rubber on tires somewhere in the back of his mind slowly faded into the faded into the soft cries near him. The effort it took to simply turn his head towards the source of the cries was a struggle all in itself, but deciphering between reality of another made-up illusion was on a LEVEL of its own. It looked like her: brown hair, small but built figure, but he could just as easily be crafting her image out of some sort of final desperate thread of hope and delusion. Vik wanted nothing more than to approach her, to wrap his arms around her, and to be sure of her existence, but he knew Olivia. If this really, truly was her, there was a high chance that she wouldn’t want any of that. “Is that you? — Olivia?”

[ritvikchopra-blog]

웃 ( for kyuri. i' m ... will i ever log into her account again? more at 6. )

ASK MEME // ( @bladesofglories. )

“I’m worried that I’m going to sound dumb, but she reminds me of one of those plants that my mom used to have around the house— um.. mimosa pudica? Just very gentle and soft, someone with a lot of beauty that draws people in.”

[ritvikchopra-blog]

웃 nad

ASK MEME // ( @fvccvbvs. )

“Nadja’s easily one of my favorite people in Cheyenne; she keeps me on my toes and laughing, which is something that you can’t take for granted nowadays.”

[mclancholias-blog]

BOLD what applies to your muse.

PLACE IN SOCIETY

financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty.

medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged.

class or caste: upper / middle / working / slave / unsure.

education: qualified / unqualified / studying.

criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no.

FAMILY

married - happily / married - unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated.

has a child or children / has no children / wants children.  

close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased.

orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s).

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

extroverted / introverted / in between.

disorganized / organized / in between.

close minded / open-minded  / in between.

calm / anxious / in between.

disagreeable / agreeable / in between.

cautious / reckless / in between.

patient / impatient / in between.

outspoken / reserved / in between.

leader / follower / in between.

empathetic / unemphatic / in between.

optimistic / pessimistic / in between.

traditional / modern / in between.

hard-working / lazy / in between.

cultured / un-cultured / in between 

loyal / disloyal / in between.

faithful / unfaithful / unknown. 

BELIEFS:

monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic.

belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in an afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in aliens: yes  / no / don’t know / don’t care.

religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious.

philosophical: yes / no.

OPINIONS

pro-choice / anti-abortion /  doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-marriage / anti-marriage / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-death penalty / anti-death penalty  / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-drug legislation / anti-drug legislation / doesn’t know or on the fence.

left wing / right wing / middle / doesn’t know or on the fence.

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual.

sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable.

romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable.

sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious.

potential sexual partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all.

potential romantic partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all.

ABILITIES

combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

HABITS

drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. 

other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

medicinal drugs: never / sometimes  / frequently / to excess. 

indulgent food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. 

splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

[hellstate--rp-blog]

↪ b a s i c s ;

N A M E: Ritvik “Vik” Chopra A G E: 28 P L A C E   O F   O R I G I N: London, England G R O U P: Cheyenne Regional Airport O C C U P A T I O N: Carer F C: Sidharth Malhotra

❝ Softness is not weakness. It takes courage to stay delicate in a world this cruel. ❞

↪ p e r s o n a l i t y ;

P O S I T I V E   T R A I T S: empathetic ; tenacious N E G A T I V E   T R A I T S: stubborn ; opportunistic

↪ b i o g r a p h y ;

L I F E   B E F O R E   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

The choice to move to the UK was an easy one for the Chopra family. With a job opportunity and a baby on the way, the couple uprooted themselves and set their sights on the city of London. When they arrived, they felt the pressures to quickly assimilate into the Western culture. They had no intentions of sticking out, especially when this was the first big break that Mr. Chopra had had in years. Varun Chopra had been involved in small Bollywood films in the past, but nothing to keep him from taking extra jobs on the side to keep his wife and him afloat. With a notice from his agent that there was a big screen movie looking for someone with his physical description, he didn’t think before uprooting his life and moving there. The role was stereotypical and racist, with Mr. Chopra playing an unsociable, uncharismatic IT professional, but it brought him money and opened up other opportunities for small roles.

When their son Ritvik was finally born, the couple was able to raise him like the good little London boy that they wanted him to be. Naming him with a traditionally Indian name was even an argument they had, but the two settled on him going by Vik instead. They placed the boy into a nice private school where he would grow up like the normal boy that he was always destined to be. He wasn’t exceptionally brilliant by any means, but while he was average in school, he absolutely excelled in athletics. Vik was pure muscle, and with his tenacious spirit, rugby was more than easy to him. His father was never exceptionally popular, but the money he received all went to providing his son the best opportunity possible to continue his studies and athletics at a university.

He had offers from across the country to have him join their college rugby teams, but Vik was never able to make it that far. On a random night a few months after his high school graduation, the boy was being a typical teenager out with his friends. With the bass blasting and alcohol pumping through their veins, not one of the kids in the car noticed the semi barreling towards them. That was of course until someone screamed, and the driver overcorrected, sending the small compact car into a roll.

When Vik woke up in the hospital four days later, he was told that two of his friends who hadn’t been wearing seatbelts were thrown from the vehicle and died on impact. The driver was fine physically but would have to live with this forever. The girl who had been in the passenger seat was braindead. Oh – but Vik? “He was lucky” they assured him. “He had needed his left leg amputated after it was severely crushed under the car, but he was alive.”

He despised everything for a long time. He hated the fact that his parents now looked at him with disappointment in their eyes. He hated that everyone now pitied him when they used to praise him for his confident attitude and strength. He hated how he could have stopped this from happening to himself. If he would have not hopped in the car, Vik could have been spending his final months as a high schooler being dumb and preparing himself for a normal post high school experience. Instead he spent it in the hospital, slowly learning how to live with one less leg and a bag of self hatred and regret.

But as much as he thought his life had ended with that crash, Vik adapted and moved on with everything. It wasn’t the future that he had pictured back when he was in high school, but he was determined to continue on with his love for sports and athletics. Vik went on to study education, and pursued a career as an elementary school gym teacher. It wasn’t the flashy job in cinema like his father, and it certainly wasn’t a professional rugby career, but he was able to share his love of athletics to kids that looked at him like he was a superhero rather than a failure. His leg didn’t define him.

L I F E   D U R I N G   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

While his father had continued on with fairly small insignificant roles, the Chopras were happily surprised when he was given a medium sized role in a Hollywood production. When the premiere came around, Ritvik was happy to take a vacation out to LA to help support his father. Talk had been circulating about a possible outbreak, but it wasn’t until his plane had to make an emergency landing in the Cheyenne Regional Airport that he realized the extent of what was happening. It was as if he was watching one of his father’s early low budget films. People were ripping each other from their limbs and all Vik could do was fumble away in terror from the horror scene that was playing out in front of him.

He spent a lot of time during the beginning of the outbreak moving around the town to find some sort of safe haven. It wasn’t until he happened upon a group of survivors in the airport that he began to calm down even slightly. Vik had always been a people person, never wanting to be without another person for more than a day. Despite the fact that the outside world continued to terrify him, he was at least with people that would be there to struggle through it all with him.

L I F E   A F T E R   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

For coming from a family with a history of constantly adapting to any situation, Vik once again did not disappoint when it came to the outbreak. He was not perfect by any means; he didn’t think anyone could be, but he found his place in the camp as their carer and did his best to excel at it. He was never a huge softhearted man, but his time with the children taught him to be a more comforting force that people often looked to when things looked bleak. That isn’t to say though that he has no backbone. As he told himself long ago, he would not let anyone look at him as weak for any reason, especially his leg. In battle, he’s a force to be reckoned with. Vik simply keeps that contained for when only truly necessary.

[ritvikchopra-blog]

hauntedhunting:

The sports bra and underwear she’d been in was soaked completely through from treading water in the pond. She thought of a few times when she and Jesse had been allowed to go swimming at the Umatilla Reservoir and how annoying it was–still was–to pull jeans over wet legs, damp swimsuits. With strategic wiggling of her legs, she pulled the jeans up–grateful they were at least her baggier ones–and pulled a tanktop over her head. Aw she began putting on her boots, she called out to him. “I’m decent now–or close to.” The socks were just as challenging as the jeans and she used the outside of one to brush off the debris that had stuck to her feet in her walk to her things. “My name’s Hunter. Nothin’ to hold against you.” She laughed. “I normally try to be a skosh more clothed when I meet folks myself.”

Hearing that she was dressed, Vik allowed her just a moment longer before carefully peaking back. "Hunter? Well then, pleasure to meet you.” A slow walk over ( he really did have to get his leg checked ), and Vik was extending his hand to her. “I apologize if I’m assuming incorrectly, I don’t exactly get outside of my camp as much as I’d like, but are you new here or just passing through?” She didn’t seem to be a threat by any means. If she wanted to harm him, she could have done so by now while his back was turned to her. He didn’t have any weapons on him; if anything, he was an easy target for anyone with a weapon. But his questioning wasn’t about figuring that out, it was casual, actual intrigue. Whether friend or foe, it was important to know at least surface level information about the people that he was living in Cheyenne with.