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new year’s resolution is to stop thinking of her every single day of my life

Same for this year you pathetic bitch

I find myself still looking at her social media to see her stories. And it clicked for me today that I’m checking to see if she is having a better life than I am. And to be honest it seems like she is. My health is shit, she’s got her own apartment, my job sucks, she makes lattes and gets her nails done, I never see my friends bc I either don’t want to or I bc they annoy me beyond belief, and she is out here painting and talking about love and growth with her best friend. Who even is her best friend? Who doesn’t tag their best friend? Is it her boyfriend or did she grow up and get the ability to form a friendship. And it would be so funny to me if her best friend was her bf’s sister. She talked shit about the folks who come out of that side of town and now I guarantee that’s where she moved to. How is her intern job even paying her enough to have her own apartment? Yeah she’s definitely having a better life than I am. I can’t find anybody to share my love, I live with my mom, my job is pathetic, and I sit here every night to see if she has posted. I bet she never checks in on me because she fucking hates me, she never loved me, and she has forgotten me entirely.

#oop #rant #sorry I just had to get that out #I hate her so much #like literally hate her #I remember saying I’d always have love for her and ive never been more wrong #not an ounce of love exists for her and it hasn’t for a long time #I think I just loved who I was when we were together because she was a horrible girlfriend #truly

I think I just have a crush on the idea of having easy relationships. Like quick, fun, easy, loving friendships. If I click with someone I don’t mean to jump to more than friends, but it happens. It’s like I get ~the time of day~ all of a sudden and I think I’m hot shit. But in reality, I have a fun, easygoing personality that can click well with like-minded individuals. It doesn’t mean everyone has a crush on me back. Get over yourself, yaknow?

I went to plug in my earbuds to my computer today and had completely forgot which side the hole was on. It’s crazy because for two and a half years I knew that plug was on the right side. For two and a half years I used that cord daily. And now I never touch it. I have had no need for earbuds or headphones or skype calls or facetimes. That muscle memory vanished, and I’m so fucking glad.

#hope you’re enjoying Greece you fucking cunt

new year’s resolution is to stop thinking of her every single day of my life

#lgbt #queer #wlw #poem #poetry #break up #it’s not that serious #but I wish she wasn’t still in my head

riverbody

i have a crush

riverbody

never again will i allow myself to have a crush

tell me why my heart is breaking again, like I feel triggered. i don’t want to be august-ed again

i have a crush

the moment you don’t want to do everything alone is the moment you’ve found a partner. this applies to friends too. like sure, i want to visit the next town over, but i want to do it with you. i want to get hot chocolate and go to the pumpkin patch, but only if you’re by my side. it’s crazy how that works.

Realizing this July is so much better than last July because last July I felt so alone and unloved and didn’t even realize it. Last July I had a partner who didn’t love me, a partner who wouldn’t spend time on me, a partner who amazoned me a bday gift that meant nothing to her, a partner who couldn’t even give me a birthday card which is the only thing I ask for. This year, I’m on my own but I don’t feel alone. I’m on my own but I’m happy and I don’t uncontrollably sob because I feel unloved, I love myself enough. This July is better. I’m getting my masters degree and I’m getting published and I’m fucking killing it rn. I have a job, I’m interviewing for another one back home, I am so fucking happy. I get to be back with my friends again too! This is good, I am doing good.

i just realized that the 27th passed and i didn’t think of you and the heartache you have brought me

there are no mosquitoes, none in the physical sense, but i can still smell the citronella. has it stained my skin from the summer last? have the memories finally been sweat out of my very own skin? i’m unsure, as i commonly am, but for one thing i am certain. i’m thinking of you. again.

#lgbt #queer #wlw #poem #poetry #break up #coping #heart break #depression #heartbreak #sadness #breakup #broken heart #written word #heartbroken #nature #citronella #mosquitoes

and i remain the broken one nine months and three days later. you get to be held together by your boyfriend and you get to forget it all and pretend we never happened. you’re an asshole

how does somebody go from a two and a half year relationship right into another relationship as if the first one never happened? as if the loved shared doesn’t affect you anymore? and to treat me like i don’t exist anymore. you promised you would never abandon me the way you did. you’re a horrible person, and you know it. you’re a liar, you’re a coward, you’re selfish, you’re selfish, you’re selfish, you’re selfish!!!!

i’m tired

the fucking blue papers. the blue the blue. fuck you for making me the red! i’m green and i always will be no thanks to you. if i’m red then you’re the ugliest mustard yellow, like bile.

the anger stage of grief always rolls back around

#grief #anger #breakup

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