RJay @rjaybythebay - Tumblr Blog

Sam Cooke - A change is gonna come - 1963

When Change Comes... open the door!

When The Change Comes

Today, I started packing for the journey that sat in my head and my heart decades ago. I have passed the test, met the meet (Biblical term), and survived. I decreed and declared that I would not let go until He blessed me (after my wrestle with the angel, just like Biblical Jacob), I also now walk disjointed in the hip with a spiritual limp, my new swag. I gave the kidney, the pint of blood, all the clichés used to describe personal sacrifices we sometimes make that costs us, while being a hero and at other times on the verge of running or perhaps giving up. Someone said the other day, " You have become bold and no-nonsense in your older age" to which I replied, "Are you sure that it isn't because age has provided me with a more credible platform from which I speak?" Either way, your girl is packing, leaving my old address of 333 Vacillation Way, which intersects with Let Go Blvd. I am heading to a part of town with well manicured lawn, houses that loom large and impressive, where grit and determination has morphed into badges of entitled honor. It is a neighborhood that money did not procure, nor did education, professionalism, or tokenism. This Black woman dug deep, ate the cake, and fought like hell to secure. She soothed her inner child, embodied the Spirit, claimed her spiritual heritage, and rose above the tsunami of change which caused her essence to run aground more times than she can count. I most often landed ship wrecked in places that belied their appearances of gentleness and regard; havens of rest, so to speak, harmless detours and rest stops which ended up being riddled with scavengers, blurred faces, voices, and moments.

So, here I stand choosing those items and garments which deserve places of honor at my new address, those without wrinkle, blemish, or stain. Items that don't smell like the smoke of the fiery furnaces of my imprisonments. Change knocked on the door of my heart and I answered foggy-eyed, exhausted, and emotionally spent. Change looked me square in the eye and handed me my travel itinerary and new address without so much as a word. We communicated almost subliminally, knowing, few words were spoken. I looked down at my new address; Overcomer Way which runs parallel to I Just Let Go Avenue. My faith bore me up, seized my loins, and straightened my back. I heard a reverberation within my skeletal frame saying " Your prayers have been heard, He saw your tears and heard your cries." A sigh escaped my lips as I continued to look for those items which meant the most to me, cradling them and packing them with care. The next chapter is about to unfold in all of its glory and mystery. I will employ all of my precious accoutrements to stake my new territory and settle in without feelings of unworthiness for I am...worthy, chosen, proven, and fire baptized.

#embracingthechange

She, Me, Her

Resilience is both a blessing and a curse at times. I have always been of the persuasion that only the strong survive. Rebounding has not only been an encoded strand on my DNA, but also something that I demonstrated as a child most poignantly as I survived violations of my soul, secrets, horrors untold. Life for me in the South was not a crystal staircase to say the least. And yes, there was the proverbial "Big Ma" who made life magical. In my case it was a hazel-eyed little snip of a woman, ruddy-red in complexion, weighing less than one hundred pound, who could rival men three times her weight with her moxie and if that wasn't felt, she thought nothing of wielding a sawed off shotgun wrapped in a towel to protect her troublesome brood of fifteen plus. Yes, I saw you Georgia. I watched in awe as you demonstrated that "edge" while also doling out food, kindness, and refuge, to the many down-trodden who crossed your threshold. Certainly mastering the delicate balance of compassion and zero tolerance for trouble was encoded in you as well, perhaps from your mother who was beautiful, delicate, and whose death left you raw and exposed as you were traumatically transported in an open wagon to cruel unprepared relatives. Little powerful hazel-eyed girl.

So here I am. I look very different than you. I am solid, copper brown eyes and skin, and more vocal at times than is necessary. I entertain mystery, think creatively, dance to the music playing in my head, and tolerate way too many who don't deserve the time given to them, feeling as though I must impart purpose somewhere within their stormy emotions. You see, I also learned to feed the weak, clothe the poor, welcome the down-trodden in my sanctuary also since you've been gone. But unlike you, I have the distractions of a twenty-first century life which veers me off course far too often. I am a writer now sweet Grandmother of mine, and as a result I can develop a story line that does not necessarily fit the occasion I find myself in. I get angry, I yell, I cry, I walk away. I walk away. Only to come back and fix my portion. I still know how to make life magical for people in my daily life .However, it seems as though life has lost most of its laughter and wonder lately.

Ultimately, I feel you. I sense you. I hear you in my heart and in my head. I am that extension of you who is learning what you knew so well. As I sat on your lap near the warmth of the old wood stove listening to you softly hum, I never imagined that you were recovering, becoming grounded, imparting, planning, reasoning, and listening to Truth. How could I have known that strength, resilience, fortitude, and wisdom brews as you quiet yourself. All I knew then is that I felt your energy, your strong spirit present, surrounding me. Rising. Moving. Swirling. Lifting up to God. Settling. Shifting the atmosphere of the room and finally settling upon me. You. God. Me. Thank you beautiful Grandmother for being the matrix.

#the legacywithincontinues

Soulful

You were not the the dream I had as a little girl and as a young woman, whenever I dreamed about my future mate. You were not Prince Charming, you wore no cape. You were so badly flawed that I almost cut my fingers on your rough edges had I not stayed focused on my purpose for being with you. It was never difficult to do that. There were never moments that stimulated my fleshly longings and yet my light loomed brighter than I had ever seen it glow. I was kindled by you. You moved in stealthy quietness like the mist over a unsettled inlet. You were a contradiction of everything you tried to be and yet, you were honest in your pure essence. You were not aware of the richness you possessed in those moments of quiet reflection, the two of us, with no distractions. The way you crossed your legs while reading. The smile which emanated from a joyful place and lent itself to golden hues on a mahogany face. You had lost your way...the way of a young king. There was a language we spoke which was ethereal. A knowing, a subliminal dialogue which we both understood. It was the actual words we spoke, the conversations, that became an oxymoron of those truest emotions. We fumbled trying to fit spirit into flesh... to build something that was already established. We were safe together in a space unfamiliar and yet lived in. I came for you, to only let you go, a road block on your path, to recalibrate your divinely infused senses, to point you back to Source, to God. You were not ready to return. I had to go, you let me. You left a piece of your aura in the palm of my hand, and I, my truth upon your heart.

I Pledge Allegiance

I pledge allegiance to the universe and to the united states of planet earth. This may sound somewhat ridiculous to some of you and rather abstract to others, however, it rings true to the idea of grounding oneself. I am support the cause of the universe and its laws; i.e., gravity, relativity, thermodynamics, etc. I am loyal to the Ruler of the Universe and His mandates for my life. Earth has not necessarily been a mother to me, but it has been my source of sustenance and protection from the cosmos.

Amidst the chaos and tumultuous changes politically, socially, economically, and religiously, it is important to become mindful of our truest intentions. Firstly, to maintain a sense of calm and awareness of truth, and not the relativeness of truth. There are many unalienable rights that we all have including the right to co-exist. Point blank. There is no specific definition for this right. It is what it says it is. The universe has made allowances for all of us to be here during the various cycles of life. So let us all remain cognizant of how this right looks when it is exercised and not discussed, analyzed, dissected, and lost in translation.

Secondly, the integration of the nation under God. There remains a purpose, howbeit divine and also natural, we will fulfill by leaving a footprint, a legacy for others to realize we were here. I was predestined to be born in the South. I have travelled, lived in other countries, and returned to the South to spend a quarter of my life thus far. One must discern the importance of place and become loyal to its purpose. Everything and everyone under the sun has a role, a voice, a part to play in the grand scheme of things. We are interconnected messengers. Nothing is by happenstance, but all things are providential. Allegiance to the reality of this notion brings mindfulness and clarity.

Finally, this pledge is not an oath taken verbally as much as it is a spirit, soul, and body commitment. God is and has always been the Great I Am, Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the Author and the Finisher of life. Until someone can prove that a Supreme power does not exist, let us all live as though it is so. The benefits out weigh the doubt. Take the pledge and feel the difference. My allegiance is to God first and foremost, and then to the wonderful life He has provided for me.

#SPIRITSOULANDBODY

Somethings In The Water

And so it is. While thinking back on this old adage from my childhood; older people would use this term to describe something either good or bad, and always in reference to an unusual happenstance, i.e., beautiful women in a particular town, unusual physical prowess, etc. Lately however, I am seeing the universal connotation of this phrase being played out on a daily basis. I have never seen such an oxymoron of subtlety and blatant disregard of custom, protocol, and indifference,( within families and society), paired so vehemently. Do we blame it on COVID? Is this part of The Great Reset? Or, have we been hypnotized to become pawns in a ruthless diabolical scheme to eradicate humanity as we know it?

I am a student of Sociology, Psychology, and life. I observe, discern, and cogitate all things as they present themselves. I am grounded, mindful, and connected to God, functioning as a spiritual being who is having an earthly experience. With that being said, I experience life literally twenty-four hours of the day and this life (currently being played out) has become surreal. It's as though something or someone has separated us with invisible lines which do not cross. Heart strings have been snipped or set ablaze with passion or fury, incapable of ever residing simultaneously within certain souls. Seeds which were sewn politically, socially, intimately, and within relationships, have grown into mighty sequoia's shading and propagating hybrids of inequalities, despair, truce breaking, discontinuity of solicitousness, and hate. We are learning to live alone even within our intimate settings. We are running to and fro seeking a safer place to be in when the other shoe falls. Fight, flight, or freeze has become our collective psychological state even thought we fail to realize how badly 2019 has left us traumatized.

If there is something in the water, when did we drink it? Are we still sipping, gulping, or bathing ourselves in it? Who or what are we comparing ourselves to in order to recognize a difference? Does a moral barometer still exist for the majority of us? in order to survive this nefarious shift, I challenge myself to question my motives, my habits, my desires, and my thoughts . I strive to align myself with Truth so that the tendency to view truth as being relative dissipates. I am aware that there is a Source of living water which breeds life and life more abundantly; this life feels complete in every sense of the word. It nourishes love, empathy and equity. There are no unanswered questions. No aborting of destiny. No feelings of being alone, and no need to isolate. Ultimately, I realize that I am not exempt from becoming bombarded with this noxious water whether it appears as a tsunami or a flood. Subsequently I make the conscious decision to spit this venomous douse out and simply breathe in the light and life of my sacred living water.

#somethinglikenoother

Hello. May I Introduce Myself

I noticed the glance in my direction. The slight hesitation to move conspicuously towards me. I felt your interest, your curiosity. I heard your throat clear very gently, void of phlegm. I smelled the fragrance of your day meandering over my pages causing me to feel sniffed-up.

I am here. An interesting blend of moods, ideas, and soulful energies. I have been kissed by the morning and bathed by the tepid waters of the evening. My eyes are pools of years, glistening and moist from the tears that I cried yester-week. My lips are parched from discussions, monologues, and soliloquies. I stand unassumingly average in stature with a presence which must bend as I enter most rooms. I choose to send my rhythm to you as my calling card.

And I dare not interrupt you. I will wait. Enjoy the view.

#queenlyqueendomness

Monarch Butterfly Metamorphosis time-lapse FYV 1080 HD

What it looks like-vs-What it feels like.

All change is not growth as all movement is not forward.

- Ellen Glasgow

#embracetheshift #wearenodifferent #Godisincontrol

The Shift

Suddenly, old things become new. Suddenly, prayers prayed, become answered. Suddenly, you can no longer "fit" into your complacency because you are haunted by your yet to be realized dreams. Suddenly. Or is it? Do we become so willfully blind and mentally sublimed to mediocrity and the status quo that we forget those knocks on heavens door? Or is it the weight of our burden; which we refuse to lay down, that causes us not to understand that there is a divine answer being transferred light years away across the bridges of time and space. Like a rocket climbing into higher space, losing its boosters and soaring into the next momentum, so must we. That gentle nudge. The quiet voice. The radical changes which take place in our relationships and daily lives, are clues. Roles change and things become rearranged as we often stand by numbly, resentful, angry, and lost. This is the shift. That thing you dared to dream stands at the end of your parted Red Sea. Those moments that you caught a glimpse of possibility of what could be, the person that you must become in order to seal your destiny, with the Author and finisher of your faith. The quantum leap has just manifested as a decision for you to make. Take note. Be the conscious observer of your fate. Know that you are divine encapsulated in flesh. Reach. Strain. Endeavor. Embrace the shift.

The Vu in De`ja` Vu

Vaguely similar, premonitions are what they seem to be. I sense a happenstance, a serendipity of events as they unfold in front of me, around me, behind me, inside me. The media rhetoric becomes white noise like the static of a radio frequency too far from its bandwidth. I recall the days when my understanding of injustice was all so new. We strained to catch a glimpse of truth across the black and white television screen. Surely the media did not lie. Like hot fish grease it was always a staple in our home. There we all sat each evening hoping that it would bear witness to the truth we all knew in our souls. Yes, in the souls of Black folks. Am I dreaming or did I ever fall asleep? Was there some black hole or vortex that swirled us light years ahead with some warp speed that defies logic? The calendar does not match my sensibilities. It does not unfold a new day. There is no turning of the page, no crossing out of days...365 days...weeks, months...years. Is this the quantum leap or is it a perpetual leap year into a mounting inevitable race war? It feels like my melanin won't allow me to move forward in a way that satisfies my reality. The racial disparity has become a veil that shrouds me like the vernix at my birth. Instead of it providing cellular nutrients for my existence, it becomes a death shroud of social stigmas which I cannot undo no matter how my social strata says I should be able to. My home was egged the day of George Floyd's accuser's trial just as a reminder that I am that fly in the cup of buttermilk in their eyes. All of a sudden I am on the school bus during the late sixties arriving at a recently integrated junior high school, with signs spelling out the "N-word" and telling me to "Go back to Africa." I can hear the pain in my father's voice as he describes his day serving in the U.S. Navy and being call "boy" all day long as the boy in him holds back adult tears. I will wake up and this will only be a dream. The de`ja` vu will cease. Prophecies will be fulfilled and Truth will prevail. They will finally understand. I will be known as I am. Divine.

#blackonblackonblack

Kojey Radical - WATER (IF ONLY THEY KNEW) ft. Mahalia

Current mood.

#blackonblackonblackonblack

The Rendering

I sat in my opinion, holding my breath, painting one of my granddaughters on canvas. Focused... focusing...preoccupied and yet present, listening to the Breaking News on my television screen. Bracing myself, shoulders hunched and back stiff. Being raised in the segregated South, witnessing fruit that was not so strange ( but seen far too often) and being mentally molested at birth by Jim Crow has tempered me to stand flat-footed in the face of racial injustices. I heard myself join in with a world wide collective sigh of relief. A pregnant pause followed although I'm no so sure why ( perhaps because we still have so far to go). Crying ghost tears. Stifling a smile of relief, not so much for myself but for all those who carried the martyr-ship of yet another son, brother, father, and friend. Imagine being born to die in order to raise a nation's consciousness. I hear the phrase " He was a bouquet of humanity" wafting from the television filling my office, permeating out of the raised window reaching up to an awaiting afternoon sun. Indeed George Floyd, your life was not in vain my friend. Take your place amongst the greats who also poured out their spirits in public spaces, while breathing their last breath surrounded by strangers who watched helplessly and stupefied. You now know the answers to all the questions from the place you sit. God have mercy on us as we endeavor to carry on.

#blacklivesmatter #yourlifemattered #thestrugglecontinues

THE EYE OF GOD

Oh the wonder of it all!

#standingonthevergeoftheunexplainable

Brown Girl Blues

What do you know about my stare? Does my silence make you feel uncomfortable? Or perhaps it is my motionless body reclined on my woes. I read the paper today, saw the news, heard the excuses and the lack thereof. I'm allowing myself to feel what cannot be articulated. Can I have that for myself? Must I verbalize my intuition about who we really are? You see, I am a daughter of the Most High and He sits high and looks low, and He sees me here...in this state of racial affairs , wedged between what was, what is, and what is to come. I grieve differently than you Mr. Majority and Ms. Understanding. I grieve with power and purpose, knowing that something supernaturally unexplainable is about to take place. You see what you want to see. So just let me be.

Teddy Swims - I Can't Make You Love Me

This song transcends more than romance. It is applicable to any superficial relationship that wears a mask of acceptance. We can’t make anyone like, accept, or love us when they don’t.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke.

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