XIII.

gabriel kim, jongin. xix. status: vanishing.

[rkjongin-blog1]

☘ . bulletproof:

[rkjongin-blog1]

sujirk:

no one wants to be here in the ungodly hours of the evening, but suji can’t help it. she wants to do well, and there are things that she’s lacking in that makes her feel that it is absolutely necessary for her to stay a while longer. however, a little while longer becomes a lot longer, and before she knows it, it’s way past when she had planned on going home. great, why bother even going, she thinks to herself, wondering if she should just save herself and sleep in the studio tonight.

she’s just going out to grab something from one of the vending machines since she’s made up her mind to just stay. she’ll waste more time trying to go home and get here in the morning, despite her rather short commute to nova. she hadn’t been expecting anyone else to be around, though, she’s of course not surprised when there is. “ah, jongin, you’re still here as well?” she asks, wondering what he had been working on.

it’s only recently that jongin realises he’s been staying back at nova until an extremely late hour, and he wonders what she’s doing when everyone should be asleep, both of them included. still, in this industry with so many brand new stars popping up every now and then, their age being younger and younger, he believes that they stay up for practices in the necessity of survival. the showbiz is definitely not anything easy, and their staying back so late speaks volume of this. he’s not sure, even now, that even a wink of sleep is conducive for his productivity.

“yes, noona,” he says, peeking at what she’s doing. she’s headed for the vending machine... it’s past 2am. wonders if she thinks about staying at the building instead of going home, since she doesn’t bring any of her items, unlike jongin who is all packed up. “are you... staying in for the night?” he asks, wondering while hoping that it won’t be too intrusive for him to ask about that.

[rkjongin-blog1]

☘ . passion play:

[rkjongin-blog1]

rkmeiqi:

with evaluation preparations, everything has been too hectic for meiqi. between practicing lines and perfecting choreography, both individually and with the rest of her group, she’s been working herself to the bones nearly every day of the week. it’s only the weekends that she can take a step away from it all and just breathe, whether those breaths are into bottles of vodka or puffs of laughter around friends.

recently, she’s gotten closer with another trainee her age. their plans to go shopping after monitoring performances is the only thing keeping her going; the thought of walking the streets of gangnam and blowing money on clothes and other luxuries is the only thing that can re-energize meiqi.

“yup! leggo!” she skips towards him, linking her arm with jongin’s and slowing her pace to walk alongside him towards the bus stop. it’s not too far, and from what she’d checked on the transit app a few minutes ago, their timing was perfect. “the bus should be here soon. but what kind of clothes do you want? what’s your style? casual, a little preppy? or more edgy?” meiqi chuckles. if she hadn’t been set on becoming an idol, she could probably make it as a stylist instead.

she’s definitely more energised when it comes down to this compared to jongin himself, even though after a while of faking it, he’s getting good at it. besides, it’s like a tacit requirement to become an idol: to never get tired, or if they do, to never show the lethargy. he’s definitely beat after the week filled with nothing but trainings, as always, but she doesn’t seem to mirror the tiredness that clings to his sinews. maybe she’s just good at faking it, he doesn’t ask. either way, he’s glad that the small trip they’re about to tread into makes her more energised, and when she links her arm around his, he’s slightly taken aback but not going along with it. they’re recently close, after all, but it seems that she’s already comfortable with direct contact. so, he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t show anything, walking towards the bus stop alongside her.

“ah, that’s good,” he grins. “i’m more of a casual person, although since you’re the proclaimed stylist, i’m open to suggestions! as long as it’s not too weird, i think i can still pull it off?” he asks, slightly dubious about his ability to pull certain clothing styles since he hasn’t experimented with it much. “do you go to accompany people shopping a lot? i bet you’re good at it.” he chuckles again, and when the bus stops in front of them, climbs into it after her. “so i’m trusting my fate in an expert’s hand.”

[rkjongin-blog1]

☘ . passion play:

        featuring. @rkmeiqi​ !

at least there’s an early finish on weekends; this is something that keeps him, that keeps everyone sane, it seems. weekends are for families, for friends. for loved ones instead of for practice rooms. and that alone keeps jongin going, slaving through the last hours of the practice, and after monitoring their sunbaes’ performances once more, the day is finally wrapped up. today, he’s going to spend it with his same age friend who’s recently got scouted into nova as well. with both kyungsoo and his father spending the weekend abroad for a business trip, he knows better than to rot alone at home.

and so, realising that he might need some brand new pairs of jeans and pieces of hoodies, and maybe some more clothing as well, he asked meiqi to go along with him. he knows she knows the stores lining the gangnam streets better than he would ever do, even when they have names huge enough to read. besides, there’s no fun in shopping alone. after the schedule is finished, he’s waiting for her at the exit, and upon her arrival, grins at her. “ready to go?”

[rkjongin-blog1]

☘ . bulletproof:

         featuring. @sujirk !

he’s uncertain as to how to improve sometimes; unsure as to how to sing better when his throat is already scraped red, raw. hoarse from singing the same song, same melody for hours and hours to go. tonight, it’s not a differentiated one, never a punctuated night. instead, he spends even more time in the vocal studio for the evening, uncaring when the clock ticks to show that the night has turned in. and when he’s finished with the recording, thinking he’s somewhat satisfied with it, he decides that maybe it’s time to go home and get some sleep.

he downs the rest of his water on his way out, staggering out of the studio in the company of lethargy. he’s almost failed to notice someone’s presence in the same hallway as him, and when he does, he offers her a smile, waiting for her to catch up to where he’s standing as she seems to be heading towards the stairs as well. “evening, noona,” he starts. “late practice?” almost too rhetorical, but he doesn’t have anything else to open a conversation with.

[rkjongin-blog1]

☘ . mono:

[rkjongin-blog1]

rkwendy:

Wendy’s winter break had revolved around training. She has lost count of how many nights she had stayed in the company building just to catch up on what she had missed while in school during the regular term. She has also taken o staying in the building to get more work done, considering she will be missing out on a lot once the new school year starts. She sings until she sounds the way her coaches want her to sound. Wendy attempts to breathe some life into her ideas as she toils away in the composing labs. Fatigue is all too familiar to her, and she supposes she has to get some sleep while she still can. 

Wendy has resorted to drinking ginseng in the morning, taking a tumbler of it with her everywhere she goes for as long as the snow falls. She makes a beeline for the first familiar face she finds at the cafeteria. She sighs when she takes in his appearance. Exhausted and sleep-deprived, just like the rest of them. “Good morning to you too, Jongin,” she greets as she takes the seat across him. “How have you been adjusting to Nova?”

he’s a spectrum of lethargy divided into too many thoughts, and for a moment, he’s left with a daze that lingers too long. in his head, too many queries about the day’s schedule run amok: will he be scolded again for straining? or maybe for being too slow with a certain technique, be it singing or dancing? now that he’s in the training, he feels the weight of the strain on his shoulders — expectations pile up on him, how he needs to be good at everything he does, more so because of himself than the coaches.

it doesn’t register with him that she’s already greeted back until he blinks at her. once, twice. digests the scene, slowly. “ah,” he hums, deep in thought just for an answer that should be simple. “well, depends on the definition of adjustment, i think.” he grins, trying to mask the fatigue that clings to his face muscles. “i think i’m adjusting well in terms of not sleeping.” chuckles, but it sounds almost hollow. “here for food? maybe you can give me some tips on adjusting...”

[pledis17]

Visit Original Link

[rkjongin-blog1]

☘ . cyclone:

         featuring. @rkhuidong !

he hasn’t been eating well regardless of the meals provided by the company, knowing too well that he has a body shape to maintain that he cannot eat too much. he chooses what he eats, yearning for a multitude of dishes that he unfortunately cannot quench. at that, he’s determined to have at least one good, longed for dish tonight. it’s been weeks since he last had his cheat day, so one of that should be fine today. and so, he eagerly packs his belongings into his backpack as soon as schedules are finished, heading off towards the door immediately after bidding everyone goodbye.

in his head, there are a plethora of places that he can go to — it’s just a matter of budget. but there’s too much gaffe when it comes to expensive restaurant, eating out when he’s alone. he can either eat something cheaper by himself, or invite his boyfriend for a sudden date, although he’s not certain that kyungsoo can make it knowing that kyungsoo is sometimes ( well, most of the time ) busy. thus, he resorts to the nearest ramen bar that’s become one of his favourites. he’s drawing near the place when he sees a familiar face, and at that, he grins, tapping huidong’s back. “hyung,” he starts. “are you hungry too? about to eat here as well?”

[dazzlingkai]

‘countdown’ album jacket ( off shot movie )

[rkjongin-blog1]

☘ . numerate:

         featuring. @bambamrk !

minutes of rest seem to slither past the interstices of his fingers just like that, leaving him desolate. he wouldn’t lie and say that there aren’t days when he simply wants to curl up in bed for the whole afternoon, doing nothing but bugging his boyfriend and friends on the phone. he misses the absence of responsibilities, but now that he’s fully booked for the entirety of the year, he can do naught but follow all the schedules designated for him. he, after all, has chosen this life. and this struggle, he believes, is just a path towards a bigger road. but all philosophical thoughts pushed aside, comes the longing that cannot be quenched.

yet, in spite of his ability to come home earlier tonight, he chooses to stay behind. there are some moves from today’s practice that he hasn’t quite nailed, and he wants to perfect them by midnight. and so, he sneaks into an empty room after the schedules are over, letting the dimmest lights on so as not to attract attention. he’s in the middle of practicing when he realises that he’s no longer, whirling to see a rather familiar face. “oh,” he stops his movement immediately, slightly stunned, slightly embarrassed. how long has bambam been there? “i didn’t see you there, sunbae. you surprised me.” a hand to the nape of his neck, sheepish as he rubs it.

[rkjongin-blog1]

☘ . mono:

         featuring. @rkwendy !

his nights are typically halved. they’re either: a. ) moments spent staring at his ceilings with the borealis of thoughts colouring the nooks of his mind until sleep beckons, or b. ) mirrors spent staring against himself with the precisions of moves calculated to ensure that he satisfies his own standards. lately, however, the former has been getting less and less frequent. wonders, in any case, if someone has ever collapsed from the hours exploited in practice. and the precedents in the industry have never seemed to steer away from that. however, it carves a sense of caution in him, for collapsing means missing out on more practices. still, he also asks himself how far he can push his mind and body.

he hasn’t been getting enough sleep as of late; the perseverance for training etches something that resembles a fear more than a push. lets out a sigh as he stirs his porridge — the morning’s breakfast — and he’s almost startled when someone occupies the empty seat across him. looks up for his hazed gaze to meet a familiar face, her presence almost feels like a daydream. perhaps it’s the lack of sleep — no, it’s the lack of sleep for sure. he offers her a lethargic smile. “good morning,” he greets her.

[rkjongin-blog1]

`   BRAND NEW.

modelling has been something that he’s forgotten nowadays, mind clustered in the parts where trainings matter the most. but when a friend asks for a favor, he cannot turn it down, especially knowing that he needs a bit of a break from thinking about what he needs to do for the latest evaluation from seocho. everything seems too heavy, if not too... not himself, in a sense. personality sitting on a fence, he’s just not entirely sure as to where to bring himself in terms of creativity. sure, he has so many different achievements under his belt, but he’s a jack of trade and master of none. so, instead of spending his time mulling over it, he chooses to simply dive into the after hour work that he’s been asked by his friend.

and that’s when he realizes something — after the entirety of the photoshoots, which concepts change according to the backgrounds ( only for a small, indie magazine; nothing grandeur ), he notices that there might be something that he might want to delve in in terms of achievement. as the director plays around with the angles of the pictures, ensuring that even the expressions taken from certain angles would be fitting for the entire concepts, he’s piqued. drawing close to the photographer and director as they discuss the photoshots, he hums, trying to absorb as much as he can from the conversation he’s eavesdropping. and that’s when he knows for sure what he would do for the class that he can take.

[rkjongin-blog1]

`   SANTA BABY.

[rkjongin-blog1]

rkmin:

she sees the glee give away to confusion and min laughs, amused with the younger’s antics. she didn’t blame him for his excitement. it was a big deal considering he was already doing special stages and he hasn’t even been in nova long. it was nice to see him get something. min couldn’t deny that she was proud.

“it’s okay, grape,” she says with a chuckle, tip toeing for an affectionate kiss placed on his forehead. she adjusts his hair, making a passing comment about how tall he’s gotten. “it’ll be nice, right? almost like our own jingle ball away from home.” her voice is smooth, honey-filled with nostalgia of the frigid streets of new york. although it never snows unless it’s reaching blizzard temperatures, she remembers the years when she was younger and actually experienced a white christmas.

“i doubt it’s a dance anyways,” min adds with a shrug. “so we might as well nab a room that’s quiet enough and start practising.” she gives him a small smile before she leaves his side to grab two lyric sheets from a staff member. she hands him his and takes his hand to lead him elsewhere. “it’s not too hard. not unless they want us to be incredibly extra with the high notes.”

at her laugh, he follows along. it’s nice to meet her almost everyday, reminding him that even when he was younger, he didn’t get to meet her all that much since he had school and family and other courses. now that they’re spending time in the same building for a long timeframe from day to day, he knows better than to complain. everything could’ve been worse — he could’ve been here without anyone he’d known prior, so to have her here, to see her laugh, it’s definitely such a huge blessing.

at the kiss placed on top of his head, he blushes. it’s slightly awkward, to be this open with their affection where he learned not to be obvious with it as seoul doesn’t seem like the place to do that, especially with the different genders. but he bows down to let her do it anyway, still grinning. at the comment she makes about his height, his grin grows proud. he likes his height the way it is. “it’ll be nicer than that since i get to do it with you, titty noona,” he smirks at his own joke at her, the misheard name still a nostalgic element shared between them and jihyun.

“it’s not?” he blinks again, slightly nervous. will he be able to pull this off? when she goes away to grab the sheets, he looks around, feeling slightly out of place. wondering, for a moment, if anyone would look at him weirdly after the display of affection happened moments ago. and when she returns, he takes the note from her, thanking her for it. “we... sing?” reads the instructions, and asks himself again if he’ll be able to nail this.

[rkjongin-blog1]

`   CONVERTIBLE LOVE.

[rkjongin-blog1]

rkhyunakim:

This time, there’s no rush. There’s no hurry to be anywhere and the cold air hanging in the night is refreshing in contrast to the humid air of company studios after long hours of practicing. “For now. My friends are on their way here, since I stopped by home first then came here. I think they’re looking to carpool together, just in case I have to leave first.” She looks to the skating rink. “It’s okay. I went a few years ago, but I haven’t really gone.” With training, it makes it hard to actually have time for anything. Every year is always a different scenario. Spending it with her family, to spending it with those she cares about… It’s never a concrete tradition anymore. “Are you by yourself?”

“ah, i see,” he nods along with her telling him that she’s not alone, and when she looks at the ice skating, for a mere second, she looks reminiscent. maybe there’s a good memory correlated to the place. at the question, however, he freezes slightly — not palpable enough, supposedly, but enough for him to realise it himself. “no,” he says eventually, after a gap of a mere second. “i have my family with me, but they’re going without me now since i saw you.” he nods again, as if agreeing with his own story. “i told them i would be off for a bit to meet a friend. i’ll give them a call later after your friends are here, noona. have you had dinner yet?”

[soork-blog1]

—   anointed.

[rkjongin-blog1]

soork:

he steps aside, letting the boy enter his abode, which has always been so quiet voices tend to echo louder than it seems. he hums when jongin places his palms on kyungsoo’s check, his kiss almost filled with inevitable hunger. kyungsoo’s response to it is almost as desperate, ensuring the boy that he isn’t alone in the insatiable need for each other. he hums against the kiss, one hand placed on the nape of jongin’s neck and the other on jongin’s cheek, thumb brushing across the bone. frowns slightly when jongin pulls away for a breathing, and leans his head against jongin’s as he strokes jongin’s cheek. he traces jongin’s features with his eyes, watching as the boy seems to sink under his gaze, cheeks flushed red. “still shy, aren’t we?” he teases, grinning at jongin. kisses him once more, resuming the longing that has been left dry for days on end. now that they are face-to-face, kyungsoo doesn’t need to indulge himself in the inane pictures taken by his pi’s. “you look worn,” he says, frowning deeper. “you should rest tonight. is your father home?”

their kiss is reeking with how much he’s missed kyungsoo, how much he’s missed their just talking to each other on the phone when kyungsoo is far, and face-to-face when there’s only a wall separating them. their texts in-between the solid hours, too, sneaking what little time that he has to check and reply back, although he could tell almost immediately that kyungsoo didn’t and doesn’t enjoy texting as much compared to other options. his thoughts return to the moment, and kyungsoo’s teasing renders his cheeks even redder, but he only chuckles sheepishly in reply. when they’re pulling away completely, kyungsoo’s voice is laced in concern. “i will,” he promises, hand working its way between kyungsoo’s fingers, intertwining his own with those slender fingers of his lover’s. “no, he’s not. can i... can i stay over?” the question is not out of the blue; it’s not like the first time they’ve done it. but still, it specks his cheeks in rose dust again, and jongin curses himself inwardly at how shy he is.

[duckyhun]

[rkjongin-blog1]

`   DO THEY KNOW?

to be honest, all the activities have strained him thin, thinner than usual, ad he’s extremely fatigued since he also tried sneaking time in-between the holiday to spend with his family and friends. while it worked, it also meant that he’d sacrificed time for rest, reassuring everyone around him that he was doing fine even without the proper sleep schedules. at least today’s schedule after all those performances involves spending time with families and children as opposed to having a large audience for their performances, which isn’t too bad even though he knows he’ll have to fake energised looks. nobody likes having to be around a sulky teenager, he’s figured. and he’s a trainee, for goodness’ sake, he cannot loiter around with his sullen expression due to the lack of sleep. self-inflicted one, nonetheless.

the arrival is nothing too eventful, but he likes being surrounded by children; he’s good with them, fortunately, and that’s a chance that he doesn’t let pass on. kids seem to gravitate towards him as well when he makes funny faces, and plays with them. he loves lifting them on his shoulders, and since he’s tall, kids love being lifted — given that they don’t have fears of heights. under supervision, he also helps distribute the gifts, before following suit in the jingle bell rocks performances as he holds some children’s hands in his own. he chuckles when they seem to not want to let go, making them promise to do good things, before sending them off to their parents. it reminds him that not everyone is as lucky as him, both in financial and familial, which carves a pang of sympathy in him.

[rkjongin-blog1]

`   CHRISTMAS TIME.

the night has eventually come; and he’s inevitably drowning in the inner jitters, knowing that even though he no longer has stage fright, it’s going to be the first time he’s going to perform in public as a trainee. if he does badly, even anonymously, it will reflect back to the entire team, and that’s the least that he wants to do as a new trainee. he believes that he’s doing well with the practices, his stamina has been tremendously improved with the constant trainings of dancing and singing simultaneously. he hopes this means that he’s ready for it... although arrives the day and he still feels like he isn’t.

still, the first stage is finally up; performing with minyoung still feels like a distant dream that came true — something that he didn’t know he longed for until it happened. it’s reminiscent of his own childhood, in which he would spend time at her place, or jihyun’s, being one of the trio as the only boy. now that they’re all grown ups, all of them being trainees ( and jihyun debuting soon ) it feels so surreal. it’s the least daunting, being one half of this performance, with someone so familiar, someone so close.

next up, however, is a stage filled with the rest of the boys from his company. singing a song that was barely what he listened to during christmases made it the least familiar, but he’s made it a habit to learn songs and dances real quickly — and after those years spent on harnessing both, he can say with confidence that it’s an acquired skill. doesn’t make this performance less daunting, however. he cannot stop fidgeting until they go on stage, and upon stepping onto the stage, his fright dissipates. there’s only his performance and the audience, and his mind places a confine on that. it feels like he was born for this: for entertaining, for performing.