penikmat rindu pengagum senja

media penyalur hasrat seorang mahasiswi yang dikit-dikit pengen nulis..

[rmeitaa]

a little note from myself in the past that shouldn't just be a draft.

[rmeitaa]

one of my aunties just sent me this picture in the early hours of this morning. Those are my late grandpa, grandma, and cousin. I didn't realize that I miss them that much until the moment I saw this picture.

So here I am decided to try to remember a little memories that I still have of three of them and write it down here:

1. The man in the photo is my grandpa. I used to call him Acung (Akung, means 'grandpa' in javanese). as I remember, he's a very great preson. He had a very important role in his office. I remember that he had a lot of pictures of him posed with some others important person too. I always adore him since I know him. He's a very very very nice person. He told me some jokes, played some games with me. Sometimes, every afternoon, we used to collect dry leaves that fell off in his front yard. And then when I was in 6th grade, my grandma, his lovely wife, left us. Since then, some bad things happened in our big family, but I couldn't understand what was it about. I started to see him less often, 'til finally I really never saw him again...

As time goes by, I began to understand the real situation, little by little.. Turns out, he was married (and had some kids), then he divorced and married my grandma. Once I asked my mom and dad, "where's acung? Why I never see him again?" and they told me that acung is staying with his kids (from his ex wife), that's why he couldn't see us again.

As I grow up, I wanted to meet him that much. At least I want him to see me growing older. I couldn't imagine how he felt when he saw me after so many years of not seeing each other. But I never told that to my parents. I won't make them sad or anything. So I keep doing my "stuff" alone. I've tried to looked for his name on google or any social medias but I never find anything. I wish someday I can meet one of his grandchildren (from his ex wife) and share a lot of things about him together. I hope he's always doing fine.

[rmeitaa]

it has been 7 years.

and since then I've been weak

sometimes I get confused

sometimes I don't know which decision I should make

sometimes I wonder, did I make the right decisions?

sometimes I blame myself for what happened

some other times I try to remember how perfect my childhood was, when you were still by my side..

and it all looks so real..

and when you left me..

7 years ago

I have to go through a lot of painful things,

alone..

without having someone I can ask why and how

I have tried to look strong and fine in front of everyone's eyes

'til I realize how weak I am when I am alone

without them knowing

it's always been like that

been 7 years..

[yurikoprastiyo]

Setidaknya diriku pernah berjuang … … https://www.instagram.com/p/CWgOCAaPbuv/?utm_medium=tumblr

[rmeitaa]

well, I've seen you in jeans with no make-up on

and I've stood there in awe as your date for the prom...

[rmeitaa]

we'll play Nintendo

though I always lose

'cause you'll watch the TV

while I'm watching you...

[rmeitaa]

If someone is made and meant for you, you will meet them even in the seventieth minute, on the eighth day of the week and in the thirteenth month of the year.

-Anonymous

[rmeitaa]

No, you're not that busy. I'm just not your priority 🙃

[extramadness]

“It’s okay to love something a little too much, as long as it’s real to you.”

— Gerard Way (via quotemadness)

[extramadness]

“The poison leaves bit by bit, not all at once. Be patient. You are healing.”

— Yasmin Mogahed (via quotemadness)

[rmeitaa]

i miss the old us,

i miss our late night convo,

i miss when we're talking about silly things,

i miss ur silliness,

i miss ur random funny things,

i miss ur voice when u asked me to go to sleep,

i miss how u made me feel like, i can tell u anything,

i miss everything about u and us,

that was so perfect.

[rmeitaa]

If only you know how deep my feeling is

If only you know how long I've waited

If only you know how frustated I am trying to be the perfect one for you

If only you know how much I favor you over my own self

If only you could see my tears and know they are all for you

If only you could give me a little more time to make things better between us

If only you know that I have a storm to weather, are you gonna make my heart better?

if.only.you.reand.this

[bibliofilka-deactivated20210703]

we used to be close but people can go  from people you know  to people you don't  and what hurts the most  is people can go from people you know  to people you don’t

[rmeitaa]

Dia ,

Dia tau nomor teleponmu, tapi dia tidak pernah berusaha untuk menghubungimu.

Dia tau penyebab senyummu bukanlah dirinya, tapi dia turut serta merayakan itu.

Dia tau hari ulang tahunmu,

Dia tau makanan favoritmu,

Dia tau konser apa yang selalu kamu tunggu,

Dia tau ambisi-ambisi terpendammu,

Dia tau semua hal tentangmu,

Tapi dia lebih memilih untuk tetap berdiri di tempatnya, tidak beranjak tetap termangu.

Dia ingin tetap di situ.

Di ruang yang ia ciptakan untuk dirinya, tentang kagumnya akan sosokmu.

Ruang untuk menatapmu lekat dari balik punggungmu,

Untuk mengagumimu dari sudut yang tak kau sentuh,

Untuk selalu memelukmu lewat doa yang diucap dalam bisu.

Dia akan selalu ada di situ,

Mengamini segala doamu, menyemogakan segala harapmu.

Dia ,

[rmeitaa]

Bukankah orang yang paling peduli adalah ia yang akan selalu mendukungmu meski kamu bahkan tidak mengetahuinya?

[m]

[rmeitaa]

The biggest lie I've ever told someone, "Wah udah jadian? Selamat, Mas."

[rmeitaa]

Berpura-pura acuh, nyatanya akulah yang paling lekat menatapmu dari kejauhan.

Berpura-pura turut serta merayakan bahagiamu, nyatanya akulah si pemilik senyum paling palsu itu.

Akulah orang itu,

Si pandai berpura-pura untuk terlihat baik-baik saja,

Akulah orang itu,

Si perindu ulung yang bahkan bayangnya pun tak pernah sempat kau lirik, barang sedetik.