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[rmx44]

How do I send you goth clothes?

hey there sorry i didnt get this sooner but if u want to u still can

[rmx44]

how i feel.

these days i feel like charlie brown and even eeyore. i also have issues of making friends as well. another thing is that when anyone doesnt like me for certain reasons rather then work out why they dont like me or the issues they have with me they would rather tell others how they dont like me or things they hate bout me or even spread rumors bout me just cause they hate me and dont want me even around them or even talking to them. there are times they cant even be at the same place as me they hate me that bad. when the rumors get spread they try to force others to believe the rumors that are being spread just so they get tons of people to avoid me and even want to talk to me at all costs sadly. its like they dont even get to know me and think that just cause i may act certain ways that i am someone to avoid. being autistic and add/adhd and such i do things that may not be right. i end up trying to rush in when doors are opened at free meal sites or that i end up being to close to some people. there are even times when i am talking to others i end up following others around just finishing what i have to say, something my mother did to me when i didnt want to talk to her she would follow me around finishing what she had to tell me. there are other things i do that others hate but yea lots hate me for being the way i am and dont even bother to get to really know me at all.

[rmx44]

right now in my life i am never ok alone. u see lots of girls as i call em not women just how i am most of them ignore me or act like i dont exist. also lots of others feel i dont exist or like barely talk to me or dont talk to me at all and dont include me in things or ask me if i want to do anything. its like oh yea your still a friend but they exclude me in everything they do. also for the girl thing most girls feel i am to ugly to creepy and never their type they make me out like i am a worthless pos a mistake kind of thing. thing also is that when i am out anywhere and i find or notice girls out in groups all dressed up wearing things i wish i was its like they are all out having fun going shopping or out to eat or do other fun stuff like concerts or conventions or even vacations and for me i feel left out and feel like charlie brown. mostly all i ever do anymore is that i end up going out to free dinners and maybe a library. if there is a day that there is no dinner and i dont go out that day i feel very upset and major sadness and dont feel like doing much at all and just stay home. for me i am into goth girls but most goth girls either dont want a b/f are wanting a b/f but i dont fit their requirements and am to ugly for them or that they are already taken. lastly when i am out alone i feel like i need to cry a flood or that when i am home and no one is wanting to talk to me at all on facebook or anywhere i feel like why bother. cause of the way i feel and how badly i am treated and ignored and all i have told my own mother i dont care how much bad food i eat i dont care how much sugar or butter i eat that i dont care if something is left out a few hours that i would still eat it get sick or that if eggs are a little old i wouldnt care cause mostly girls dont care how i feel or why they would rather i not exist. its like if they cant care bout me why should i be caring alone.

[rmx44]

Anymore every time I'm out anywhere alone I feel like charlie brown how he feels when no one gives him a valentines day or Christmas card. Even feeling like he does when the raid haired girl doesn't acknowledge his presence. I even feel like a failure. Every time I want or need others to talk to they act all busy or like I don't exist. Even right now at 8:05 pm monday the 10 of april my time of this writing i feel like I need to cry. I'm only 37 sadly but mostly everyone my age or younger like 20 somethings or 18/19 people feel like I'm not worth their time or that all they do is brag bout their love life and what they are doing with a b/f or their best friend. When I pipe up I'm treated like no one cares that no one wants to hang out. Even when I want or need help in life no one wants to help more or less want to see me fail or wish I didn't exist.

[rmx44]

dick cavett watergate episodes

most recently i have been searching for the watergate episodes of dick cavett. just bout a year or 2 ago the network decades ran every episode dick cavett had done live from the watergate hearings and i wanted to record it but forgot to set the dvr to do so and now i cant even find the epsodes anywhere at all. all i can find on it is the damn pbs special that talks bout him being there and how he did this and that and thats not what i want i want the hours of episodes from the time he broadcasted from watergate. eventually i would also want to get the watergate tapes for my collection of watergate stuff i am saving on my main server/desktop computer. right now i have all the presidents men, and i have the interview in 1977 which david frost interviews richard nixon. hopefully someone out there has all the dick cavett episodes in their full run. hopefully someone can track them down. i have been trying my damndest but only turn up the pbs special dick cavetts watergate and only boxed sets of his show where they are like famous comedians and such stuff like that. but like i mentioned if anyone has any of the episodes more or less every one of them i would love to have them

[rmx44]

a few years ago i found out i had more then just add/adhd. i had found out i have autism, aspergers, anxiety, depression, a lower then average iq in certain areas and even a learning disability. i myself am a straight crossdresser a q a queer a girly guy. i am into goth girls big time and all. i have a very hard time making friends since most people dont want anything to do with me especially girls. most of the time girls either give me funky looks or that they back away from me or act like i am not talking to them or that they are very uncomfortable with me even being around them or talking to them. there are lots of times i end up jumping into convos and such but most of the time girls dont like that of me and sometimes they just ignore me or that they back away from me. most of the time when i am waiting for a bus to go anywhere i pace back and fourth usually talking to myself alone anymore. also lots of times i find a girl that is wearing something i happen to love and most of the time i cant even tell them i love what they are wearing or ask where they got them from and all cause most girls become all freaked out by it cause they usually dont get asked or complemented much at all. on facebook i find it almost impossible to make friends i could actually hang out with in real life. most of the time when i mention i want or need someone to hang out with they ignore me like i dont exist or if the girl is wanting someone to hang out with i end up commenting mentioning i want to hang out and they ignore me there as well like i dont exist. there are times where a girl was hanging out someplace and i didnt get to hang out with the girl and i mention it and how i feel and i am yet again ignored like i dont exist. :'( . anymore cause of the fact no one really ever wants to hang out with me i just end up going to free dinners and going home or going to a library and then a free dinner then home. i mostly dont even have a life to really speak of cause no one really wants to give me one.

[rmx44]

i find that with facebook making friends is very hard. especially when its to make friends that i can have outside of facebook. i find most people these days are only using facebook for job reasons and only have their facebook open to things like modeling or what their own personal job is and that no one is allowed to contact them unless its business related. anymore i am wanting and needing more friends that are girls that are true goth but most girls that are goth wont even talk to me or if they do they talk once then ignore me or block me. some girls i could meet in person close to where i live some wont even bother to accept my friend request(s) or that if they do accept my friend request all they do is ignore me like i dont exist. all i ever say is hello there how ya doin and no response or at most i may get a hi or hello but that as far as some girls go. some may say how they are doing but dont even ask it to me. its like they dont even care bout me or even want to know me. most people especially girls never want to know me. :'(

[rmx44]

when i am out anywhere

Anymore I have a hard time being out without a girl with me. What's worse is always seeing girls with their b/f and all happy or that the girl is with her good or best friend hangin out or wandering around a mall or seattle and it hurts me to a point I can just cry a huge flood. Also I can't even really talk to any girls I find that are alone either without their b/f or don't have a b/f. All this is just hurting me more and more all the time. I just don't know what to ever do anymore. In public I hide the fact I'm not doing well and some or lots of people I just can't bother to say how I'm feeling cause I don't like ever being hurt worse then I am already.

[rmx44]

my birthday

my birthday is sunday and yea idk if i will be doing anything or doing much but yea. sadly most of the time its just another day of doing nothing with not getting anything. i wish someone would have done something with me and i wish i got something but oh well just another day for me

[rmx44]

Isn't there at least one goth girl out there that would ever help with goth outfits somehow

[rmx44]

Wanting friends/needing friends

For several years I have been finding it hard to make any. Most of the time most girls as I call em I hate using the word women they really don't ever want to really be a friend. Most of the time they won't talk to me or even hang out with me or anything. On Facebook its bad there that girls ignore me, hate me, barely talk to me, block me, even tell some guy friend or bf they never said they have and leave them to deal with me and usually those guys act all gang or wwe tough toward me. Also in real life trying to make friends is worse anymore I get looked at like who the fuck are you and what the fuck do u want and get the fuck away from me or they back away from me or ignore I am even trying to make any convo with em or if they do talk to me they have that tone of voice of um ok why are you even talking to me or they don't feel comfortable with me even being around them or talking to them. I want friends with goth girls but yea like that would ever happen :(

[rmx44]

FUCK MY MISERABLE LIFE

[rmx44]

what i feel now and depression

anymore i dont really have family. i dont even have a christmas anymore nor thanksgiving or anything really. my life is down the drain. i have no life anymore but who even cares. i am not loved by a girl i am always bulled online and not cared bout its like why am i even here why do i exist when i am not loved and bullied all the time. i guess no one cares at all anyway. why am i even posting this at all anyhow

[rmx44]

anyone want to chat at all and how i feel right now

:'( *cries*

[rmx44]

More feelings

Anymore most girls on Facebook treat me like shit. They ignore me, barely talk to me, make fun of me even block me. Lots of girls have bullied me online even guys have and usually they never care how I feel bout it. Lots of times its oh just suck it up or like fix your own problems or that no one wants to be around u unless u fix yourself first. Also I want and need girls to hang out with but most of the time when I mention I want or need someone to hang out with they ignore me like they think I'm begging or something, when other girls want to hang out with anyone I voice I would like to hang out they ignore me like won't even respond to my comments. Another thing when I want or need help with things most girls won't even help. They end up telling me get a job or make stuff itself or save up and buy it. When I tell girls I can't and why they feel I'm making excuses or complaining bout it. I'm not made of money to just spend when I want to or need to. Hardly anyone cares how I feel and would help me out at all sadly. I cry out in need or cry out being hurt only to be turned away backed away from ignored hated on all kinds of stuff. I'm hurt so bad I feel like why bother. I have quit showing myself on my Facebook profile and I'm never making another YouTube video cause of all this stuff that's happening to me online. I guess no one here would care or would they. Being alone also hurts. Its been almost 2 years since I lost my father so yea. I wish I was loved by a goth girl and I wish I was goth dressed up but like that would happen any time soon.

[rmx44]

goth outfits and friends

Mostly anymore a lot of the time i feel out of place since of the fact that its hard for me to make friends or fit in. When I try to make friends its like i have a hard time even saying anything to anyone. Mostly lots of people i want to friend especially gothy girls or girls close to that its like i get looked at like who the hell are you and what the fuckin hell do u want and get the fuckin hell out of here or that i get backed away from or if the girl does talk to me at all she has a very uncomfortable tone of um ok hi or that she rudely tells me off. also finding any girl that is goth anymore that would ever dress me up is hard cause most girls that i think are goth either claim they arent goth and are emo or punk or that they claim they arent goth anymore or arent as goth as they used to be. also any girls i find that are goth or were if they are goth and have clothes that dont fit their gothy style or just dont have anywhere to wear some of the stuff they have they end up keeping it all no matter how where or when they got it and no matter how much it cost they end up keeping it. and some say oh im sorry but i'm not goth yet clearly they wear the boots and pants and tights and all the stuff that makes them be goth but yet claim they never were and were emo or punk. anytime i ask for help i get shot down like never get anyone helping out at all or that the girl tells me where i am to get goth clothes from like hot topic and if not there some thrift store somewhere or if i cant do that then they tell me i am to make my own stuff out of what i have or that i am to suffer if i cant do either of that and some girls have bitched me out and told me what they and every other girl isnt ever going to do for me and that no one has a right to ever help me out with anything that i am to be doing it all and that if i cant do any of it that i am to suffer. also i have gotten some that claim they want to help but then end up either lying to me or just using me as a way to make fun of me like getting stuff out of me so they make fun of me. i dont ask for help just to ask i ask cause its stuff that comes from my heart and most girls dont care bout it at all they dont see that the love for goth fashion comes from my heart. they leave me to cry and suffer and all i hope there is someone that cares someone that would help

[rmx44]

feeling alone and out of place

most of the time i feel left out, alone, i find it hard to make friends. when i try to make any friends most of the time i am 100% ignored or that hardly anyone ever talks to me and if they do they dont say much then run off like they act like they are busy when i know they arent. also i feel like no one will accept who i am at all. i being a straight crossdresser or in the q section queer that is lots of guys feel thats a great thing to make fun of me about. girls on the other hand find it wierd or wrong and such. even when i want help with stuff most girls find it wrong to ask for help at all. all this stuff and being made fun of and ignored and such makes me feel like there is something majorly wrong with me. when any girl ignores me i feel like why bother like something is seareously wrong or whatever. right now i feel miserable, alone, i feel like eeyore. oh if only someone cared and talked to me but yea mostly or hardly anyone does