totally twinning rn with my mootie patootie @charmmy-kittty!
I like Higurashi, NSO (Needy Streamer Overload), Vocaloid (especially Miku, but Kaito's my second favorite, and Vflower's third), Project Diva (my favorite game's F!), TF2, WuWa (like Shorekeeper and Phrolova the most), Danganronpa (Mikan, Celestia and Gundham supremacy), Enstars (Mayoi lives in my walls), DDLC (Yuri's best girl!!), Sims (2 rule's!), Deltarune, Undertale, Obey Me, a date with death 1 and 2, Last defense academy (Eito's my fav, woah, how predictable) and finally, anime and manga!
Here's a list of the manga's i have read and can confirm are good, so if youre looking for something new, feel free to give some of these a read!
Frieren beyond journeys end, Land of the lustrous, Danganronpa, bocchi the rock, spy x family, chainsaw man, 100 girlfriends that really really really really love you, fire punch, sayonara eri, look back, suicide girl, gachiakuta, ouran highschool host club, desutoro 246, goodnight punpun, kakegurui, future diary, rascal does not dream of bunny girl senpai, black rock shooter and toilet bound hanako kun.
please dont be afraid to send asks or chat with me! talking and meeting new ppl is always neat and very much welcome!
please keep in mind, that none of my vent/rant posts are targeted or about anyone unless (i specifically state so in the post itself), so theres no need to fear or worry!
Well then, may we meet again, and have a super great day!
It's been over a year of stewing in it all, and I'm long overdue a general summary: why have I been fixated on Takumi having emotional neglect and related trauma, when there are other characters in the roster who fit the bill more? What's there to see in his story that's really so bad?
Well, leaving my early speculations aside, it isn't about that.
(Also leaving aside other complications with the memories for the time being- that's a conversation for another time)
For one, it's the vibes. It’s the feeling that permeates his background in a way that I feel like doesn’t happen for any other- the sneaking feeling of 'is this really normal' underneath a mask. And sometimes that's enough, especially when the introduction shows self-esteem issues- emotional neglect is one thing that's very much deniable to the sufferer, as well as being hard for other people to notice just looking.
Also, the thing about 'normal' is that it's basically 'all you've ever known', regardless of whether or not everything's 'all right'. So you can have lots of photos that look like everything's fine, but every now and then there's one that looks strained, like the subjects are trying to mask. And, of course there's an explanation. Ex: 'It's a formal photo. That toddler is just sleepy. The sun's in that boy's eyes. It was a bad shot of the mother. They She didn't like that dress.' Except it sticks out like a sore thumb doesn't it? Why are there happy(tm) photos where no one is happy?
In Takumi's case, we see 'snippets' of his mundane home life, with one indicating a wall between him and his only close friend while at school. It could be that he was just annoyed with her that day, or a sign that he was becoming strained around her and he needed space- space to grow, beyond the promise and being the 'psuedo-dad' for Karua. This would be less a matter of his story, were it not apparent that Takumi's codependency problem can extend to the role of Team Leader later, starting from when he cowed into it after awkwardly taking praise.
It's also telling how his authority figure keeps him tied to his 'would-be romantic interest' - similar to how Sirei uses her as motivation - likely since he was very young. So if it happens that young Takumi was strained, he might have had no means of escaping that other than to dissociate early on, while dealing with swathes of his own neglected emotions. It's a basis for him being emotionally disturbed even before being brought into the war, which could explain the 'out of pocket' extreme, suicidal behaviour and self-harm ideation when he is.
The way Takumi sees it, the sirens and their reason for existing are just 'how it is'- and if he has questioned this state of affairs before, he's shut down and rationalised it over the years, something that makes him vulnerable to passive acceptance. Which would follow that the same extends to his own life, with him being at a loss for a point of reference. More importantly, he seems to have cognitive dissonance over the 'normality' in his life vis a vis him and Karua- a part of him knows well that their relationship is not normal to others, but he doesn't seem to interrogate that belief to any real conclusion. Such as, what did that mean? Was it healthy? Was he really the person he wanted to be?
Rather than 'are we normal?' Takumi needed to ask 'are we okay?'
From its basis, the 'plausible deniability' of his issues can be extremely vexing. It can be so easy to over-state what's going on, especially when from his protagonist-perspective there's nothing to be seen. But the matter here is Takumi's habitual lack of reliability to himself- he would determine that nothing was wrong if he couldn't see what was wrong. This 'out of sight, out of mind' attitude to his own problems as well as stubbornness to 'keep normality' is so quintessentially Takumi. It just so happens that this could be a complex trauma response as well.
I'm gonna say it, I do think that even the laziest person imaginable should have a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and access to healthcare
as much as a eito romance route would be cute, i really hope we get to see Eito's dynamics with other characters in the dlc. While eitaku is neat and all, he (and honestly most other characters, feel like they dont really interact besides with their lil cliques most of the time, eito just gets the brunt of it bc hes in a cage or dead 90% of the time) could have some interesting and cute lil dynamics with other characters.
Yugamu shows interest in him in the KG route, Shouma takes care of Eva when shes in the cage so hes prob bringing him food to while at it, Nozomi is literally his foil and they dont really interact, and im sure depending on circumstance different characters could gain some kind of interest in him.
also another Eito protag route maybe?? route where he succeeds with all his plans and kills everyone would be great for that (dont ask me how thatd happen, im sure theres some kind of way). i wanna see more of his thoughts and opinions and allat, hes an interesting character yk? also the idea of him realising that hes actually not happy once hes "won" bc he does actually want connection deep down and deludes himself/is convinced that he doesnt, but now that hes faced with the solitude he cant deny that anymore as it sinks into him. or maybe, he would really truly be happy in a completely empty world, finally at peace as hes able to breath freely without humanity's presence weighing him down. who knows?
i dislike intentionally bland protagonists that youre supposed to self-insert into bc i like. always end up thinking of them as their own character and cant do that. and even if i could i just like making OC's and self inserts and thinking of ways theyd fit into the story. id much rather have an actually interesting mc than a self-insertable one.
"Vocal synthesizers are far less grating than actual voices, but I still find music with lyrics distracting, and I'm not one to listen to music without doing something else at the same time. So I'm not that well-acquainted with the genre. The only producer I can name off the top of my head is MARETU. I appreciate how little his songs attempt to obscure the ugliness of human nature and life itself."
"Depends on what you mean by that. If you're asking if I'd be possessive of someone I love, probably more than I'd like to admit. If I ever let someone close enough to matter, I don't want to even imagine what losing them would feel like. Sometimes I wonder if I'd even know what love feels like until it's already slipping through my fingers... I'd most likely become rather desperate to keep someone from leaving. As for whether that makes me a 'yandere,' though, I think flattening someone to an anime archetype is a poor attempt at understanding them. You're not really learning about them, just sticking oversimplified labels on them instead."
