Time, Is A Heartless BITCH @road-to-ruins - Tumblr Blog

“I’d cut my soul into a million different pieces just to form a constellation to light your way home. I’d write love poems to the parts of yourself you can’t stand. I’d stand in the shadows of your heart and tell you I’m not afraid of your dark.”

— Andrea Gibson

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Zora Neale Hurston / Their Eyes Were Watching God

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David Nicholls / One Day

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Life goes on; Things change; People change. In life there's only one constant, you will always feel. Whether you feel pain, joy or happiness. You will always feel.

it's weird, because he is a different person and I am a different person from the people we remember, but there is something engraved in my heart. I'm not sure if it's pain and trauma or love. The way it ended, caused it. Imagine having to walk away from your only safe place, a space where no matter what was happening in the world, you knew you'd be okay because they were there by your side. Imagine walking away from someone you thought was everything you wanted. Imagine walking away with your heart filled with so much love, that leaving left a scar. I'm sure being left hurt, but that decision to leave, left a scar.

The way things ended resulted in me doubting everything- the person I was, my sanity, trust, my own worth and what love was. That's bound to cause trauma. It has to be traumatic to have to walk away from someone you'd walk to the ends of the earth for, so much so that in pain all you cared about is if they're okay.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the scar never leaves. It is a constant. You now know it was for the best, you understand they are no longer the person you want, but they cross your mind. You could move on, be with other people, start a new life, change for the better and become the best version of yourself, but it never goes away. Especially when you end things suddenly with no where to put the love. Blind sided by their absence and a hole left in your life. It doesn't matter if it's trauma or love, it never leaves. The pain just becomes part of you, so it no longer looks like crying, panic attacks and complete instability, it hides itself in your day to day life, with little reminders of him, or every once in a while the past crosses your mind, even when you're at your happiest. You feel the stab in your chest, but you know it will be okay, and life will go on, because it's no longer a knife in your chest but a healed scar that has left a mark.