Hi, so, i dont usually do stuff like this, but i don't really feel like i have anyone irl i can talk to about this right now. So I've recently gotten into a relationship. Its my first actual relationship and my gf seems lovely, shes always been really supportive and kind to me, even before we started dating. However, im not sure i really like being in a relationship, i find myself missing when she and i were just friends and i feel like I've jumped into a relationship to soon. I didn't have time to properly think through my feelings for her and i dont think they're really as strong as i initially thought. Ive started to notice this is a pattern for me, the second someone shows a mutual intrest in me i seem to start to lose intrest, even if i dont want to. My friends haven't havent been much help either, they're all currently upset with her for various and admittedly completely valid reasons, and they have proof of some really inconsiderate and honestly rude things shes said about them and to them (we're all in the same friend group btw). I dont know how to feel about any of this, i mean i don't want to break up, but how much of that is just me wanting to go with the flow? And staying when im not really feeling it feels unfair. Should i end things before they get to deep? Should i stick it out for a while? I'm sorry this is so long.
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Hi love,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. I am sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. Please understand that what you are feeling is completely valid. It is commendable that you are comfortable enough with your feelings to reach out for advice.
I would recommend taking some time to reflect on yourself and your feelings. Assess whether or not you genuinely want to be in a romantic relationship with this person right now, or if you want to be in a romantic relationship at all. You could also ask yourself questions, such as, “Would I be happier if we were just friends?” or, “Do I see myself with her two years from now?” These questions can help clarify your genuine feelings about the situation.
Communication is vital in both romantic and platonic relationships. Try to have an open and honest conversation with her. You can discuss how you have been feeling about the relationship, and what you both can do moving forward. Telling her that you’re trying to understand your emotions will allow her to give you time to evaluate the relationship. You don't have to rush into decisions about the future of your relationship. Allow yourself to explore your emotions without feeling pressured. If you conclude that a romantic relationship is not what you are looking for right now, make sure to clearly communicate that with your partner.
I have linked some articles that can help you navigate through this situation. The second article could be particularly helpful because it explores what you should ask yourself when considering your relationship, and it contains further steps to help you with the conflict of the desire of being in a relationship:
https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/relationship-feels-like-friendship/; https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/do-i-want-a-relationship-questions/2015423.
Ultimately, it's important to be true to yourself and prioritize your own well-being. If you find that the relationship with your girlfriend isn’t fulfilling, it’s okay to make decisions that align with your needs. Please remember that all of your feelings are valid, and always be patient with yourself. Thank you again for reaching out to Asking Jude! Please do not hesitate to reach out again.
Best of luck,
Irene
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