pretty shiny things

christopher igasho michaels, but you can call me whatever you want. (twenty-three, postman by day, thief by night, hermes)

[roadstotravel]

prim.

“totally!  just  don’t  spill  milk  all  over  my  car.”  prim  replied  without  preamble,  because  her  mind’s  racing  with  a  million  and  one  words  to  put  into  paper  once  she  sees  complete  and  utter  proof  of  what  her  informant  sent  her.  she  looks  him  up  and  down  and  nods  quickly.  “oh,  yeah.  if  we’re  getting  caught,  might  as  well  look  cool  doing  it.”

she  pushed  chris  into  his  own  apartment,  practically  bouncing  on  the  balls  of  her  feet.  “dude,  you  cannot  believe  it.  it’s  somewhere  in  downtown  brooklyn,  and  it’s  a  whole  fucking  shipment  of  cocaine  and  jewelry  in  one  garage.”  prim  revealed,  because  she  might  as  well  let  chris  know  what  he  was  getting  into.  most  of  the  time,  he  understood  the  risk.  he  wasn’t  her  getaway  driver  when  things  go  to  shit  for  nothing.  “this  guy  stole  millions  from  his  own  employees  just  to  get  a  bunch  of  diamonds  and  nose  candy  to  sell  to  his  equally  shitty  rich  dude  friends.”

“Sweet,” he mutters, nodding his head a little even as he let himself be pushed backwards, socked feet sliding over to slightly on the fake wood flooring. He’s halfway to his bed room when Prim reveals what the guy has and he spins around on one foot, eyebrows raised at her, “Wait, for real? Like, a whole shipment?” Chris didn’t really know all that much about how smuggling worked –– despite what some people might think his only illegal activities involved a screwdriver and the occasional crowbar –– but a whole ship sounded like a lot. Without really waiting for her response he walks into his room, closing the door just enough for privacy but still open enough that they could continue talking. He knows he has a black hoodie around somewhere and–– “aha!” he mutters, pulling the hoodie out from under his pillow and over his head and swapping his sweats for his favourite pair of slightly ripped dark jeans. “Hey are my shoes out there?” He shouts as he digs through one of the drawers in his wardrobe to find the dark grey beanie he liked to save for winter and pulls it onto his head. It’s not every day you get to be part of a sting mission, he’s gotta look the part. 

“Wait, he stole it from his employees?” Chris asks as he leaves his room, stuffing his phone into one pocket and the bottle of mace he’d picked up from someone into the other. “That’s fucked up man.” He frowns a little, sidestepping Prim to walk back in this kitchen and collect his bowl of cereal, holding the box up quickly, “Did you want any?”

[roadstotravel]

alice.

☆

“Aw well isn’t that sweet,” Alice laughed. She was honest about that. Not many people would think that being told you’re not a Karen was a sweet compliment or a compliment at all, but Alice did. “Do you count it as a fuck up or do you do it on purpose?” She was just being honest. Alice liked chaos so she couldn’t blame the guy if he favored it a little too much too. “So you like to make mischief then? Professionally, I mean.”

x

Chris was tempted to ask her to repeat herself as he recorded so he’d have something to show to certain people when they said he was less then sweet. But that seemed a little weird given how little time they’d known each other. He wriggles his eyebrows a little as her with a grin as one eye drops into a wink, “Now I can’t be telling you that. It might get back to my boss.” He mulled those words over for a while, did he consider himself a professional mischief maker? Huh, he’d never really thought about it before. “If someone would pay me for fucking up someone elses day, I think it would be my dream job.”

[roadstotravel]

goldveinsfm​:

( closed starter for primrose + chris - @roadstotravel​​​​​ )

while  prim  had  a  particularly  stable  job  at  eagle  news,  it  does  not  stop  her  from  being  impulsive  over  information  she  might  be  able  to  gather.  she  took  her  job  as  an  investigative  journalist  seriously,  even  though  she  was  an  assistant  to  the  CEO  on  the  weekdays.  since  her  moving  to  new  york,  her  mum  got  her  a  car  -  to  help  drive  herself  to  all  those  “interviews”  with  freelance  companies  before  her  new  fulltime  job.  but  recently,  she’s  been  bent  on  using  them  as  a  great  way  to  run  from  danger  if  she  finds  herself  in  any  of  it  during  her  treks  for  real  news.

she  didn’t  even  hesitate  to  drive  to  a  particular  apartment,  knock  on  a  very  specific  door,  waiting  for  the  one  person  to  open  up.  when  it  does,  prim  grins  maniacally  -  looking  quite  pleased  with  herself  with  news  she’s  about  to  deliver.  “hey,  chris.  wanna  go  do  something  stupid  and  catch  a  mob  guy  ?  ”  she  greets  him  almost  immediately,  because  she  cannot  contain  her  excitement.  “not  like  catch  catch  like  the  cops  -  but  just  totally  ruin  his  life  that’s  ruined  thousands  of  others  once  i  write  about  him.”

x

On his days off Chris likes to keep things relaxed, watch some tv, read some mail, have a late lunch -- sometimes pay a visit to Alex and Parkers when he realised he didn’t have any food in -- plot out his eventual grand road trip across the country. So far, on his days to-do list he’d caught up on some shows and was in the kitchen, carton of milk in one hand getting ready to pour it over his bowl of cereal when there’s a knock on his front door. On instinct, he looks at the crooked clock on his wall, not that it means anything to him. He wasn’t expecting any visits today at all. With a shrug he walks towards his front door, blinking at Prim, her sudden appearance and her on-slaught of words. It takes him several seconds to fully understand what she’s asking. 

“Yeah, alright. Can I bring my cereal?” He points over his shoulder with his thumb, to where his food is waiting for him and then quickly jerks it in the direction of his bedroom. “Also, I need to get changed. This is not a mob guy catching outfit.”

[roadstotravel]

alex.

“ i didn’t try to charm you when we first met because i was 99% convinced you were burgling my apartment at the time. ” alex was quick to shoot back, eyes darting from the tv with a sharp look. sure, maybe he was used to chris’ impromptu arrivals now, but that hadn’t made him any more ready the first time it’d happened. he’d almost taken out the poor guy with a baseball bat, and hadn’t that been an awkward conversation with his roommate. “ i’m not sure trying to woo would be criminals is really a valid tactic in that scenario. consider the fact i didn’t literally have you arrested charming. ” honestly, the fact that chris saw him as irritable as he did was probably more of a testament to their friendship than it seemed. he was seeing far more of the real alex, if you will, than most, and not just the false charm he put on for the rest of the circus. 

but as alex walked his sorry ass over to the kitchen, he took a moment to really consider what he was getting himself into, and more and more it felt like walking to the gallows. no he … didn’t really know what went in cookies. they had always just kind of, appeared in the kitchen as a child. he had literally zero cooking or baking prerequisite skills. the only reason he was even confident that he had the ingredients, let alone the utensils, was because unlike himself, parker was actually competent when it came around to using the oven. or the stove. the kitchen in general, really. and so he had faith his best friend surely would have milk and sugar and all that shit. but regardless, he had to steel himself, because he absolutely was not going to let this fucker lord this win over him. alex would have to rely on pure spite to carry him through. “ i didn’t say it had to be totally from memory, ” he dodged tactfully, side eying his friends overenthusiasm. “ surely we’re allowed to like, google a recipe or something right ? it’s a baking competition and not a memory competition. ” throwing open the cupboards, he started rummaging through for the few items he knew they did need. sugar, vanilla, flour. “ unless you’re confident enough to fly totally blind ” there’s a slight challenge lingering in his tone, one he vaguely hopes chris won’t pursue, but that he can’t help but throw out anyway

x

“Eh, technicalities,” Chris waves a hand in the air, as if he could brush away their history. He liked to think of it as merely blip in their slow blossoming friendship. Give it another 10 years and Chris was convinced they’d be best friends and he’d no longer be eyeing the baseball bat every time he stopped by. “Have you ever tried? Wooing a criminal?” He raises an eyebrow at him, lips twitching in a smile, “Oh well hey if you ever decide to change that ask for Rob, right? We have an agreement.” Not that Rob would be impressed to get a call from him, but at least it would be a peaceful car ride.

Standing the doorway, bouncing on the balls of his feet Chris watches with badly concealed amusement as Alex looks around his kitchen like he’s never been there before. Oh yeah, this was going to be great. “Hm,” he tilts his head slightly to the side as he thinks about it. Did he know cookie recipe off by heart? Absolutely not. Did he sort of know which ingredients went into cookies? Possibly. “Okay, we can look up a recipe but only for the ingredients, we can’t see what order to add them or how much. Gotta keep it interesting somehow,” he shoots a grin in Alex’s direction as he starts looking through the cupboards. 

[roadstotravel]

poppy.

“Oh,” Poppy raised an eyebrow as she stifled a laugh. That didn’t sound to normal to be met with a frown all the time. She made a mental note to be a little extra nice to him if she could. “I think I was here like once before but I was pretty young. It was either a field trip or something with my parents. I honestly can’t remember,” she shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sure we won’t get too lost! Plus if we do, at least we won’t get lost alone.” Poppy really didn’t feel like asking someone for directions inside of a building. Poppy laughed as she reached out and took the flowers from Chris. “It’s alright! I never get flowers so its nice anyway!”

x

Chris shrugs slightly, a small smile pulling at his lips, completely unfazed by it all. His eyes roam across the front of the building again before going back to Poppy as she speaks, “Huh. So we’re relying on your memories then?” He grinned, not really bothered, he was sure there’d be maps or something inside and he really liked a good map. “Aw, Poppy, did we just become new best friends?” Awkwardly, he handed over the flowers while also trying to nudge her arm with his elbow. “Shall we do this?” Now he had both hands free again Chris stuffed one his jeans pocket and pointed behind them with his other, eyebrows raised.

[roadstotravel]

poppy.

Poppy had nearly had a heart attack when she got the invitation in the mail. Part of her honestly thought about just not showing up but she couldn’t bear to stand someone up and make them upset so she’d dressed up a little bit and had shown up to the planetarium. She never really had a chance to go and she regretted it now as she approached the building and let out a tiny gasp of shock. It was better than she thought it could be. A person standing outside caught her attention and she walked up behind him slowly. “Chris?” The blonde cringed as the man spun around and she watched a few petals fall to the ground. “Oh sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” She motioned to the flowers. “I’m Poppy…are those for me?”

x

“No, no it’s fine. That’s on me, normally people say my name followed by a frown,” he laughs, waving his hand still gripping the flowers slightly in the air. He wasn’t about to mention people saying his name also normally indicated it was time for him to run. “Nice to meet you Poppy,” Chris smiles, feet shuffling as he glances back at the building they’re outside of, “You been here before?” It would be kinda nice if one of them knew their way around. “Huh?” He frowns a little, eyes darting to his hand and widening before moving them towards her, “Oh! Yeah, yeah uh. Here. Sorry they’re a little... wilted.”

[roadstotravel]

alice.

“I wouldn’t say I’m a Karen if that’s what you mean!” Alice smirked.  “I just think of it as standing up for myself without issue! I don’t complain to get my way, I complain to make sure people know when they’ve fucked up.” If that made her a Karen, then so be it. Not that she really cared anyway. She raised an eyebrow as she took a final glance at her dead phone before she nodded her head. “Ladies first? How considerate,” she let out a laugh. Was he allowed to ask other people about people’s mail? She didn’t really care as long as she got hers. “Oh, you bet I will! I know a few people who can stand to not get their mail for a day if they’re on your route.” She grinned as she turned around to face the man again. “I’m Alice, by the way.”

x

“Yeah, no, you seem to pretty to be a Karen,” he mused and also a little too scary. He didn’t know why, it was just a vibe he was getting. Chris liked to think he was good at picking up on vibes. He grins a little, turning to glance at her, “Oh man you’ve definitely never had me as your postman then. Their for sure be more complaints in my file. I fuck up a lot.” Maybe he shouldn’t be quite so proud of that fact. Hesitating for a moment he skips into step next to her, shoving both his hands into his jacket’s pockets to keep them warm and safe. “Just the answer I like to hear,” he grins again, eyebrows going up a little. “Chris. Alice suits you better then Karen.”

[roadstotravel]

closed starter / lupercalia  –– @poppyxrosi​

Chris had never really been big on Valentines Day. Sure, he’d handed out cards and little candies when he was a kid, and he’d totally given a rose to a girl in junior year but mostly he just–– didn’t care about it. But when a mysterious little invite shows up at your door setting you up with someone, it would be pretty rude to ignore it. He was just glad this time it wasn’t some fancy black tie event, he had no idea where he’d chucked his tie after the last event and at least at the planetarium he could wear jeans. Absentmindedly tapping his foot on the pavement Chris gazes up a the building and the giant ball he can see through all the windows. Is it meant to be the moon? He tilts his head a little to the side, the stolen bunch of flowers in his hand crinkling in their paper wrapping as he tries to bring his hand up to rest under his chin in thought. Frowning a little at the flowers, having forgotten he was holding them, Chris is halfway to lowering his arm when someone says his name and he turns around too quickly, a few petals fluttering to the ground. “Fuck,” he mutters, glancing up sheepishly at the blonde. 

[roadstotravel]

damien.

The guy thought his car was tired? Damien had to repress the urge to laugh even more. “I’m a good mechanic, you can ask anybody. If you check the yelp reviews, you might find a lot of them saying that I’m too handsome to spend my life under a car, but I think I hold a solid 4 and a half stars,” he joked.  Well, it was mostly a joke. He’d stopped looking at yelp reviews a while ago for that exact reason. He just wanted to do his job in peace most days. “That just means he’s dedicated to his work! A solid 4 out of 5 stars. Taking the one star off for the violence, but a good rating is still deserved.” Damien took a drink of his own water. His eyes widened slightly as the man said what he did for a living. “Only a 60% chance? What’s the other 40 stand for?” He hoped the guy wasn’t one of those porch pirates but hey. As long as he got all of his packages, it didn’t matter to him. “Oh sweet! You ever travel anywhere cool? Like outside of the country or some shit?”

x

Chris feels his eyebrows shoot up, turning his head slightly so he can actually properly glance at the man, eyes running over his face and down his body before back to his face. “Huh, yeah I can see why they’d say that,” he mumbles, lips ticking up in a half grin, “Ah the down side to starting a fight I see. A whole star. Man, you could be a five out of five!” For half a second Chris considered making something up, there was a 40% chance he didn’t work his side of town. There was 40% chance that he didn’t even get post. But he was a shit liar, “Well, you ever had any post go missing before?” He grins, not letting his answer put a downer on his mood, “Not yet, getting out of his country is expensive! But, I’ve done a lot of road trips. Might be why Linda’s making all those weird sounds.”

[roadstotravel]

minni.

minni had often been told that she lacked sympathy. so many times, that the words themselves had lost their meaning and she couldn’t care less when she heard them anymore. the people who knew her had earned her trust and confidence, and if they had any problem with her, they’d tell her. chris hadn’t told her, which meant that he didn’t mind. simple as that. besides, most people assumed she was joking, which was only half wrong. “your spectacular skills of making a fool of yourself and getting into trouble?” she mumbled with a roll of her eyes.

she just watched him inspect his wounds, her smile forcefully disappeared, impatient and stubborn enough to refuse to get closer. “who said i don’t like to laugh at you? that’s my friendship with everyone, don’t feel special.” but her smile crept back onto her lips, and she inched closer. “not even for some vlogging content,” she echoed, internally glad to see he was still able to walk and move all his joints. “is your board okay?” clearly more important than his physical health, but minni knew what mattered more to chris. “finally! i’m starting to get sick of this place. i heard there’s a graveyard nearby.”

x

“Yes, exactly that,” he pointed a finger at her with a grin, glad she understood where his skills in life lay. Sure, he was good at other things, but getting into a trouble? It was definitely his number one, quickly followed by getting out of said trouble. “Wait, you think I make a fool of myself? Rude,” he pouts, bottom lip sticking out and furrow between his brows. 

Rolling his eyes he nudges her shoulder with his elbow as she flexes the fingers on his other hand, “Wow, you’re just really out to hurt my feelings today, huh?” Dropping his arm back to his side he walks over to collect his board, lips pursed as he looks it over quickly before grinning back at Minni, shooting her a thumbs up that only hurts a little, “All good! This baby is a tough as my car, would take an explosion to destroy it.” Which was a straight up lie as everyone who knew Chris knew his car had been on her last dregs of life for years now. “Ooo a haunted graveyard? Or just a regular one?”

[roadstotravel]

alex.

fat chance — he didn’t even colour code his school notes. when he even took notes in the first place, that is. “ oh, that must be awful. well, i guess assholes are just drawn to the field, ” alex sighed with false sympathy. like chris and his mailman problems were ever going to be worse than alex’s. chris’ mailman probably didn’t break into his home. “ but glad you’re keeping an eye on us. wouldn’t want some supervillain to pull the wool over our eyes and send us some elaborate exploding teakettle to take us out and catch us unaware. i’ll sleep better tonight knowing you’re ever vigilant, taking your job seriously ” he made a mental note to have anything expensive being delivered shipped to one of his fathers other places instead — knowing chris, he’d swipe it just to make a joke of it. that sweet smile wasn’t convincing anybody. “ and i’m not anti-social. i meet plenty of people who think i’m very charming, thank you very much. i just have standards, ” he sniffed. the implication being the other man didn’t meet them, of course. though, chris was half right — alex didn’t tend to have friends so much as he had acquaintances. he’s not quite sure the various people he met on his bar escapades counted as friends, per say. but alex tried not to let the slight grimace show on his face at chris’ toast comment, disguising it under looking like he was intently taking in the events of the show unfolding on the tv. so what, maybe he’d burned his toast one or twice before parker took pity on him. that didn’t mean he was totally incapable of anything in the kitchen, just that he’d been a little unlucky. totally unware he was being goaded into playing right into the other mans hand, alex stood swiftly to his feet in one fluid motion, already anxious to get going. “ fuck off. you don’t know shit about my toast. and i’m going to prove it to you right here right now. we have all the ingredients — lets make some stupid cookies. ” he stomped off towards the kitchen, praying he wasn’t going to totally fuck this up and catch an earful from parker when he got home.

x

Well, not that was a thought that had never occurred to Chris, what was it about being a mailman that caught the attention of dicks. Maybe it was all the walking. Grinning, Chris clapped a hand on Alex’s shoulder and squeezed once, “You are so welcome man. I gotta look out for my favourite bros!” He drops one eye in a wink before pulling his hand away and placing both behind his head as he leans further back in the sofa, attention drifting between the tv screen and the man next to him. “You never tried to charm me when we first met, I’m kinda offended man. I thought we were pals,” Chris pouts at him, only half pretending to be offended by the thought because while Alex had never tried to charm him, he’d also never had him thrown out of the building. He was pretty sure that meant he was tolerated, which felt like a win to him. Holding his breath, Chris waits to see if Alex is going to take the bait and has to bite his lip to keep himself from cheering when he does, but allows himself to pump one fist in the air when Alex’s back is turned, halfway to the kitchen already. “Oh man you are so on! My cookies are gonna kick your cookies ass!” Jumping up from the sofa Chris practically skips as he follows after the other man, skidding to a stop just beside the fridge and grinning around the kitchen. “Do you even know what goes in cookies?” He might be pushing it a little now, but he can’t stop himself. 

[segel-sudeikis]

[meanderingmolly]

Mr. The Frog we all agreed that a celebrity is not a people

[mommacomms]

The Muppets have one (1) collective brain cell between them and 90% of the time, Kermit has it.

[roadstotravel]

alice.

The red-head gazed up at the street lights and nodded her head. The lights were still off, but they would probably be coming on soon and then she would hate herself for being out by herself in the dark. Not that she couldn’t defend herself, but still. “Luckily, I haven’t had to complain much to USPS or else whoever I talked to might quit,” she joked. Sort of. “I’ve heard my neighbors yell about packages not coming before though. How unlucky for them,” she pouted as she rose to her feet. “Oh cool. I’m headed that way. You wouldn’t mind if I joined you for a little bit, would you?” Alice batted her eyelashes a little bit for added effect. She would probably walk off after him even if he said no anyway.

x

“Ah,” Chris nodded his head a little, squinting his eyes as he reconfigured thoughts on the redhead, “One of those people, huh?” He didn’t really mind the people who complained – mostly because they had every right with him, he wasn’t the best at being on time – but he didn’t like the ones who had fun while doing it. Standing up and slinging his bag over one shoulder, Chris grinned, gesturing with one arm in a dramatic fashion for her to start walking first, “After you! Oh! You can tell me if you know any of these people I’ve got post for. Any inside tips of who could do with loosing a few letters.” There was definitely some rule or law about not revealing addresses to people, but he couldn’t remember it so it didn’t count.

[roadstotravel]

damien.

Part of Damien had expected the other man to bring up a car problem when he mentioned his job. He just hadn’t expected him to do it in a way that was so fucking funny. He tried to hold himself together, but he could feel his face twist into an astounded smile as he let out a snort of laughter. Damien noticed the looks from the people around them, but that just made it funnier. “Depends. Does she give you trouble starting? Could be something with that. Or breaks! I would say bring her in,” he laughed. He might as well offer it and he was glad that the other man didn’t seem too angry about him ordering him a water. “I think he can take everyone in this bar on at the same time if he really wanted to. What do you do for work, by the way?” He raised an eyebrow at the younger man. Damien usually didn’t ask but he was curious since this guy seemed so out there.

x

Leaning an elbow on the bar top Chris lets his head rest on his hand, eyes focused on what the other man said with great concentration. “Sometimes. Especially early in the morning, I just thought she was tired to be honest,” he shrugged, albeit a little awkwardly with how his head was still resting on his hand, but a lazy grin spread across his face too. “Are you a repeatable mechanic? Do I need to check your yelp reviews before I trust you with my car?” He was only partly joking, because yelp had banned him (and his three other accounts) and any mechanic would do. “Hm, probably still manage to pour someone a drink while he did it too,” Chris giggled, more to himself and lifted his head up to sip more of his water. The question took him off guard for a second but then he’s grinning, sitting up a little straighter in his chair, “I’m a mailman so there’s 60% chance I’ve delivered you a letter,” and a 40% chance he’s nicked something too, “With a side of travel vlogging. Sometimes I combine them!”

[roadstotravel]

alice.

☆

Alice followed the man’s gaze upwards for a moment. Sure enough, the sky was slowly getting darker. She’d spent more time wallowing in her self pity than she’d thought and if she actually cared, she might be a little embarrassed. “Do they? I don’t really come around here anymore. If you say so, I guess.” She didn’t see why the guy would lie about the street lights staying on, but maybe she wasn’t the best at reading people. Alice nodded her head slowly. “Yes, I understand. I hate when my own mail’s late.” She narrowed her eyes slightly before her expression brightened slightly. “Which way are you headed? Maybe I’ll join you on the way if we’re headed the same direciton.”

x

“Mhm,” he muttered, head nodding as his eyes flickered to one of the slights across the way. It would have been cool if they'd all started turning on right as he said it, but alas, his powers of foresight were apparently still dormant. Chris drew his bottom lip between his teeth to not smile, he wondered if he’d ever been in charge of her post. She kind of looked like the type of person to order online, and it would be very awkward if the new bathroom scales he’d ‘found’ and currently living in his flat had belonged to her. “Hm yeah you should complain to USPS,” he did smile now, pointing to the path leading left and the blocks past it, “That way, guess I can’t keep people waiting for the bills forever.”

[roadstotravel]

harley.

it was nice to see so many people raising their hands in enthusiasm, but one definitely stood out to him. It’s a guy, around Harley’s age, which made him definitely feel great; at least he’s not the only one excited about the birds as much as himself! “Welcome, you can join me on the stage,” pointing next to him with a smile. “What’s your name?” Harley asked as he took out a glove from the compartment; it was a really big one, meant for the big birds. Some of the birds still hopping around or enjoying the snacks Harley gave them earlier would definitely fit that kind of description.           “I am going to call the biggest bird we currently have in the Central Park Zoo, so I want you all to hold onto your bags and purses.” Harley said, turning to the audience before handing Chris his glove to put on. The glove itself was as heavy as some birds themselves. He looked at the big bird loafing around, looking for some food and called “Honey, come on,” and tapped on the glove to land on. But instead of the big bird, there’s a tiny sun parakeet coming towards them, landing on the glove, which seemed a little bit too big now. At least, it got a good laugh from the audience, which was definitely Harley’s intention.

x

“Chirs,” he said with a grin that only faulted a little when he saw the size of the glove and remembered the size of some of the birds he’d seen earlier. But he was up here now and he’d never backed down from something just because of size. Sure a bird might be bigger than his entire head, it would make a great photo. He could send it to his mom, she’d probably like that. Slipping his hand into the glove, Chris wiggled his fingers to try and get used to its weight. He was pretty sure he was meant to sort of bend his elbow and extend his arm at the same time, but as he eyed the large bird Chris wasn’t sure how he was supposed to keep it up. God, maybe he should start going to the gym or something. And then a much smaller bird is landing on him, feather rustling and he lets out a delighted laugh. “Woah! Hey, little dude! How's it hanging?” Logically, Chris knows the bird can’t talk back, but it would be pretty cool if it did.

[roadstotravel]

ϟ (at any one of my kids lol)

ϟ for a drunk text

@ 5:23am 

to mr bar fight car man 🥃🥊: hey do you think waiting behind a bar and jumping someone will work? 

@ 5:35am

to mr bar fight car man 🥃🥊: hey so nvm didn’t work 

to mr bar fight car man 🥃🥊: unrelated question. can i just slap a band aid on a split lip?