TW: UNDERAGED DRINKING, VOMITING, RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA USE, AND SURVIVORS TRAUMA.
Tonight was pretty bad all things considered, Roland had thought that the moment of body dysmorphia and the talk he had with Hayden would be the last time he’d ever think about Trevor. He was wrong, for the last few days his mind had kept playing out the moment of the assault. Tonight was no different, even as he got out of his truck, went into the apartment, and rang on Hayden’s doorbell Trevor still lingered in his mind. The door cracks open and Hayden smiles at him, he seems to have his dress pants and a t-shirt on.
“Sorry, I’m only halfway dressed, you can come in and sit down,” Hayden tells him.
“I can wait in the truck.”
Hayden frowns for a moment and then laughs. “Oh Roland, you’ve probably been driving for four hours, come and sit down.” Hayden ushers Roland into the small apartment.
“It’s kind of cramped in here.” Roland notices.
Hayden nods. “Yeah, I’ve got the money to buy a bigger apartment, I just think I’d feel lonely in a bigger space.”
“Maybe you should think about buying a space that fits two people.”
Hayden playfully jaw drops, he then winks at Roland. “Maybe I should.”
Roland sits down on Hayden’s bed, taking in Hayden’s scent, something he didn’t really know Hayden had.
“Hope you don’t mind the show,” Hayden says as he takes off his shirt to put on a dress shirt. “Are you wearing any cologne tonight?” He asks, taking a little fancy bottle of liquid out from his dresser.
“I’ve never worn cologne, only deodorant.”
Hayden passes him another small bottle. “Think you’d do well with this one.”
Roland looks at it, it’s a cedar musk, he puts a little on his wrist and smells it, it’s just strong enough for him to not smell like an old lady. As he rubs the cologne in, Hayden comes over to sit beside him.
He tilts his head away from Roland, exposing his neck. “Wanna see what I smell like?”
Hayden anxiously wipes down the counters in his new apartment he had gotten a week ago. He had taken Roland’s advice to get a bigger apartment, but now it almost felt like he had empty nest syndrome even if he never had kids and didn’t want to have any. Roland comes over today, he hasn’t seen him in a month, and he only started talking to him again last week. Hayden is even surprised Roland is talking to him again, he doesn’t think anyone would want to talk to him after seeing him make a fool of himself. The party was awful, looking back on it now Hayden could tell something was the matter with Roland, he had just wished they could’ve stayed home and figured that out.
Hayden hears the doorbell ring, he sprints over to it to let in Roland.
“Hi.” Roland smiles back with a closed mouth.
Hayden closes the door behind Roland as he looks around. “This place looks really nice,” Roland tells him.
“Yeah, I took your advice and got a place meant for two people.”
Roland’s smile drops a little, “Oh, then are you seeing someone?”
“No, I really wish I was, it’s really lonely here.”
“Oh, well I hope you find someone soon.”
Hayden sighs. “Yeah, me too.” It seems like Roland is too oblivious that he’s the one Hayden wants, that, or he’s trying to let Hayden down gently.
“Can I have a tour?” Roland asks, snapping Hayden out of his own thoughts.
Hayden brings Roland around the apartment showing him the downstairs bathroom, the upstairs bathroom, the guest and master bedroom, the kitchen and the living room. All of the rooms are somewhat decorated, though the place doesn’t seem so lived in yet.
“I see what you mean,” Roland laughs. “You could fit a family of three in here.”
“Yeah, I don’t really think I’ll ever have kids.”
“Me neither, I don’t think any Awol, Recall, or Rewind would want to either. I’m not even sure if Rewinds can even reproduce.”
“I’d be worried they’d look like incest babies or something straight from Dah Zey.”
“Oh god, that would be awful.”
Roland turns his head away from Hayden. “No thanks” He feels his head being turned back towards a concerned Hayden.
“Are you nervous?” Hayden asks, he brushes the piece of hair in Roland’s face behind his ear. “Don’t worry, I can do all the talking tonight if you’d like.” He assures him. Roland has to hold back tears, he really doesn’t want to ruin the party for him. “That would be nice.” He sniffs.
Hayden smiles. “I think you’d like Grace, and I think she’d like you too, she’s a lot like your sister. Though I’m sure Lilian doesn’t think of filling the home with sad clown paintings.”
Roland gives him a weird look, and Hayden continues. “Don’t worry she hasn’t actually done that to her house, yet.”
Hayden pulls out his phone. “I should call us a cab tonight.”
Roland puts a hand on Hayden’s shoulder. “No, I can drive us there and back.” He tells him.
“Roland… there’s alcohol there.”
“Really? I thought you’d be all over that.”
“You don’t mind if I get a little tipsy then do you?” Hayden asks.
“Aren’t you not old enough to do that?”
Hayden laughs. “I’ve already done a whole bunch of edibles in my teenage years, I think we’re past being concerned about what goes into my body.”
“Fine, but if you throw up I’m gonna be pissed.”
“Oh, I won’t get that tipsy, I promise.”
Hayden ties his tie and puts on a black jacket and gloves “How do I look?” He asks Roland.
“Either like a con artist or a spy, I think it’s the gloves.” Roland points out.
“Oh, guess I’ll steal your heart, or maybe I’ll sweep you off your feet.” He flirts, and now that actually gets Roland to laugh.
“Should we head out now?” Roland asks with a smile.
Hayden looks Roland in the eyes. “Hey umm, about Grace’s party.”
Roland sighs. “Yeah, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.”
“No, but it was still terrible.”
“Sorry, I kept giving you the cold shoulder, I… I was going through something.”
“It’s alright,” Hayden smiles. “We can start over on square one.”
Roland smirks. “If we started back on square one, I’d think you were annoying, I’d be losing my mind over Connor and Mai, and we’d be stuck in an antique shop basement.”
Hayden laughs. “Maybe square five then?”
“Square five,” Roland affirms.
“So what do you want to do?” Hayden asks as he watches Roland fiddle his thumbs together.
“I’m used to bringing out board games whenever someone comes over, do you have any of those?”
Hayden shakes his head. “No, the only thing I’ve got like that is plastic toy keys for Mason.”
“Oh yeah, that’s Bam’s kid, she’s from the graveyard but I don’t think you ever met her, er um, Roland ever met her.”
Hayden pulls out his phone and cycles through pictures to find the one he took of Mason sleeping on Bam's chest. “There.”
“Yeah, I told Bam she looks like the dad who said they did want a pet.”
Roland smiles. “She does.”
“Yeah, she told me sometimes she teases Mason for giving her Baby Fever.”
Roland changes the subject a tad bit. “I think Nero was talking to a girl like that the other day, she was calling her Bambi.”
“Yeah, that’s Bam’s full name. I’m guessing Bam knows Nero has half of Starkey’s face.”
“I wouldn’t know, I just caught her cooing at her phone the other day and asked why she was doing that.”
“Well, next time you hear her talking to Bam you should ask Bam why she lets Nero call her Bambi, ‘cause she doesn’t let anyone do that.”
At sun down they arrive at a beautiful Floridian mansion decked out in pink with a red-tiled roof. Hayden bends himself forward from the passenger seat to announce them on the intercom. After a moment the wrought-iron gate swings open allowing them to pass through. Roland parks and gets out of the truck, mesmerized by the scenery. He walks over to the pink azalea hedges, just as he reaches them he’s spooked by the sound of someone calling out for him. He looks over to see Hayden standing away from the truck next to a butler.
“I’m just looking around.” He explains himself.
Hayden gently waves away the butler before coming up to Roland. “It’s going to be fine in there Roland.”
“Then why are you avoiding going in?”
“I’m not, I just want to look around.”
Hayden looks around with him. “I mean, it’s nothing special, it’s honestly kinda tacky.”
Roland frowns. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t grow up with rich tastes like you!”
Hayden is taken aback. “Wha-”
“Hayden, this place looks like a real-life Barbie Dream House! But, y’know, maybe that’s why you find it tacky.” His voice slows into a mutter as if he’s trying to backtrack from snapping at him.
“I… never saw it that way.” Hayden pauses. “Wait, how do you even know what a Barbie Dream House is?”
“I have a little sister, Hayden.”
Hayden scoffs at himself. “Oh, of course.”
Roland looks back at the bushes. “There’s a lot of pretty flowers out here.”
Hayden stares at Roland, then he looks at the flowers. “I think you’re prettier.” He says under his breath.
“Nothing! I just remembered I had flowers for you at home.” A great save on Hayden’s part, mostly because he did have a bouquet at home for Roland.
Roland smiles. “Oh, that’s nice!”
Hayden holds his hand out for Roland to take. “Can we go inside now?”
Roland takes his hand. “Alright, if you insist.”
The mansion is filled with marble furnishings and designer seating, and the walls are covered in abstract art, it’s absolutely extravagant.
“This place is beautiful,” Roland says in a state of awe.
“I think it looks like a model home from a magazine,” Hayden comments. “Though, this place probably looks like the American dream to you.”
Hayden looks towards the kitchen. “So I’ve got some snacks if you want any.”
“Oh thank god I’m starving.”
Hayden laughs as he and Roland go into the kitchen.
“So are we cooking anything?” Roland asks.
“No, unless you want me to watch you cook while hugging you from behind.” Hayden teases, he grabs onto Roland’s back and as soon as he does Rolan lets out a pained wheeze.
Hayden backs away from Roland, putting his hands over his mouth. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
Roland takes a deep breath. “It’s okay, I’m just taking a break from my meds for a while.”
“A little, but don’t beat yourself up over it, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Roland’s voice becomes firm. “It’s fine, Hayden.”
Hayden still feels guilty as Roland rummages through the fridge for something to eat. “What’s with the brownies?" Roland asks.
Hayden peers inside the fridge. “Those are edibles.”
“Have you ever had one before?”
Roland looks up at Hayden, going over his options before he says anything. “If I do, will you stay sober?”
“If that’s what you want.”
Hayden gets Roland to sit on the couch as he cuts a sliver off of one of the brownies. He comes over with the piece of brownie and gives it to Roland. He takes the piece and puts it in his mouth, chews it, and swallows it, he then stares at Hayden.
“It’ll take a while to kick in,” Hayden tells him.
For now, they just stare at each other. Hayden looks at Roland’s face, whoever put him back together did a good job. The only noticeable thing about it is that the corners of his mouth are slightly open. He then looks up at his hair, his beautiful dark brown hair that now reaches his shoulders.
Roland smiles at him. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”
“Everyone at work says I should cut it.”
Roland laughs. “Relax, I like it this length.”
Hayden gets closer to him. “Can I feel it?”
Roland takes an awkward tone of voice “Okay...”
Hayden softly combs his hand through Roland’s hair. “It’s so soft.” He feels Roland pass his hand through his bangs. “Your hair is soft too.”
“Yeah,” Hayden sits back down on the couch. “So what have you been up to?”
“Oh, well I work a lot for the emergency services, it’s usually picking up people from places they shouldn’t be.”
“I’m guessing from places that are off-grid too?”
“Yeah, that and mountains and stuff.”
“Heh, I don’t think I’d want this big of a house. So, is the woman who owns this house really like my sister?” Roland teases.
Hayden rolls his eyes. “Would you believe me that she lives in the guest house and that this place is only for parties?”
Someone around Roland’s age comes up to them, she’s got a puffy dress reminiscent of a holiday doll.
“Looks like someone came out of the radio again.” She smiles.
“Nice to see you too Grace,” Hayden points to Roland. “I brought a date like you asked.”
“H-hi,” Roland shyly waves his hand.
“Oh, so did the radio boy grab you from the radio too, or maybe the TV..?”
Roland laughs. “The BioBuilder actually.”
Grace nods. “I’ve finally seen one of ‘em creations from that machine, count me impressed.”
Roland becomes awkward. “Hah, right.”
“She’s the one who brought the original organ printer to Rifkin Medical Instruments,” Hayden whispers into his ear.
“Oh, umm, thank you for… everything then.”
Grace dismisses him. “You should go thank Sonia and Janson at their memorial, they are the ones who created it. I just rushed the machine out of a burning building.”
“That memorial was built on top of the fire site wasn’t it?” Hayden asks.
“Mhmm, where there was an antique shop, there is now a sculpture of a scientist couple.”
Roland looks at Hayden. “…What?…”
Hayden excuses them for Grace and pulls Roland aside.
“What is she talking about Hayden?”
Hayden sighs. “Do you remember Sonia?” He asks, Roland nods.
“Well, a long while back Connor, Risa, and Grace were at the antique shop. Some parts pirate searching for Connor came in and set the entire place on fire.”
“Yeah, everyone got out except for Sonia, I heard she was chained to the chair she sat in.”
Roland looks solemnly at the ground.
“We could visit their memorial after the party,” Hayden suggests.
“I don’t want to.” Roland mumbles.
There’s a bit of silence before Hayden brings Nero up. “How has Nero been doing? I've always wondered since she has half the face of Starkey.”
“Oh, she’s fine, she moved back in with me a month ago, in between helping Sam with his work she works as a nurse at her old ward.”
“I’m surprised they let her back in there.”
“Well, it’s not like a regular ward, there’s probably a lot of medical stuff going on in there.”
Hayden supposes this is going better than he expected, he thought as soon as he opened the door for Roland he'd start chewing him out of how horrible he was being at the party.
“You look tired,” Roland comments, it was true Hayden spent all last night busy worrying about how today would go.
“Do you want to lay down?” Roland asks him.
Hayden has to do a double-take. “Like, with you?”
“Alright.” Hayden tries to wedge himself between the couch and Roland before his body is promptly placed on Roland’s chest.
Hayden starts to blush really hard. “Roland.”
“‘Cause I don’t care if you’re on my chest.”
“But, but, I’m like on you.”
“And? I don’t care. This is like our second date isn’t it?”
“Wow, you’re far bolder when you’re not going through something.”
“When I pulled you onto the dance floor at Lilian's party it should’ve told you that much.”
Hayden nods, he feels Roland comb through his hair again. “You should have a nap,” Roland tells him.
“But I want to be awake when you’re feeling the full effects of that brownie.”
“Hayden, all I’m doing is looking up at a white ceiling, I'll be fine.” Roland gently presses Hayden’s head into his chest as Hayden starts falling asleep.
Hayden holds Roland’s hands. “What’s wrong?”
Roland makes up a half-excuse. “It’s just my first date after y’know… I’m just nervous.”
Hayden kisses Roland’s hand, making him blush. “Everything is gonna be okay, I promise.”
Roland sighs, the moments of, before, and after the assault still playing in his head. ‘It really isn’t, and I don’t know how you can make it better.’
Hayden guides Roland over to the seating area. He looks around the room, there are at least fifty people in here. He looks back at Hayden, and seeing him eye the champagne glass tower he smirks at him.
“Can I restrict you to just one drink tonight?”
Hayden smiles at him. “You can.” He walks over to the tower to receive a glass, and on his way back he takes minimal sips.
Roland looks at him curiously. “How’s it taste?”
Hayden shifts closer to Roland, almost too close, he then strokes a finger onto Roland’s vest, stroking a finger was something Trevor used to do.
“You’re really pretty.” He says.
“Thanks, Hayden,” Roland says flatley.
Hayden looks down, almost defeated-looking, instead of taking a sip of the champagne Roland remarks that this time Hayden takes a full gulp.
“Have you eaten anything recently?” Roland asks.
Hayden shakes his head, Roland takes away his glass and sets it aside. “Come get something to eat with me, that stuff can’t be good for you on an empty stomach.” Roland leads Hayden over to a giant buffet table, it’s probably filled with the best the world has to offer.
They sit back down and Roland hands Hayden back the glass. As they eat Roland can’t help but notice a stain on the corner of Hayden's mouth.
“You’ve got something in the corner of your mouth,” Roland says. Hayden grabs the cloth napkin and wipes the other side of his mouth.
“No, not that side.” Roland licks his thumb and wipes away the stain, after realizing what he’s just done he becomes a sputtering mess.
“Anywhere else to clean up? Maybe my lips?” Hayden giggles.
Roland stares him straight in the eyes, his voice goes back to being flat. “Can you never ask that question, like, ever again?”
Hayden recoils a little. “Oh, sorry.” He quietly utters, again, taking a big gulp of his champagne.
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