This may be a bit of a surprise coming from me so soon considering how early I've been on this platform and how often I've been posting. But, it needs to be done.
I'm going to take a temporary hiatus. I'm taking a short leave until my mental health gets better and I'm more mentally stable.
Currently I'm fucking struggling like all hell, I'll admit it. I'm not doing great. I'm overwhelmed and I get upset and feel like shit over the smallest of things. I thought I was doing good---and I was, I really was---but that only lasted for so long.
I'm going to try and work on myself and my work. I'm going to focus on getting myself mentally well and mentally stable, to get myself in a place and state of mind where I feel better.
I will be active, sort of, on Discord or on other websites you may know me from---mostly on Discord. Give me a ping, or a DM, and I'll try and get to you as soon as I can.
I will also admit: I'll be posting quite frequently on my vent sideblog, Vents-Rantsand-More /// The Echoes. This is where I will be venting and ranting. I've had this side blog for quite a while now, and I've used it quite a few times.
If you want to truly know how I feel, please, check that. You can send DMs or messages to me if needed.
Just know I will not be active here for the foreseeable future, until I get my shit back together.
mutsu water looper !! they’re like a mix of a virtual pet and a water toy, they are shy at first like a real pet, but when you keep playing with them they will warm up to you !!!
shoutout to chad danforth for literally just existing like yall have no idea he's the only reason i feel mildly confident in my hair and i wanna shake him and put him in my pocket and literally hes such a little guy hes my favorite little guys hes my gender and im gonna take his gender look at my little guy
everyday i yearn for a podcast of light, L, and matsuda. not for anything plot-wise though. like i just want to see them in a room together discussing the moral ethics of banging an AI or something. like i want those hoes to find out what furries are and then make them take fursona quizzes against their will. like sad boyz except it's just may-or-may-not-be-serial-killers boyz. that's the yotsuba arc i want somebody please tell me i'm not the only one please.
hi i'm just here to rant about how much i love teru mikami's character because he's genuinely such a well written character. this is probably gonna be unorganized and just rambly. i might rewrite it later but for now i just need another reason to procrastinate and focus on my silly emos.
mikami is probably one of the best representations of religious trauma (at least imo and from what i've seen). i haven't read the manga yet and a lot of this might just be me projecting, but either way he's still the top in my books. there's SO many scenes and details about him that remind me so much of myself when i was still heavily involved with christianity (and to be clear, this is my own interpretation, not me tryna shit on any religions. that's a big wompwomp no-no. respect ppl hoes). so here's some random bits about mikami that make me go "OH SHIT ME-CORE ALERT!!!!":
the entire thing with his mom. i know that when he reflects back on his mom's death, he talks about how he's happy the whole thing happened because "she's evil and god killed the evil for me thanks god" but i completely believe the whole thing is just him brainwashing himself. like think about it for a second. his mom just died in the same car crash that involved his main tormentors, and this was also right after he was holding a slight grudge against his mom for defending said tormentors (she obviously didn't do that. she was just trying to help mikami view the world from a more realistic point of view to keep him out of trouble, but when you're that young and that passionate about justice, to him it'll seem like she's defending the same evil he's trying to fight). when you combine these things together, this is just gonna lead to a WHOLE lot of conflicted and lost feelings, and we see that in mikami. he had just been through a rough conversation with his mom, and she died before he could even get a chance to really think about said convo. all he is left with is a mixed feeling of loss, resentment, and fear. however, on the other hand, her death meant that the tormentors she was defending had also died. so to him, it has to mean something, doesn't it? the group of bastards that had been ruining his and others' lives and had finally been rid of. and if this had happened right after his mother had been defending them, it has to be a sign, right? there has to be a reason for all this hurt, right? when mikami is viewing the world through these lenses, it makes sense that'd he'd suddenly want a reason to justify his mom's death, even though it feels unbelievably cruel. so he finds a reason, and he finds that reasoning through god. this is honestly something that i used to do a lot when i was still heavily invested in my church, and i'm sure there are others who have been in the same situation. when the world is unjustifiably cruel, people will make up justification for it. it's a fear tactic that many people fall prey to in religious environments, and if not treated, it can fester into much more toxic environments for the people around them.
^^^ tldr: mikami copes with his mom's death by telling himself "it's okay that my mom died!! she was working for satan and god had to kill her!! thanks god!!" and if that's not the most religious-trauma-core shit out there then idk what is.
ALSO LITERALLY JUST EVERYTHING WITH LIGHT'S DEATH???? YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THAT SHIT HURT MAN. the realization that your god is not the god you thought you had been following used to be some of the scariest shit out there to me and mikami had it thrown right at his face when light died. not only was his god gone, but his god was never a god to begin with. he was just some guy. some pathetic guy who was now bleeding out and screaming on the ground. he had dedicated his life to this thing, and it was never real to begin with. and so he dies with it. because when the god revolving your life is gone, what other life do you really have? mikami was the perfect fucking example of that and i need it to be talked about more fucking please guys he's literally just like me fr i swear.
that's all i can think of right now tbh. if there's any typos in here no there isn't you're wrong nuhuh. anyways i fucking love mikami's character. he might be an antisocial autistic boyloser edgelord but he's MY antisocial autistic boyloser edgelord and i will defend him with my life. that hoe did EVERY wrong thing but your honor he is just a silly guy.
guys please i'm literally just a boyloser who's in like 3 different fandoms and has no sense of self do not follow me i repeat please don't follow me i'm just a boyloser plea-
that moment when you create a playlist for them and you both listen to it and share what songs you like from it and how much you like it and aaaaaaa /pos
first post for the cringe blog: gay oc sketch dump
im so obsessed with them i need to draw them more i love them so much
the dumbass in the sunglasses is talon and the boyloser with the uneven stubble is nick. they are boyfs. they are losers. they fight ghosts. they are my favorite idiots ever.
LOOK AT THEM LOOK AT HOW SILLY THEY ARE (im not normal)
THEY EVEN KISSS!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE KISSING!!!! THEYRE GAY!!!!!!!
those are the rest as well. thats all i have for now. they're a part of a comic i was making but i have no idea if i'll ever finish it. i only posted one chapter of it on webtoon. it's called "devil's adversary" if anyone wants to read anyways bye time to snork mimmi now a agagaga
