Kin rambling because Iām too sick to do anything else
Mostly for my own reference, I just kind of want to ramble about like. Why I ID as who I do.
Tog: Obvious reasons. Certain types of parental abuse, an inability to form bonds with other humans, a lack of understand of romance and affection due to it being slapped out of my head, drive to be memorable and successful in every field I invest my time in. Hotheadedness, rivalry-seeking, emotional distance, obvious god complex, lust for control, lack of self-awareness. Blah blah, the list goes on--of course it does, otherwise I wouldnāt be so serious about it.
Ko: Obvious reasons. Harder to explain reasons. My life runs on a similar luck cycle and has all my life--Iāve noticed it probably since age 8 and I can dig up old journal entries about it. Mentality that Iām less than a human and the exact opposite contradicting thought. Constant contradictions, easy to spark god complex, dedication to a higher up force (Luck, Karma, Hope), guilt, panic that comes with over-sharing, and emotional distance that can be summoned at the snap of a finger. Again thereās way more. I canāt be fucked to list them all.
Cele: Less obvious reasons, due to my interpretation of my canon. Constant and accidental lying to the people in my life and myself, an inability to recognize what is real and what is a lie Iāve convinced myself to believe, androphobia, anger at the lack of control of a situation, a strong desire to fall into a persona, Also to help with a sexual trauma of mine thatās noneĀ ācanonicā but something that happened in my life.
Ash: Lots of reasons. All my anxiety and panic and fear and coping with it is in this canon, plus it was my first major kin. I really would hate to drop her and I donāt think I would. It makes me sad that my biggest canonmate is AWOL but Iām not too upset I donāt think. Lots of anxiety shit comes from here. I hate that thatās so important to my personality but -shrug emoji- it is.
KAI: Honestly like everything. KAI//TO is a spitting image of me and how I act and how I process things at the very core of my personality. I like being perceived as him and only him sometimes... More like KAI//TO who shifts either Tog or Ko, if that makes sense. If I restart my blog, Iāll word it that way.**
Aoki: Another character I use as a base to how I really act. Super optimistic and a bit of a pervert (kill my hyperse//xual ass). Hopeless romantic who smashes headfirst into undying love with every fiber of his being. Honestly really boring and not a good student--not memorable. Someone I definitely am but donāt like being because of my fear of dying without recognition. That doesnāt stop me from actually acting like him a lot.
Kyo: I donāt even have anything to say like. Heās the source of like 50% of my BPD coping and itās nice to look at him and feel valid and understood and explained. That canonās very cozy and comfortable and Iām allowed to be happy and masochistic in the same place. My emotions are so free to just... Run wild and go unexplained and maybe ruthless sometimes because thatās who I am. Thatās a great feeling. I also have my sister there and I love her a lot.
Rod: A kintype I could never give up. Means the world to me because Iāve had this strong connection since age 13 or so. Purposefully closes everyone out except for one important person and everyone else means nothing. Reclusive and stubborn and quick to anger. A bit of an accidental (and unexpected) slob, just because heās too lazy to do it himself. Passionate for music in every sense of the word. I love being him... It makes me feel good.
Nine: 100% based off of memories of Twelve. I seldom fall into this shift unless Iām doing badly or I WANT to be doing badly. I like to feel like my lifeās falling apart sometimes because Iām a masochist or something, I donāt know. Sometimes I donāt even know if I kin him anymore because... I donāt know. Maybe thatās just me being masochistic again tbh whoops.
Gre: 100% for coping reasons. I like getting my face pushed into the dirt sometimes because of old and occasionally rising lithro emotions. Not one Iām super attached to, but maybe I would be if I had canonmates other than Quinn. @ Will where you at fuck me up.
Conclusion... I think Iāll only keep KAI, Tog, and Ko... on my new blog if I remake... I really hate everyone looking at my kinpage and just not knowing what theyāre in for... And I hate looking at it and just being likeĀ ālol I have not clue what the fuck I amā so. I donāt know, I think a change would be good... I wish I werenāt such a pussy and would just leave my followers n shit but in my defense Iāve had this blog for like FIVE FUCKING YEARS Iām a little attached.
Wow itās 3am I wish I was tired.