Kin rambling because I’m too sick to do anything else
Mostly for my own reference, I just kind of want to ramble about like. Why I ID as who I do.
Tog: Obvious reasons. Certain types of parental abuse, an inability to form bonds with other humans, a lack of understand of romance and affection due to it being slapped out of my head, drive to be memorable and successful in every field I invest my time in. Hotheadedness, rivalry-seeking, emotional distance, obvious god complex, lust for control, lack of self-awareness. Blah blah, the list goes on--of course it does, otherwise I wouldn’t be so serious about it.
Ko: Obvious reasons. Harder to explain reasons. My life runs on a similar luck cycle and has all my life--I’ve noticed it probably since age 8 and I can dig up old journal entries about it. Mentality that I’m less than a human and the exact opposite contradicting thought. Constant contradictions, easy to spark god complex, dedication to a higher up force (Luck, Karma, Hope), guilt, panic that comes with over-sharing, and emotional distance that can be summoned at the snap of a finger. Again there’s way more. I can’t be fucked to list them all.
Cele: Less obvious reasons, due to my interpretation of my canon. Constant and accidental lying to the people in my life and myself, an inability to recognize what is real and what is a lie I’ve convinced myself to believe, androphobia, anger at the lack of control of a situation, a strong desire to fall into a persona, Also to help with a sexual trauma of mine that’s none “canonic” but something that happened in my life.
Ash: Lots of reasons. All my anxiety and panic and fear and coping with it is in this canon, plus it was my first major kin. I really would hate to drop her and I don’t think I would. It makes me sad that my biggest canonmate is AWOL but I’m not too upset I don’t think. Lots of anxiety shit comes from here. I hate that that’s so important to my personality but -shrug emoji- it is.
KAI: Honestly like everything. KAI//TO is a spitting image of me and how I act and how I process things at the very core of my personality. I like being perceived as him and only him sometimes... More like KAI//TO who shifts either Tog or Ko, if that makes sense. If I restart my blog, I’ll word it that way.**
Aoki: Another character I use as a base to how I really act. Super optimistic and a bit of a pervert (kill my hyperse//xual ass). Hopeless romantic who smashes headfirst into undying love with every fiber of his being. Honestly really boring and not a good student--not memorable. Someone I definitely am but don’t like being because of my fear of dying without recognition. That doesn’t stop me from actually acting like him a lot.
Kyo: I don’t even have anything to say like. He’s the source of like 50% of my BPD coping and it’s nice to look at him and feel valid and understood and explained. That canon’s very cozy and comfortable and I’m allowed to be happy and masochistic in the same place. My emotions are so free to just... Run wild and go unexplained and maybe ruthless sometimes because that’s who I am. That’s a great feeling. I also have my sister there and I love her a lot.
Rod: A kintype I could never give up. Means the world to me because I’ve had this strong connection since age 13 or so. Purposefully closes everyone out except for one important person and everyone else means nothing. Reclusive and stubborn and quick to anger. A bit of an accidental (and unexpected) slob, just because he’s too lazy to do it himself. Passionate for music in every sense of the word. I love being him... It makes me feel good.
Nine: 100% based off of memories of Twelve. I seldom fall into this shift unless I’m doing badly or I WANT to be doing badly. I like to feel like my life’s falling apart sometimes because I’m a masochist or something, I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t even know if I kin him anymore because... I don’t know. Maybe that’s just me being masochistic again tbh whoops.
Gre: 100% for coping reasons. I like getting my face pushed into the dirt sometimes because of old and occasionally rising lithro emotions. Not one I’m super attached to, but maybe I would be if I had canonmates other than Quinn. @ Will where you at fuck me up.
Conclusion... I think I’ll only keep KAI, Tog, and Ko... on my new blog if I remake... I really hate everyone looking at my kinpage and just not knowing what they’re in for... And I hate looking at it and just being like “lol I have not clue what the fuck I am” so. I don’t know, I think a change would be good... I wish I weren’t such a pussy and would just leave my followers n shit but in my defense I’ve had this blog for like FIVE FUCKING YEARS I’m a little attached.
Wow it’s 3am I wish I was tired.
gracieabrams
blakekathryn
