Nothin To See Here Folks

Yo I’m C, this is where I post random crap that makes me happy. I’ve been in these trenches since 2013 so there’s that. 29, they/them, ace/aro, and pretty damn gay

[mteverestaaaaahh]

if the airlock (or just any of this) looks inaccurate, excuse me, I’m an idiot

warning: blood, and Grace frying the ever-loving heck out of his arm

[halles-comet]

I’m just an easy mark for dumb pilot humor. Today the captain was like “we’re now at altitude, feel free to move around, my one rule is you must stay inside the plane” and I lost it. It’s funny because you would die a horrible death akin to standing unencumbered on Pluto

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[etrianodysseyobsession-hd-deact]

I have thoughts about the last part:

This is what mass consumerist art has done to the idea of selling that as a product when it's so clearly fine art. Like, with the effort she's putting in x20 for a decent wage and materials?? That's a $80,000 piece of art a member of the landed gentry would commission a year in advance for his wife on their 20th wedding anniversary. This is a priceless heirloom. How can you say "Oh yeah, I wanna buy it, you should sell them" as if you could ever turn something like this into a product??

This is fine art, period. That piece will be in a museum, or if not is should be in a museum in a hundred years.

[verbotenwurst-deactivated202502]

autism at its finest

[gaywitchybitch]

For any Black Trans/LGBT+ who needs some help!! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤

[sharkcloset]

THATS MY BESTIE!! Ery is amazing and i can 100% vouch for them/their services! They were a long time user on here before the fucking cops (tumblr admin) nuked their account in the Black blogger purge. Definitely reach out to Ery if you need help!!

[hollowistheworld]

I really can and will blame the 9-5 for everything. "We're in a loneliness epidemic" well, we have to spend a third of our day interacting with people in a professional way that makes forming real friendships difficult and then we're peopled out by the time we're done. "People are eating more and more unhealthily" people have to spend more than a third of their day doing work related tasks and they don't want to spend their tiny amount of free time making food. "People aren't involved in their local communities" after spending more than a third of their day doing work related things people are tired and also all those community events take place during normal working hours. "People need to get more hobbies" after spending more than a third of their day working, people are TIRED and don't want to do anything that takes yet more energy. "Literacy is dying" to maintain your critical thinking skills you need to read/watch things that make you think and after spending more than a third of your day doing work related stuff you are TIRED and don't want to expend even more brainnpower. "People need to get outside more" People. Are. TIRED. Because they have to spend all of their time working or preparing for work or recovering from work or doing all the chores they couldn't stay on top of because of work. I can blame fucking anything on having to work, it is truly the root of all fucking evil.

[distractionsfromthefood]

[foldingfittedsheets]

It is So Boring in the mattress store for kids. It’s basically hell for children because there’s fuckall to do for them.

A couple I was helping earlier had two little ones, three and six, who were behaving in a rather saintly fashion for the average bored kid I see. I tried to engage them with remotes and things while their parents talked.

Eventually they were restless enough that I pulled out notepads and asked if they wanted to draw. The three year old quickly lost interest and I went over to ask her favorite animal. She told me “elephant” so to delight and amaze her I started drawing an elephant. Usually kids are into it.

When I was done she pronounced, “It looks like a giraffe.”

I staggered back melodramatically but actually laughing hysterically and said, “There goes my art degree!”

The parents laughed and said kids were harsh critics. When they checked out they saw my elephant doodle on the desk and both did a double take like, “Woah, that’s a really good elephant!”

“Yeah, I actually did go to art school, but it’s okay. My niece wasn’t very impressed with my drawings at that age either.”

[foldingfittedsheets]

Behold, a giraffe.

[athelind]

The Most Tumblr Punchline

I've noted before that my favorite punchline on Tumblr is "hang on, gotta look something up/okay that's funny."

Let me explain why:

It is a way to say "I don't get it" without blaming the joke or the teller.

It is a tacit admission of ignorance without shame or judgement.

It assumes responsibility for acquiring the knowledge the respondent doesn't already have.

It cues other people who Don't Get It to do the look-up themselves, allowing them to get that full impact of Getting It without derailing the post with explanations.

It gives subsequent readers, whether or not THEY got the joke, a little frisson of good feelings when they realize that someone else is now In On The Joke.

It not only makes the original joke funnier, it gets funnier the more often it's used.

[theydrian]

To add 1 more, it’s also a great subversion of usual expectations, since it’s commonly held that if you need to take time to explain the joke it’s ruined because the comedic moment has passed. Finding the joke funny post-explanation turns this around and also affirms that, with context, the joke fucking slaps, whether or not the timing is consistent. Plus it’s got the joy of learning in there!!!

[nalivaa]

the mexican football team has a 17 yrs old player and one of the funniest outcomes of this is that he cannot appear in any ad for gambling or drinking so he only appears in candy and milk advertisements. his first world cup and he's not even legally allowed to drive. his nickname is "morita" (little berry). he's three apples tall.

[lelouch]

they couldn't put him in the beer campaign so he was represented by a bunch of berries

[girlbossfranziskavonkarma]

just laughed hysterically at the gripping foods with force twitter account

[girlbossfranziskavonkarma]

_-#(#)@/($_+$()@)@)#)

[thesleepytimes]

It’s so good

[adamsmasher]

[plaid-dragon]

[sisterofiris]

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

[yay855]

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

[rox-and-prose]

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

[watermite]

i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.

“I amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry

love,

blue”

the subject line was “OW”

[xakumi]

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

[themodernsouthernpolytheist]

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

[asortoflight]

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

[whisky-gerblin]

Reblogging for the last addition

[badgraph1csghost]

Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.

Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.

[badgraph1csghost]

Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.

IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.

It’s even worse than i remember it

[omnicat]

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

[bucketbunny]

Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”

[sarumans]

i was very sick over new years and one day i woke up to find i had emailed my manager in the middle of the night:

she said it was the most beautiful sick email she’s ever gotten

[expectiations]

what is time but an endless all consuming miasma of void ,?

[kushblazer666]

[flowercrownsylveon]

[sniperct]

tumblr waiting for news on mitch mcconnell (image source)

[pugzman3]

Rushing the field just went to another level, and it is brilliant.

[bladelei]

THIS is what i want during sports breaks instead of commercials

[were--ralph]

i would watch a fucking year of this

[thebrazenphlegmatic]

I love the look on the security guy's face at the very end. That is someone who has fully embraced that this is a game but is still trying to win.

[captain-price-returns]

[itsnicsalad]

brain grace,,, grain

[mammalianmammals]

See the First-Ever Photos of Cozumel’s Mysterious Dwarf Fox

Many believed the tiny fox had gone extinct

Strange things happen to animals when they colonize islands. Some of them get larger, like the enormous rabbit Nuralagus rex of ancient Menorca, while others get smaller, like the dwarf fox of Cozumel. This mysterious species of gray fox is estimated to be only around 60 to 80 percent the size of its larger mainland brethren. Fossils indicate it first arrived on the Mexican island around 5,000 years ago, predating the arrival of humans...

Read more: https://nautil.us/see-the-first-ever-photos-of-cozumels-mysterious-dwarf-fox-1281829

[gallusrostromegalus]

@raccoonmilf hey this is your part of the world!