Let the fire engulf you.

18. Proud Slytherin. Father to be. Brother to Rabastan Lestrange, Friend to few.

[florrie-greengrass]

"Because my mother was being an insistent cow who wanted to see her granddaughter. Don’t worry though, she’s gone to her mothers with our child, not home to my father. I don’t want him near her.” She spoke, and she then made her way over to his bed and perched on the edge, watching him move around. “I’m fine.” She spoke, obviously under the influence of alcohol. “Really. I’m just… dizzy. And wanted to see you.” 

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus rolled his eyes, and sat up. He dismissed the matter of their child before he began to stretch. "How did you get in here? Who let you in?" He asked, so he could know who to chew out later. "You don't need to drink, Florence. Do you want to end up like me?"

[florrie-greengrass]

Florence gave  a small giggle as she tiptoed into the room, as if anyone was going to hear her, and she closed the door behind her before turning to him. “With my mother, as I told you she would be, Rod.” She spoke, before pursing her lips, leaning against the door. “Just my mother, not my dad, or brothers - just her. I trust her with our baby, although I am terrified of leaving her alone… so I may have had a drink. Or.. six…”

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus stared at her for a moment, before turning his head away from the sight of her. "Why is she with your mother?" He asked harshly, as he stood and walked over to his cabinet. "You may have a drink or six? You're a mother, Florence. Perhaps you should take it easy."

[florrie-greengrass]

"Hellloooo?" Florence called as she walked around the slightly open door, wondering if there was anyone inside. She had been drinking with a couple of her old Ravenclaw roommates tonight, and was slightly tipsy as she walkes into the room.

[rololphuslestrange]

"Where's Daphne?"

[florrie-greengrass]

"You’ve never needed me, Rod! That’s why I said if. If you needed me, I’ll always be there. I needed you though..” She trailed off, knowing that it was pointless to keep going with him. He just wouldn’t listen, especially when he was walking around, obviously gathering a pillow to leave. “I stayed out of your way when you were doing things, Rod. I never got involved. I was there afterwards, and that’s completely different.” Hearing him talk about their daughter not knowing her father however made the girl more upset, and she shook her head once again. “Stop. Please, don’t say that. She deserves to have a father in her life who loves her. It’s not fair on her.”

"Don’t." Florence shook her head, and wrapped her arms around herself, still an instant reaction to protect both her and the baby when he started to insult her, even though she now had a flat stomach. "Don’t paint me out to be a whore any more. You know that’s not what it was like. I’d pick you over anyone. But you pushed me away… so please, don’t. It wasn’t just me… "

[rololphuslestrange]

"You don't know what I needed Florence. You fabricated this dream of me, that I was the bad boy you could change but you can't. That's the simple truth of the situation. You couldn't change me, so you got bored and you left." He growled out, as he began to open the door. "You didn't get what you wanted so you found someone who could give you what you wanted." She didn't understand, and she never would. He knew that. But as he looked into the eyes of the girl that he believed himself to love, it was like she was a stranger. "She will know me. But I do not want her to love me. It's already shameful enough that you think you do. I don't deserve to be loved, by anything."

"I'm not painting you out to be anything. I'm saying the truth of the situation." He took a deep breath, before cocking his head to the side. "I'm going to sleep elsewhere. Don't touch my things. Some of them are cursed." He told her, as he tried to shake their conversation out of his mind.

[florrie-greengrass]

"But I still did it. I hated seeing you like that, Rod. Covered in blood, and you looked terrified, but I was there for you. I will always be there for you when and if you need me.” Florence could see that once again he was getting upset, and she wanted nothing more than to walk over to him and wrap her arms around him as she once had been able to do, trying to calm him down. “No, don’t say that. Never say that. Every little girl deserves to know their father, even if she doesn’t get to see you very often. It wouldn’t matter if you were away… as long as she knew you loved her, and still came to see her when you could.”

"I needed to feel loved, and I needed to feel cared for, you’re right. But I was pregnant, Rod. You have no idea what that does to your emotions, and I was alone. My friends were too busy, my parents despise me… you were the only thing I had and even you couldn’t be there." She wiped at her face again, not wanting to continue crying in front. "Don’t be opening any doors for me, Rod." She threw his own words back at him. "She’ll never be alone."

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus gave her a cold look, before walking to the other side of the room and grabbing a pillow. "I didn't need you Florence. Not then. What I needed was for you to sit on the sidelines and not get caught up in what I do. Business, and personal life is separated and you could no understand that." He began to walk over to the door, and put his hand on the handle. "No, Florence. She deserves to know who I was, she deserves to read the letters I'll leave her, she deserves the money I'll leave her. What she does not deserve is to know me and then lose me, and read in the papers how I have killed time and time again."

"And I was risking my life, and fulfilling duties. But you fled to anything with a pulse and made you feel pretty, Florence. That's why I can't take you back. Because while I'm gone for possibly a year at a time, you will bring other men into our home. So I suggest you find a man who will love you the way you need because it won't be me."

[florrie-greengrass]

"You were fucking comatose, Rod!" Florence shook her hand as she remembered the horrified look on his face, the way that his eyes weren’t moving, and how shallow his breathing he was. "And I … I didn’t care. I didn’t want to know who it was that you had hurt, because I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. That’s what someone in love does, Rod." She then took in a breath when he did, and her eyes darted over to their now sleeping child, and she  closed her eyes at the mere thought of their baby walking in on that. "That’s one of the reasons I left." She spoke softly, hanging her head down. If she had stayed with Rodolphus, something like that would have happened. She didn’t want her daughter exposed to such darkness. "That… she can never see."

Florence’s face still had tears rolling down her eyes, but hearing the way that he spoke just made her feel sick. “Don’t you dare think that this hasn’t hurt me too, and that I’m lying.” She turned away from him, no longer being able to look at him as she walked back over to her daughter’s crib. “Why the hell did you bring me here if you don’t care? Why not just take her and be done with me as you once said you would? Why pretend to care?”

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus bit down on the inside of his cheek and felt his eyes narrow. "No, Florence. That was one of the one things I told you that you couldn't do for me. The thought makes me sick. Sick." He began to barely shake, as he spoke. "That's also one of the reasons why I can never take you back, Florence. I will always be away. There will always be the fact that I may leave, and you may get my body shipped back. Daphne deserves no father, rather than a father that she may only see five, six times a year. She deserves no father rather than one that she'll probably lose by the age of twelve. I won't bring that onto her."

"I don't care if it's hurt you. You don't know what you're talking about Florence. You're just a little girl that has the need to feel loved or accepted at any chance. I wasn't affectionate enough, so you betrayed me. Dedalus left, so now you have no one." He took a deep breath and crossed his arms. "Because Daphne doesn't deserve to potentially lose two parents. I have to keep you alive so my daughter doesn't grow up an orphan."

[florrie-greengrass]

"Are you saying that you needed me, Rod? When did you ever need me? I always tried to be there for you in the hopes that one day you might return it. I cleaned you up when you were covered in blood on more than one occasion, remember? But you always tried to push me away." When Rodolphus straightened up and gripped at his hair, she knew that he was getting far too upset. Quickly pulling our her wand and transfiguring one of the arm chairs in the room into a crib that she moved to place their daughter into, tucking the blankets around her securely. "Yes, she is a Lestrange. Yes, she’s our daughter and don’t you ever say that she isn’t perfect, because she is."

"I don’t know what else you want me to say. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry for fucking up your entire life!"

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus's mouth began to fall agape, and he took a step back from her. "I didn't need that. I do not need you to clean me off, Florence? Do you hear how utterly fucked that is? In itself? What do you expect, me to come home bloody and you kneel before me to wipe the blood of potentially, someone you were friends with? And have Daphne walk in and see that?" At the end, his voice went into a low whisper, as if the air had been sucked from his lungs. "I didn't say that."

"No, Florence. Don't expect me to drop to my knees and forgive you because you know how to look sad, and broken when you aren't. Don't expect me to stay when this year ends, because I can't. And don't expect me, most of all, to open a door to you. Because Florence is always about what Florence needs."

[siriusfavorsthebold-deactivated]

I had my wand…a minute ago…I think?

[rololphuslestrange]

It's not safe to lose a wand, Black.

[florrie-greengrass]

Florence never like it when Rodolphus moved down to eye-level with her, his arms slumped over her shoulders. It meant that he wanted to look into her eyes, and that was rare. She was always scared of what she would see in his eyes - hatred? Distain? Anger? But she couldn’t tell now. “You’re right. This will be endless. But there is no lamb, and there is no beast, in our circumstance. You’re Rodolphus, I’m Florence. Rod and Flo. I love you… and you.. you said it before as well.” Florrie looked down at the little baby in her arms and shook her head, making sure that his eyes went down to her as well. “She’s not chaos. She’s not destruction. She’s perfection, Rod, and she’s outs.”

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I thought being with someone who was my friend would be what I needed, to forget about how much I loved you. But it wasn’t."

[rololphuslestrange]

"No, Florence." He begged, without looking away. "No, this is not okay. Did you think that you were the only person who needed someone? I will never be the overbearing affectionate knight that Dedalus was. But still, you were the only person who needed someone." He scoffed out, as he straightened and put his hands on the top of his head, and grabbed a handful of raven black hair. "She is not. But she is a Lestrange, and whether she grows up to join the fucking of the Order itself, she will have the same fire as I do."

"That isn't a justification, Florence! That's an excuse, that's something that just adds insult to injury."

[florrie-greengrass]

"Florence, the girl who was pregnant, emotional, and had no-one." Florence tried to keep herself calm, but she couldn’t. She knew that she had to for the little girl in her rm, but she was upset. She had to pretend that she was in a relationship with this man in front of his parents, but how could they when he hated her so much? "Don’t. Don’t you dare call yourself a monster." Her voice was low now, threatening in a way. "You are not a monster, and I am not in love with a monster." She shook her head, still bouncing herself for the baby that was slowly calming down in her mother’s arms. "You left me… Rod, you weren’t there. I don’t care if you couldn’t say that you loved me, or didn’t want to kiss me, or anything, but you weren’t there. I was pregnant, and I needed the man I love to be there with me, to help me. What about that was too much to ask?”

"I don’t want to do this now, not here, not with her crying like this."

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus let out a low groan, before he walked across the room to face her, before leaning over shoulders slumped to be on eye level with the girl, before closing the door shut. He didn't look away from her, as the door came to a sharp closing. ."This will be an endless fight, Florence. One of us could have tried harder, one of us could have accepted the other, but maybe, have you ever thought that a lamb doesn't belong with a beast?" His breath was low, and slightly husky. "We will never understand why nothing but chaos and destruction comes from that we touch."

"But one of us never gave up on the other. And one of us solace in the arms of another man."

[florrie-greengrass]

"I never wanted to, Rod. Do you know the reason, I started to fall for him? It’s because you pushed me away. You were the one who decided that I wasn’t worth your time, and you pushed me away. You started to feel something for me, and you didn’t like it, so you pushed me away, and I found someone that I thought did like me. Someone who said that he wanted to be there. But he also decided that it was too much. So maybe it’s just me that can’t be loved, or happy. Maybe it’s me that repels people because even my best friends left me, and I went through ninety-nine perfect of my pregnancy alone." Florence was upset at the way that he just shrugged her off, and she held onto her child who was crying, her own tears rolling down her cheeks. "I don’t care if they steal everything I have, but we can’t stay here with you when you so openly despise me."

[rololphuslestrange]

"Florence. The victim who was lonely." Rodolphus sneered out, growing more annoyed by the moment. "You knew who I was. You knew that I cannot be someone who dotes on you every moment of the day. I suppose you thought you could change that part of me, but you can't Florence. It's who I am, and it's in my blood. You know my responsibilities, and you know that I have my moments of warmth, but I am a monster, Florence. You cannot say that I'm now. You were in love with a monster." At this point his voice had grown slightly softer. He had gotten out of bed and he had looked at the open door. "I canceled a life long engagement for you. I openly disobeyed my parents, for you. I was willing to leave you my entire fortune, my entire life but it was not enough because I am not an affectionate man. So don't. Don't do this to me now Florence. It was me who came out of this looking like the fool. Forgive me, for not going through that again."

[florrie-greengrass]

"Because I lo…" Florence decided not to finish her sentence, and she slowly started to stand up, trying not to disturb her baby girl. "He’s not what I have to worry about, Rod." Her voice was soft, and once she was standing, she starting to bounce the child was was starting to whine. "He left, all right? He’s gone." Taking in a deep breath, Florence moved the child to cradle her in her arms, trying to stop her from crying. "I’ll take her to the other room."

[rololphuslestrange]

"Dedalus left you, so now you come back to me? Do you think that makes matters any better? Because when I said I was gone, Florence, I meant it. You don't get to bounce between men." He told her, as he sat up. "I'm telling you, the house elves will steal your things. They think that all women that enter the home are after my fathers money. So don't say that I didn't warn you." His voice was even, steady as he talked to her but to say it annoyance didn't linger in it would be a lie.

[florrie-greengrass]

The jogging of Rodophus falling back onto his bed thankfully didn’t wake up their daughter, and her eyes just fell onto him as he moved to lay down on the bed next to her. “I don’t think she hated me, which was good.” Her voice was soft, and she took in a deep breath at his next words. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I can find somewhere else for Daphne and me to sleep if you want.” Florence then took a moment to look at his face, and she gently moved one of her hand to touch his arm, concern taking over her expression. “Are you okay?”

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus shuddered away from her touch, and scooted over on the bed away from her. "Why would you worry about making me uncomfortable? It's Dedalus you need to worry about now Florence. If you wish to sleep somewhere else, I would suggest the room across from mine. But the house elves are likely to steal some of your belongings if you are not careful. They don't do well with strangers sleeping here." He told her, as he flipped the covers over himself. He was exhausted, and the last thing he wanted was to start fighting with Florence.

[florrie-greengrass]

Florence wasn’t jolted away by the door opening, but when she heard Rodolphus’ voice, she stirred, and slowly opened her eyes to look up at him. Her hand was still resting protectively on her daughter’s back, the baby now fast asleep on her mother’s chest, and she smiled tiredly towards him. “She’s terrifying. But I held my own and I think that she may have been impressed. Please, never leave me alone with her again.”

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus fell back onto his bed, and stared up at the ceiling, but not yet Florence. "Subtlety is not her strong suit. But if she greatly disliked you, you would have known." He told her, as he tried to shake his fathers words out of his mind. "My father is much more charming." He told her, as he let his eyes fall on her for only a moment. "You may sleep in here, or there are plenty of guest rooms that could accommodate you as well."

[florrie-greengrass]

"I know he does. But… we’re here to keep him from getting lost." Florence smiled slightly, hoping that the woman in front of her would understand what she meant. The Dark Arts could be so overpowering, and she was there, with their daughter now, to keep him grounded, and to keep him from getting too cught up in ait all. She didn’t want to lose him to the darkness. "I love him." She spoke softly, before her gaze went up to the lady who was now running her hand along her son’s bookcase. "I’m prou to be a Ravenclaw, Mrs Lestrange. But I am also proud to be a Greengrass." Was all Florence said in response to the woman before she gave a curt not. She wouldn’t touch his things, and instead, she moved to sit down on the bed once the woman had left her behind, putting her feet up so that she could hold her daughter to her chest as she tried to relax. Slowly, her own eyes started to close, and she dozed off into a half sleep, still keeping her attention on her daughter as she did so.

[rololphuslestrange]

Rodolphus left his fathers study, and pinched the bridge of his nose before closing his eyes and swearing softly. When he made it back down stairs, he wondered for a moment where his mother had taken Florence, and instead of going to search for her, he headed straight for his bedroom. A place he never really cared to go, a place of far too many childhood memories of his liking but he still went all the same. As he turned the doorknob, and saw Florence on his bed he remained quiet for a moment. "I see you have survived my mother."

[florrie-greengrass]

"Mhm." Was all Florence could respond to the woman as she stood there, bouncing her child slightly as she started to coo in her arms. For some reason, she didn’t want the baby waking up, and she wanted her to stay fast asleep. "It’s nice to meet you, Cecelia." The young woman finally greeted the woman that she had been talking to with her name, and she stood up straight as she spoke. "I don’t mind. I care about him a lot, and whilst I know he also cares about me, I wouldn’t mind if he hated me, as long as he was there for his daughter. Rodolphus has a large and beautiful heart when he opens up." Florence looked down at the baby girl who was slowly waking up, and continued to cradle her in hopes that she would drift back off. Her next question made her nervous - was she being tested? "Everyone has their own opinion on it, but I agree that the death has been tragic, and extreme. It’s horrible to see people you care about being hurt for a war that seems to have no end in sight."

[rololphuslestrange]

Cecelia began to smirk slightly, as she listened to what Florence was saying. "My son has a very hard future ahead of him. Though he has made us all so proud, this is not a life I would have pictured for him. Not my son. But when I married his father I knew should I bare sons, they would follow his- career in the Dark Arts." She told her, as she began to walk around the room. Her hand began to slide over the side of Rodolphus bookcase, and she turned back to look at Florence. "My son doesn't open up, love. Not anymore. Trying to make him do so shall only hurt yourself." Cecelia couldn't help but let out a sharp cut of laughter. "Oh you most certainly are not a Slytherin, are you? That was spoken like a true Ravenclaw trying to sidestep herself out of giving the wrong answer. But I can see that you know how to present yourself like a lady." She took her hand from the bookcase, and began to walk towards the door. "I suggest you don't pilfer through anything. Rodolphus has set up boobytraps and little hideaways to try and keep me from repossessing the things I don't approve of."

[florrie-greengrass]

Florence watched as Rodolphus walked away from them both, inwardly cursing him for leaving her behind. The dismissive way that Mrs Lestrange spoke to her wasn’t horribly comforting, and the young mother felt as if she were an intruder in the woman’s home as she was led through one of the doors. Maybe her daughter would never have grandparents that doted on her as she had once envisioned. Taking in a deep breath, the girl followed Mrs Lestrange through one of the doors, pressing a soft kiss to her baby’s head as she did so, almost as if soothing herself with her touch. “He loves his daughter, ma’am. He has ever since finding out that we were having her.” She had no idea what the elder woman was thinking as she sat down on the bed and looked both of them over, with dark eyes. “He’ll do anything for her.”

[rololphuslestrange]

"Yes, my son. The sentimentalist. Who would have guessed this?" She exclaimed, with sarcasm lacing her voice. "Cecelia. That is my name, if you wish to use it." As Florence sat on the bed, Cecelia looked over the two girls before standing. "He never was a loving child, but- poised. Unlike Rabastan who fidgets far too much. Rodolphus isn't a warm man, and even though he may love his daughter, I hope you aren't expecting more than you will receive from him." She kept her tone sharp but without hostility, and let it cut through the air of the room. "It's this bloody war, all that it is doing is getting people slaughtered. It's all pretty useless, wouldn't you agree?" She asked her, tilting her head to the side.